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Circus Trainer
2008-06-09 07:10:00
Last time the circus came to town, an ad for an animal trainer was placed in the local paper.Only two applicants showed up: a male called Futh and a female called Chums. The owner said he could only afford one animal trainer, so he would choose the one with the best act.At first glance it appeared that Chums was much better prepared, since she came to the interview in a very long flowing cape, with a whip & chair. She looked more like a model than a trainer.Futh's only distinguishing feature was a soggy cigar stuffed between his cracked and leathery lips. The owner asked who would like to go first, and Futh said, "Ladies before Gentleman."So the lady asked for her special music to be played, and once the music started she entered the cage with a flurry of whip snapping. She motioned the attendant to release the tiger. The tiger leaped into the cage snarling. Then Chums threw aside her whip, tossed back her cape and sat on the chair as naked as the day she was born.The tiger then ci...
More About: Trainer , Circus

Fat Man at the Health Club
2008-06-05 23:09:00
A really, really fat man got out of the shower at the health club. A second man said, "Gee, you're fat!" The fat man said, "Yeah."The second man asked, "How long's it been since you've seen your dick?"The fat man answered, "Long time."The second man asked, "Why don't you diet?"The fat man asks, "Why? What color is it now?"
More About: Health , Club

To My Dearest Wife
2008-06-03 04:03:00
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:1) We will wake the kids - 54 times2) It's too late - 15 times3) I'm too tired - 42 times4) It's too early - 12 times5) It's too hot - 18 times6) Pretending to be asleep - 31 times7) The neighbors will hear - 9 times8) Headache or backache - 26 times9) Sunburn - 10 times10) Your mother will hear us - 9 times11) Not in the mood - 21 times12) Watching the late show - 17 times13) Too sore - 26 times14) New hairdo - 6 times15) Wrong time of the month - 14 times16) You had to go to the bathroom - 19 timesOf the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished,...
More About: Wife

Strip Club Enthusiasm
2008-05-31 03:56:00
A man went to a strip club. When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat.As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, "Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!" The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look. A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two pasties. The guy behind our friend goes off again. "Yeah baby! Shake those things."Our friend turned around and said, "Hey buddy, calm down!" After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off her dress, revealing a very thin G-string. Again the man behind our friend yelled out, "Oh baby! You're almost there!" Our friend again turned around and said, "Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!" A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for th...
More About: Club , Strip , Enthusiasm

Is Sex Work or Play?
2008-05-28 00:59:00
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question.The priest says after consulting the Bible, "My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted the Sabbath."The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"He goes to minister... a married man, experienced for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath!Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority -- a man of thousands of years tradition andknowledge: a rabbi.The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?!" The rabbi softly speaks, " If sex were work...my wife would have the maid do it."
More About: Play , Work

Sketch the Human Body and Locate the Organs
2008-05-20 15:36:00
Source: digg.com
More About: Body , Human , Funny Picture , Locate , Sketch

Oriental Massage
2008-05-15 14:01:00
Mike was on a business trip and was staying in this fancy hotel. When he went up to his room there was a sign near the bed that said "Try our Oriental Massage ".So he rang down to the reception and told the clerk that he'd wanted to try one of the massages. About ten minutes later this Japanese lady came up and started giving him a massage.He was on his stomach and got pretty horny resulting in a huge boner. She told him to turn over and when he did she saw his cock standing to attention.She giggled and said "Ahh, you want wanky!" and Mike said "Oooh, yes!"She ran off into the bathroom and left him on the bed waiting. A few minutes passed by and she stuck her head out from behind the door and said "You finished yet?"

79 Ways to make Passionate Love
2008-05-10 00:48:00
A man from Bangladesh named Futh was bragging that in his country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.A gent form Florida listened incredulously. "Why that's amazing. Where I come from there's only one way.""Just one?", Futh asked. "And which way is that?""Well," the Florida gent began, "there's a man and there's a woman--""Praise Allah!!", exclaims Futh, "Number 80!"
More About: Love , Make

What all Men Needs
2008-05-05 00:43:00
A travelling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises."I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he had ever received in his life.Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read: 'Manicures - 25 cents.'"Why not!" the salesman said to himself. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.The next machine had a huge sign that read: 'This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wive...

