Upset WaitressUpset WaitressRants and raves from an upset waitress. Articles
Untitled.
2008-03-31 02:24:00 How can you tell if your dog is retarded? You can simply ask him or if he starts acting like a human, he is definitely retarded. Throw a blanket over him and see how long it takes him to get out. Another way to determine if your mutt is retarded is if ...
Gourmet Croutons.
2008-03-29 01:50:00 Don’t throw that old bread away. It’s still useful. You can sell it on ebay or make homemade croutons. Just scrape off the mold. Or leave it on. No one will notice after it’s baked anyway. Quality isn’t that important when it comes to homemade croutons. ... More About: Gourmet
Spring In Action.
2008-03-27 04:26:00 Let me tell you about our white trash party Easter. Parking wasn’t a problem since most of my family isn’t allowed to drive. Everything was conducted outside because that’s where the drinking began. Plus there wasn’t enough room for the population of Florida to fit in my trailer. Not ... More About: Action , Spring
Succulant Seared Easter Bunny Chops.
2008-03-23 22:32:00 Although every part of the Easter bunny can be used, some parts are better than others. I prefer the chops. The ribs are good, but the grill is so small. Some people like the tender loin. While admittedly a delicious cut of bunny, it should be reserved for those special occasions and served with a ... More About: Easter Bunny , Chops , Bunny
Eagle Ray Killed By A Tourist.
2008-03-22 01:25:00 Lookey what happened in asshole island my town. A tourist killed an eagle ray. The ray flew out of the water like rays do and totally Irwined the tourist. Only she wasn’t sticking her thumb up the ray’s ass. Anywho, this lady was sunbathing on a rental boat when she brained ... More About: Killed , Tourist , Eagle
The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly Sides Of Easter.
2008-03-19 22:28:00 There’s only one good thing about Easter and that is the candy. I love hollow and solid milk chocolate bunnies. There is just something about chewing the head off of a fuzzy woodland creature and not getting fur between your teeth or blood stains on your Easter dress and bonnet. The bad thing about Easter ... More About: Sides , Good , Ugly , The Good
I?m Not Giving Up One More Thing.
2008-03-17 03:59:00 I’ve quit smoking. I’ve quit eating junk. I’ve even quit drinking for a day, but I don’t think I would ever be able to quit blogging, and since they don’t make blogging anti-abuse drugs, a blogger just has to quit cold turkey. Yesterday I asked a friend of mine ... More About: Giving , Thing
I?m Going To Travel Through Time Yesterday.
2008-03-15 04:07:00 This is the link to buy a time machine on e-bay Now that I got Daisy’s, Kyk’s, and Minnow’s attention: If I had all this money to waste I would definitely buy the plans for this time portal. I would have to hire someone to take the blueprint and build the machine for ... More About: Travel , Time , Yesterday
The Truth About Pilates.
2008-03-14 01:18:00 I thought I should share my two boobs worth on pilates. I always thought pilates was kind of like yoga on meth. I also thought it was a low impact exercise just for women too. Sort of like receiving oral sex. Come to think of it, there was not one male in the ... More About: Truth , Pilates , The Truth
May You Choke On The Luck Of The Irish.
2008-03-11 19:54:00 St. Patty’s day is about as dumb as St. Valentines day. It’s like any other day of drinking and doing all the drugs you can get your hands on. Accept on St. Patrick’s day it’s legitimate to sport the color green, have every red headed freak ask people to kiss them ... More About: Irish , Luck , Choke
Tossing My Salad.
2008-03-10 02:03:00 I like to toss salad anytime I have a dinner party. Tossing salad is so simple, I can do it with my eyes closed. If you have big parties like I do, make sure you have something extra deep to hold all the stuff. Let’s begin. The key to a successful tossed ... More About: Salad
The Great American Smoke Out.
2008-03-07 03:48:00 Have you heard of the magic pill “Chantix”? It’s a blue pill that plays jump rope with the tiny threaded dots that are in your brain. In other words, it helps smokers quit. I am smoke-free for the first time in my adult life. Anyway, some people are claiming it makes them severely depressed ... More About: Great , American , Smoke
The Beginning Of The End.
2008-03-05 03:02:00 I have a confession. I’m a burnt out waitress. You can tell if your waitress is spent by simply investigating her body language. After sitting at a dirty table for 15 minutes she will walk up to you rolling her eyes and sighing. Then she will mumble “bla bla fucking bla ... More About: Servers , The Beginning of the End
Ambience.
2008-03-02 04:05:00 I really like going to the gym now. I don’t like to go to hang out or anything. But all of a sudden, my ass is liking it. At first I hated it. The smell. ...
It?s all about the details.
2008-03-01 03:31:00 Everyone who said “Ipod” are horrible guessers. My new toy is an Ipod Nano and it’s nanoriffic. It’s like a Triscuit covered in Cheez whiz. It’s full of entertainment. Now on to my usual bullshit post. I went to the post office to get instructions on shipping a cat today. ... More About: Details
Guess What I Got.
