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Pointless Wanderings

Pointless Wanderings
A funny blog about life of a Software Engineer in Bangalore

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Misc: Official Google Blog
2007-10-11 18:40:00
<showoff>Have you guys been reading the Official Google Blog lately? There's a post on there that might interest you :Dhttp://googleblog.blogspot.com/2007/10/ two-more-reasons-to-type-in-hindi.htmlPay special attention to who the author of the post is :D :D :D</showoff> Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title to comment. Copyright © 2007, Aditya Kulkarni. All rights reserved.
More About: Misc , Google Blog

Political Manuvering
2007-10-11 00:35:00
You know, I don't understand politics at all. Politic ians do things that don't make sense from any angle. Take the recent Deve Gowda adventure, for example.Here's my understanding of the political situation in Karnataka:1) Deve Gowda's son wants to be CM, so he makes a deal with the BJP.2) He says I'll be CM for 20 months, then BJP can put their CM for 20 months.3) BJP falls for it, Kumaraswamy becomes CM4) 20 months later, Kumaraswamy asks the BJP to go jump in a well.What a beautiful political maneuver! Who would have seen it coming? I mean - A politician makes a promise and doesn't keep up to it? Who would have thought? How cunning of Deve Gowda! Deve Gowda is my favoritest politician. I mean, he's got style.This kind of behavior of the politicians reminds me of a similar incident when I was little. Back when I was in 3rd-4th standard, we used to play cricket on the street in front of our house. We used to play with cheap tennis balls and pieces of wood that passed off as ...
More About: Political , Erin

The Phantom of the Opera
2007-10-09 00:38:00
I went to an opera this weekend. It was the most indescribable experience of my life.It was called "The Phantom of the Opera ". I can't even begin to describe what it felt like - It was like watching a Hindi Movie, but dubbed in French. With a Jazz soundtrack. And with the audio stuck like in a tape-recorder. And with more songs than "Hum Aapke Hai Kaun". It was totally weird.It was my wife's idea. She thought it would be a good "cultural education" for me. The only thing I learnt is that some people can sing with such a high-pitch that they can shatter your ear-drum. I swear I came dangerously close to that happening.And now the story - I can safely say that I didn't understand just what the hell was going on. Here's how the brochure describes the opera:"A disfigured musical genius, hidden away in the Paris Opera House, terrorizes the opera for the unwitting benefit of a young protégé whom he trains and loves."Here's how I would describe the story:Dude singsGirl singsDude and G...
More About: The O

How to be a (Fake) Philosopher
2007-10-04 01:19:00
In today's highly competitive world, you need all the tools to get ahead. Appearing to be spiritual will help you tremendously, and so I'm going to teach you how to be a fake philosopher today.The official definition of philosophy is "Stuff that no one really understands". It is similar to Jargoneese, but different at the same levels in that Jargoneese and Philosophy have similar differences. Jargoneese is using symbolism to re-interpret vagaries of daily life, while philosophy is using vagaries of daily life to re-interpret symbolism. Got it? Good. Continue reading...The following are some tips that will help you sound like a philosopher:Tip #1: Use simple words, but complex constructs.It is a common misconception that Philosopher s use big words. You'll get the best effect if you use simple words, but construct sentences that are difficult to understand. The central idea is to awe the victim. Your victim should feel stupid that he can't understand what you're saying despite yo...
More About: Fake

Scary Roller-Coaster
2007-10-02 19:15:00
Sorry everyone, I haven't been able to post for the last few days. I was off on a mini-vacation.My brother-in-law and his wife, my wife and I had been to Orlando, Florida this weekend. We went to Universal Studios and the "Isle Of Adventure" theme parks over there. It was loads of fun, there are lots of rides, but the most interesting of them all are the roller-coasters.Sitting on a Roller -Coaster always cracks me up. Rationally thinking, it is very safe - There has never been an accident and there is no way you are going to get hurt. But that doesn't stop the voices in my head from screaming, in chorus, as I go up the roller-coaster:"YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! GET OFF, YOU FOOL! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"At Universal Studios, they have this roller-coaster called "The Hulk". This is the most ridiculously scary roller coaster I've been on. Most roller-coasters will take you to the top on a chain-sort of thing and drop you from there. But not this one.This thing actually shoots you up, at f...
More About: Scary , Roller Coaster , Aster

