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Open letter to all my orkut friends
2008-01-02 17:32:00
To all my dear "Orkut Friends ",I really appreciate all the new year's wishes that ya'll have left so thoughtfully. I was especially touched with how personalized each message was. In this age of mass emailing and SPAM, you all have really moved me with your thoughtful scraps. And that too on Orkut! A public forum bordering on voyeurism used by bored-out-of-their-skull people wanting nothing better than to read other people's scrap books all day. What a great place to wish me a happy new year! Thank you. Thank you so much.In fact, I'm so impressed with these messages, that I'm going to post one here that particularly touched my heart.Wishng U a Very Happy New Year!!!?!?!!!?! 2008!!!! Woo Hoo! U are da gr8!!!!!!!2007 sks!!! 2008 ya da blst!!! Happy NEW Year!!!!!!And I'm even more impressed with the tools you have used! Pasting some random javascript into your browser while logged into Orkut? Never mind that most virus and trojans use this technique to steal your data and lock yo...
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Happy New Year!
2008-01-01 07:43:00
This new year started with a bang for me. Literally. Since this was the first new year since the wife and I got married, I thought it would be cute if we exchanged gifts on new year’s day. I made a big fuss about how the gifts had to be thoughtful and how the gift ...
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Happy New Year!
2008-01-01 07:13:00
This new year started with a bang for me. Literally. Since this was the first new year since the wife and I got married, I thought it would be cute if we exchanged gifts on new year's day. I made a big fuss about how the gifts had to be thoughtful and how the gift had to mean something.If there is one lesson that life has repeatedly thrown at me and I've repeatedly ignored learning is never to make big-shot statements like these. They have a way of coming back and biting you when you are not looking. In this case, I completely forgot about the gifts until the wife handed me her gift right after midnight.Wife: "Look what I got you!"Me: "What? What?"Wife: "A train set with tracks!"Me: "Wooo hooo! Wow! What a thoughtful gift! Thanks so much! I've wanted this since I was 12!"Wife: "You're welcome!"Me: "Thankfully you didn't get some silly gift like a mug or something.."Wife: "...and I also got you a mug with our picture on it!"Me: "Did I say mug? I meant pug. As in a small dog - pu...
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Aditya?s Advice Column 5
2007-12-28 16:03:00
I’m a newcomer to Bollywood, and I acted in this director’s movie which turned out to be a big flop. Not only did people think that it was a blue movie, but the director, let’s call him SLB, insisted on portraying me like a joker. Now, my career is sinking faster than the Titanic. What ...
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Aditya's Advice Column 5
2007-12-28 15:33:00
I'm a newcomer to Bollywood, and I acted in this director's movie which turned out to be a big flop. Not only did people think that it was a blue movie, but the director, let's call him SLB, insisted on portraying me like a joker. Now, my career is sinking faster than the Titanic. What should I do?- Ranbir KYou've made a drastic mistake by working in a blue movie. But don't worry. There is no problem that Aditya's Advice Column cannot fix.My advice to you is to make your next movie with Rakhi Sawant. Rakhi Sawant, as we all know, is one of the industry's shining stars, and a movie with her will bring you enormous glamour and class and style. Your career will take off like a goat in front of a tiger.I've had the enormous pleasure of watching your movie, and I must say, I think the Bhojpuri movie industry seems like a better place for you. It is filled with people that match your talent. Besides, 12-and-a-half people watched Bhojpuri movies this year (one kid got in on a half-...

This year in review
2007-12-26 19:17:00
I can’t believe it’s the end of the year already! Didn’t this year feel especially short? I think we might have missed some months. I don’t remember experiencing a June or a February. We might have skipped those two. I’ve got to go and check the calander again! Anyhow, it’s that time of the year where ...
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This year in review
2007-12-26 18:47:00
I can't believe it's the end of the year already! Didn't this year feel especially short? I think we might have missed some months. I don't remember experiencing a June or a February. We might have skipped those two. I've got to go and check the calander again!Anyhow, it's that time of the year where I review how I'm doing on the goals and new year resolutions that I'd created when the year started. This year I had only a few resolution (against my usual average of several thousand), so this should be easy.2007 Resolutions1) Don't make fun of other peopleI think I've made good progress on this front. I dragged only a few people into mud-slinging. Only Atif, actually. And maybe Archisman. Hmm...Dwetha and Dyothi also. I might have said some things about Chitradeep Chetty too, but it probably didn't affect his delicate mental balance and push him into insanity. And then there's Drinivas. It's OK to make fun of Drinivas because he's been made an honorary blonde.Q: In a fi...
