Comedy Writer in WaitingComedy Writer in WaitingThe day to day struggle of a comedy writer trying to sell his work. Surreal and fun comedy collisions Articles
300… Marketing Girls
2007-10-06 12:14:00 I use mine for shoppingWorks under consideration: 4 Dark Angel: Sympathy with the dentistPyrates: ???First Thought this morning: ‘I’ve missed Saturday’State of Mind: Viking PresbyterianComedy Writing WordMix: Green Wing – Funnel Web – Curious – Puddle – Britney – Mrs Tony Blair – 42” General Election.300Yes I watched it for the fact that the Spartans were mostly played by Scotsmen. Great graphically but hokey in the acting-more-macho-than-Matt-‘sugar-boy -Damon-we’re-not-Fascist-no-not-a-bit .If you were stuck in the Gates of Fire who would you choose to be on your right shoulder? That’s right choose marketing girls. They will be armed with lots of spreadsheets, just the right amount of electrical gadgets, be wearing something ‘pretty-floral.’ And of course they were “…just going to say that.” They’ll tell you the response rate of every ‘Immortal’ with an arrow in his chest and suggest a follow up campaign involving fold out shields, and a ... More About: Marketing , Girls
My Motorcycle Tastes Blue
2007-10-03 21:51:00 Turn LeftWorks under consideration: 4 (Well I’m always writing a blog)Dark Angel: DistantPyrates: ?First Thought this morning: ‘The Madness of Crowds’State of Mind: Hardworking VikingComedy Writing WordMix: Harry Enfield, a chin, a slice of ham, a large bap, lunch for the comedy gods. A meal for the rest of us.My Motorcycle Tastes Blue Or does it taste of wine gums? ‘Synaesthesia - from the Greek words syn (joining) and aisthesis (sensation) - affects one in 2,000 people. The artist Wassily Kandinsky was said to have had it, and David Hockney. But perhaps the most famous synaesthete is author Vladimir Nabokov, who described it as having "coloured hearing.’I like the green of that. Just love the idea. I did write a Physical Theatre type show once where the characters, on mimed motorbikes end up waiting at some traffic lights.WILL:Red, red, red, red, wait for it…Amber, ready, ready, ready. Green GO! Blue.WENDY:What’s the blue for?WILL:Chill.- END -Blue traffic lights. You...
The Peter Serafinowicz Show - Invaded
2007-09-29 12:23:00 I fancy mine muchWorks under consideration: 4 (have to up my work rate)Dark Angel: Dwelling in my soulPyrates: 1First Thought this morning: ‘What if I googled my name and I wasn’t there?’State of Mind: Angel and SinnerComedy Writing WordMix: Phil ‘Sergeant Bilko’ Silvers made my life worthwhile gagssharpwonderlaughlongandloudWatch more ComedyI write comedy and I don’t like watching it.But I do. I watch QI and Mock The Week but I find it very hard to watch anything new. I have to. But I can’t. This weekend I’m going to…Shhhhh…Did you hear something? I thought I heard something. I hope it’s not those Pyrates again.I have a new DVD, The 50th Anniversary of ‘The Phil Silver Show .' I love that man and that show. And I’m finally going to get down to some real character comedy watching ‘The Smoking Room.’ Because I’ve been busy writing silly surreal things I’ve lost sight of that element, where the real laughs are ie in The Character. And I’m going to ... More About: Peter
Blog Against Abuse - 27th September 2007
