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Jeff Dunham and Peanut
2008-04-12 07:35:00
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQm_8vX3sY U addthis_url = 'http%3A%2F%2Fwallysjokemail.com%2F2008%2 F04%2Fjeff-dunham-and-peanut%2F'; addthis_title = 'Jeff +Dunham +and+Peanut '; addthis_pub = '';
More About: Jeff Dunham

Short Stick of Dynamite
2008-04-11 07:04:00
A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That’s 1000 pounds ...
More About: Dynamite , Short , Stick

A Bun in the Oven
2008-04-10 07:02:00
A four year old little boy was at the doctor?s office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room. Having nothing better to do, he walk over to her and inquisitively asks “Why is your stomach so big?” She replied, “I’m having a ...
More About: Oven

Redneck and City Boy make Moonshine
2008-01-10 01:30:00
A redneck and a city boy were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine. The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge. They tied the rope around the city guys neck and said, "Do you have any last words?" He said, "No." They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long. He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river. Then they tied the same rope around the redneck's neck and said, "Do you have any last words to say?" He said, "Yep, youins shorten up that thare rope boys 'cause I can't swim."
More About: City , Make , Redneck , Neck

Stress, Tension and Panic
2008-01-10 01:25:00
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when your wife is pregnant, Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Smoking in the Rain
2008-01-07 11:24:00
Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of themwas smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so theold lady reached into her purse, took out a condom,cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette andcontinued to smoke.Her friend saw this and said, “Hey that’s a good idea!But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?”The other old lady said, “It’s a condom.”“A condom? Where do you get those?”The lady with the cigarette told her friend that youcould purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the twoold ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all thequestions went into the pharmacy and asked thepharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist saidyes, but looked a little surprised that this old womanwas interested in condoms, so he asked her, “What sizedo you want?”The old lady thought for a minute and said, “One thatwill fit a Camel.”
More About: Rain , Smoking

Signs that Your a Engineer
2008-01-06 21:14:00
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE. If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner. If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place. If you look forward to the holidays only to put together the kids’ toys. If you window shop at Radio Shack. If you don’t even know where the cover to your personal computer is. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven. If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush. If you truly believe aliens are living among us. If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance. If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it. If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal. If you h...
More About: Signs , Engineer

Top 10 Lies told by Graduate Students
2008-01-06 18:32:00
10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.9. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.8. My work has a lot of practical importance.7. I wouldn't never date an undergraduate.6. Your latest article was so inspiring.5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.4. I just have on more book to read and then I’ll start writing.3. The department is giving me so much support.2. My job prospects look really good.And the #1 lie told by Graduate Students ...1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years!
More About: Told , Lies

Top 10 Reasons Rednecks Rule
2008-01-06 02:23:00
10. Dinner can always be found on the side of the road.9. Their belt buckles are considered valid I.D.!8. With a little corn and water they can distill enough moonshine to quench any dry town!7. They can spit with absolute accuracy.6. Nothing compares to the luxury and freedom of a mobile home.5. Bluejeans and a flannel are always considered formal.4. At least that rusty Pick-up's bought and paid for.3. A mayonnaise jar doubles as a handy thermos.2. A baseball cap is considered a fine substitute for combing your hair.And finally the #1 reason "Rednecks rule!"1. Tractor pulls and auto races serve as a fine meeting place for family reunions!
More About: Reasons , Rule , Neck

Senior Citizens Dating
2008-01-05 19:45:00
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to slap his face three times!" "You mean he got fresh?" "No," she answered, "I thought he was dead."
More About: Senior , Dating

My Living Will
2008-01-04 23:08:00
Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her,"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on somemachine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens,just pull the plug." So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
More About: Living

Man Loses his "Manhood"
2008-01-03 12:54:00
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.The Dr. said that the cost would be $3500 for "small," $6500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large."The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the Dr. urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.The Dr. came back into the room, and found the man looking quite rejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the Dr.The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

Blonde Dyes Hair
2008-01-02 11:20:00
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.As a result she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road.She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them."If I can guess the exact number of sheep here will you let me have one?" she asked.The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked,"If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try."You’re a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
More About: Hair , Blonde

The Virgin Bride
2008-01-01 21:27:00
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?""OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is; put the prisoner in the prison."And then they made love for the first time.Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born colt.Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."Limply turning his head, ...
More About: Bride , Virgin

Osama sends Bush a Letter
2007-12-31 17:39:00
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message:370H-SSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he emailed it to Condoleezza Rice . Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad. Eventually they asked Australian Intelligence (ASIO) for help. Within 5 minutes, ASIO emailed the White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
More About: Letter