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Enlightenment!
2007-12-23 19:17:00
I was flipping through one of the wife's magazines the other day and I came across an interesting article. The article was about the top 10 flop Bollywood movies of the year. So I'm reading through it, and I'm like 'Haha...yeah, that was pretty bad...Haha...yeah, that one sucked too...Hoho..Yeah, that one. What was the director thinking?...' and I read through the whole article and then enlightenment hit me - And I'm not just talking about some random enlightenment, but the real oh-god-I-don't-believe-this type of enlightenment. I realized:I'VE WATCHED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE TOP 10 WORST MOVIES OF THE YEAR!!!!!!This is the kind of enlightenment that makes your stomach churn. How could have happened this to me? WHY ME? All said and done, I must have spent some 100 hours of my life watching those movies and those hours are not coming back! I decided this can not go on like this. I had to do something.I decided that I was going to tell the wife that I am NOT coming to watch an...
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Tennis!
2007-12-22 16:32:00
I've started to enjoy playing Tennis . I suck at it, but that doesn't stop me from playing anyway. It's like an addiction. But my other friends don't seem to enjoy it as much. They say I'm not a "Good Sport". Ha! I think they're just being bad losers. You decide for yourself:So last week, we're playing a doubles Tennis match. Drinivas and I are playing together as a team against a couple of other friends.We're leading 4-3 in the first set. The other team serves, and I smash it right back into the net.Drinivas (making weird actions with his racket): "Place it man! Place it!"Me: "I'm going to place it on top of you if you don't keep quite!"Drinivas: "$#@^%$#@**"Friend #1: "Good team work fellows. Good team work!"Me: "Grrrrr...."Next point. Friend #1 serves it straight at me, and I'm trying out my single-hand-back-hand-top-spin-drop-shot. It lands up in the next court were a couple of chics are playing.Drinivas: "What the hell are you doing?!? We lost the point!"Me: "Oh, kee...

Misc: Pointless Wanderings in JAM Mag and new Pointless News site!
2007-12-20 18:19:00
As Pazz pointed out earlier today, two of my articles managed to get published in the J.A.M magazine. Hurray! But I haven't managed to get my paws on a copy of the magazine, so if you have it, I'd appreciate it if you could scan/photograph the two pages and send it to me at aditya@pointlesswanderings.comAlso, check out the newly redesigned Pointless News site! It comes with new themes, new features and a whole lot of new attitude.(Honestly, I have no idea what that means, but it sounds cool, so I said it) Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title to comment. Copyright © 2007, Aditya Kulkarni. All rights reserved.
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How to Disguise Insults
2007-12-19 19:09:00
One of the great undervalued skills of life in the 21st Century is the ability to disguise insults. Swearing and cursing to someone's face is quite easy, but often produces counter-effects (i.e., you'll get beaten up). If you're an expert at disguising your insults, your victim will spend several agonizing hours deciding whether what you said was meant as an insult. A very subtle, but brutal form of torture. It's a lost art these days. But don't worry, I'm going to help you out with this skill.1) Use Subliminal MessagesUsing this technique requires fine timing. The idea is to blurt out the insult directly, but have a "cover-up" word ready, so that if the victim suspects that you've insulted him, you can use the "cover-up" word to get out of the situation.Example:The wife has been trying to get me to exercise, but without much luck. So, one day, as I'm going to office:Me: "Bye bye, I'm off to office"Wife: "Bye bye, Fatty!"Me: "Excuse me?"Wife: "Smarty! I said Smarty! You kno...