Useless Scientists
2007-09-29 05:56:00
You know, I think all these so-called scientists are totally wasting their time. And mine. They keep "discovering" things like - "Coffee reduces the risk of inner-respiratory lung disease by 0.0004%" and "Not Smoking helps give you 2 days of extra life". Duh! I already know that.Why don't these scientists spend their time discovering more useful things? If they've all run out of ideas, I have some:1) A way to clone yourself - and make the clone go to work. This is an idea whose time has come. I should be able to make my own instant clone (like in a Microwave). Then I should be able to send the clone to work. That way, I can sit and write blogs all day. Plus, since the clone makes all the money, you don't have to worry. You can just enjoy your day!2) A tablet that can be taken instead of taking a bath. This is something that I'd pay money for. I should be able to take that tablet, and then I shouldn't need to take a bath for a week. Oh come on, admit it. You've thought about i...
More About: Scientists , Useless

WWF
2007-09-28 01:28:00
Back when we were in school, maybe 5th - 6th standard, there was this huge WWF (now called WWE) fad. It was the best thing on TV, and every single kid in Bangalore was hooked on to it. It was basically pro-wrestling, but with soap opera like twists.Now when I think back, the whole thing was embarrassingly silly, but back then, I totally believed it all to be real and true. I think everyone did.We used to follow the WWF events with religious regularity. This one time, the WWF hyped up a match as "The match of the century - The Undertaker vs Yokozuna". Everyone was hooked, and there were all kinds of rumors floating around.Kid #1: "Oh man! The 'Dark Thunder Match' is next Monday. Are you all ready?"Me: "Ready for what?"Kid #2: "Haven't you heard? The UnderTaker has come back from the dead to fight for revenge"Me starry eyed, full of awe>: "Really?"Kid #1: "Yes. He's going to take his revenge on Yokozuna, who tricked The UnderTaker's soul into getting caught in the 'Death Trap f...

It's not a bug, It's a feature!
2007-09-26 19:34:00
Did you folks hear about the latest Microsoft Excel Fiasco? Apparently, Excel 2007 can't do simple multiplication! Typing 850 x 77.1 gives the answer as 100,000 instead of the correct 65,535. I'm not kidding. Read about it here and here.Let me be the first to say that this is not a bug, it's a feature. People familiar with this situation will have heard of this legend:Q: How many Bill Gates' does it take to change a light bulb?A: None. Bill Gates will declare darkness to be the new industry standard.Now that's what I call a really innovative company. A company becomes innovative by challenging the rules of the game. Microsoft is challenging the very core of Mathematics. You can't get more innovative than that.And these mathematical rules are arbitrary anyway. Most people falsely believe that Mathematics is the language of the universe, and that the laws of mathematics hold absolutely. Huh! Some people will believe anything. Remember how people once thought that the Earth was f...
More About: Feature , Feat

Gift Shopping
2007-09-26 01:44:00
A few years ago, I decided to do something special for my GF's birthday - I decided to buy her a gift. Those days, you'd be lucky if I didn't write you a poem for your birthday, so this was really special. I really wanted to be nice and buy her a nice gift that she'd like.I've never bought anyone a gift before, so I'm thinking what qualifies as a good gift. I decide to consult the voices in my head.Me: "So, guys! What do you think I should buy?"Voice #1: "I'd really like to get the "Need for Speed - Carbon" game. I heard it has great graphics!"Voice #2: "Not for you moron, for her."Voice #1: "I know, I know. We could buy it for her, and "borrow" it from her when she's not using it."Russian Voice: "GOOD! I LIKE! PLAY GAME!"Voice #2: "She doesn't even have a PlayStation!"Voice #1: "That's the beauty of the plan. She won't need it often if she can't play it..."Me: "Oh, come on you guys. I want it to be really thoughtful. Remember, it is the thought that counts"Voice #1: "Ye...
More About: Shopping , Gift