Old Lady and the Atheist
2007-12-30 16:57:00
There was a little old lady who stepped onto her front porch,raised her arms to the sky, and shouted; "PRAISE THE LORD"every morning.One day an atheist moved into the house next door.He became irritated at the little old lady.Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after herand yell; "There is no Lord!"Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady steppedonto her front porch and shouted; "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord,I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and therewere two huge bags of groceries sitting there."PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "He has provided groceries for me!"The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted;"There is no Lord, I bought those groceries!"The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted; "PRAISE THE LORD!He has provided me with groceries and made the Devil pay for them!"
More About: Atheist , Lady

Happy New Year 2008
2007-12-29 23:25:00
Pop the balloons in the link below to bring on the New Year ! http://gowally.com/fun/Happy NewYear.htm
More About: Happy New Year , 2008

Redneck Tree Swing
2007-12-29 17:48:00
A real "Redneck Tree Swing !"
More About: Neck

Boss Leaves Fly Open
2007-12-27 19:55:00
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?" The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?"She smiled and said, "No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires."
More About: Open , Boss , Leaves

Three Wise Women
2007-12-25 01:05:00
Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men?They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliverthe baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts.

Redneck Night Before Christmas
2007-12-25 00:55:00
'Twas the night before Christmas , and all through the shack, Not a thing was a movin', from the front to the back, The kids were in bed, I believe we had nine, The wife in her curlers, was lookin' real fine. A cold wind was blowin', up the holler it moaned, All seven dogs on the porch howled and groaned. The boys were all dreamin' of weapons and guns, For killin' God's creatures, there's no better fun. The girls in their feminine dreams were attuned, To getting those gallons of Walmart perfume. The wife wanted jewelry, like rings with big rocks, I wanted my Chevy, down off the blocks. Then in the yard, such a noise did commence, Like something was caught, in the barb-wire fence. I ran to the window, and saw pretty quick, The man makin' the racket, was Good Ole' St. Nick. He climbed on the roof, with his bag full of goodies, He backed down the fireplace, all dirty and sooty. He turned toward the tree, His eyes all aglow, He was a Southern boy, from his he...
More About: Night , Redneck , Neck

Christmas Lights Video
2007-12-24 03:47:00
The music playing is The TransSiberian Orchestra.
More About: Video , Christmas , Lights , Christmas Lights

Microsoft and Halter Top
2007-12-23 19:56:00
What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common? Both offer very little support!
More About: Halter , Halter Top

The Bull and Marriage
2007-12-23 07:02:00
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was asign attached that said, 'This bull mated 50 times last year.'The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said,'See .... He mated 50 times last year ... that's once-a-week.'They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,'This bull mated 120 times last year.'The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said,'That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'They walked to the third pen and it had a ...
More About: Marriage , Bull

Blonde Christmas Story
2007-12-22 18:32:00
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woodssearching for a Christmas tree.After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls withhungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said,"I'm chopping down the next tree I see.I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
More About: Story , Blonde

Elf Pick-up Lines
2007-12-22 18:26:00
Has anyone ever told you; you have beautiful knees? Not everything about me is tiny! Just because a guy wears tights and pointy slippers doesn't mean he's gay. I taught Santa everything he knows. That's quite a set of ornaments you've got there.I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man. I've got the keys to the sleigh tonight. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys. You know what they say about guys with big ears. I can get you off the naughty list!
More About: Pick , Lines

Dancing Santa
2007-12-22 07:01:00
Introducing the "Dancing Santa " Merry Christmas Everyone! http://santa.gowally.com/dancing.htm

The love story of Ralph and Edna
2007-10-10 22:49:00
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. ...
More About: Love , Story , Love story

Dusty Underwear
2007-10-10 01:20:00
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny said to his wife,"Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"His wife, Benita was not amused. She simplycouldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair ofunderwear out of his drawer. "What the heck is this?"he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out."Benita," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder inmy underwear?"She replied with a snicker... "It's not talcumpowder...... It's MiracleGrow!
More About: Underwear

Are Computers Male or Female
2007-10-09 02:00:00
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g.,"Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!")Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced thatcomputers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons fordrawing this conclusion follow:Five reasons to believe computers are female:1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers isincomprehensible to everyone else.3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "Ifyou don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tellyou."4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for laterretrieval.5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending halfyour paycheck on accessories for it.However, another group of computer scientists, (all female) think thatcomputers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons...
More About: Computers , Female , Male