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This Modern World
2007-12-18 19:15:00
This Modern World Welcome to this world, in this modern day,Where, with smoke and dust, the air has turned grey."I'm OK" they say and put up a brave display,But everyone really seems to want to run away!Cheer up, they tell me, "Let's go Shopping!"2000 bucks for a shirt?!? There's no way I'm paying!No movies either, the price of tickets is skyrocketing,And to make things worse, there's no place for parking!At work too, all day is spent going from meeting to meeting,Throwing around latest buzzwords like 'Social Networking"!But I don't really get it, What is with this whole Orkut thing,Pouring over other's scrapbooks, what is the joy they're seeking?I try to look ahead, but it's all unclear,My whole life is just stuck in 2nd gear!Blindly climbing up the 'ladder' year after yearWhat the hell am I doing here? Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title to comment. Copyright © 2007, Aditya Kulkarni. All rights r...

How (not) to do College Projects
2007-12-17 15:11:00
There's a major problem with the way Engineering is taught in this country. And the problem is that, at the end of the 4 years, they expect you to create some Software Project to prove that you learnt something and didn't waste your time. And this was a big problem for me. Luckily, there's one loophole that I can exploit: The Project can be done by a "team" of 2 people. So, all I had to do was to find a victim teammate who could do the project and from whom I could steal credit.Enter Dyothi. Dyohti is very smart, very good with computers, but most importantly, has a good image of me. So, just as the project is around the corner, I try to make my move on her. This is surprisingly easy, and she immediately agrees to be my Project Partner. And soon enough, we have our first discussion around what project we should be doing.Dyothi: "I think we should do a server-side project"Me: "Sure, sure. Why not, why not!"Dyothi: "How about writing an IMAP server?"Me: "Sure, sure. Why not, why no...
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Pointless Wanderings
2007-12-17 06:07:00
New! Email DeliveryEnter your email address:Delivered by FeedBurner Hi Everyone,A few people pinged me and let me know that Pointless Wanderings has again been blocked in their offices. Now, I'm assuming that your company has done this to stop you from wasting time on this blog, which is a great compliment. :D But anyway, even if the site is blocked, you still have 2 other options to get PointlessWanderings1) Subscribe to the feed.The feed for this blog is here. You can subscribe to this and get past all the blockages. To subscribe to this feed, go to http://www.google.com/reader , sign in with your Gmail ID (or Google ID), and then click 'Add Subscription' and then add this address (http://blog.pointlesswanderings.com). That's it. You're set. You can read Pointless Wanderings by signing into Google Reader.2) The second option is to subscribe to the blog via email.Just enter your email address in the sidebar, and you'll receive the day's blog post bright and early in the morn...
More About: Erin

Driving and Traffic Comparision
2007-12-15 19:18:00
Driving in India is so much different than driving in the US. I've written about the various traffic similarities earlier, but today I wanted to focus on the differences.1) If you can drive in India, you can drive anywhere. Driving in India is like playing a video game - You have to dodge other cars, autoricshaws, stray dogs, buffaloes and aliens to go to the next level - the next signal. The challenges get harder at every new level. You also get a few weapons to help you play the video-game: The right to use profanities and various gestures with the hand that can be used against different villains. If you brush your car against another, then you have to get out of the car and the game turns into Street Fighter! If you're really good, you can practice some Mortal Kombat style fatalities and provide entertainment to the other players in the video game.The Corollary is also partially true - If you can drive only in the US, then you can't drive anywhere else. You'll be so used to r...
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Top 10 things about me You Didn't Know
2007-12-14 07:07:00
1) I've once managed to set my computer on fire. Like literally. With smoke and all.2) I can't listen to music. If I have music on for more than 15 minutes, the voices in my head start singing along (with a really bad voice too), and that gives me a terrible headache. I wear noise-canceling headphones at work, but have nothing playing to keep the noise out.3) A stray dog once bit me and THE DOG died the next day of rabies. Nothing happened to me.4) I can't swim. I took swimming lessons, but I still can't swim.5) I'm very bad with spellings. I couldn't survive without a spell checker. A 4th Standard kid could probably beat me at a spelling test.6) I once managed to convince a friend to lend me money to buy HIS birthday gift which I BORROWED from him the same day. I've not returned the gift back to him. And neither the money. Yet.7) I'm very scared of Cows and Buffaloes.8) I used to be a member of Mensa (The club for so-called "High IQ" people). They kicked me out because I re...
