Really funny jokes

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Funny adult jokes-Two Friends
2008-04-25 19:45:00
Two friends decided to join a nudist club. One was 6 1/2 feet tall, and the other was 5 1/2 feet tall.But they were soon asked to leave the club as one was always sticking his nose in other peoples business and the other was always sticking his business in other peoples noses !
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Blonde jokes-Pilot dead
2008-04-25 19:40:00
A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, Madam. I'll talk you down; just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position.""I'm 5"2' and sitting in the front."
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Adult jokes-Blind Man
2008-04-24 19:14:00
A mother of two 16 year old blonde daughters had just bought a new house in a new town. So they were buying paint, shades and all that you would need for a new place.The mother left the house to go shopping. She told the girls that she wanted them to paint the family room but, NOT get any paint on their clothes.After the mother left the two daughters decided that they should just take off all their clothes to obey their mother. So there they were painting naked when they heard a knock at the door.So they both went to the door and said "Who is it?"The reply was " The blind man."So the two blondes thought ... He's blind, so he won't be able to see us naked. They let him in.The man said "Nice tits lady, now where do you want the blinds?
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Really funny jokes-Airlines
2008-04-24 19:12:00
At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank You for participating in the Airlinr's physical fitness program."
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Short humor jokes-Feeding
2008-04-24 19:09:00
An elephant is walking through the jungle when he comes across a naked man standing in a clearing.The elephant slowly looks the man up an down and says, "How the hell do ya feed yourself with that?"
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Really funny jokes-Merits of a mistress
2008-04-23 19:24:00
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tellsof the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife. And I can spend all night on the computer!"
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Adult funny jokes-Hobby
2008-04-23 19:23:00
Upon reaching 65, old Gary decided to retire.After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him.She suggested he goes and does something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby.Old Gary obliged and went out for a couple of hours.When he got home Pat asked about his day and he replied,"Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club.""What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes again?""Yeah, look I even got a membership card.""Old man!!!!!, you need glasses! This is a membership in a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!""Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 jumps a week!"
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Really funny jokes-Love to be six again
2008-04-22 19:21:00
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday."I'd love to be six again," she replied.On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
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Humor jokes-Toilet brush
2008-04-22 19:19:00
While Bubba and Billy Bob, two rednecks from Lenoir,N.C. were in the local Wal-Mart they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush.About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."
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Blonde jokes-University Final Exam
2008-04-22 19:15:00
The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class was sweating it out.During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what was going on."I finished the exam in half an hour. But," she said, "I am rechecking my answers!!!"
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Adult jokes-95th Birthday
2008-04-21 19:24:00
A couple has been married for 75 years.For the husband's 95th birthday, his wife decides to surprise him by hiring a prostitute.That day, the doorbell rings. The husband uses his walker to get to the door and opens it.A 21-year-old in a latex outfit smiles and says,"Hi, I'm here to give you super sex!"The old man says, "I'll take the soup."
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Kids jokes-Fire truck with Dog
2008-04-21 19:22:00
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties."They use him to keep crowds back," said one child."No," said another, "he's just for good luck."A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs,"she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants"
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Really funny jokes-Conductor's humor
2008-04-19 18:15:00
Bob is a favorite conductor among commuters on the Long Island Rail Road.He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider.One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched."Where are you going today?" Bob asked, smiling."Well, what does the ticket say?" replied the traveler sarcastically."Um, it says you're on the wrong train," Bob informed him."What am I supposed to do now?" asked the flustered passenger.Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, "Ask the ticket."
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Blonde jokes-Zip code
2008-04-19 18:13:00
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?A: So her male would get delivered to the right box
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Funny jokes-Attraction to old man
2008-04-19 18:11:00
An affluent old man marries a beautiful young woman.Tabloid interviewer asked the woman, "What did it attract you in this Old man that you married him."The woman explained, "I was attracted with a big number of dollars and a small number of days ahead."
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Adult funny jokes-Where do Redhead babies come from?
2008-04-18 19:17:00
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician."Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.""Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.""It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations. ""Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?" The man seemed a bit ashamed."I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.""Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."
More About: Jokes , Funny , Babies , Adult , Redhead

Adult jokes-Doctor's advice
2008-04-12 18:45:00
Que. What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes?Ans. Stay out of BED for two days.
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Really funny jokes-Eccentric professor
2008-04-12 18:44:00
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
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Kids jokes-Feeding
2008-04-12 18:42:00
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
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Funny adult jokes-Viagra
2008-04-11 19:09:00
A man gets his new prescription for Viagra , and starts home to get ready for when his wife gets home.He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour.""Perfect," she replies.The man thinks her agreement is great because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits.Well, an hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife...She calls him on the cell phone and says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice."What should I do?" he asks.The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?""Yes" the man replied."Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper. .."
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Blonde jokes-Sod
2008-04-11 19:07:00
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?""I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
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Really funny jokes: Ex-wife
2008-04-10 19:05:00
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the Den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag Him?"The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.""What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter."My ex-wife" replied the hunter.
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Humor jokes-Good Golfer
2008-04-10 19:04:00
A golfer tees up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked, "Are you a good golfer", to which the man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
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Kids Jokes-Bruise
2008-04-10 19:02:00
Jim: "How did you get that bruise on your arm?"Joe: "I ate some Easter candy."Jim: "Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise."Joe: "It will if it's your big brother's candy".
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Adult Sex Quiz
2008-04-03 19:28:00
Q.)Why does a penis have a hole in the end?A.)So men can be open minded.Q.)What's the speed limit of sex?A.)68 because at 69 you have to turn around.Q.)What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?A.)You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!Q.)How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?A.)One of his fingers is clean.
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Really funny jokes-Angry woman
2008-04-03 19:27:00
While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.."Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down."I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said."Why do you think your wig was taken here?""After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap- looking and ugly. It surely was not the one I came in wearing!""I think," explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
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Humor jokes-Wife's Birthday
2008-04-03 19:25:00
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday."A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk."You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."
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Really funny jokes-Captain's Speech
2008-04-02 19:44:00
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking on behalf of my crew. I'd like to welcome you aboard flight 602 from New York to London . We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean , you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses"
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Clean jokes-Grandma's home
2008-04-02 19:38:00
A 6 year old kid was asked where his Grandma lived."Oh," he said,"She lives at the Airport and when we want we just go get her. Then when we are done having her visit, we take her back to the Airport."
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Adult jokes-5 types of post-marriage sex
2008-04-01 19:22:00
The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period, you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!"There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
More About: Jokes , Marriage , Post , Adult , Types