Upset WaitressUpset WaitressRants and raves from an upset waitress. Articles
Write Or Wrong.
2008-02-03 10:25:00 Lookie at my new waitress pen. I know what you’re thinking, and no, I don’t use it for dirty sexual things (accept the first time I opened it and pulled it from it’s package). I mean, other people touch it. I even see them putting it in their mouths. I once saw ... More About: Write , Wrong
It?s The Comfy Chair For You.
2008-02-03 00:46:00 Have you seen my office? It’s complete with a roll top desk, five computers, a bowl with a fish in it, and two leather office chairs. Now let me tell you about my leather office chairs. They are so comfy that I spend hours a day in them. I work, ... More About: Chair , Comfy
Death on Wheels.
2008-02-01 01:37:00 The paraplegic down the street decided to die a few nights ago. My boyfriend is a volunteer EMT and responded within seconds of the call. I guess he pounded on the mans chest and brought him back to life. Anyway, the paraplegic man ended up surviving and was sent home sometime between ... More About: Death , Wheels
Life In The Fast Lane.
2008-01-30 04:55:00 Do any of you live on a Highway? I do and let me tell you how it sucks $hit. First, whenever my dog has to go outside to take a crap he has to dodge all the traffic. He’s come close a few times so his shit muscle is quick. It has ... More About: Life , Lane , Fast
Winter Wonderland.
2008-01-29 02:03:00 In the spirit of the two-thousand ten winter Olympics, we have decided to hold our own kitchen Olympics. I currently lead in the grease figure skating competition. The busboy is currently ahead of the rest of the staff as well as the visiting competitors in the serving tray luge. We are sure to win a ... More About: Winter
Harder To Swallow, Harder To Sh*t.
2008-01-28 04:11:00 As you know, I have no cooking skills what so ever. So every meal in my house is accompanied by some sort of hot sauce. Not only is hot sauce full of flavor, it disguises the shitty pile of crap you are trying to pass off as a meal. You know the ... More About: Swallow
Official Disclaimer.
2008-01-26 17:50:00 This site has recently been a source of some mild controversy. (DRAMA!) To wit I have decided to add this informal binding disclaimer which will now appear on the top of the page, or at the bottom, or maybe in a window. Fine print? Who knows it will be somewhere. It ... More About: Disclaimer , Official
Just Eat It.
2008-01-24 04:43:00 My sons first favorite thing is to play. His second favorite thing is to eat food. So he really likes to play with his food. Tonight I cooked a good healthy T.V. dinner. Some sort of beef product, carrots and peas that came right out of a box. I tossed ...
Under Pressure.
2008-01-23 02:10:00 So I went to see the doctor today. He was a nice guy, but for a doctor, you would think he would be in better health. He was very large, Jaba The Hut large. He wasn’t able to wear a white lab coat, he had to wear a tent. I either ...
A Pimple On Wheels.
2008-01-22 03:19:00 I was hoping that when this car came out it would make you smart. Unfortunately it couldn’t teach Canadians how to drive. So I can’t see how this car is any smarter than the mini van the Canuck’s just pulled their seventy foot travel trailer to your town with. They say it ... More About: Wheels
Fruitloops The Natural Way.
2008-01-21 03:26:00 I really like eating breakfast. So I got to thinking, which always gets me into trouble. I love Fruit loops. When the sun comes up I head strait for the bathroom. What? I’m only human. Then it’s off to the kitchen for a big bowl of my favorite cereal. Only this morning, ... More About: Natural , The Natural
Lost Remote Control.
2008-01-20 03:36:00 Where have all my buttons gone? I have looked everywhere. I searched under the couch and even under the cushions. I didn’t find my remote but I found a whole meal. There was a chicken wing, five peas, some garlic toast, a baby carrot, and for dessert, pudding. At least I think ... More About: Lost , Remote Control , Control , Remote
More Than One Way To Skin A Cat.
2008-01-19 03:10:00 I don’t like cats. I mean, I really hate cats. There are 3 of them that were left here by the previous tenets. They are all probably incested too. Anyway, I got to thinking, which got me into trouble. What can I do to the kitty cats that will ... More About: Skin
The French fry F you c k Up.
2008-01-18 13:33:00 As with any restaurant, we run out of things and have to make special orders. This morning I received one such order. Only this one was special in the special table way. We had ordered eighty pounds of frozen French fries and six bags of parsnips. I was sent eight-hundred pounds of frozen French fries ... More About: The French
Porking Bacon
2008-01-17 00:59:00 I was peeking at my stats and lookie what we got here. “Wrap my c*ck with bacon”. How does a keyphrase like that point someone to my innocent little waitress site? I mean, I like bacon and I like penis. So I got to thinking which usually gets me into ... More About: Bacon
Pop Goes The Jihad.