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Hit List
2007-12-13 07:06:00
I maintain a secret hit list of people that I hate. My plan is to trick them into inhaling laughing gas and then telling them really really bad jokes. Their mind will explode thinking about why they can't stop laughing at absolutely stupid jokes. Oh, the ideal form of torture!Anyway, I recently updated my list with these 3 really really annoying people.:1) Weird-Caller-Tune-DudeCaller tunes for cell phones are the worst thing ever. They are used, abused and overused so badly that someone needs to start an anti-caller-tune movement. Case in point:I have this friend, lets call him Dachin. So I'm trying to call Dachin this other day. I dial his number.*Ring* *Ring*Me: "Hello?"Phone: "Hello? Hello?"Me: "Hey mate, it's me. Are you game for Tennis on Saturday?"Phone: "Hello? Are baba... Hello!!! Hello? Hello?"Me: "Hello? Can you hear me?"Phone: "Kuch bolte kyo nahin? Hello? Hello?"Me: "Hello!?? Hello?"Phone: "Hello? Hello? Kuch sunaiyee nahin de raha"Me: "Hello!?? GOD DAMN IT! I CAN HE...
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Talent Show!
2007-12-11 18:57:00
Back in School, our teachers had this weird mission of "All Round Development" of the students. They used to abuse and torture kids to various "activities" under this pretext. Did you guys have the S.U.P.W subject? - Socially Useful Productive Work, officially, but we used to call it "Some Useful Period Wasted". This was the class where they made us paint pots and carve birds out of bars of soap.Anyway, so this one year, our teachers decided that we should put on a "Talent Show " for the Annual School Day. It was going to be a platform for all students to showcase their "special talents". When I first heard this thing, I had a big knot in my stomach. Talent? What Talent? I had absolutely no Talents. I went to the teacher to discuss this dilemma.Me: "Ma'am, I don't want to take part in this Talent Show"Teacher: "But dear, you must put on a show. Show your special talents!"Me: "I don't have any special talents!"Teacher: "Don't be silly. Everyone has special talents. Do you sing?"Me...

"How to Impress Girls" - By Chitradeep Chetty
2007-12-10 06:44:00
Chitradeep Chetty has lived a very colorful life, and we can all benefit significantly by studying his style. I have been doing it myself for the last few years. One of the many things Chitradeep excels at is knowing exactly what women want. And so, Chitradeep returns today to share his enormous wisdom with us:--------------------------------Knowin g what women want is a very tricky thing, but there are some secrets to it that are gauranteed to make you score with the women! Today, I will teach you the 3 most important tricks that you can use to impress them.1) Make them ask you questions.This is probably the most important, since it opens communication with them and gets them interested in you. The Trick is to get them to ask question, but you have to guide the conversation.Example:Chitradeep: "What deo do you use?"Girl: "EXCUSE ME?" (First question)Chitradeep: "I use Narsingh Deo!"Girl: "What?" (Second question. We're making good progress!)Chitradeep: "Haha...That's the author ...
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Aditya's Advice Column - 4
2007-12-07 06:42:00
We have a special episode of the Advice Column today. After the last advice column, I received so many questions, that I'm trying to answer some here:I have a problem which needs pointless advice. I don't like to work and want to laze at home. But I want my salary to come without going to affeesss. What should I do?- AWhat you need to do, A, is to join Politics. It's the perfect Career for you. Think about what Politicians do all day: They....err...hmmm....What do politicians do all day, really?Which actually brings me to my point nicely. You get to do absolutely nothing all day, and still "magically", the money seems to flow to you. It usually flows from under tables, but that's just a technicality.So, here's my advice to you: Get to know some Gangsters and become friends with some Goondas. Then, slowly expand your circle to include drug dealers and smugglers. And before you know it, you'll be the CM!I have an embarrassing problem.I have more hair on my left toe than on my ri...