Nudist Colony Photo
2008-05-01 01:26:00
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part.Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style....it makes your nose look too short!"
More About: Photo

Learn Chinese for Free
2008-04-24 11:22:00
- Are you harboring a fugitive? = Hu Yu Hai Ding?- See me A.S.A.P. = Kum Hia Nao- Stupid = ManDum Gai- Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni- Your price is too high! = No Bai Dam Ting!!- Did you go to the beach? = Wai Yu So Tan?- I bumped into a coffee table = Ai Bang Mai Ni- I think you need a facelift = Chin Tu Fat- It's very dark in here = Wai So Dim?- Has your flight been delayed? = Hao Long Wei Ting?- That was an unauthorized execution. = Lin Ching- I thought you were on a diet = Wai Yu Mun Ching?- This is a tow away zone = No Pah King- Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? = Wai Yu Sing Dum=20- You are not very bright = Yu So Dum- I got this for free = Ai No Pei- I am not guilty = Wai Hang Mi?- Please, stay a while longer. = Wai Go Nao?- Our meeting was scheduled for next week = Wai Yu Kum Nao- They have arrived = Hia Dei Kum- Stay out of sight = Lei Lo- He's cleaning his automobile = Wa Shing Ka- Your body odor is offensive = Hu Man Go!- Pew! does this bathroom stink! = Hu Flung ...
More About: Free , Chinese , Learn , Learn Chinese

Women are Complex Creatures
2008-04-20 07:06:00
- If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman- If you don't, you are not a man- If you praise her, she thinks you are lying- If you don't, you are good for nothing- If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp- If you don't, you are not understanding- If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring- If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing- If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy- If you don't, you are a dull boy- If you are jealous, she says it's bad- If you don't, she thinks you do not love her- If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her- If you don't, she thinks you do not like her- If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait- If she is late, she says that's a girl's way- If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"- If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"- If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold- If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advan...
More About: Women , Complex , Creatures

Funny Signs in Places
2008-04-17 16:32:00
Advertised on the side of a city bus: "Thinking about committing suicide? Perhaps we can help."Written above the toilet roll dispenser in a male cubicle at Monash University in Melbourne, Australia was: "Arts Degrees - please take one."In downtown Pittsburgh, PA at Christmas time there was a sign on a big Catholic Church that said: "Closed for the Holidays".At a Pub in Australia: Sexual harassment will not be prosecuted. However, it will be graded. Sign on state detention center visible from traffic crawling along a Boston Interstate: "If you had broken the law, you'd already be home!" Sign in front of an auto junkyard on Malta: "We Have Japanese Body Parts!"In a pub toilet in Llanelli, west Wales: "Yesterday, the bottom fell out of my world, so I drank 8 pints of Felinfoel Ale and this morning, the world fell out of my bottom."On an older compact car was the bumper sticker: "This car is constipated, it can't pass anything"
More About: Funny , Places , Signs

Device for Testing Aircraft Windshields
2008-03-31 13:33:00
It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes.The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight.It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they were developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired.The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.The FAA reviewed the test and made only one recommendation:"Use a thawed chicken."
More About: Aircraft , Testing , Device

Turn Around
2008-02-29 23:50:00
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball. Turn er Brown" The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy, "What's wrong?" The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball. And my name is Turner Brown."The small guy says, "Thank God, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"

9 Facts About Man and Woman
2008-02-15 14:17:00
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. 2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all. 5. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. 6. Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. 7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does. 9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man ...
More About: Facts , Woman

Explain Further
2008-02-03 08:50:00
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a dildo! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I?ll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

More Funny Jokes
2008-02-03 08:45:00
For those of you who wanna overload yourself with funny jokes check out the free funny jokes collections. It's got hundred of funny jokes collection in many different jokes categories.Check it out here.
More About: Jokes , Funny

Two Nuns: Sister Mathematical and Sister Logical
2008-01-31 15:41:00
There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Log...

