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Deserving Grade
2008-01-28 10:38:00
There was a university in New England where the students operated a “bank” of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade. One student, who had spent the weekend on more “extra-curricular pursuits,” went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor’s comments. “I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I’m pleased to give it one!”

The FBI Interview
2008-01-28 10:37:00
Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun and says, “Go into that room and kill your wife.” The guy says, “No way,” and leaves FBI headquarters. The second guy goes through the same proceedings. He walks into the second room, but on seeing his wife decides that she is worth more than a good job, and he, too, refuses. Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his wife. He walks into the second room and six shots are heard. A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and banging from the room. After a few minutes, the guy comes out of the room. “What happened?” asks the FBI agent. “Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks… I had to kill her with the chair.”
More About: Interview

Funny Lines
2008-01-28 10:35:00
You can take my breath away!!! stay away from me I don’t want do die Now. U made me smile so wide……..I can eat a banana side ways. Don’t hate me because I m good, Hate me because I know it!! The Moment She Arrives Every Other Face Fades Away… Flirt but be alert. Intel inside……….fool is out side. Ashes 2 Ashes Dust 2 Dust Life is short so PARTY v must. Love all; hate none…see all; select one.. He Took Me Fr0m a Bar. He Took Me In His Car. He Took My T0p 0ff. He Puts His Lips 0n Mine,But D0n’t W0rry I’m a Bottle 0f Wine.. Adam & Eve introduced love; Romeo & Juliet practiced it; Laila & Majnoo died for it; So PLZZZZZZZ guyz don’t go for it. LOVE IS THE MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN TWO FOOOLS! Loved by FEW Hated by MANY Feared by ALL. I cant help falling in love with u…. Love can sometimes be magic… But magic can sometimes just be an illusion!! Everyone says you only fall in love once but thats ...
More About: Funny , Lines

Human Body Facts
2008-01-28 10:34:00
The smile is the most frequently used facial expression. A smile can use anywhere from a pair of 5 to 53 facial muscles. The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger. The sensitivity of a woman’s middle finger is reduced during menstruation. The same amount of calories are burned by doing 6 sessions that are 5 minutes each of an activity and doing 1 session of that activity for 30 minutes. The pectin that is found in apples aids in lowering cholesterol levels. The most frequent season for most suicides to occur is in the spring. The winter months have the lowest number of suicides. The majority of American models are skinnier than 98% of American women. The longest hiccups on record was by an American pig farmer whose hiccups persisted from 1922 to 1987. The longer white infants from low-income families are breast-fed, the less likely they will be overweight as young children, researchers said on Monday. T...
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Jesus Saves
2008-01-28 10:33:00
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.” “Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.” Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact. How did he do it?” God smiled all-knowingl...
More About: Jesus

Wrong Number
2008-01-28 10:32:00
Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number forget what I said!
More About: Wrong , Wrong Number , Number

A Woman
2008-01-28 10:31:00
A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.
More About: Woman , A Woman

Excuses Written By Parents
2008-01-28 10:29:00
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father’s fault. 4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side. 5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face. 6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor. 7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over. 8. My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take physical ed. Please execute him. 9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part. 10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines. 11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip. 12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 13. Maryann was abs...
More About: Parents , Excuses , Written

Funny Definitions
2008-01-28 10:28:00
Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage Handkerchief: Cold storage Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper Raisin: Grape with a sunburn Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time
More About: Funny , Definitions

Microsoft vs GM
2008-01-28 10:27:00
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal.” Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, “Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?” And… 1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. 4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought “Car95″ or “CarNT”. But, then you would have to buy more seats. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, ...
More About: Microsoft

Net Addiction
2008-01-28 10:26:00
Top Signs of Net Addict ion You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed. You get a tattoo that reads “This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3 or higher.” You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap…and your child in the overhead compartment. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access. You laugh at people with 28,800 modems. You start using smiley’s in your snail mail. Your hard drive crashes. You haven’t logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP’s access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.

Old Man
2008-01-28 10:23:00
One day an old man went to the doctor for his physical checkup along with his wife. The doctor there tells the old man that “I need your urine sample, stool sample and a sperm sample for testing” The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “What?” “What did the doctor say?” What he want me to do?” His wife yells back a bit loudly that “He needs your UNDERWEAR.”