Guest Post (Drinivas): Strategic Learning
2007-12-06 17:51:00
I recently moved cubicles at my work place, and as fate would have it, I was now sitting surrounded by people in "Strategic Marketing". Sitting next to marketing people has several perks - A free education in household matters, behavioral analysis and travel gyaan.And, in the spirit of spreading knowledge, I'd like to share some of the "Strategic Discussions" I've heard:Strategy Discussion 1:--------------------------------Lady #1: "Did you watch OSO?"Lady #2: "Of course yaar - SRK is looking choooo goooood, OH MY GOD!"Dude #1: "I don't know what you women find so attractive in SRK - he's old. Now, look at Deepika. God knows why she was cast opposite that oldie."Lady #2: "Tune sirf Deepika ko dekhne ke liye film dekhne gaya kya?"Lady #1: "What does your wife think about Deepika?"Dude #1: "Tum sab mujhe marvaoge yaar!"As the discussion headed off towards morality and marriage, I buried my head into Iron Maiden.Strategy discussion 2:------------------------------Lady #1: "Heyyyyy...
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Devdas: The Tragedy of my life
2007-12-05 14:20:00
Devdas, in my humble opinion, was the worst movie ever. How do I know? BECAUSE I SAW IT THRICE!Yes, this is my sad story of how I ended up watching the remake-of-a-remake-of-a-movie-of-a-book three times.The first time, I had to watch it because I was then trying to impress the wife, my Girlfriend at that time. I'd been trying to take her out, but something or the other kept coming up. But finally, an opportunity came.GF: "I'm free this Saturday. What do you want to do?"Me: "Oh, great! I'll take you to a movie."GF: "I want to watch Devdas!"Me: "Sure, any movie. Let's just go out"Oh, the follies of youth. I was so excited that we were going out, that I didn't bother to check what the movie was. Turns out, it was 3 hours of non-stop flashy songs with plenty of crying and dancing. By the end of the movie, my head was ready to blow apart.GF: "What a beautiful movie! Did you notice the attention to detail?"Me: "Yeah. Mind blowing. Literally!"The Second time, I had to go see the movi...
More About: Life , Tragedy , My Life

Aditya's Advice Column - 3
2007-12-03 19:42:00
After the dramatic success of the Advice Column and it's second part, we now return with a third edition of the advice column where I will solve all your problems.I'm planning to participate in Miss World next year, but I'm scared of all the questions the judges ask. How should I answer the questions? - Miss IndiaDear Miss India,I'm glad you asked this question, because I've been a big fan of beauty contests. In my carefully studied opinion, the right strategy to answering beauty pageant questions is:1) Listen carefully to the question (Or at least pretend to)2) Ignore the question3) Say how much you want to improve society and work for world peace.You can also use the 'smiling-even-as-the-high-heels-are-killi ng-me' look for additional points. This strategy is a sure-fire way of winning the Miss World Contest. Send me a picture when you win the crown.The Traffic in Bangalore is absolutely driving me crazy. Especially these Auto fellows that break the signals and drive like m...

Save The Electrons
2007-12-02 19:02:00
Everyone is talking about Global Warming these days. "Save The Environment" is everywhere - You have to recycle water, recycle paper even recycle movie storylines. Everyone is talking about saving the planet and the stuff like that, but they are all forgetting about saving the most important resource in the universe:The Electrons!Allow me to explain: Electrons do most of transporting these days. They travel over your phone wires and over your LAN cables and your TV Cable lines, delivering all the good stuff for your entertainment. But have you spared a thought for the poor electrons that do all the work? Do you know what happens to them once they have delivered your email to your computer?Let me tell you - They come to your phone/computer/TV and then GET WASTED! That's right - There are only a limited number of electrons on earth, and everytime you watch TV, you are consuming this precious resource of mother earth. These electrons just hang around your Phone/TV/Computer for a while...

Happy Birthday To Me!
2007-11-30 18:56:00
It was my birthday earlier this week. Thanks to all of you guys who sent in birthday wishes and left comments. Apologies to those who tried to call me and couldn't reach me. I was out in the middle of the Jungle somewhere in interior Kerala fighting bloodsucking monsters (leeches). Really. And for those of you that forgot - Don't worry. I'm going to forget your birthday too, so we're even.And, it seems I got some 100 Happy birthday scraps on Orkut! I didn't even know I knew so many people :)Anyway, this Birthday was not-so-happy for me.Weeks before my birthday, I was wondering what gift the wife will get me. I was really scared that she'll get me tickets to some movie like Aaja Nachle and say "Surprise!", and I'll have to sit through 3 hours of torture again.So instead, I told her that there was this nice cute little phone that I wanted, and she could gift it to me. I saved her all the effort and thought of thinking up a nice gift for me, so I was really happy. She seemed to ...
