Really Funny Jokes

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Adult jokes-Last eve's events
2007-12-27 11:26:00
An Italian, a Frenchman and a Parsi Were drinking at a bar, discussing what they had done the previous evening.The Italian says:'Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream non stop for five minutes.'The Frenchman says:'Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight.'The Parsi says:That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a Amul butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, then made love and I made her scream for two long hours.'The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, 'Two hours, phenomenal!How did you do it to make her scream for two hours :Parsi: I wiped my hands on the curtains.'
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Really funny jokes-The feminist
2007-12-27 11:25:00
A radical feminist gets on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat."Here we go again," she thinks to herself. "Yet another man attempting to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.A minute passes and the man tries to get up again. She's insulted again and refuses to allow him to get up.This happens several times over the next few minutes.Finally, the man pleads, "Lady, please, you have to let me get up. I'm already a couple of miles past my stop!"
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Funny jokes-Little Johny
2007-12-27 11:18:00
Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears and I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home.""I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny. At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"Johnny's parents, who had braced themselves for Johnny's comment, were pleasantly surprised as was the baby's mother who said," Thank you very much, L...
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Adult jokes-The Wedding Night
2007-12-26 11:44:00
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.In the morning, Johnny , Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.She replies, 'No'.Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'She replies, 'No.'Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.'After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'His mom says, 'No.'He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'His Mom replies, 'Ok, do tell me what you think?'He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.'
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Really funny jokes-Letter from Mother to a Son
2007-12-26 11:42:00
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,Merry Christmas to you and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering that I can't breath or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last $10.00 in this card. Which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me--we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got a yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating...
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Humor jokes-Thank you notes
2007-12-26 11:20:00
One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties.As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.The next year things were different, however."The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly."How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?""Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."
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Really funny jokes-Movie
2007-12-25 09:18:00
For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.""Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
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Adult jokes-Christmas humor
2007-12-25 09:11:00
One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting on a bench by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,'Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu.'Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!' said Rosita.Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time,' Pedro begged.'But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.' replied Rosita.Please, corazoncita, just once, do Weeweechu with me.'Rosita looked at Pedro and said, 'OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu.Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang .....'Weeweechu a Merry Christmas , Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Jear.'
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Humor jokes-Golfing on Christmas Day
2007-12-25 09:09:00
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton,too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds."I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the ...
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Really funny jokes-Quotes
2007-12-24 10:23:00
Woman's Quote of the Day:"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full- bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
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Humor jokes-The three wishes
2007-12-24 10:21:00
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'The woman said, 'That's okay.'For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world; an Adonis whom women will flock to'.The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.'So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will ...
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Funny jokes-Curse
2007-12-24 10:19:00
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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SMS jokes
2007-12-23 09:08:00
Enjoy four SMS jokes , you may send it to your friendsWhich is the sweetest part of the body?It's oval in shape,it's surrounded by hair,salt water comes from it.Don't be silly : it's 'Beautiful Eyes'Whenever I want Ur presence I read Ur SMS....whenever I want to see u,I close eyes,whenever I want to hear ur voice, I throw a stone at a dog.Do u remember that day .When we had gone out in a car.I put my dog out & u put ur face out;people shouted "Twins..Twins"..Sweet memories na...?Pls send ur Biodata & photo 2 Hutch..U'll get a gud package + A chance 2 come on T.V. So apply soon.Bcoz Hutch's Dog died.They want a monkey.
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Really funny jokes-What happens when teachers die
2007-12-21 10:44:00
A teacher dies and goes to Heaven. When she gets there she meets Saint Peter at the pearly gates. Peter says to her, "Welcome to Heaven. Let me give you an orientation first."So Peter takes her to some beautiful houses.The teacher asks, "Who lives here in these beautiful houses?""These are for doctors. They did a lot of good on Earth so they get a nice mansion," replies Peter.Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions. These were more magnificent than the first."Wow, who lives here?""These mansions are for social workers. They did a lot of good on Earth, but didn't make a lot of money so they get a better house."Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions. These are the most gorgeous homes she had ever seen. They have huge columns, well manicured lawns, beautiful stained glass windows - the works!"These are the most beautiful homes I have ever seen," exclaims the teacher. "Who lives here?!""Teachers live here," says Peter, "they did much good on Earth and received ...
