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Upset Waitress

Upset Waitress
Rants and raves from an upset waitress.
Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7


Fertile Mertyl And Others.
2008-06-09 02:02:00
The world must be on fertility drugs. I have received ten baby shower invitations this week. It seems no one has learned a damn thing from reading my posts. If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, children make terrible house pets. Still everyone insists on finding out the hard ...
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Need It Or Not.
2008-06-09 01:54:00
I received this ad in my E-mail as if someone were paying attention to my every move. Having trouble losing weight? Now you can get Phentermine no prescription. It got me to thinking. I can’t for the life of me understand why people don’t just give up and eat what they want. I realize ...
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No Place To Go.
2008-06-07 21:58:00
I may be moving if the economy doesn’t improve. To that end I have been looking at some Atlanta jobs. I think it may be time to move to the big city. I decided on Georgia so that I could stay close to my redneck roots. Maybe I’ll move to Alabama. Then again maybe not. ...
More About: Customers , Place
2008-06-06 21:59:00
I was thinking, and we all know how dangerous that can be. I decided that it was time for another vacation. The only questions left were where, when, and how much will it cost me. I did a little research on the Virgin Islands. After speaking to some one at St. John villa rentals, I ...
More About: Customers , Vacation
If It Looks Like A Dump, Smells Like A Dump?
2008-06-05 21:21:00
I met a fellow blogger over the weekend. She was heading my way so we agreed to meet. I warned her that the Keys is a big dump, her hotel will be a dump, and that everything smells like someone took a big steamy dump. Except for the dump which smells ...
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Cold Hot Apple Pie.
2008-06-03 15:58:00
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night. I tried to go back to sleep. I counted sheep. When that didn’t work I sheared them. Then I thought, what do people in drug treatment centers drink to go to sleep? Warm milk. So I went to the community kitchen and heated up ...
More About: Apple , Customers , Cold
Exercise Your Childs Mind.
2008-05-31 22:50:00
Today I asked my son if he knew what ellipticals were. He said, “Sure I do.” “They are circles that got sat on.” I laughed and told that that was not what I was talking about. “Then what are you talking about?” He asked. “I am talking about an exercise machine.” I replied. He ...
More About: Exercise , Customers , Mind
I Still Hate Him.
2008-05-31 22:50:00
I still hate him. He says he loves me. I think I hate him even more for that, because it makes it hard to hate him. BASTARD! Just when I decided that I was secure in my reasons for hating him, he has to give me new ones. It confuses me. I don’t like to ...
More About: Customers , Hate
The One I Hate.
2008-05-28 21:57:00
Being a woman sucks because you have to deal with men. The one in my life is a lazy, skinny, stinky, slob. I lost all respect for him because he’s unmotivated and unambitious(jobless idiot). His taste in TV shows and movies suck the biggest of pricks(Mash, True Grit). And he’s constantly in the ...
More About: Customers , Hate
Three Days Long. Episode I. The Maddness Begins.
2008-05-25 01:54:00
The price of oil hasn’t put a dent into all the fuck holes that come here for the Memorial day weekend. No it hasn’t. As a matter of fact, it’s the opposite. Instead of a family of five in one mini-van, it’s five families of five in one mini-van. They are ...
More About: Episode , Customers , Days , Long
What Makes Me Happy?
2008-05-22 21:40:00
A lot of things make me happy. I noticed today that the things that make me the happiest start with the letter “B”. Blogging for example. Now combine that with Beer and this is how happy it makes me. Happier than a retard with a puh puh puh puppy. Happier than a ...
More About: Customers , Happy
The Nazi-Tot.
2008-05-22 03:39:00
No. I am not talking about Hitlers youth. I’m talking about a Passover treat you just can’t pass over. A Neo-Nazi taste creation. The food you’ll love to hate. This is a side dish that allows the Jewish community to devour the Third Reich. No longer will the swastika be feared. It wasn’t until it ...
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This Is No Ordinary Cock. No Sir!
2008-05-16 23:36:00
Todays topic is Cock ! Big, tough, head turning cock. I ordered this cock the other day and can’t wait to display it. I think I’ll frame it in a pair of speedos. You can tell the artist really knows her cock. You could say She is a cockspert. Look at how erect She made ...
More About: Customers , Ordinary
Instead Of Beating My Child?
2008-05-15 02:17:00
Okay so this is what I have been doing for therapy the past couple of days. A nautical garden party all by myself. Well, I’ve had the company of tailless lizards. Anyway, everything you see here has been stolen or picked out of the dumpster. Stolen things are much nicer just ...
More About: Customers , Child , Beating
My New Plant Looks Like A Twat.
2008-05-14 03:36:00
This is the newest addition to my garden. It’s called a Dutchmans Pipe. It looks more like a Dutchwomans snatch if you ask me. I can’t tell you how much this reminds me of a sick vagina. I had it in the back of my ozone eating pickup truck, and by the ...
