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Pointless Wanderings

Pointless Wanderings
A funny blog about life of a Software Engineer in Bangalore

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Articles

Voices in my Head
2007-09-05 21:06:00
I hear voices in my head. I've always heard them, even when I was little. I thought it was normal. After all, everyone kept talking about stuff like "My Conscience tells me that..." or "My inner voice says...". I assumed that's what everyone was talking about.The only problem is that the voices seem to have a will of their own. They seem to be vaguely interested in me and my life, but mostly they have an independent agenda. Mostly it is good company to have them around, but sometimes they can get quite annoying.Like this time, back in PU College, when this really cute girl came up to me and said "Nice T-Shirt".Voice #1: "What mate, getting lucky today, eh?"Voice #2: "Tell her that you wore the same shirt yesterday and forgot to take a bath today. Yeah, chicks dig that!"Me (trying to ignore the voices, to the cute girl): "Why thank you! I picked it out just yesterday!"Voice #1: "Hey everyone, check this out. Our man is actually talking to a real girl!"I suddenly hear a lot of noise...
More About: Head , VOIC

Weight vs Time
2007-09-04 16:29:00
Here is a plot of my weight against time. If you can't see the image, please click here.Copyright © 2007, Aditya Kulkarni. All rights reserved. Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title to comment. Copyright © 2007, Aditya Kulkarni. All rights reserved.
More About: Weight , Time , Weigh

Stock Investments
2007-09-03 19:16:00
Soon after I started working at Trilogy, I started getting interested in the stock market. The world's biggest Casino! Where fortunes are made and everyone gets rich! I used to work with this guy, let's call him Atif*, who got me very interested in this stock business. He used to give me stock tips everyday, and made "guaranteed" predictions that stock X was going to double within a month.One day, he "highly recommended" the Reliance Petroleum stock to me. They were coming out with an IPO, and, according to Atif, anyone who didn't invest in it had "bloody stone-cold rocks in their head".So I go ahead and apply for the Reliance Petroleum's (RPL) IPO. It's only 90 rupees a share. That's cheap. Even Fried Rice in Shanti Sagar costs more than that. It must be a good deal.Day 0: The stock opens on the stock market, and rockets to 110 Rupees. I'm feeling good. Wow, this is easy money. Why haven't I been doing this for years?Day 1: RPL = 85 rupees.Oh man! I've already lost a few t...
More About: Stock , Investments

Orkutiquette
2007-09-02 19:46:00
I've never understood Orkut. I don't understand what makes it so popular and why people spend so much time on Orkut. Apparently, I totally missed the "Social Networking" bus.So, in an effort to catch up, I recently asked a "Master" of Orkut some tips and tricks. I was shocked to learn the existence of several "unwritten" laws that need to be followed for proper Orkut etiquette. Here are some of the Orkut Laws that this person shared with me:Orkut Law #1: U wil lern 2 spek da talk.Apparently, using complete words and correct grammar will reduce your "coolness" factor. Only nerds and Grammar Nazis speak in proper English with full words. On Orkut, your sentences don't even have to have a subject, predicate, verbs and adjectives. That's what they mean by freedom. "Free us from the tyranny of the subject and the verbs"Orkut Law #2: Thou shalt upload photos from all your trips.The Orkut album section apparently says a lot about you. Proper Orkut etiquette says that you should upload...

Starbucks
2007-08-31 19:41:00
I remember the first time I went to Starbucks like yesterday. It was one of those incidents that shook me, and changed me for life.So I'm waiting for a connecting flight at the Denver airport. It's horribly early, and I'm terribly sleepy. I decide that a kick of coffee is what I need.Now, back in India, getting a cup of coffee is a really simple matter. You go to a darshini, say 'coffee' (or any of these accepted phrases: 'kapi', 'kophee', 'caafeeee' etc... etc...) and you get a nice, hot cup of coffee! Apparently, Starbucks doesn't believe in simplicity. It believes in choice.I walk up to the counter.SalesGirl: "Hi! Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get you this morning?"Me: "I'd like a Coffee please"The salesgirl behind the counter looks surprised, like no one has ever asked for a simple coffee before.SalesGirl: "Hmmm...OK. What kind of coffee would you like?"Ah! The famous American consumer choice. I know a little bit of coffee, so I know the answer to that question.M...

