Upset WaitressUpset WaitressRants and raves from an upset waitress. 
Articles
One More Post on Christmas Crap.
2007-12-28 23:46:00 Every year, like you all, I get useless crap. Most of it can go right back to the store. Some things are destine for the garbage. However, some things are harder to get rid of. Things like the used underwear your ex-girlfriend gave you or the sweater your mom knitted with one arm longer ... More About: Christmas , Post , Crap
Leftover Candy Canes.
2007-12-27 17:41:00 Just what exactly am I supposed to do with all these candy canes now? I’m not a baker so you won’t find me making peppermint brownies or candy cane popcorn balls. I can make a mean bowl of cereal though. On Christmas Eve I broke my $2 dollar pair of sunglasses trying to step ... More About: Candy , Canes
Christmas at Upset Waitress?s House
2007-12-26 16:10:00 It started like normal. I was greeted with a massive hangover from the partay gods at 11am. Then I beat the dog, kicked the cat, and screamed at the kid. As I awoke from my coma, I realized it was Christmas day. As you know, it is all about giving. So, somebody ... More About: House , Upset , Waitress
Christmas Cookie Crime.
2007-12-24 00:22:00 Looky at what I got today from a dear customer who’s on crack and has a lot of critters on crack and has a lot of time to waste. Now I really like cookies. Especially Christmas cookies! But this plastic plate full of thoughtless stale Christmas crap is plain ridiculous. And ... More About: Crime , Cookie
Another Crappy Present.
2007-12-22 22:20:00 Oooh I got another present today from one of our regular customers. It was wrapped nice, it felt heavy, it should be something good right? WRONG! I got home and tore open the present. A fcuking cereal bowl. “Are you kidding me?” Not just an ordinary cereal bowl either. ... More About: Present , Resent
Noel My Ass.
2007-12-22 01:48:00 This post is dedicated to a rat with an attitude Paco! I want to explain to you about my dog! Unlike this famous Paco, my dog is very well behaved. My dog is the sweetest old man accept during the holidays. He hates, and I mean hates Christmas. One year we ... More About: Noel
Fun with Fruitcake.
2007-12-21 02:47:00 This time of year I can always tell who really hates me because shithead co-workers the haters gift me with a fruitcake. I don’t get it. I like fruit. I fricking love cake more than bacon, but fruitcake just sucks! Because it won’t flush like the crap it is, I usually just ...
There?s Something About Bacon.
2007-12-20 17:16:00 I love Kevin Bacon . I love bacon wrapped in bacon. I love Francis Bacon. I love Canadian bacon. Okay so it’s not bacon, but that’s what they call it, so I love it. I love makin’ bacon, I love bacon flavored toothpicks. My heart belongs to bacon. My mother told me to stay ... More About: Some
The toilet seat.
2007-12-20 01:25:00 A lot of you(my friend with multiple personalities) have asked me to write about the toilet seat. You sick bastards. Since you just had to know, the splintered oak toilet seat that the nurse destroyed is now framing a picture of President Bush. We hung it above the special table. It’s rough edges are near ... More About: Seat , Toilet
Touch My Sausage.
2007-12-19 03:45:00 This morning a slightly slower than average woman in her late eighties came in with her nurse. They both ordered the Lumberjack Platter. That’s three eggs, hashed browns, two buttermilk flap jacks, and two of either ham, bacon, steak, sausage links/patties, or corned beef hash. Anyway, the pair had ordered and I had given them ... More About: Customers , Sausage , Touch
Lookey at Mine!
2007-12-18 17:07:00 Tony, Look at me. Even a Turd grader can read my blog! So suck on that. More About: Mine
An Amazing Christmas Menu
2007-12-18 01:29:00 Our boss decided to change the menu again. The Christmas specials were a little over the top. Roasted Rudolph with a side of toy maker stew, or Sugar plum braised Vixen, and candied Santa laps. For dessert Blitzin berry pie, or Santa’s sack peanut snacks. I was curious about the new years specials, but entirely ... More About: Amazing , Menu
The Holiday Spam.
2007-12-17 03:11:00 The tables were clothed. Center pieces were centered. Mistletoe was hung. The guests had begun to arrive. It was to be the event of the year. The band was setting up. I had begun to take drink orders. It was to be a lavish Christmas party for some muckedy mucks. The evening was going quite ... More About: Holiday , Spam , The Holiday
Can?t We All Get Along?
2007-12-16 01:53:00 This is dedicated to Ribeye @ RagingServer.com I recently read a post where in the composer was complaining about the substance abuse by cooks. All I can really say is he needs to learn how to work around it. In the twenty some years I’ve been a server, I have only worked with a few sober ...
Fa la la la la, la la la la
2007-12-15 03:49:00 I jumped over the la la stick, look out crazy here I come. I jumped over the la la stick, damn my heads gone numb. I don’t know when or where it happened but I’m sure it was accompanied by the sounds of off key Christmas carols sung by a second grade glee club. The music was ...
Where?s The Wreath?
2007-12-14 23:53:00 This morning I was decorating for Christmas. I had lost track of the time. Customers had started to file in. It was turning out to be a busy day. I continued to put up decorations. I had finished about forty-five minutes into breakfast. However, something was missing. What could it be? It was the ...