More About: Customers , Plant
Fuck Your Mother Day
2008-05-12 03:33:00
This is dedicated to all you inbred shits that panhandled for a month to take your mom-sister aunt Bubba to McDonalds for a fine dining experience. Why the hell did you come to my restaurant first? I mean, really. What about my restaurant made you think you could afford anything on a menu that ...
More About: Customers , Mother , Fuck
It?s Not Okay To Change A Shitty Diaper In Public.
2008-05-04 03:57:00
I’m serious, quit having kids. Stop it. They are bad for the environment and they are terrible house pets. Most importantly, DO NOT CHANGE YOUR CHILD’S DIAPER IN THE DINNING ROOM OF YOUR EATING ESTABLISHMENT. I don’t plop my ninety year old grandmother on the table next to you and rip off ...
More About: Public , Customers , Change , Diaper
I Hate To-Go.
2008-05-02 03:59:00
It’s in a box and on the counter. Give me your money and get your ass out. No. You can’t have more ketchup. No. You can’t have extra fries. I’m not giving you a straw. We ran out of lids. If you don’t shut them up, I am going to smack your kids. Pay attention. ...
More About: Customers , Hate
Yes I Got No Mayonnaise.
2008-04-29 05:15:00
A five gallon tub of mayo never came off the vendor’s truck today. Being just a small breakfast/lunch joint, this made it impossible to function without it. It was like a black hole came down and sucked up the whole solar system or something. This nasty crap is used for everything, ...
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Trouble On My Feet.
2008-04-26 03:04:00
When I went to work today I decided it wasn’t where I wanted to be. I really wanted to be at the bar. I made the mistake of telling the cook that. In the blink of an eye he had set up a bar in the scullery. I made a margarita and chugged it. Then ...
More About: Customers , Feet
What?s Cookin??
2008-04-25 02:56:00
I went in to work hung over today. It hadn’t occurred to me that I put my clothes on over my silken teddy. We started to get busy around six-thirty in the morning. Eggs and hash never sounded so loud on the griddle. The smell of cheap perfume on the little old ladies and the ...
More About: Customers , Cookin
Another Screwed Up Mess. I mean ?Entropy?.
2008-04-22 23:09:00
Entropy is practically the story of my life. Naturally when one of my good buddies wrote a book titled Entropy: A Novel About Falling Apart, I asked him to give me a copy. He told me to buy it. I told him I was broke. He told me to go work ...
More About: Customers , Screwed , Entropy , Mess
A Papal Poll.
2008-04-21 23:01:00
The Pope met George Bush the other day. They reminded me of Harry Potter and Dumbledoor. The Pope then began his tour of two cities. One of the reasons he came to the U.S. was to talk with the people (alter boys) that had been molested by the clergy. He did a survey of the ...
More About: Customers , Poll
Eco Vodka.
2008-04-19 03:59:00
Someone told me that I would be helping the environment if I buy McCormick 360 vodka. This is fanfuckingtabulous. So how do they make the vodka eco friendly? This is my guess… First thing they do is put on a pair of disposable plastic gloves, because reusing gloves is just gross, and ...
More About: Vodka
Upset Tomato
2008-04-18 06:02:00
I did some gardening today and had the sudden urge to screw with a tomato plant that just won’t grow. It is so ugly that I use it to scare aphids away from the rest of the garden. The leaves don’t just fall off, they run away. It was in desperate need of ...
More About: Customers , Tomato , Upset
Hot Chicks
2008-04-16 05:16:00
I’m on this kick where I won’t eat animal products unless I raise and bludgeon the poor critters myself, or hunt it down and spear it to death. It just seems like the natural and healthy way to eat animals. Anyway, I bought my first two baby chickens. One complaint I have ...
More About: Customers , Chicks
Spring Break Is Broken.
2008-04-15 04:16:00
Booze + Students - Brains = Spring Break . This is a mathematical truth. I do believe Einstein would have made the Atom bomb for the Nazis if he knew about the spring break equation. After a long day of over privileged snot nosed kids without manners I want to invite a suicide bomber to ...
More About: Customers , Broken , Spring break
Is Your Fish Fresh?
2008-04-13 03:48:00
Every day I have to face the ever popular question, “Is your fish fresh?”. Today was no exception. I must have had a thousand people come to my restaurant here in the sport fishing capitol of the world and ask that stupid question. I have often entertained just smacking them. However, I decided that it ...
More About: Fish , Customers , Fresh
Busier than a cat trying to bury shit on a tile floor.
2008-04-07 02:21:00
Holy shit the restaurant has been busy. Busier then a dung beetle in a barn yard. During my 10 hour shift I don’t have time to piss. The urine just absorbs back into my body. If I were an astronaut I would just wear a diaper. I don’t suppose I will go into ...
More About: Customers , Shit , Floor
Slow Soup.
2008-04-02 00:09:00
Today’s special was turtle soup. It was very popular. Every table must have ordered two bowls of the crap. By the end of the day I was so sick of terrapin I got an attitude about it. You would think tourtis tastes terrible. They say it is made from sea turtle, but I think it’s ...
More About: Customers , Soup , Slow
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