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misc-taking off
2007-11-28 13:40:00
Hey folks. I am out on a mini vacation, so no blog posts for now. But will be back on saturday, enjoy! Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title to comment. Copyright © 2007, Aditya Kulkarni. All rights reserved.
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Tic Tac Toe
2007-11-27 08:41:00
Back in school, we had 'Computer Science' as a subject and even had a lab. We were expected to learn programming in the lab, but I spent most of the lab time playing games like 'Prince of Persia' and 'Dangerous Dave'. The teacher in charge of the lab didn't like it one bit, and had threatened to flunk me several times.At the end of the year, we had to do a 'Computer Science Project' to prove we learned something during the year. Someone decided to do a project on the solar system, some others decided to make a database project for storing student records - Everyone of them on their way to becoming software engineers.I decided I wanted to write a video game.Me: "Ma'am, I'm going to write a video game - I'm going to write a program that plays 'Tic Tac Toe'!"Teacher: "Your program will play Tic Tac Toe against me? That sounds like a dumb project."Me: "No ma'am: I'm going to use Artificial Intelligence in my program. You won't be able to win against it."Have I told you ...

Give my Money Back!!!
2007-11-25 19:24:00
As you readers probably know, Sanjay Leela Bansali stole 3 hours of my life and some thousand rupees of my money. And I want my money back. I've been thinking of how I'd go about doing this. I thought I'll wait at a traffic signal and pounce on him when he drives by. But that sounds very sneaky and criminal, and I don't want to do bad things.And so, I decided to do the honorable thing - I'm going to send him a SPAM email with a scam. Here's my draft mail that I'm thinking I'll send himDear Mr. Sanjay Neela Bansali,I are Ram Mohan Bihari, a big fan of your movies, Sirji. I am watching all of them. When you are making Saawariya, everyone in our Village (under banyan tree) is telling it is a blue movie. I am getting excited and taking all my wild monkeys to see blue film. But it is not usual type of blue movie, but it is good. My wild monkeys are enjoying seeing your wild monkeys dance. I think they are liking the movie.I am loving my wild monkeys very much. I am living in trib...
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Understanding Aliens: Meet the Nerds
2007-11-24 01:40:00
We share our planet with lots of weird species like nerds and geeks. As normal humans, we should make some effort to reach out to these folks so that we may understand their language and their culture. And so, to promote harmony with the nerds, I have managed to establish contact with one of them. To protect the identity of this Alien, we have to call him by his secret name, "Archisman Dhatra". The following is an interview I conducted with Archisman.Me: Hello Sir. Before we start, let me say that you look remarkably human. Do nerds always take the human form so as to not cause panic among regular human beings?Archisman: "Please call me by my proper name: geek. Not nerd. There is subtle difference between a geek and a nerd and calling us nerds is a disgrace to our great forefathers. It has been statistically proven that geeks have 31.18% more chance of getting a date than nerds. I like to keep my chances optimal. But I am still single. I wonder why. Anyway, I digress.Coming back to ...
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Saawariya 2 !!
2007-11-23 11:19:00
I come home one day, to find the wife in a very pensive mood.Me: "What happened? What are you so deeply thinking about?"Wife: "I think we should go watch Saawariya again."I feel a sudden pain shooting through my heart. My brain cringes with the horrifying memories of those 3 hours spent watching the movie already.Me: "*GASP*...I...I....I think I'm having a heart attack!"Wife: "Drama Queen! Anyway, I have this feeling that I didn't understand the movie. I didn't 'get it', you know what I mean?"Me: "There's nothing to 'get' in the movie. Even I didn't 'get' it"Wife: "That's not surprising. The movie was targeted at a certain audience."Me: "What is that supposed to mean?"Wife: "All I'm saying is that you need to expand your horizons a little bit. Learn how to appreciate art"Me: "My horizon is too wide already. I'm starting to think about mailing Sanjay Leela Bansali a copy of his own movie. Looks like he forgot to watch it himself."Wife: "Anyway, we haven't watched a mov...