2008-01-16 03:05:00 So I heard that Britney Spears is converting to the Muslum faith. Many people are upset. Not me. If Muhamed or Allah wants some crazy twit, they can have her. I suppose it will be a welcome change from teaching a harem of virgins how to deep throat. I wonder if she knows that a ... More About: Jihad
Who Wouldn?t Want a Dirty Fork?
2008-01-14 04:36:00 I sat a party of five after Sunday service gossipers. One of them lifted her fork and shouted, “I don’t like a dirty fork!” To which I replied: “Who wouldn’t like a dirty fork? I like a dirty fork in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, living room, car, park, on a boat, or with ... More About: Customers , Dirty
The Paper Trail.
2008-01-13 02:54:00 How embarrassing! A poor little soggy bottomed old lady returned from the bathroom only to have a trail of toilet paper hanging out of the back of her pants. Really cheap toilet paper too. You know, the kind that you have to wad up into a small planet to get one decent ... More About: Customers , The Paper , Paper , Trail
The Main Corset.
2008-01-12 00:59:00 When my old man suggested that I try wearing a corset I smacked the shit out of him. What?, does he think I’m gravity challenged? Does he feel I need my own zip code? Then today he took me to get my hair cut. My hair was so long that when we ... More About: Main , Corset , The Main
The meanest mom.
2008-01-10 23:08:00 Today I watched a news story about a woman who sold her sons car for finding a bottle of alcohol under the seat. She took out an ad in the paper wherein she called herself the meanest mom. She is not the meanest mom, I am. If that had been my kid I would have ...
Whoring for Votes.
2008-01-08 16:41:00 There’s a another “Funny Blog” award going around. I voted for The Sneeze. This blog/zine is hilarious. You have to listen to the audio clip of his/her 4 yr old opening up a box of raisins for X-mas. You can see the contestants over here. No registration or anything, just a poll. Anyway, this got ... More About: Votes
The Exercise-ist
2008-01-08 03:25:00 Today like most days I was inundated with the morning fitness freaks. I had cyclists. I had joggers and walkers. There were swimmers and rowers. We even had a couple of weight lifters. I served yogurt, granola, special K, fruit, cottage cheese, tofu, and dry rye toast until I finally screamed. “If someone doesn’t order ... More About: Exercise , Customers
Put Your Head on Straight.
2008-01-07 04:29:00 Have you ever seen a waitress after a 12 hour shift? Well let me reveal to you the waitress locker room. My boyfriends Hanes T-shirt I’m wearing is inside out, and I’m not wearing a bra for sure. My hair is turned right side down. When my hair gets like this, ... More About: Servers , Head , Straight
Waitress Shoes.
2008-01-06 01:58:00 Now I want you to know I’ve been a waitress for a long time. And I’m the farthest thing from a professional. Let’s just say I’m very sloppy looking, and that’s being nice to myself. My hair is all over the place, my apron is covered in saucy stuff, and I ... More About: Shoes , Servers , Waitress
Britney Spears makes me Miss My Mom.
2008-01-05 02:26:00 I know I may get flogged for this, but I just have to do it. So I’m watching the news, and what makes the news AGAIN is that twit biscuit Britney Spears taking herself as a hostage. Now that’s just smart. The message she’s sending is, any drug addicted slut with babies ... More About: Miss
That?s how the Cookie Crumbles.
2008-01-03 16:09:00 I want to start off by saying Happy Birthday to Mark, a dog lover and stoner deadhead. Secondly, I want to piss on the weather man in Australia. If he doesn’t make a cold front happen today there will be waitress hell to pay. That being typed….I hope you feel better soon ... More About: Cookie
Another Tricky Dick.
2008-01-02 02:32:00 Political rant from a waitress…. As you know, this year is an election year. Once again the illusion of power falls to the people of the United States. We will pretend that our fate is in our hands and not that of the corporations and the liars running for office. How hard is it to find ... More About: Dick , Tricky
Happy Poo Year
2008-01-01 02:19:00 Another stinking year is over. One more about to begin. Everyone wants to know what my resolutions are. So, here goes nothing. I resolve that this up coming year I am going to quit being so nice. That’s right. I am going to be the biggest bitch ever. If you come ... More About: Happy , Year
What?s for Breakfast?
2007-12-31 00:41:00 I woke up Sunday morning to a heated discussion about Pope Benedict XVI on the television. When I got to work the same show was on. As you know, if you have read any of my previous posts, I have an odd take on things. With that in mind, try to imagine what Pope ... More About: Breakfast
The International ?Tard Off?
More articles from this author:2007-12-30 02:09:00 I am going to make you suffer through what I had to endure today, on Percocet, working the waiting list for the restaurant. UPDATE: This is for Gypsy and others like her. How to read this post; Drop bottom lip, pinch nose, read phonetically, and curl left arm. Dats write. We eben have our own statue ub ... More About: International , The International 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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