2007-09-27 21:06:00 Blogcatalog Stop Abuse DayBlogcatalog has organised a 'Stop Abuse Day'. Bloggers are invited to write about abuse in its many forms. I know somethings but I only want to mention one tear.Someone I love was abused. When I was told I felt angry and vengeful. Not practical I know. I cried a lot. I had to make some good out of this fact and I joined Amnesty International's campaign - Stop Violence Against WomenIt was something.We all contribute to the good of all. Sometimes we just need to raise our game a little. Will you raise your game today? More About: Blog , September , September 2007
FIRE in the Belly - Belike Pyrates
2007-09-26 20:57:00 I started modeling for Stella McCartney when I was nineWorks under consideration: 4Dark Angel: Now in my dreamsPyrates: 4First Thought this morning: ‘I’ve woken up.’State of Mind: Remove the Elephant from the RoomComedy Writing WordMix: Alfgarnettshouldliveagain andfight Halo 3 and The Return of The BionicWomanWorks Under ConsiderationI’ve down-sized my expectations. I sent some full sketches and some ‘slug lines’ to a couple of open script calls and nothing. Well I still have my teeth, the capacity to purrr like a real cat, imagine a fight with my shadow, see the wonder in a child’s hair, speak silly words, attempt a better world full of Pyrates, Banditos, and JazzZombies, and still I fight on, till…World Domination via the InterWebThingCan’t tell you all the plans because I believe something I once read in a book about writing where it was stated to ‘Hold your FIRE’ until you had finished otherwise the passion gets talked out. But progress is slow due to th... More About: Fire , Belly
Stephen Fry's Garden
2007-09-22 10:57:00 Works under consideration: 17 (still 17, yes still 17, Yep 17 again)Dark Angel: Has taken over my shadowJazzZombies in My Garde n : 87 (17, yes 17 with Saxophones)First Thought this morning: Must see ‘The Lives of Others.’State of Mind: Clown WarriorComedy Writing WordMix: i, iPhone, iEat, iPo, iBreath, iFloppy, iMarketshinythings, icreate, iDon’tneedanymoreshinythingsjustabaconr ollThey Never Met No: 2.97Stephen Fry & Gunga DinGUNGA DIN TIP TOES INTO MR FRY’S RADIANCESTEPHEN FRY:I thought you were just a poem Anyway enough of this Imperial flunky harking back to a time that never existed. I say walk free, head held high, into…GUNGA DIN:Water Sahib?STEPHEN FRY:Splendid.GUNGA DIN POURS CLEAR WATER INTO A BATTERED TIN CUPGUNGA DIN:Thank you Sahib.STEPHEN FRY:Would you have any Sherry? Amontillado perhaps?GUNGA DIN:Yes sir.GUNGA DIN POURS A GLASS OF THE DARK SHERRYSTEPHEN FRY:And some Farley’s Rusks with cold milk?GUNGA DIN PRODUCES RUSKS IN A BOWL AND POURS COLD CREAMY MILK O... More About: Stephen Fry , Arden
Why we need to return to Slavery for Kevins
2007-09-18 21:12:00 Kevin The Polar Bear wished he could spit furtherWorks under consideration: 17 (still 17, yes still 17)Dark Angel: 1JazzZombies: 87 (The bastards are still in the garden)First Thought this morning: ‘Isn’t daylight alarming.’State of Mind: Chocolate FixationComedy Writing WordMix: Furry puddle comedy script fluffy sitcom clipsOn Slavery It’s 200 years since Slavery was abolished in the UK. I’d love to bring it back and enslave everyone called Kevin. No real reason but it struck me when seeing the ‘hair shirts’ dressed up and being repentant. You’ve seen them haven’t you? Men with beards and corduroy trousers, and crumbs in their beards, and subscriptions to magazines like Popular Mechanics ‘This Week Build Your Own Twin Engined Helicopter Skateboard’ carrying-crosses-so-I-may-share-your-pain -as-I-feel-for-you-and-wish-to-suffer-lik e-you-my-brother-look-at-MY-BEARD!JoshJos h is a backpacker and he travels the world in his own bubble. Have you met a Josh? Funny aren... More About: Return , Avery