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Adult jokes-Parrot
2007-12-21 10:40:00
One morning recently a young woman got out of bed, slipped into her robe, raised the shade, uncovered the parrot, put on the coffee pot, answered the phone.She heard an masculine voice say; "Hello, honey. My ship just hit port and I'm coming right over."So the young lady took the coffee pot off the stove, covered up the parrot, pulled down the shade, took off her robe, got into bed, and heard the parrot mumble, "Kee-rist, what a short fucking day that was!"
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Short jokes-Preacher
2007-12-21 10:32:00
The minister's car wouldn't start. When the tow truck driver arrived, the minister says, "I hope you go easy on me. You know I'm only a poor preacher.""Yep," replied the tow truck driver, "I've heard you preach."
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Really funny jokes-The division
2007-12-20 11:53:00
Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile.In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me."As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town."Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!""What's the matter?" his father asked...
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Adult jokes-New secretary
2007-12-20 11:52:00
Seen my new secretary?" asked the businessman."Yeah," his buddy replied," she's gorgeous.""Well, she's a Robot, the latest model from Japan.""Jeez, that's amazing! What can she do?""If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types 185 wpm for you. And when you screw her it feels better than the real thing.""Sounds perfect.""l almost got hurt once, though.""How?""Well," he grimaced, "let's just say I didn't know her ass was a pencil sharpener."
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Humor jokes - WORK Virus
2007-12-20 11:51:00
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.This virus is called Weary-Overload- Recreational- Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.This virus will wipe out your private life completely.If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work -Isolating- Neutralizer- Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer -Elimination- Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
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Really funny jokes-Stop that!
2007-12-19 11:37:00
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect.So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop That!"The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"
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Adult jokes-Frankenstein
2007-12-19 11:35:00
After forty years of marriage, Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein came to a stand still in their love life. Each night Frankenstein would come home from work, eat his dinner, and sit in front of the television set until he fell asleep. Dissatisfied with this arrangement, the Bride decided to see a therapist."He's never in the mood," complained the Bride."Try a romantic candlelight dinner," suggested the therapist.The next day, the Bride returned to the therapist with a frown on her face. "He's still not in the mood," she complained."This time," the therapist recommended, "try something more seductive. Put on some sexy lingerie and lure him into the bedroom."But the Bride returned to the therapist the following day complaining that her monster of a husband was still not in the mood.As a final piece of advice, the therapist said, "You should try to recreate the moment that first sparked your romance."The next day the Bride returned with a huge grin on her face. "Thank you so...
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Doctor jokes-Hot Bath
2007-12-19 11:17:00
Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax... Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"
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Really funny jokes-Drunk Brian
2007-12-15 11:11:00
Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep..When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe."Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom, and I"m St Peter".Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.you've got to send me back Straight away". St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling we...
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Humor jokes-Where is Jesus Christ?
2007-12-15 11:10:00
A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on his birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven."Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.And Little Johnny said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ , are you still in there??
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Sardar jokes-Going home early
2007-12-15 11:08:00
Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"
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Really funny jokes-Mother's Obsession
2007-12-14 13:17:00
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children."You all have obsessions," he observed.To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.You've even named your daughter Candy."He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
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Adult jokes-Negligee
2007-12-14 13:16:00
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"He never heard the shot.
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Funny jokes-Ticket
2007-12-14 13:14:00
A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street; when little Johnny on his new shiny bike stopped beside him."Nice bike," the cop said "Did Santa bring it to you?""Yep," little Johnny said, "he sure did!"The cop looked the bike over and handed little Johnny a ticket for a safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."Little Johnny looked up at the cop and said,"Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?""Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.Little Johnny looked up at the cop and said,"Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
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Really funny jokes-The drunkard
2007-12-13 13:57:00
A drunkard was brought to court.Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
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Adult jokes-Sex in the dark
2007-12-13 13:26:00
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
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