Upset WaitressUpset WaitressRants and raves from an upset waitress. Articles
Eyelash in your Soup?
2007-10-19 15:28:00 “Ma’am, Ma’am!!! There is an eyelash in my soup. Will you bring me a new one?” Now everyone knows what I’m going to do in this kind of situation. I’m going to take the soup into the kitchen, spoon out your eyelash, and add a little more soup on top of it to ... More About: Customers , Soup
Eyelash in your Soup?
2007-10-19 15:28:00 “Ma’am, Ma’am!!! There is an eyelash in my soup. Will you bring me a new one?” Now everyone knows what I’m going to do in this kind of situation. I’m going to take the soup into the kitchen, spoon out your eyelash, and add a little more soup on top of it to ... More About: Customers , Soup
Quality Patrons.
2007-10-18 21:45:00 I am going to be a little unusual and make this post a positive one. This post is mainly about my two favorite customers. For their sake I will be changing their names. Whenever my day has pushed me over the edge, Frankie and Johny show up. Frankie has a smile that could derail ... More About: Customers , Quality , Patron , Ality
Quality Patrons.
2007-10-18 21:45:00 I am going to be a little unusual and make this post a positive one. This post is mainly about my two favorite customers. For their sake I will be changing their names. Whenever my day has pushed me over the edge, Frankie and Johny show up. Frankie has a smile that could derail ... More About: Customers , Quality , Ality
Working with Servers High on Cocaine
2007-10-17 23:53:00 Have you ever worked with someone who was high on cocaine? It would be funny but it so isn’t. It is a nonstop marathon of drips and sniffles. Or what we call special sauce. Order up is yelled from the kitchen. Suddenly an incoherent blur whizzes by with a mighty snuff ... More About: Servers , High , Cocaine , Working , Caine
Working with Servers High on Cocaine
2007-10-17 23:53:00 Have you ever worked with someone who was high on cocaine? It would be funny but it so isn’t. It is a nonstop marathon of drips and sniffles. Or what we call special sauce. Order up is yelled from the kitchen. Suddenly an incoherent blur whizzes by with a mighty snuff ... More About: Servers , High , Cocaine , Working , Caine
Your Credit Card was Declined Sir!
2007-10-16 23:01:00 Regularly I get the task of telling a patron that his credit card has been declined. It never fails that the customer believes I have the answer as to why the card has been rejected. “Why was it declined? I have $1000’s worth of credit”….. I don’t know why they declined to pay. Perhaps your ... More About: Card , Credit , Customers , Credit Card
Your Credit Card was Declined Sir!
2007-10-16 23:01:00 Regularly I get the task of telling a patron that his credit card has been declined. It never fails that the customer believes I have the answer as to why the card has been rejected. “Why was it declined? I have $1000’s worth of credit”….. I don’t know why they declined to pay. Perhaps your ... More About: Card , Credit , Customers , Credit Card
Pepe?s distant cousin. ?Le Pew?
2007-10-15 02:23:00 To wear stinky perfume is a wonderful way to annoy a whole restaurant full of people. It’s like sniffing a foul cloud, and aside from having an asthma attack, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about this. So a foul wind blows strait up my nose. Oh my god pew. Holy crap it’s ... More About: Customers , Pepe
Pepe?s distant cousin. ?Le Pew?
2007-10-15 02:23:00 To wear stinky perfume is a wonderful way to annoy a whole restaurant full of people. It’s like sniffing a foul cloud, and aside from having an asthma attack, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about this. So a foul wind blows strait up my nose. Oh my god pew. Holy crap it’s ... More About: Customers , Pepe
Sticky Fingers
2007-10-14 03:31:00 What the hell is up with people stealing things when they go out to eat. O.K. I can almost understand taking the sugar packets. They are small and easy to carry. Brightly colored and almost everyone likes something sweet now and then. It is a little harder to comprehend why anyone would want to take ... More About: Customers , Fingers , Icky , Tick
Sticky Fingers
2007-10-14 03:31:00 What the hell is up with people stealing things when they go out to eat. O.K. I can almost understand taking the sugar packets. They are small and easy to carry. Brightly colored and almost everyone likes something sweet now and then. It is a little harder to comprehend why anyone would want to take ... More About: Customers , Fingers , Icky , Tick
Sunday Schmunday
2007-10-13 00:58:00 It should be a law that every sit-down restaurant be closed on this day. I fricken hate, hate, and I mean hate working on Sunday s. I hate the shit-asses that converge in restaurants on Sundays. The first losers to arrive are the; Oh my god, now I know how Keith Richards does after ... More About: Customers
Sunday Schmunday
2007-10-13 00:58:00 It should be a law that every sit-down restaurant be closed on this day. I fricken hate, hate, and I mean hate working on Sunday s. I hate the shit-asses that converge in restaurants on Sundays. The first losers to arrive are the; Oh my god, now I know how Keith Richards does after ... More About: Customers
Dear Mr. Cell-Phone User
2007-10-11 16:53:00 As of now we need to teach our children that it is unacceptable to enter a restaurant with a cell phone attached to their faces. All the etiquette books need to be revised to include cell phone manners as well. When I was growing up we didn’t have cell phones. If our ... More About: Phone , Cell Phone , Customers , Cell , User
Dear Mr. Cell-Phone User
2007-10-11 16:53:00 As of now we need to teach our children that it is unacceptable to enter a restaurant with a cell phone attached to their faces. All the etiquette books need to be revised to include cell phone manners as well. When I was growing up we didn’t have cell phones. If our ... More About: Phone , Cell Phone , Customers , Cell , User
Are All Hostesses Stupid?