Muddy & Trevor - The Penguin Delusion
2007-09-15 10:59:00 This an old picture of Trevor taken on the Isle of Skye. He was just fourteen years old.Works under consideration: 17 (still 17)Dark Angel Imprint: 1Penguin s: 2Right-Hand-Sycophant: 1State of Mind: ClownComedy Writing WordMix: Sitcom bubble Free Comedy Clip sucking. Beep BBCIntroducing Muddy and TrevorMuddy is one of my favourite delusions. He and his friend Trevor are Penguins. Muddy is an Emperor Penguin and Trevor is a Rockhopper Penguin.Muddy is a very laid back surfer type, given to singing the Blues. Trevor takes EVERYTHING Very VERY very seriously.They started as a sketch idea and they lived for a short while with a fellow performer, Andy (RIP).Below is what they were up to earlier today. One day I hope they’ll ride again.EXT/DAYTHE POND IN MY LOCAL PARKMUDDY AND TREVOR ARE SPENDING THE DAY AS LIFEGUARDSF/X: LOUD SPLASHING TREVOR: (Blows whistle)I’m going to throw them out.MUDDY:Chill Trevor.TREVOR:I won’t bloody chill! Kids! And what the hell were you doing at five o... More About: Guin
Happy Manic Roses
2007-09-12 21:04:00 Works under consideration: 17 (definitely 17)Dark Angel Memory: 1Banditos: 2Zeitgeist: How are watersheds used?State of Mind: SpartanHappy Manic Roses Juxtaposition is a great word. Just bung two or more things together to get some comedy value or combine some band names to make the ultimate 90’s group ‘Happy Manic Roses'Rap and Surf?How about the Beach Tang Clan?How are watersheds used?This is number 94 on the current google trends list. Well how would you use one? Would you try keeping your fish in it? Bathing perhaps? I think I’d use one to store my pumps.Putin Dissolves GovernmentIn at number 87 in the trends list. Did he? “Tired of your old Government? What to clean up those dirty rascals? Use Polonium-210.Red PlanetDid I mention that my script for this competition bounced back? At least they opened up another email address and now the email says it’s SAFE!Two Fun CharactersJose and Alicante are two Mexican Bandits that I wrote in some sketches a while ago. The Juxtap...
Fry & Laurie, A Hedge, and Bin Laden Meet the Spartans
2007-09-08 11:55:00 Works under consideration: 16 (maybe 17)Dark Angel at bay: 1Inspirations: #3 (Fry & Laurie)Cats of the Apocalypse: 3Zeitgeist: Computer games – carbon footprint – Iraq Bleeds – HD TV – embrace Islam – “This is Spar ta!”EXT/DAYMY GARDENTHE THREE CATS OF THE APOCALYPSE DOZE ON THE BRANCH OF A SWAYING CEDAR TREE. SHEIKH IS EYEING A RUBIK’S CUBE FANG:Isn’t a Rubik’s Cube a mite passé?SHEIKHI thought of some left sided brain activity for after our afternoon nap.FANG:Why did you paint it completely white?SCAR OPENS ONE EYE AND VIEWS THE COMPLETELY WHITE RUBIK’S CUBESCAR:Irony?SHEIKH:Postmodern irony.THE THREE CATS OF THE APOCALYPSE CHUCKLE AND HISS AND REVISIT THE LAND OF NOD- END - I’ve just looked at the bottom of the garden and those cats are back in the Cedar tree. They appear to be laughing at some private joke…Comedy Sketches I wished I’d written.'The Hedge 'By Stephen Fry & Hugh LaurieWatch this sketch and you know you have two very clever chaps, two ve... More About: Meet , Bin Laden , Tans