Faking Cricket
2007-09-25 01:16:00
I've stopped following cricket for a while now. I used to be big on cricket back in school, but since the whole match-fixing thing broke out, I've lost interest. But the obviousness that all matches have been fixed doesn't seem to have affected the vast majority of the country. They still watch the game with exactly the same enthusiasm.The problem of being a non-cricket watching Indian is that many people think of that as being the same as being an orangutan - Almost human, but not quite.Several people are scandalized when I tell them I don't follow cricket. This one time in college, I walk into class and everyone is talking about yesterday's match.Friend #1: "I think the umpire's 2nd decision was unwarranted. The ball was way outside leg."Friend #2: "Ponting shouldn't have declared despite that - The reverse swing was appreciable. I still think it was outside leg" "What do you think?"Me: "I'm sorry, I don't watch cricket."There is a stunned silence in the room as the enorm...
More About: Cricket

Life is Unfair!
2007-09-24 02:13:00
Apparently, Life is unfair. I was shocked to find out. I always thought that Life came with a lifetime warranty. Unfortunately, as it turns out, that isn't true.When I was little, I thought everyone got turns getting first rank in class. I first started getting suspicious when the same girl got the first rank for the whole year in 3rd standard. But when I didn't get my first rank in 6th standard also, I thought something was wrong, so I went and asked my teacher.Me: "Ma'am, when will I get the first rank?"Teacher: "Eh? You want to get the first rank? That'll be the day. Hehehee"Me: "When will my turn come?"Teacher: "If you want the first rank, why don't you study?"Me: "WHAT? I HAVE TO STUDY TO GET FIRST RANK?"After that episode, I permanently gave up the dream of getting a first rank. But I still had faith that Life was fair.My faith was fundamentally shaken when in college, one day after the internal exams, we were, as usual, arguing about marks with the lecturer.Me: "But th...
More About: Unfair

Misc: Welcome to the new and improved site!
2007-09-21 06:39:00
New! Email DeliveryEnter your email address:Delivered by FeedBurner Hi Everyone,As you've probably noticed, I spent last week re-designing the site. There were (as usual) a few glitches. The RSS feed disappeared for a while, but is back working now. There is also a feed for comments. The E-Mail delivery was disrupted for yesterday, but you should start receiving the posts in your email from today. To sign up for email delivery of the blog everyday, enter your email address in the sidebar.There are also some new features: The widget on the left shows your latest comments in real time, and you can forward blog posts as an email directly from the website by using the 'Forward to Friend' link at the bottom of every post.Anyway, all the hard-work means that the blog is now web 2.0-compatible. If you have no idea what that means, read on.Aditya's web 2.0 FAQQ: Why does it say "beta" on your logo?A: Because that's web 2.0Q: What's with the flashy banner and the ads?A: That's web 2.0...
More About: Misc , Site , Improv , Prove

Street Lagori
2007-09-21 03:05:00
When I was little - maybe in 6th standard - we used to play this game called Lagori. Many of you have probably heard of it, played it even. It's this violent game where some 6-10 kids get together with the explicit purpose of smacking the opponent team with a rubber ball. And we used to play with these hard rubber balls that used to *really* sting your skin when hit. There were some rules to this game - Like knocking down and rebuilding a pile of stones, but the main purpose was to see who can cause the most damage.There was another game too - called 'Churchand'. This game was like Lagori, but with all the non-violent bits removed. In this game, there were no stones or teams - You got to smack everybody with a hard rubber ball. The game was played until someone started crying, got hurt, started bleeding or broke something. Ah! Those were the good times.Anyway, so we're playing Lagori this one time on the street in front of our house. There are maybe 8 kids playing, and as it hap...
More About: Street