Exercise - Part 2
2007-08-30 19:38:00
There's a lot of hype floating around about healthy food and good exercise and things like that. Apparently, just 20 minutes of aerobic exercise makes you 30% less likely to get a heart attack. Also, it keeps you fit, prevents hair loss, gives you X-ray vision and doubles your broadband download speed . Plus, it's all over internet. And as we all know, because it is on the internet, it must be true. That's the nature of the internet.In summary, exercise now, spending 20 minutes of my prime youth so that I can live 1 extra hour when I'm old, weak and can't see or hear anything. That seems like a good deal.And so, I go off and click on one of those 'Want a healthy lifestyle? Click here to loose weight now. Free trial, No Diets!' ads. No diets? Interesting. But the page it takes me to has a bunch of jumping monkeys that I need to punch, a Nigerian Prince asking for my Bank Account numbers and a very well argued article saying how this stock is going to double in a few days. But ...
More About: Exercise , Part

Brilliant Answer
2007-08-29 16:43:00
I usually don't blog about current affairs (that's because I usually have no idea what's happening in the world), but this video on YouTube caught me today. It's brilliant. Just listen to the deep, insightfull answer that this beauty queen has to offer.Watched it? I'll wait till you finish. Done? OK.I felt very nostalgic after watching this video. That was me, before I discovered the joys of Jargoneese. This chic really needs a lesson from Professor Aditya, if you know what I'm sayingAnyway, this girl finished 4th. She juuuusstt missed the 3rd place crown. Can you believe that? After giving that answer! That can mean only one thing. The judges had no idea either. They were probably looking for some keywords in the answer (like "US", "education", "build our future" etc...). Much like the VTU "model answers".The point I'm trying to make is that these Beauty Pageants are not very different from Engineering Exams. No one knows what the questions mean, the same few keywords can be...
More About: Answer , Brilliant

Career Choices
2007-08-28 18:45:00
When I was little, I wanted to be a Bus Conductor. I passionately wanted the job. Just imagine! Riding in a bus all day, everyday. And playing around with all that small change! I loved the sound the coins made when the conductor shuffled the purse looking for change.I still remember discussing my career plans with my Dad.Me: "Dad, I want to be a Bus Conductor when I grow up"Dad (from behind a newspaper): "Very good. Very ambitious."Me: "Yeah. Then I will have lots of coins. I will be rich!"Dad: "Why don't you try to become something where you'll get lots of notes instead?"Me: "I don't like notes. They don't make a nice sound. I like coins better."Dad: "You have a very bright future ahead."I wanted to be Train Driver, Restaurant Waiter, Cricket Batsman, Telephone lineman, Pilot and Nuclear Physicist at various points during my schooling years. Years later, when it finally came down to joining an Engineering course, I decided to do Software Engineering, simply because they seeme...
More About: Career , Choices

Packing for the Wife
2007-08-27 19:03:00
It's 15th of August, and the wife is packing her bags. She's going to The America for 4 weeks. And I'm celebrating Independence Day right here in Bangalore. Anyway, she's "encouraging" me to help her pack all her stuff. Unfortunately for her, there's a Rakhi Sawant "Top 10 songs" special on Channel V, which I absolutely have to watch.Wife , screaming from inside: "Come here and help me fold all these Salwar Kameezes"Me, grunting: "But there is a special program on TV!"Wife: "What are you watching, anyway?"Me: "Hmmm? Oh, It's a discovery channel special. About wild cats. And how they stalk their prey."Wife: "Is that more important than me?"That, as I've come to learn very quickly, is a checkmate. That question has no answer. It's a rhetorical that basically translates to "Come here this instant or I will kill you."I drudgingly go into the room where there are more clothes than I've ever seen in my life. They're all over the place, like flood waters after a deadly storm.Me: ...
More About: Packing

Spelings And Gramer
2007-08-25 20:04:00
Thank you everybody for correcting my spelings and grammer.This is not new to me. I've always had trouble with spellings. Over the years, I've learnt to take criticism very well - I ignore it.If you thought my spellings were bad, you haven't seen my handwriting yet. My regular handwriting looks like this:This one time in school, the teacher gave us so much homework that I decided to mount a protest. I wrote the homework in such pathetic handwriting, that even by my own low standards, the handwriting was pretty bad. I was satisfied with the end result - My homework looked like the Indus Valley Script - Completely indecipherable.I submitted the homework, and the next day, the teacher actually called out on me.Teacher: "Class, Aditya has done such a good job with his homework, that I am going to ask him to come out and read it out so that all off you can learn from it."Me: "Eh? The teacher liked my homework? I know she taught history, but can she really read the Indus Valley Script...
More About: Gram

First Poem
2007-08-23 17:54:00
When I was first trying to woo the wife, I thought it'll be really romantic to write her a poem. So I wrote up this poem, complete with flowery 'g's and dotted 'i's. After I gave the poem to her, she avoided me for several days. I've never really figured out why. Anyway, here's the the original poem."The Fluttering candle"Ooo my dear rosyYou make me all woozyI am here, sitting in classYou are there, across the green grassWhat is life: Love and friendship?Woe is me, with all my hardshipOur meeting, it cannot be incidental,Nothing else rhymes, so I'll say environmentalYou came in my life like a tornadoAnd left my little soul like a tomatoMy kidney, liver and heart have formed a groupSwimming like a bread crumb in tomato soupCome with me, lets share the pain,It's a good deal, there's a lot to gainLet's go out, dancing in the rain,Please don't think of me as insane! Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title to co...
More About: Poem