Enter Captain Nice, Woody, and Granite
2007-09-04 15:15:00 Works under consideration: 16 (maybe 17)Dark Angels troubling my soul: 1Inspirations: #2 (today it’s Bill Hicks)Pyrates: 3 Widgets to create: #112 A coffee cup with integrated ashtray CharactersCAPTAIN NICE – A posing pedant but jolly nice.WOODY – Peg hands, peg legs, and a peg nose, given to drumming and poetry.GRANITE- A VERY angry and hairy Pyrate likes to set himself and others on fire.INT/DAYTHE COMEDY ‘WRITER IN WAITING’ BLOGENTER CAPTAIN NICE, WOODY. AND GRANITETHEY ARE PYRATES CAST ADRIFT IN 2007 AND SEARCHING FOR A WAY BACK TO THE 18TH CENTURYCAPTAIN NICE:There’s no one here.WOODY:Tis’ empty Captain !GRANITE:Belike it be!CAPTAIN NICE:Belike, it is Granite. It is empty Woody ! How many times do I have to tell you that your speech is outmoded.GRANITE:May a thousand Mermaids caress YOUR HEART!CAPTAIN NICE:Thank you Granite.WOODY HAS FOUND AN EMPTY WINE BOTTLE AND STARTS TO DRUM A TUNE WITH HIS PEG HANDS. HE BUILDS UP THE RHYTHM AND USES HIS PEG NOSE ON AN EMPTY RIE... More About: Nice , Enter , Rani
Blackadder and 'The Pyrates'
2007-09-01 13:03:00 By Richard Curtis and Ben EltonWorks under consideration: 17Dark Angels in my head: 1Inspirations: 1 (today it’s Edmund Blackadder)Pyrates: 3 Widgets to create: #110 Jerry Falwell Shrek meter (measure YOUR gullibility) Inspiration?It’s all around.Hitting the spot?How do you hit the spot every time? That sweet spot where you think you’re going to die from laughter?If you want to learn how to write think of what inspired you. Think of the writer/comedian, think of the work/riff, think of the scene/line and type it out. That’s right copy it and see how they ‘spend their words.’ Repeat with double line spacing and now take your idea/character and take them through the same scene. Repeat until it’s inside your gut (the place you should write from, read Natalie Goldberg’s ‘Writing Down The Bones.’)Blackadder IIHence this excerpt from Blackadder II ‘Chains.’ It’s Blackadder’s reply to Ludwig ‘the fat-headed German chamber-pot.’ It makes me laugh but also hit... More About: Rate , Lack
Comedy Writing Cats
2007-08-30 11:52:00 Works under consideration: 17Dark Angels written about: 1Films to write: 0 (finished Red Planet 10 pages and synopsis)Cats of the Apocalypse: 3Widgets to create: #109 Comedy Writing Hover – funny yet cleanEXT/DAYA BRANCH OF A CEDAR TREE STIRRING GENTLY IN THE BALMY WIND. THE THREE CATS OF THE APOCALYPSE SHEIK, FANG, AND SCAR DOZESHEIK:Scar?SCAR:Yes?SHEIK:We are the Three Cats of the Apocalypse are we not? Yet the humans had Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?SCAR:We don’t do pestilence.SHEIK:O.’.FANG:We do comedy.- END –Join The DotI did. I’ve written 10 pages of a screenplay called ‘Join The Dot’ and a so-so synopsis for the Red Planet Screenplay competition. I’m very pleased to have done an outline, written up 10 characters and been able to write something that I found funny in 5 days. Am I a comedy writer?Other WorkI’ve sent off sketches and pitches to a couple of production companies. Hence 17 works under consideration.World DominationI hope to get my master plan ...