Tenjewberrymuds
2008-01-29 13:13:00
You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."RS: "Ow July den?"G: "What??"RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"G: "Crisp will be fine."RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"G: "What?"RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"G: "I don't think so."RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"G: "English muffin!! I've got ...

Fork Please
2008-01-28 13:57:00
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." the chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "a pistol for me, please." the chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "gimme a fork." the chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The new Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and asks, "my God almighty, what are you doing?" The New Yorker says, "so much for your canoe, you stupid...

An Arab in the USA
2008-01-27 10:15:00
Achmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East. He was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said"Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."Achmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.Coming back to the doctor he said- "It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"The doctor said- "You were homesick."

Ten Blonde Science Fair Projects
2008-01-24 16:27:00
1) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?2) Is lighter fluid flammable?3) What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?4) Are knives sharp?5) Can sharks hurt a human?6) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?7) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?8) Can I eat broken glass and live?9) Can dogs talk?10) Are blondes really dumb?
More About: Science , Projects , Blonde , Fair

Nudist Colony
2008-01-14 23:30:00
A man joins a nudist colony, takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A 6 foot blond walks by him; the man gets a hard-on.Blond: "Sir, did you call for me?"New Man: "No, I just got here." Blond: "You must be new here, it's a rule when I give you a hard-on, it implies you called for me."The blond lays down and lets the man screw her. The man gets up happy, enters the sauna, sits down, and farts. A huge man comes toward him.Huge Man: "Sir, did you call for me?"New Man: "No, I just got here."Huge Man: You must be new here, it is a rule when you fart, it implies you called for me."The huge man turns him around and sodomizes him. The new man rushes back to the receptionist...New Man: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500."Receptionist: "But Sir, you only saw 1% of our facilities...."New Man: (Rudely interrupting) "Listen lady, I am 45 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."

Nudist Colony
2008-01-14 23:30:00
A man joins a nudist colony, takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A 6 foot blond walks by him; the man gets a hard-on.Blond: "Sir, did you call for me?"New Man: "No, I just got here." Blond: "You must be new here, it's a rule when I give you a hard-on, it implies you called for me."The blond lays down and lets the man screw her. The man gets up happy, enters the sauna, sits down, and farts. A huge man comes toward him.Huge Man: "Sir, did you call for me?"New Man: "No, I just got here."Huge Man: You must be new here, it is a rule when you fart, it implies you called for me."The huge man turns him around and sodomizes him. The new man rushes back to the receptionist...New Man: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500."Receptionist: "But Sir, you only saw 1% of our facilities...."New Man: (Rudely interrupting) "Listen lady, I am 45 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."

Have you Ever Wonder Why?
2008-01-12 15:58:00
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? ...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? ...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ...why "abbreviated" is such a long word? ...why doctors call what they do "practice"? ...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows? ...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? ...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker? ...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? ...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? ...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ? ...why sheep don't shrink when it rains? ...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? ...why they call the ...

Have you Ever Wonder Why?
2008-01-12 15:58:00
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? ...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? ...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ...why "abbreviated" is such a long word? ...why doctors call what they do "practice"? ...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows? ...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? ...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker? ...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? ...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? ...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ? ...why sheep don't shrink when it rains? ...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? ...why they call the ...

A Moral Story
2008-01-10 12:11:00
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon Iwas to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a wor...
More About: Story , Moral

A Moral Story
2008-01-10 12:11:00
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon Iwas to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a wor...
More About: Story , Moral

Woman's Life Cycle
2008-01-08 00:36:00
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78? At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who are you???
More About: Life , Cycle