First Poem
2007-08-23 17:54:00
When I was first trying to woe the wife, I thought it'll be really romantic to write her a poem. So I came wrote up this poem, complete with flowery 'g's and dotted 'i's. After I gave the poem to her, she avoided me for several days. I've never really figured out why. Anyway, here's the the original poem."The Fluttering candle"Ooo my dear rosyYou make me all woozyI am here, sitting in classYou are there, across the green grassWhat is life: Love and friendship?Woe is me, with all my hardshipOur meeting, it cannot be incidental,Nothing else rhymes, so I'll say environmentalYou came in my life like a tornadoAnd left my little soul like a tomatoMy kidney, liver and heart have formed a groupSwimming like a bread crumb in tomato soupCome with me, lets share the pain,It's a good deal, there's a lot to gainLet's go out, dancing in the rain,Please don't think of me as insane! Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title ...
More About: Poem

Zebra and the Chicken
2007-08-22 16:44:00
The other day, I saw this guy back from college. He was a complete nerd back then, you know the type that was all serious and boring. He did all the homework, sat in the first bench, mugged for GRE and always got the first rank. Someone once asked him "Why don't you skip homework one day?". Dude thought it was a joke.So, when I saw him, I thought it might be good to talk to him to see if anything has changed after so many years. I walked up to him and said Hi.Dude: "Oh! It's you."Me: "Yeah. How have you been? What's happening?"Dude: "I'm here to present a paper on nano-physical-biology at the World Tech Conference."Me: "Yeah, that must be nice. The thing I love the most is the free biscuits they give out at these conferences..."Dude looks at me weirdly.Dude: "Anyway, what have you been up to?"Me: "The usual. Oh, I'm writing a blog these days!"Dude: "How quaint!"Me: "Thanks?"Mental note to self: Look up meaning of 'quaint'.Dude: "So what have you published?"Me: "Lots of storie...
More About: Chicken

Misc: Welcome to www.pointlesswanderings.com
2007-08-22 16:07:00
New! Email DeliveryEnter your email address:Delivered by FeedBurner As some of you have already noticed, the blog has (transparently) moved to www.pointlesswanderings.com. That's right, I had to part with 10 of my favorite American Dollars to buy a new domain because your company blocks blogspot.Anyway, during this transition, there were a couple of hitches with the RSS feed that have since been fixed. You should have started receiving the full blog post in your email and feed readers today. The feed is here, and to subscribe via e-mail, type your address in the sidebar.Thanks for reading (and faithfully pointing out mistakes in the posts). If you've enjoyed reading this blog, please forward it to your friends! Thanks for reading! For more wanderings, visit http://www.pointlesswanderings.com/. Click on the title to comment. Copyright © 2007, Aditya Kulkarni. All rights reserved.
More About: Misc , Pointless , Erin

How To Speak Jargoneesee
2007-08-21 16:54:00
Today I will teach you how to speak Jargoneesee. It is one of those skills I have been lucky enough to learn from the Masters. Being able to speak Jargoneesee will help you weasel out of any situation. Here are three of the most important strategies to use:Overly Specific is better than Overly VagueIt is a common misconception that Jargoneese has to be vague so that the person in front of you (i.e., the ?victim?) misunderstands. In fact, the opposite is true. You have to freak out the person by being overly specific.Example:Wife: ?Does the red dress look better or the blue one??Wrong Answer: ?Both look equally good. You can buy them BOTH. Can we PLEASE get out of this shop now??Right Answer: ?The blue is irrevocably complimentary to the implicit contours of the retro-funk design applied on the border of the dress. I think the Irony of the Contrast is delicious. You should buy the blue one.?Not only does the Right Answer? save you money, but it also ends the shopping faster.Horoscope...
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F.O.S.L.A.
2007-08-20 17:33:00
It is 3rd year of Engineering. The back-benchers were having a conference during ?Computer Networks? class. The topic of discussion is that to increase your chances of getting accepted into a post-graduate degree, you need to have a lot of extra-curricular activities.Me: ?Extra Curricular? Hmm? You mean things outside the academic curriculum? Dude! All our activities are extra curricular. I think if you want to get into a post-grad school, you should pay attention to you curricular ?activities? first.?Abhilash*: ?No dude! We need something to write about in our admissions essays. The admissions committee likes stories.?Puneeth: ?Write about the time you hit the buffalo and fell off the bike? That?ll blow the admissions committee away. I mean?You hitting a car or a truck is understandable?but a buffalo??Abhilash: ?No no... It has to be something like being in the debating team or organizing the college fest or something like that.?Me: ?The closest I?ve gotten to a proper debate is wh...

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