Sheikh, Scar, and Fang – The Three Cats of the Apocalypse
2007-08-27 21:38:00 Works under consideration: 6Dark Angels spotted close by: 1Films to write: 1JazzZombies in my garden: 0(They’ve popped into Bodyshop for some Dermalogica, and body butter)Widgets to create: #108 World domination Moisturizer and CAD package (plan new engines while caring for your hands).So here I sit evil genius after world domination via the InternetV.O.R:Hold on!JIM:Who’s that?VOR:Don’t you recognize me?THE VOICE OF REASON STEPS INTO THE BLOGJIM:O’ it’s you again.JIM II:That’s right. It’s me. ‘Voice of Reason’ aka ‘Jim II.’ The sensible part of your head.JIM:Go back to work, house-keeping, planning holidays, and looking at life-style magazines.JIM II:OK. But I’ll be back.- END –I thought I’d lost him at the shopping centre.So I’m writing a film (10 pages for the Red Planet Competition,), and writing a blog for health reasons. And as an evil genius, well more of a foolish genius, up pops a 'Evil Right-Hand Sycophant' which is just what I need. Well wh... More About: Cats , Apocalypse , Sheik , Fang
Today, We're Looking Through The Cubic Window
2007-08-25 12:29:00 Works under consideration: 6Dark Angels in my soul: 1Films to write: 1JazzZombies in my garden: 76 (they’re back from Brighton, well most of them)Widgets to create: #107. A Hulk Hogan/Wonder Woman Widget for cleaning the bathroom, looking damned sexy and frightening away gun crime.Currently I have six comedy sketches out there. Fingers crossed, chakras primed, lamb chop sacrificed to the god of mint, secret message written under my eyelid, a quick message to the United Nations, and not forgetting my lucky rabbit foot (I have four of them and they’re called Fang, or CV *Fang to give him his full name).Now I’m on holiday and writing ten pages of a screen play [SEE ‘Join The Dot']. I’m happy with the idea, so today is writing an outline and then the beats. All by next Saturday then I can continue my master plan to take over google, the internet, and very important commissioning executives HAHA!TODAYWe will be looking through the cubic window.INT/DAYAN EMPTY THEATRE. PABLO PI... More About: Today , Window , Cubic
'b' is for Band and 'S' is for 'Agent Scar'
2007-08-21 21:40:00 Works under consideration: 3Dark Angels in my sight: 1Films to write: 1Talking of rubbish: Yesterday’s Newspaper'b' is for Band I like music. Well I like REAL music. Well I like everything except JazzZombies. I have my own band. I don’t play in it but I have carried drum equipment behind and down the length of a very long London bar. And yes I did get to say it “I’m with the band.” The following is how I imagine my band goes about it’s everyday business.b is the bass.Spen is the guitar heroDave counts to four and repeatsINT/NIGHTB’S FLATSPEN:B?B:Yes Spen?SPEN:I think this is an excellent spot for a gig but a little small.B:We’re not actually there yet Spen. This is my kitchen.SPEN:Dave is a bit quiet. YOU ALRIGHT Dave?DAVE: (shouting)BANG! BANG! CRASH, CRASH, BANG, BANGBANG, BANG TINKLE!SPEN:Don’t tell me…B:I’m afraid so. He’s talking in pure drum kit again. I suppose it’s only to be expected after that incident with the Harry Potter book, the Marshall am... More About: Agent , Gent
Join The Dot
2007-08-18 10:59:00 Works under consideration: 3 Dark Angels wrestled: 1Films to write: 1Life is too short: for worry and TwiglettsWriting a Film ScreenplayI’ve written two short films. The first was a silly promotional one for my friends in the band ‘Head’ (have a look at the link on the right of the page). It involved 70s style flashbacks, a man who thought he was a cat, and the band being chased by a spelling mistake. Typical eh? Wrote the script and didn’t spell check. So the band ends up being chased by a mattress and not the ‘Matrix.’ The other film ‘iCounter’ was the simple tale of ‘boy meets iPod, iPod meets girl, they sing, find love, giant lizards, and the United States invading the UK for our oil.Join The D otIs the working title for a film to enter in the Red Planet Screenwriting Competition. All I know so far is: two narrators, love, a Physical Theatre workshop, dialogue like flint hitting flint, a great bed scene, Powell & Pressburger pleasure in the spirit of people, lau...
Pleasure Warnings and Ben Elton
2007-08-14 21:47:00 Works under consideration: 3 Dark Angels in my Heart: 1Films to write: 1Life is too short*: For Cycle HelmetsI’ve decided to have my head fitted with an airbag and have it set to go off every time someone does one of the following:Mentions Ben EltonThe answer is always: “No not Ben Elton, never Ben Elton. If I was given a choice between a duck and Ben Elton, eat Ben Elton.”When trapped in a room with a Lion, a fretful Anaconda, and Ben Elton and you have a 9mm Glock 19 Pistol with two bullets left…shoot Ben Elton twice.“BOOMHHHHHISSSSS!”Top 100 Cinema Peggings Performed by a ChimpA TV show with a series of talking airbags tell you what’s good and what they like…“BOOMHHHHHISSSSS!”Someone says "Does this top go with these shoes?"I like to say “They don’t go with Southern England.”“BOOMHHHHHISSSSS!”Now A Pleasure WarningWell we have Health & Safety warnings for everything else. What would a pleasure warning sign look like? A blurred wrist with a large red ... More About: Warnings
Things I meant to say...