Global Warming
2007-09-19 21:42:00
I don't understand this whole Global Warming debate. Everyone is up in arms about how all that extra CO2 is making the earth warmer. Here's my question:It's a total fraud. Have you noticed how cold it is these days?I say global warming is a good thing. I think turning up the earth's temperature a little bit might be a good idea, because I'm feeling cold all the time. Oh, I can already hear the skeptics with their questions. For your convenience, I've anticipated and answered all your questions here:Aditya's Global Warming FAQQ: If the world's temperatures rise, the sea level will rise.A: No problems. We'll use all the extra water for irrigation and grow more crops.Q: What about using renewable fuel?A: I have a really good idea for this. Let's suck the extra mass out of fat people and burn it as fuel. This has twin benefits - There's a endless supply of fat people, and you get cheap electricity. Plus, it is carbon neutral. This has to be the best idea ever.Q: It is our res...
More About: Armin

The GRE and CAT season
2007-09-18 20:44:00
The 6th and 7th semester of college is popularly known as the GRE and CAT season. This is the time when perfectly normal people start getting worried about their future and doing silly things. Like studying for GRE, GMAT, CAT, Goat and whatnot. The whole atmosphere of the college changes.Before the season:Me: "Good Morning, man. How was your weekend?"Friend #1: "Cool!"During the season:Me: "Good Morning, man. How was your weekend?"Friend #1: "Exhilarating! My amicable indulgence commensurate with the diaphanous medium resulted in mastication."Me: "You got hit by a bus?"Friend #1: "No, I saw a bad movie."Me: "What's with the heavy language?"Friend #1: "I'm mugging the GRE word list. The book says to use it on friends."As this weirdness continued around me, I was starting to feel left out of the race. I had no idea what the race was, but you rarely know these things. Anyway, I decided to enroll into a CAT class because everyone else was doing it.On the first day of this class, we ha...
More About: Season , Seas , The G

Nervous Travellers
2007-09-17 07:37:00
Have you noticed how some people are very nervous when they're traveling? They seem to plan their trips endlessly, weeks in advance. My wife has that tendency.Wife (2 weeks before travel date) : "OK, Here's the packing plan. All clothes go into this bag and all the shoes and purses go into this bag..."Me (4 hours before flight): "Hmm...I'm probably going to need a bag to take stuff. Do we have a big bag?"Since they're planning so much in advance, you'd think that as the date approaches, they'll be calm and composed, because everything has been planned and taken care of. Quite the contrary.Wife: "What kind of questions will immigration ask? I hope they don't flunk me."Me: "They'll ask you to quote from Shakespeare."Wife: "Really? Why?"Me: "To check if you're a Terrorist. Terrorists hate Shakespeare"I keep telling my wife that it is not possible to get lost at airports. These days the security is so tight at airports that if you stray out of the way even a little bit, they'l...
More About: Traveller

The Rain
2007-09-13 16:54:00
Hurray, here comes the rain,Traffic jams and all the painOh Rain , please come again,And bring with you the overflowing drains.Thundering clouds, bring all your darknessCut our Electricity, leave us TV-less.Crashing down, no mercy you showedDigging giant potholes in our roads.But dear dark clouds, I wait for you every night,Come quick, and come with all your might.Thunder through the sky like a scarPlease come down and wash my car! Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title to comment. Copyright © 2007, Aditya Kulkarni. All rights reserved.

Misc: Copyright and Forwarding the blog
2007-09-13 10:07:00
New! Email DeliveryEnter your email address:Delivered by FeedBurner Hi Everyone,I wanted to answer a couple of questions that some of you have asked.Q: What does the copyright notice one the bottom of the feed mean? Can I forward the blogposts to my friends?A: The copyright notice only says that I (Aditya Kulkarni) have created this original content. It does not mean you have to pay for it or have to ask permission to re-distribute it. Please feel free to send this blog to as many people as you want. Hell, spam everyone with it :)Q: Where did you buy the yellow car from yesterday's post?A: My Wife bought it at the Landmark store at the Forum. They have a mezzanine floor for these kinds of things. It was a limited-edition, so you might not get the exact same copy, but you can try.Thanks for reading the blog, everyone. I appreciate all the nice things ya'll have said :) If you want to subscribe to this blog, use this feed. To get the blog delivered by email, enter your email address...
More About: Misc , Blog , Copyright , Forward , Forwarding

