Funny Jokes and Amusing StoriesFunny Jokes and Amusing StoriesA collection of funny jokes and amusing stories of everyday life, where you can find English jokes, Tagalog jokes, funny pictures and animation and other funny stuffs. Articles
Hold the Gun
2007-10-20 06:01:00 A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don’t shoot; I have a wife and kids! I’ More About: Hold , The G
Dying Husband
2007-10-20 00:12:00 Dying husband. Love I have something to tell you Wife: Pls don’t speak, just rest Husaband: No, before I die I must confess, I had sex with your sis and your bestfriend Wife: Sssshhh.. I know that is why I poisoned you! More About: Dying , Husband
Hilton Charity
2007-10-19 23:58:00 In a recent interview Paris Hilton said that life is about more than parties, and she wants to do a lot more charity work. So now once a week Paris goes to a shelter and sleeps with a homeless guy. More About: Charity , Char , Hari
Holy Golfing
2007-10-19 14:35:00 Jesus, Moses, and an old man were playing golf one day. Jesus stepped up to the tee, swung, but caught a real bad slice and the ball caught hard left straight into the pond. "No problem!" he said, and then made the ball rise so he could walk out on the pond, and chip it right onto the green. "Not bad, young fella!" Said Moses. But he suffered the same fate dropping the ball into the pond. More About: Golfing , Holy
Irritation, Aggravation & Frustration
2007-10-19 00:47:00 A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration. Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered he asks, "Can I speak to Roger, please?" "No! There's no one called Roger here." The person hangs up. "That's irritation," says Dad. He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Roger a second time. More About: Frustration , Grava , Stration
Sex Issues
2007-10-18 17:03:00 Old Morris went to see a therapist. During the session, the therapist asked, "How is your sex life?" "Well," replied Morris "Lately I have a lot of issues with sex." "What kind of issues?" the therapist asked. "Oh, mostly Playboy , and Penthouse." More About: Issues , Issue
Arthritis
2007-10-18 12:18:00 A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, - "Father, what causes arthritis?" - "Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being More About: Arthritis
Erap Joke: Underwear
2007-10-18 00:41:00 DOCTOR: I need your semen, urine and stool samples ERAP: I am a bit in a hurry. Can I just leave my underwear? More About: Joke , Underwear , Erap
Wrong Approach
2007-10-18 00:35:00 Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into More About: Wrong
Free Space
2007-10-17 15:09:00 Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?" More About: Space , Free
Jew in Catholic School
2007-10-17 01:00:00 A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school. While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents asked him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?" He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew More About: School
Erap Joke: Joan of Arc
2007-10-17 00:54:00 Erap went to France to watch the world cup. He was toured around by a French official. "Mr. President, this is Joan of Arc. Do you know her?" Erap: Of course. She's Noah's wife. More About: Joke , Erap
The Three Sons
2007-10-17 00:11:00 Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well More About: Sons
Sleeping Jury
2007-10-16 13:36:00 It was a hot summer day, and the old courthouse was just as hot. The air was thick and humid, and the jury was having a hard time staying focused. One of the jurors succumbed to the heat, falling asleep just as the victim was being questioned by the prosecutor. "The defendant is accused of making obscene phone calls to your home. Would you please tell the jury precisely what the defendant said More About: Sleeping
Erap Joke: Wives
2007-10-15 11:18:00 During a press conference on morality... Reporter: Sir, how many women do you believe must a man marry? Erap : 16 !!! Reporter: Why??? Erap: Because the priest says: Four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse. More About: Joke , Wives
Good Luck, Mr Gorsky
2007-10-15 11:17:00 This is a true story... When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." More About: Luck , Good Luck
What Is It?
2007-10-13 06:05:00 A guy was stopped by a policeman for speeding, and does a lot of pleading, trying to get out of the ticket. The policeman says - "Okay, I’ll ask you a question. If you answer correctly, I’ll forget about the ticket!" - "Agreed!" answers the speeder. - "You’re driving at night, and two lights appear in front of you. What is it?" - "That’s easy! It’s a car!" - "Sure! But, what kind of car? Is it
Coli Bacteria
2007-10-13 01:58:00 In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop. However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has More About: Bacteria
The Frog and the Princess
2007-10-12 01:54:00 A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class." More About: Princess , Frog
Lottery
2007-10-10 11:12:00 A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!" More About: Lottery
Letter From A Computer Widow
2007-10-09 11:10:00 My Dear Husband, I am sending you this letter via this internet communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He More About: Computer , Letter
Erap Joke: Potato
2007-10-08 11:22:00 Erap was out dining in a restaurant when they overheard some people at another table order some potatoes and some mashed potatoes. One of Erap's dinner guests asked Erap, "What's the difference between a potatoe and a mashed potato?" Erap pointed to the skin on his wrist, " Ito, puti 'to." He then pointed to his white shirt and said, " Ito, mas puti 'to." More About: Joke , Potato , Erap
Baby Hermaphrodite
2007-10-08 11:18:00 A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room and says, ’’I have something to tell you about your child...’’ The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, ’’What’s wrong with it?’’ The doctor says, ’’There’s nothing really wrong with it, it’s just a little different! It’s a hermaphrodite.’’ The woman looks confused. ’’A hermaphrodite, what’s More About: Baby
Two Violinists
2007-10-08 01:59:00 Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe - I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven? Max - Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news...The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra More About: Viol , Violin
The Blind Skydiver
2007-10-08 01:55:00 A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can More About: Blind , Dive
Free Haircut
2007-10-06 06:31:00 A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you do God’s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for More About: Free , Haircut
When NOT to Propose
2007-10-06 06:22:00 Men who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should consider carefully before proposing marriage. * In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square thing?" * Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence? * Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon. * Have you noticed her name tattoed on three or more local bikers? * More About: Prop
Erap Joke: Logic Lang Iyan
2007-10-05 11:34:00 One day, Erap sees Pres. Ramos reading a book on logic. Erap : Fidel, mahirap yata iyang binabasa mong libro. Ramos : Hindi, logic lang ito, madali lang. Erap : Ano ba yang logic na yan, hindi ko yata alam yan. Ramos : Ganito lang yan, may aquarium ka ba sa bahay? Erap : Oo. Ramos : Kung may aquarium ka, eh di mahilig ka sa isda. Erap : Oo. Ramos : At kung mahilig ka sa isda, mahilig ka More About: Joke , Logic , Logi
Bottle of Champagne
2007-10-05 06:29:00 A woman goes into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. She takes the first glass and pours it down the back of her skirt. The bartender looks amazed as she pours another glass and again tips it down her skirt. Finally, the bartender asks, "Why are you pouring your drinks down your skirt?" "Well," the woman replies, "I´ve just won the lottery and this is the only asshole I´m sharing it with!" More About: Champagne , Bottle , Cham , Champ
Undoing a Woman’s Bra
More articles from this author:2007-10-05 06:26:00 Real Life study: A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman’s bra. While unfastening a woman’s stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries. Actually, I can vouch for that. I got injured today while trying to undo a woman’s bra. When I undid the woman in front of me in the checkout line, she turned and hit me with More About: Doing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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