Girls are like Internet Virus
2008-01-22 13:44:00
They enter your life, Scan your pockets, Transfer your money, Edit your mind, Download their problems and Delete your smile So please download the software SayNoToGirls .EXE to save your life otherwise the hardisk of your heart may crash.
More About: Virus , Internet

Police Chase
2007-11-23 11:03:00
Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camacho East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?” The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”
More About: Police , Chase , Hase

College Rules
2007-11-19 10:11:00
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?” Then one of the student asked, “How much for a season pass?”
More About: College , Rules , Dirty Jokes

Sexy Nutsie Pool Commercial
2007-11-12 18:56:00
In this commercial we see a beautiful girl in swimming pool.We can also see the pool boy cleaning the pool and looking at that girl.The girl notices that the pool boy is staring at her.Then the girl moves out of the swimming pool and sits on the resting bed there.Then she try to entice him by various means.
More About: Commercial , Sexy , Pool

Eye Illusion
2007-11-10 14:00:00
Try to stare at the center of the image for some time and begin moving your eyes around the outer perimeter you will see a grove changing into a hump as you go around the wheel. It appear to be moving, shimmering, or just making you dizy!!!!
More About: Illusion , Optical Illusions

Count the People
2007-11-09 04:52:00
Just try to count the number of people in this image…..
More About: People , Count , The People

Christmas Day Oneliners
2007-11-08 17:09:00
Q. What?s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas ? A. Sandy Claws. Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A. So he can ho-ho-ho. Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A. Frostbite. Q. Why was Santa?s little helper depressed? A. Because he had low elf esteem. Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? A. Ribbon hood. Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A. Claustrophobic. Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A. Snowflakes. Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas? A. She said ?I could not work out what size her nose was! Q. What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas? A. It was wound up already. Q. What was wrong with the boy?s brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? A. Forty feet of track - all straight!
More About: S Day , Christmas Day

Two Tourists
2007-11-07 06:14:00
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing.”
More About: Tourists

Smart Bid
2007-11-03 15:47:00
A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer?s garden. ?I?ll give you my two pennies for that tomato,? said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. ?No,? said the farmer, ?I get a dime for a tomato like that one.? The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, ?Will you take two pennies for that one?? ?Yes,? replied the farmer, ?I?ll give you that one for two cents.? ?OK,? said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer?s hand, ?I?ll pick it up in about a week.?
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Hugging
2007-11-03 03:58:00
What a cool picture of two cats. We can see how mother cat is hugging her child cat before feeding .
More About: Hugging

The Gift
2007-11-01 18:46:00
Hey it?s your birthday The time has come It?s an important moment Coming from the Bay I got you a gift You can?t figure it out Please do me a favor And work my midnight shift You only have to work till 2 My uniform color is blue Someone will make a surprise visit And you?ll never know who Before you open your gift Let me help you out The process won?t be possible Unless I give you a lift
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Sherlock Holmes
2007-10-31 16:59:00
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theo logically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, you idiot, Some ——- has stolen our tent.”
More About: Sherlock Holmes , Sherlock

Getting A Haircut
2007-10-23 05:41:00
A blonde was roller blading with her headphones on. She stopped in the hair saloon and asked for a hair cut. She instructed that the hair stylist should not take off the headphones. The stylist replied “no” so the blond left. She went to a different hair saloon and said the same thing. The stylist there replied “ok”. After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair. The stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. They were saying, “breath in, breath out” .
More About: Haircut

Html Tags
2007-10-23 05:35:00
People say programming is very boring n tiring. Well programming can also be funny. It can be funny only and only if you understand it. Here are some HTML Tags and some pictures that will surely make any programmer laugh and much happier than before . The html tags are very much related to the pictures shown below.This will really make you to laugh .
More About: Html

Dragon Face
2007-10-23 05:11:00
At first sight , our mind will usually recognise the face of a lady in this painting, but if you look a bit closely at the woman’s hair, you will see that a woman on a horse is fighting a fire-breathing dragon. If you see anything else happening in this optical illusion art painting then you must respond.
More About: Face , Optical Illusions , Dragon , Drago

Sexy Miller Lite Beer Commercial
2007-10-23 04:57:00
In this commercial two sexy ladies, Miller Lite Kitana Bake and Tonya Ballinger get out of control on a small issue while drinking beer .One says Great Taste and other says Less Feeling.This controversy ends in fighting between the two ladies. They start tearing the clothes of each other while fighting.It is more or less like ? Ladies Catfight ? .
More About: Commercial , Beer , Sexy

Ding Dong
2007-10-22 17:58:00
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching Little Johnny?s efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child?s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child?s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, ?And now what, my little man?? To which Little Johnny replies, ?Now we run!?
More About: Dong

Cricket Sayings
2007-10-21 19:13:00
Cricket is basically baseball on valium. - Robin Williams Sachin Tendulkar is the hardest batsman I?ve ever had to bowl to because he judges the length a lot quicker than anyone else. - Shane Warne That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it. - Sidhu The gap between bat and pad is so wide you could have driven a car through. - Sidhu I bowl my best when I?m fittest and the best way to get fit is to bowl. That?s how you get your rhythm. You can?t really find a rhythm by bowling in the nets. - Brett Lee Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen. - Robert Mugabe Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm. - Sidhu Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide. - Sidhu The pitch is as dead as a dodo. - Sidhu
More About: Cricket