2007-10-10 23:51:00 From what I can gather, being a hostess requires an IQ of already chewed bubble gum. Having a sense of rotation really isn’t a prerequisite either. Seating customers in only one section so they don’t feel lonely is a lovely idea. Also, you useless twit biscuits need to stay out of the ... More About: Stupid
Are All Hostesses Stupid?
2007-10-10 23:51:00 From what I can gather, being a hostess requires an IQ of already chewed bubble gum. Having a sense of rotation really isn’t a prerequisite either. Seating customers in only one section so they don’t feel lonely is a lovely idea. Also, you useless twit biscuits need to stay out of the ... More About: Stupid
What if all Servers went on Strike?
2007-10-06 03:11:00 What would the world be like if there were no table service? The first thing to do would be to line up with a clean plate in tow. Then pick out colors and shapes, and someone will slop it on your plate. While balancing your plates, you will have to find an open table and pop ... More About: Servers , Strike , Went , Serve
What if all servers went on Strike?
2007-10-06 03:11:00 What would the world be like if there were no table service? The first thing to do would be to line up with a clean plate in tow. Then pick out colors and shapes, and someone will slop it on your plate. While balancing your plates, you will have to find an open table and pop ... More About: Servers , Strike , Went , Serve
Only Canoes Tip in Canada
2007-09-24 20:54:00 Canadians, why are you so proud to tell everybody that you’re from Canada ? If you are a good server, try and pawn the Canadians off onto the new girl. Canadians don’t tip. Well, they might tip something, but a 5% tip really isn’t anything is it? As food servers, we don’t ... More About: Customers
Only Canoes Tip in Canada
2007-09-24 20:54:00 Canadians, why are you so proud to tell everybody that you’re from Canada ? If you are a good server, try and pawn the Canadians off onto the new girl. Canadians don’t tip. Well, they might tip something, but a 5% tip really isn’t anything is it? As food servers, we don’t ... More About: Customers
Give Me A Stiffy
2007-09-22 00:44:00 There was ten of you and one of me. I brought you menus. I brought you tea. Half had breakfast. Half had lunch. It was like trying to feed the bipolar Brady bunch. I ran back. I ran forth. You must have dropped sixty forks. A mess on the table. A mess on the floor. ... More About: Customers , Give
Give Me A Stiffy
2007-09-22 00:44:00 There was ten of you and one of me. I brought you menus. I brought you tea. Half had breakfast. Half had lunch. It was like trying feed the bipolar Brady bunch. I ran back. I ran forth. You must have dropped sixty forks. A mess on the table. A mess on the floor. You ... More About: Customers , Give
Egg Whites are for Racist Bastards
2007-09-18 19:25:00 “What do you want for breakfast you stinky customer?” “I’ll have an egg white omelette” I hate these kinds of patrons. I will charge you extra for egg whites. It doesn’t cost us anything to separate the fricken eggs because we just use the leftover yolks for scrambled eggs. However, because needy whiney bitch ... More About: Customers , Racist , Whites
Egg Whites are for Racist Bastards
2007-09-18 19:25:00 “What do you want for breakfast you stinky customer?” “I’ll have an egg white omelette” I hate these kinds of patrons. I will charge you extra for egg whites. It doesn’t cost us anything to separate the fricken eggs because we just use the leftover yolks for scrambled eggs. However, because needy whiney bitch ... More About: Racist , Whites
Bikers Suck - I hate you people
2007-09-17 14:04:00 I can’t stand bike week. You come here by the thousands, you are loud, the rules of the road don’t seem to apply to you, and you are smelly fat bastards! You bikers overwhelm a restaurant or bar. You always want separate checks. You hog up a whole parking lot. ... More About: People , Hate , Hate You , Suck
Bikers Suck - I hate you people
2007-09-17 14:04:00 I can’t stand bike week. You come here by the thousands, you are loud, the rules of the road don’t seem to apply to you, and you are smelly fat bastards! You bikers overwhelm a restaurant or bar. You always want separate checks. You hog up a whole parking lot. ... More About: People , Customers , Hate , Hate You , Suck
Waitressing on an Island
2007-09-17 00:42:00 Sounds nice right? Bull crud. Tourists, tourists, tourists! Stupid ones to boot. What kind of idiot comes to an island and asks “Can we sit down by that big lake?” Last time I looked it was the fricken ocean! But “Big lake” is fine. Oh, here’s one. ... More About: Island , Wait , Waitress
Table Hogs
More articles from this author:2007-09-14 23:08:00 I hate a lot of things, but table hogs are my enemies. Every restaurant has the typical table hog. You know the one, the shitty server that has no concept of rotation. Typically table hogs end up getting themselves into the weeds. Then the hog gets upset because you won’t offer to ... More About: Table , Hogs 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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