2007-08-11 10:16:00 S/FX A MAN COUGHS LOUDLY.BTW‘Cough, Cough.’ I’m over the worst of my bronchial infection (OK. So you’d call it a ‘man cold').Works under consideration: 3JazzZombies in my garden: 0 (I think they’re all in Brighton)Gogol Bordello Tracks in my head: 2Dark Angels appreciated and rejected: ‘S’ (That’s just the one then)Films to write: 1Cheery thoughts: 1 empty swimming pool, 500 naked women, 1 Jimmy Choo catalogueSo here it is. I’m a coward. I’m also very witty after the event. So here are some lines I made up and didn’t use to REAL people.The Frenchman The Boss George W BushCan you spot what I said only in my head?The FrenchmanAn important Frenchman once criticised my choice of wine (it was a gentle tease). Here’s what was said. PHILIPPE:This is not wine. This is soft fruit in a bottle.JIM:Haha! Philippe why don’t you stop being French for a moment? Why not try something different? Why not try being Scottish for the evening? That way you wouldn’t have to... More About: Things
The Jeremy Kyle Show on Ice
2007-08-04 11:09:00 Works under consideration: 5JazzZombies in my garden: 7Carbon Footprint: HobbitInnocent Thoughts: Lace & SilkChannel 4 4Laughs Competition this week – is Tony and Cherie Blair appearing on the' Jeremy Kyle Show .' Write a one minute sketch of what happens.First I had to look up Jeremy Kyle. I’d not heard of him so I caught some flavour on YouTube. I get the picture. A VERY important chap, a bear pit, and interviewees made up of men who can trace their children back to their sisters, and women who frighten firemen.Below is the sketch in full. Please add your own sequins and imagine yourself slightly drunk wondering why the woman you love tastes of Kebab and what a wonderful idea UKTV Gold really is…THE JEREMY KYLE ‘SHUT IT’ SHOW ON ICE!S/FX JEREMY KYLE THEME TUNE MIXED WITH THE THEME FROM THE SWEENYCU ON ‘JEREMY KYLE’ PULL OUT TO REVEAL HIM WEARING AN ICE DANCE CAT SUIT. REVEAL ALAN AND JUSTIN WEARING ICE DANCE OUTFITSJEREMY:I’m Jeremy Kyle. On today’s show, are ...
They Never Met No: 2.87th
2007-07-31 19:11:00 You can now leave a comment on my blog.I don’t get out much and this is my only way of attracting reality.Works under consideration: 4JazzZombies in my garden: 81.5Carbon Footprint: Polar Bear PawRegretful Thoughts: NaughtThe 2.87th in the third series of ‘They Never Met.’ A series of characters meeting unexpectedly in my head.No: 2.87Napoleon v Eddie IzzardNAPOLEON:Tres Jolie frock mon brave.EDDIE:Merci.NAPOLEON:Et le eye shadow really kicks out.EDDIE:It’s Jam actually.NAPOLEONO’ Oui. Le raspberry.- END - Creative ThoughtsI’ve been to a lot of workshops and courses on writing and performing and one of the traditional questions is “Where do you get your ideas from?” The trite answer used to be “I get them from the ‘ideas shop.’” Now it’s “I get them from www.ideas.com.” Ideas are all around. If you can’t find enough pick a number and get that many. How does that work? It works by making you think a little more. The first couple will be inspiration, t...
Customers who bought...