The Run Away Dreidle
2007-12-10 02:02:00 Today there was a young boy who was playing with his brand new dreidel. Quietly he sat humming the dreidle song to himself. Faster and faster the boy spun his top. Each time he would get more and more excited. The harder he spun it the more it wobbled. Soon it was out of hand. ... More About: Customers
Holy Ornaments.
2007-12-09 12:39:00 Yesterday, the cook lost his car again. Last time he lost it, it was found out front of the American embassy in Carracas. About Ten minutes after two, he asked “Shay. Can an ooo oooooo ooooooou vigiv me eezes a r rr lisft zute worts. I, not thinking of the consiquences, said, “Sure. Meet ... More About: Holy , Cooks , Amen
Christmas at the ?Special? Table.
2007-12-09 01:46:00 A very nice woman with multiple personalities can for sure throw a bitching partay. Let me tell you about the guests she sat me with at the table. The guy to my left is a cheese licker, the girl to my right is theoretically a goth, er artist? I can’t tell. ... More About: Christmas , Special , Table
Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut Sometimes You Are One.
2007-12-07 02:22:00 Today was so slow I got stuck watching Dr. Phil. Just saying that makes me want to hurl. Anyway, he was talking to a serious twit biscuit. She couldn’t talk about her “problem” without crying. At first I laughed at her. She soon made me think hard about her problem. When I did, it made ... More About: Feel , Some
Deep Fried.
2007-12-06 07:13:00 This morning the cook was slightly drunker than usual. He was singin’ “The Morning Song” by Peter, Paul, and Mary or something close to it. His head was half shorn with a pony tail on the other half. He had hoop ear rings in his nose. I know this isn’t that rare except they were ... More About: Deep , Fried , Cooks
Hells Gravy
2007-12-05 04:23:00 It started like any other day. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. There was a slight breeze. The customers started to arrive. I had several tables complain that they were hearing noises and that something smelled strange. I really hadn’t had time to notice much. It was just before lunch when the spawn ... More About: Gravy
The Busboy Eats Lunch.
2007-12-04 12:21:00 I can’t belive he ate that. Thats disgusting. Gross. I would walk a mile out of my way just so I didn’t step in that. Oh my god he ate another one. How does he do that? Why would he do that? He wouldn’t. Nasty. That makes three so far. He’s going to be sick. Holy crap! If he ate the other two I’ll lose my lunch. Blah. He Didn’t. He did. When you said the busboy would eat anything you weren’t kidding. Those were ten year old moldy, mushy turnips. Oh well. Here is your five bucks. More About: Lunch
The Day After.
2007-12-03 09:33:00 Everyone has been complaining that there are no pics. There is a simple reason for this. I would like to remain on google. For that matter I am pretty sure that those pics would get me banned from the internet. Some of you may wonder what kind of a toy I got that was so satisfying. Let me describe it to see if you can guess what it is. Here is your first two hints. It does not vibrate. It is my favorite color of clear. Good luck with that. While I tell you about the next day at work. It started off slow. My muscles were throbbing. I kept sticking to my underwear. Then came the biggest rush of breakfast patrons I had ever seen. They ran what was left of my ass off. More coffee. More jelly. More…More…More. I just smiled from ear to ear and for fun I gave everyone the wrong food. It was quite amusing to watch six tables trade food. “I think that’s yours. No that’s mine.” By lunch I was starting to feel a little run down. My early antics gave way ...
The New Toy Critique.
2007-12-01 05:24:00 I just had to post again. I can’t leave ya’ll hangin’. WOW! I mean… WOW! Girls, if you have never bought a self-satisfaction device before, buy one of these. Guy’s, if you have never bought your girlfriend or yourself a private pal buy one of these. It will impress your friends, family, and strangers ... More About: Customers , Critique
The New Toy.
2007-12-01 01:58:00 I am going to apologize right now. Sorry but my old man just gave me a new sex toy. I LIKE IT! I had to use it right away so I didn’t offend him. Little does he know that his thoughtfulness just screwed him out of sex for at least a month. Now I am ... More About: Customers
The Redheaded Beast.
2007-11-30 11:05:00 It was awful. Mashed potatoes on the ceiling, on the walls. Ketchup in the fan. Gravy filled the light fixtures and dripped onto the tables. The bus boy took a wiener to the side of the head. Now we have to squeeze mustard in his ear to get him to clear the tables. The ... More About: Servers , Beast
Hard Knocks.
2007-11-29 12:38:00 There are some things I like to be hard. Things like candy, wood floors, and my personal favorite thing to be hard, the penis. I like hard liquor and boiled eggs. I enjoy hard ice for skating. I often enjoy a hard puzzle. My chips and pretzels should be hard enough to crunch. I thrill ... More About: Hard
We Just Smell Dead
More articles from this author:2007-11-28 03:24:00 The local senior citizen home had it’s monthly outing today and decided to stop in for a bite to gum. It was terrible. Six biddies kicked off their orthopedics and rolled down their support hose. It smelled like burnt fish and spoiled blue cheese. Luckily I didn’t have to endure that stench for too long. ... More About: Customers , Dead , Smell 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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