Funny Jokes and Amusing Stories

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Little Johnny Joke: Let Me Suck It
2007-11-28 05:55:00
One day, Little Johnny 's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!" "Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered. "Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven. "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!". The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?" Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."
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Sex Joke: Super Slam
2007-11-27 00:20:00
One sunny day, Super man was flying around Metropolis looking for something to do. He spotted Spiderman and flew down to him. "Hey Spiderman, what are you doing today?" Spiderman replied that he had a broken webslinger so he couldn't do anything. Superman continued flying around Metropolis and spotted Batman. Batman told Superman he couldn't do anything because he needed to fix the Batcar.
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Work Joke: Giving more than 100%
2007-11-25 23:38:00
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%? If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then, H A R D W O R
More About: Joke , Work , Giving

Marriage Joke: Waiting
2007-11-25 11:17:00
A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn’t like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking. The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?" The husband replies: "Autumn."
More About: Marriage , Joke , Waiting

Computer Joke: MS Tech at Bootcamp
2007-11-25 02:26:00
One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He
More About: Joke , Computer , Tech , Bootcamp

Animal Joke: A Real Polar Bear
2007-11-25 02:24:00
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear." Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar
More About: Animal , Joke , Polar Bear , Real , Polar

Sex Joke: In the Prison
2007-11-24 09:38:00
Four convicts were eating in the chow hall one day. One says, "You guys mind if I fart?" "No." "Pfffffffffffffff" A second guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?" "No." "Pffffffffffffff" A third guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?" "No." "Pffffffffffffff" The fourth guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?" "No." "BRRRRRAAAAAPPP!! The other three guys look astonished. "Wow!! A virgin!!"
More About: Joke , Prison

Marriage Joke: Baby Talk
2007-11-23 23:32:00
This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet." The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she
More About: Baby , Marriage , Joke , Talk , Baby Talk

Marriage Joke: Adam and Eve
2007-11-23 13:13:00
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think
More About: Marriage , Joke , Adam and Eve

Child Joke: All Busy
2007-11-23 00:02:00
One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. "May I speak to your parents?" "They're busy." "Oh. Is anybody else there?" "The police." "Can I speak to them?" "They're busy." "Oh. Is anybody else there?" "The firemen." "Can I speak to them?" "They're busy." "So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?" "
More About: Joke , Child , Busy

Random Joke: The Hard-hearing Genie
2007-11-22 23:59:00
Bob and Peter were playing golf, and Peter pulls out a big cigar and asks Bob if he has a lighter. Bob takes out a 25 cm long Bic lighter, Peter says "WOW where did you get that huge lighter from?" Bob answers "I got it from my genie, it is in my golfbag" Peter asks if he can see the genie, and Bob opens his golfbag and out flies the genie, "Hi genie" Bob says "I am a REALLY good friend of
More About: Joke , Random , Hard , Hearing , Genie

Random Joke: Recognizing George
2007-11-22 14:02:00
A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George , but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George’s two friends, Joe and Al. Joe: "He’s burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man’s buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain’t George." Thinking the incident strange, the mortician
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Child Joke: Big Fight
2007-11-21 23:58:00
A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with Sidney. He called me a sissy." "What did you do?" the mother asked. "I hit him with my purse!"
More About: Joke , Fight , Child

Marriage Joke: Small World
2007-11-21 23:56:00
Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up. So one man says to his friend, "I’m gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through." He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened. He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don’t you
More About: Marriage , World , Joke , Small , Small World

Erap Joke: Call Center
2007-11-21 15:57:00
A cub reporter was complaining about the President's accessibility to the media. Talking to another veteran mediaman, he said it is harder now to get through the President compared to those days when he was still Mayor, Senator and even Vice President.The mediaman said, "Pare, hindi totoo yan! In fact they have installed a very sophisticated telephone system over at Malacanang. All you need to do
More About: Joke , Call , Center , Call Center , Erap

Question and Answer Joke: About Australia
2007-11-20 23:05:00
The questions below about Australia , are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
More About: Question , Joke , Answer , Question and Answer

Medical Joke: Very Well
2007-11-20 13:34:00
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. - "We have come for an examination," said the young girl. - "Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off." - "No, not me," said the girl. "it’s my old aunt here." - "Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
More About: Medical , Joke

Medical Joke: Diagnosis
2007-11-20 01:32:00
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
More About: Medical , Joke , Diagnosis

Work Joke: Tips on How to Look Happy at Work
2007-11-19 13:30:00
Are workloads getting to you? Are you feeling stressed because of too many priorities and assignments? Here is the new low cost way to cope with multiple priorities & assignments! Take 2 paper clips and rubber bands. Fig 1. Assemble them as shown on the picture. Fig. 2. Then Apply as shown in fig. 3. Enjoy your day. This new office equipment will help you to reach the end of the day
More About: Joke , Tips , Work , Happy

Random Joke: On Your Head
2007-11-19 05:25:00
Three men went to hell. The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3" He then opened the doors to the three rooms. Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor. Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor. Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their
More About: Joke , Random , Head

Military Joke: Alligator Shoe
2007-11-18 23:38:00
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a
More About: Military , Joke , Shoe , Alligator , Gato

Random Joke: Big Trouble
2007-11-18 14:43:00
A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!" Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business. "I can see you, and so can Jesus!" The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over
More About: Joke , Random

Work Joke: WORK Virus
2007-11-18 01:03:00
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to
More About: Virus , Joke , Work

Little Johnny Joke: The Stork
2007-11-18 00:52:00
Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "The stork brought you to us." "Oh," said Little Johnny. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?" "Well, darling, the stork brought them too," said the mother. The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher.
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Even Identical Twins Are Different
2007-11-17 13:22:00
Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. "OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce." "Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I`d end up making love to her by mistake."
More About: Twins , Diff

Useful Sex Statistics
2007-10-22 00:45:00
70% of women who smoke have had more than 4 lovers in the last year while 60% of female non-smokers had none. Women who respond to sex surveys in mags like Cosmo may have 5 times as many lovers as typical women. Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don’t. Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be turned on by the thought of anonymous sex as women who never got
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Botox Billion
2007-10-22 00:42:00
According to The Wall Street Journal, Botox hit a billion dollars in sales last year. A billion dollars! Of course, the Botox people are thrilled. You couldn't tell by looking at their faces, but they were. - Jay Leno
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Military Insurance
2007-10-21 02:13:00
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and
More About: Military , Insurance

Psychic Support
2007-10-21 02:11:00
This is an actual tech support incident. I work for technical helpline. When our lines are busy, customers can leave messages in our voicemail. The system asks for the customer to leave contact info, machine details, and description of the problem. Here’s one message I got: "There’s something wrong with my computer. I really can’t tell you what the problem is or what the machine does, but there
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Filipino Vocabulary
2007-10-20 17:03:00
1.Use TENACIOUS in a sentence. I went to the shoe store to buy a pair of TENACIOUS. 2.Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT, and DETAIL in a sentence. DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, first DEFEAT and then DETAIL. 3.Use DEPOSIT in a sentence. I hear dripping in the sink. I think DEPOSIT is leaking. 4.Use PERSUADING in a sentence. Jack and Jill will be celebrating their PERSUADING anniversary. 5.Use
More About: Vocabulary , Filipino , Bula