2007-07-28 10:27:00 Works under consideration: 7JazzZombies in my garden: 82Empty Wine Bottles: 3Innocent Thoughts: ‘Fluffy Kitten’I was talking to Danni ‘The Woof-Woof-Lady’ and telling her about the USB Missile Launcher. You know the one, plug it into your computer and launch foam missiles at work mates, for fun. During my search I came across this on Amazon; a USB Circus Cannon; ‘Includes 3 foam "Rocket Babes" and a circus net to catch them.’ The upsell below the item on Amazon included this: Customers Who Bought Items Like This Also BoughtThe DambustersThe Best of Depeche Mode Vol I + DVD A BlipIt’s late and our Amazon customer is…watching the classic WWII 'Dambusters' movie, the sound is turned down, His ‘Best of Depeche Mode Vol I' CD is in the stereo, he’s listening to ‘Strangelove’ while repeatedly firing foam ‘Rocket Babes’ at his naked torso, with intense thought he moves the circus net over his warm skin…Could this be you?Hotdog S.M.D
Stormtroopers and JazzZombies
2007-07-23 21:48:00 Works under consideration: 9Hangover: 1Cigarettes Adored: Too Many, reallyInnocent Thoughts: [erm!]So another competition entered. Well three actually. See below for my Stormtrooper caption. I've also entered the script pitch contest for The Friday Night Project My Entries:Brown's BritainAlistair Darling is going through Bob Geldof's CV as he applies to join the 'Government of Talents:' "Well Bob Congratulations and welcome to the Ministry, we'd like you to be the first official celebrity hangman for independent television."Charity ConcertTony Blair adjusts the explosives strapped to his waist and walks into the middle of Coldplay, much to the chagrin, of a now, drunken, Prince Harry: "Leave it Tone, they are not worth the download." Brown's BritainGordon Brown, although nailed to his personal cross, interviews Madonna, for the new post, Minister of Suffering. It's late...As I sit here looking across my acres of moonlit lawn I can…strange… several people, no wait, crowds... More About: Trooper , Stormtroopers
Struggle, Sketches, and a Bucket of Coffee
2007-07-21 10:50:00 Works under consideration: 6Facebook Friends: 25Cigarettes Adored: Too ManyInnocent Thoughts: 0STRUGGLEThe pain of sitting here trying to come up with ideas. Nothing interesting is coming into my head. It’s hollow, the muse has bolted and I’m sitting here with only my breathing for company. Still it could be worse. I could be Hazel Blears.SKETCHESAll I want is to come up with five good ideas for sketch pitches for the Channel 4 4Laughs competition for The Friday Night Project. All I’m getting is Harry Potter, Gordon Brown, Cash for Honours, crucifixion, Tony Blair as a Suicide Bomber, Weapons of mass smoking.Here are the top three ideas1. Tony Blair on his first suicide bombing mission2. Gordon Brown interviewing Maddona on her bid to become the Minister of Suffering (with a hair shirt designed by Dolce and Gabbana). Possible reintroduction of cruxifiction for having Namby Pamby ideas.3. Pete Doherty doing a line of raisins.A BUCKET OF COFFEESee! Something to go on but not qui... More About: Coffee , Sketches , Etch
Lost out and in the Country
2007-07-17 21:43:00 Works under Consideration: 4Cigarettes Appreciated: 84Laughs Caption ContestMy caption was not quite there and I cry like a wolf at a Tom Hanks movie.My caption was 'What queuing stunt shortage?'In The Country Tartan thermos flask, haystack, cows in a field, a rickety style, Ordanance Survey Map, a picnic....sorry...I was rambling.Now for some 'Tears on a guitar.' More About: Lost
4Laughs Competitions and an Occasional Table