2008-02-29 02:00:00 I got a new toy. No Moooooog35, not that kind of toy. This toy is rated E. It will fit in your mouth but you can’t eat it. It is user friendly and host specific. It comes in the same colors as Mentos. It’s unscented. It’s made of titanium. ... More About: Guess
My New Boyfriend Gym.
2008-02-27 15:00:00 Most waitresses are fit. From the waist down. Our tummies are a different story. We tend to make a meal out of every dish before it is sent to the table. Once our shift is over we meet up at the bar for happy hour. So our tummies are a ... More About: Boyfriend
BBQ Grillz.
2008-02-26 04:42:00 Does this punk remind you of a robot? This guy isn’t wearing braces. He is wearing what they call “Grillz ” and they cost about 10 government checks…depending on how many kids you don’t support. Like solar panels, I think they harness energy from the sun. And in sub zero weather your ...
Kiss Me Not.
2008-02-25 04:07:00 Here’s the link to the videos of Gene Simons dorking an itty bitty teeny weenie blonde bimbo Go ahead and watch it, I’ll wait. Now that you’re back, what did you think? I figured It was about time I posted something to gross you all out. Anyway, that fat old fucker claims to have bumped ... More About: Kiss
Nothing To Eat.
2008-02-24 01:55:00 The doctor said my cholesterol was way off the scale. He told me to eat low fat, cholesterol free foods. So, I went shopping. Everything that fit in that category was twice as expensive as the food I normally buy. I bought egg whites, fat free chips, skim milk, crackers, rice cakes, and oatmeal. I ...
A Fish Story.
2008-02-22 20:55:00 What can I say about fish besides they smell like a girls locker room? Well the life of a fish sucks. They lay tons of eggs which are usually eaten. And the ones that aren’t caviar on a Ritz cracker turn into baby fish. As the baby fish grow up, ... More About: Story , Fish
Winter Wieners.
2008-02-20 02:07:00 Today we got our food delivered. Everything seemed to be in order. Except, the hot dogs were smaller than normal. I called and asked our provider why they sent us different frankenfurters. The sales rep. assured me that I had been sent the same hot dogs that I always receive. I looked again at the ... More About: Winter
You Can?t Polish A Turd.
2008-02-19 04:18:00 Lindsay Lohan posed nude to look like Marilyn Monroe in her famous ‘Last sitting’ photo shoot, for New York Magazine. Do humans have fleas? Anyway, when I look at this pic of Lindsay Lohan it conjures up images of an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dotted bikini. It makes me want to take a ... More About: Turd , Polish
Busch Is No Presidente.
2008-02-18 00:19:00 President’s day is a stupid holiday. Even dumber is election day. So what am I to do on this day of awareness? First off when I think of president’s, I think of Bush. When I think of Bush, I think of Busch beer. So I will use this day as an excuse ...
If This Is Love, You Can Keep It.
2008-02-15 23:24:00 Ever seen a waitress on Valentine’s Day? We get lots of candy from our regulars. After a day of slinging hash, I had the pleasure of coming home with several red, heart shaped boxes full of chocolates. My boyfriend and son got all excited. At first glimpse, we were all in ... More About: Love
Rehab is for Quitters.
2008-02-13 23:34:00 Now I am all for drug rehabilitation, but if this is how I’m going to look after being there for four days, count me out. I expect to look damn fine when I leave one of those centers. So what is Britney’s excuse for looking worse? Four days in rehab ... More About: Rehab
My Career Has Gone to the Dogs.
2008-02-11 03:52:00 I got to thinking. Which gets me into trouble. What if I were to open my own business? I could be a professional dog walker. More and more professionals are getting dogs for companionship. Let’s face it, dating is time consuming, and if they do meet someone to share their time ... More About: Dogs , Career
It?s Too Tiny.
2008-02-10 00:25:00 When I got back from my tour of Louisiana’s prison system, I met a very nice young man who wanted to take me out for a date. We went out for a nice meal at a fancy restaurant. The ambiance was gentle and classy. Candle light and flowers, soft music and champaign. The food was ... More About: Tiny
Fat Teusday Sat On Me.
2008-02-08 13:29:00 It was a whirlwind of confetti and black face, beads and booze, floats and goats. That’s right I said goats. There was one goat in particular that insisted on making me his friend. He followed me everywhere I went. I tried to shoo him away to no avail. I tried absolutely everything I could think ...
Mardi-Gras Hippie Style.
More articles from this author:2008-02-04 04:46:00 I want to give all my readers a fair warning. I am officially out of work. Add that to your unemployment rate figures Mr. President. I gave up. Of course I will be going back to work, but not until I get done taking a long ass vacation. And by long, I ... More About: Style , Mardi Gras 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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