My Car Collection
2007-09-11 18:47:00
I'm feeling good today. So I'm going to show off my toy car collection to ya'll :)1) This is my oldest toy car that I've not destroyed yet.2) I stole this from a kid that came to our house a while ago. I hid his toy car. When the Kids' parents decided to leave:Kids Parents: "Come on, Rohit. Let's go!"Kid: "I can't find my Car!"Parents: "You always lose your things. Why can't you be more careful?"Kid (starts crying) :"*sniff* I am sure I left it right here *sniff* booohoooohooo"Me (to myself) : "Muhahahahhahaa (evil laugh)"3) I bought these in China. Only 5 rupees each. (If you recognized them as the cars from "Speed Racer" from Cartoon Network, call me. We have a lot in common)4) It's a remote controlled car that can do the equivalent of 0-100 kmph in 3.4 seconds. It has headlights and indicators. My GF bought it for me. That's when I decided to marry her.5) I bought this on the Roadside near a Halli. Looks like the Scorpio.6) A friend, let's call him Anishman, got this a...
More About: Coll

Aditya's Career F.A.Q.
2007-09-10 20:31:00
I've amassed a lot of knowledge over time giving Career Advice. Now, I've decided to share this knowledge with the rest of the world. I notice that most people have the same set of questions, and I've compiled them all here for your convenience.Q: What branch of Engineering should I major in - Information Science or Computer Science?A: As everyone already knows, the right answer is B.A in Philosophy. There are several reasons why Philosophy is better than Engineering. Here are the top 2: 1) The net sum of knowledge gained during Engineering is negative. 2) Turning in a blank answer sheet has deep philosophical meaning. In a Philosophy course, it might get you some marks.Q: But I'm really good with Computers and Programming.A: So you're willing to work hard? That's good. Hard work will bring you deep satisfaction, loads of riches, power, fame, get you 120 patents and make Rakhi Sawant fall for you.Q: Really?A: No.Q: What skills are necessarily to survive in the Real World?A...

How I crashed into a Buffalo
2007-09-09 18:01:00
Back in College, I owned a bike - A Silver Suzuki Fiero and I loved it. Not enough to keep it clean, but that's a different story. Anyway, I was riding to college in the freezing pre-dawn time (7:30 AM), lost in my thoughts, talking to the voices in my head.Voice #1: "Why do these autos write 2500cc at the back when they only have a 150cc engine?"Voice #2: "It's the placebo effect. If you believe in yourself, the impossible becomes possible."Voice #1: "That's ridiculous. The auto can't increase it's power just by believing it has a big engine!"Voice #2: "You underestimate the power of self-esteem."Voice #1: "Auto's don't have self-esteem. They're not even living things."Voice #2: "And you? You're just a figment of this joker's imagination!"Me: "JUST A MINUTE! Who're you calling a joker?"Russian Voice:"???????! ???????!"Voice #1: "What? We really gotta teach this dude some english. What...are...you...saying?Russian Voice: "BIG! BLACK! 4-LEGS!"Voice #2: "Auto's have only 3...
More About: Buffalo , Crashed

Literary Sophistication
2007-09-08 15:19:00
The usual path for most people to take through the vast Literature of our civilization is fairy tales -> comic books -> Shakespeare -> Salman Rushdie -> "How to reach Heaven in 5 easy steps"Each stage leads to higher consciousness and a better understanding of the Universe. Apparently. I don't know. Because I never went past the second stage.I love comic books. When I was little, "Tinkle" was my favoritestest book. I kept buying them like crazy. At first, my parents thought it was cute, and encouraged my "Reading Habit". But when I was reading Tinkle in 10th Standard, they started to get a little worried.Dad: "So you're still reading Tinkle eh?"Me : "Yeah. Tantri the Mantri is my favorite"Dad: "Here. Try reading this "Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea". You might like it"Me: "What's it about?"Dad: "It's about an adventure of a Hero in Unknown Worlds"Me: "Like Shikari Shumbhu?"When I got to college, I was saving up pocket money to buy "Archie & Friends". My Mom was getting p...
More About: Literary

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