2007-07-16 18:41:00 Works under consideration: 5Facebook Friends: 18Cigarettes Adored: 12Improper Thoughts: [RESTRICTED] Entered the 4Laugh s regular competitions for the first time. Their site is down so I don’t even know if it’s been accepted. If only you could switch to Internet ‘b.’ On Topical HumourI find it sooo difficult. If you are faced with putting a funny caption to a picture you have two choices a) You are Paul Merton and therefore you are close to genius b) you sit down and generate as many alternatives as possible and something will turn up. You just get your mind in the right grove and PRACTICE. Check out a comedy ‘Pro’ called Gene Perret and his book ‘Comedy Writing.’ He’s the only guy writing about comedy who is worth reading. To sum it up you learn to roll two disparate ideas together in your mind (without scratching) and something funny will pop out. Occasional Table Well I call her Danni*. Up ComingBeing creative. How to find ideas Pop! Pop!*Superglue + forehead+ tak... More About: Competitions , Petit
More Glue Danni, Exploding Hello Magazines, & 4Laughs
2007-07-14 11:42:00 A big thank you to Danni the ‘Woof Woof Lady’ for suggesting a new Web site.Fed up with celebrity, reality, messages, and forecourt TV? Visit www.whoshouldisupergluetoday.com and glue someone to something today.What would you glue to Liz Hurly?Would Posh Spice stick to a plate of mashed potato?And is Catherine Zeta Jones ever going to stick to an ‘Adult Deluxe Folding Walker?’YOUR GLUE – YOU DECIDE!Hello MagazineReached total capacity today and exploded covering a large area in ribbons of ‘personalities.’ The media have been alerted, found apathetic, and are now filming reports based on a old queen who doesn’t like dressing up. Well, she does, she just doesn’t like to be seen dressing up.Channel 4 4Laugh sEntered my first competition on this site and yes it was the ‘Can I come in?’ (AKA The Sperm) sketch. I’ve been busy and one day someone will use it.Toot! Toot! More About: Magazines , O Magazine , Odin
Super Glue and Troggs
2007-07-10 21:23:00 SUPER GLUEI woke up this morning and thought of ridding the world of evil. Wasn't quite sure how to do this only armed with an alarm clock and a pillow. Till I spied a tube of super glue. So I've had a very merry day super gluing all the mad, sad and too glad.In this order:The Big Brother House - Super glued to a variety of leopards.Tony Blair - Super glued him to a Pope on a Rope.George W. Bush - Super glued him to a pretzel.Osama Bin Laden - to a doveMadonna - A golden mirror.Prince Edward - Manhood.THE TROGGS TAPEThen I remembered what I was listening to last night. The Troggs Tapes. Which cheered me. Not heard it? Click on the link above and download. You will ache with laughter as Reg Presly and gang make a hit. This is supposed to have been the inspiration for Spinal Tap.[INSERT MIRTH HERE]End
Released into the Wild
2007-07-07 14:06:00 Current Mode'Happy Bunny'Rejections this year: 0Works under consideration: 3Optimism Level: ModerateSo three more sketches are released to the consideration of BBC7, Play and Record. A new show starting in the Autumn.Can I Come in?*For The TapeAdventure GirlCan I Come in? I've reworked this one serveral times. It works for Radio but it works best live, especially now I've cut it down by half. Mail me if you fancy reading any of the above.jim at dreamdrill.comNextComing up with some Internet based characters...Yum Yum.* Formally know as 'The Sperm' More About: Wild , Released
BBC 7 Sketch Show - Redrafting
More articles from this author:2007-07-05 22:23:00 I'm in a mull with some old sketches I want to send to the BBC7 Script call. I'm thinking of redoing this one 'The Sperm.' I wrote it a while ago for TV. It has some neat visual stuff and is very silly. S/FX - KNOCKING ON A DOOR.WENDY: Hello.WILL: Let me in.WENDY: What?WILL: Let me in. I’m a sperm and it’s my job.WENDY: Have you got any ID?WILL: I’m a sperm not a Meter Reader. Let me inWENDY: Is this a joke?S/FX RUNNING ON THE SPOTWILL: Survival of the fittest is never a joke.*Don't quite understand why no one else likes it. Still these and some others will be edited down this week and sent off in hope. Have a look at the link for some examples of other sketches.*A full version is available on request. More About: Show , Sketch , Etch 1, 2, 3 |
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