Philosophy of Infidelity

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Market News Update #2
2008-03-21 08:57:00
Titus Pepper, the infamous and reclusive blog tycoon was today tracked down by reporters as he soaked up the spring sunshine at his holiday home in Barbados.Pepper was putting on a brave face after losing his controlling stake in the "Having My Cake and Eating It Too" blog to a management buy-out assisted by Joanna Cake's so called "White Knight", Mr E. Aroused."Damsel in distress? Pah! She loved every minute of it!" declared Pepper in response to questions about his recent cash injection.PepperCorp quarterly results revealed a gain of 1,448% through dealing in Cake shares and related ingredients. Pepper's chief spokesman firmly denied rumours that the corporation had plans to use its profits to launch a takeover bid for another blog featuring an infamous arse."In current market conditions I am convinced it is prudent to maintain large liquid assets" said Mr Pepper whilst drinking an extremely large gin and tonic.Lazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superf...
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Market News Update
2008-03-18 22:37:00
Titus Pepper, blogger, entrepreneur and self-styled “lazy philosopher” today announced that he has taken a majority shareholding in a rival’s adultery blog.Mr Pepper, known to his readers as ‘T’, has been branded “crazy” by academics but he has kept his head and shown steely determination to weather the storm that has been battering the markets in recent days. Today, he publicly declared victory in his controversial and hostile takeover battle for rival Joanna Cake’s “Having My Cake and Eating it Too” blog.“Her ass is mine!” declared a triumphant Pepper upon acquiring an 80% stake in Ms. Cake's blog.Regulatory authorities are said to be concerned that Pepper may use his majority shareholding to exert an undue editorial influence on Cake’s output. However, a spokesman for PepperCorp told reporters that readers will notice little change other than for improved compliance with copyright laws.Ms. Cake, who was questioned by blog police yesterday following an u...
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Pushed to the Edge
2008-03-17 20:04:00
After I confessed to the affair with S, W and I continued to attend counselling for a further six months.It was a very tough time for both of us. It became clear that W had stored up resentment for years which she now began to release in the form of volcanic eruptions of fury during our one hour counselling sessions each Thursday.After each eruption, she would be much calmer and we would go for a meal together. Over a pizza, we would engage in the most reasonable, open and honest conversations of our entire marriage, before or since.But over the course of the following week her anger would build again until it was once more time for me to endure the weekly tirade.At first, I considered her behaviour to be justified. My crimes were serious after all. But as time went on, with no sign of us being able to break out of the weekly pattern, I began to become despondent.It didn't help that a number of W's outbursts seemed to be about things that had nothing to do with the affair and, in...
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The Philosophy of Shopping
2008-03-15 01:05:00
When a man goes shopping he will buy a £1 item he needs for £2 and then go home again.When a woman goes shopping she will buy a £2 item she does not need for £1.As a result she will have saved £1. This means she has a further £1 to spend on something else.She will use this extra £1 to buy another £2 item that she does not need for £1.As a result she will save another £1…...recursive loop forever.TLazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superficially conventional man who has a secret life in which he succumbs to his greatest weakness: women!
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Academic Recognition
2008-03-13 00:17:00
Today, I was amused to spot that a student who is studying philosophy at university has linked to my blog.Cheeky bastard! He has infringed my copyright and suggested that I am crazy.What does a bloody 24 year old know about infidelity anyway? Give him another 10 to 15 years and then he'll understand.TP.S. If any other academics wish to use my work then a license to reproduce my material can be negotiated relatively cheaply. I always fancied an honorary PhD...P.P.S. *wibble*Lazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superficially conventional man who has a secret life in which he succumbs to his greatest weakness: women!
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Behind Closed Doors
2008-03-11 20:53:00
You know that couple across the street? You know, the ones who seem so sorted and happy in their marriage. Mr and Mrs Perfect-Pants. Perfect house, perfect kids, boat on the lake, charity work and school governors...Shall I let you into a secret?Mmmm...?Well, he's on Prozac, his business is failing and he has an addiction to sex chat lines.And she's an alcoholic and has run up £20,000 of debt on three credit cards that he doesn’t know about. It’s a fucking disaster zone behind their all too neat and tidy front door. The thing is, you never really know what is REALLY happening inside someone else’s marriage. And it’s probably just as well. The truth would make you hair stand on end. Take mine for example. I wanted to help W rebuild her confidence. I wanted her to experience the same ego boost that I felt when I had my affair with S. I wanted her to experience a sexual renaissance of her own. I had experienced my own sexual liberation though an affair. Perha...
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Secrets of the Porn Industry
2008-03-08 17:47:00
I once met a porn star, a lady called Jodie Moore. It was a few years ago at the Erotica event in London. I queued up patiently with the other punters to buy a signed copy of her DVD. She chatted politely with the “fans” and cheerfully signed her autographs, all the while standing beneath a large plasma screen which was showing her movie. As I approached the front of the queue the movie scene involved her and two seemingly very large muscular men. She was on the receiving end of a very-good-seeing-to. Very naughty! In real life, the thing that struck me most about Jodie was how small she was. Very petite. Only 5’1”. “It’s so that the guys look really big,” laughed W, who was with me. The guy in front of us in the queue was a drunken Scot, wearing a kilt. He insisted on showing Jodie what he had hidden beneath it. For a moment, I forgot her profession and the images playing on the screen above. I held my breath and waited for her to scream or call...
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Confessions of a Scoundrel
2008-03-04 23:03:00
I have been tagged by Cake to reveal seven strange facts about myself.The rules are as follows:1. Link to the person who tagged you2. Post the rules on your blog.3. Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.5. Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.Given that mine is a already a confessional blog I had to think hard to come up with 7 new strange facts about myself that (a) I haven't already confessed to; and (b) don't risk giving anything away which could compromise my secret identity. Because of (b), my facts may seem a little cryptic but I assure you that they are true.(1) I once negotiated an out of court settlement with a Russian who had a finger missing on one hand and who was reputed to be a former member of the KGB.(2) I legally own a K*****nik*v. This strange fact is completely unconnected with strange fact number 1.(3) A representat...
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Out of the Fridge into the Frying Pan
2008-03-03 20:43:00
Recently, I caught myself cautioning Cate against the risks of comparing me to her husband.It is a dangerous road to go down because it is all too easy to fall into a negative mindset in which you do down your spouse and elevate your lover to lofty heights. You will overlook the mundane things in life that your spouse does for you that are actually quite important. The thing is, I have yet to come across a mistress who does my washing, cleans up the kids when they are throwing up or puts out the rubbish.In the past, I have been told off by more than one mistress for being too sympathetic to her husband or boyfriend. But I shall stand by my view in spite of the flack. Most of us here are adulterers and, without a shred of irony, I think we should all spare a moment to think about and pay tribute to our respective spouses. After all, they may be bad, but you have to admit that we are worse!During my affair with S I fell into the trap of comparing her with W. As a result I became dis...
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My Wife's Secret - Part 3
2008-03-02 19:18:00
So, unbeknown to me, here is what had been happening...During the early years of our marriage W had a growth in her vagina which meant that penetrative sex was painful for her. This is why she avoided sex as much as possible.Apparently, she had believed that the reason for the pain was that I was so big. (No laughing, this is a serious post!)And for that reason she had never sought medical assistance.The growth was discovered and removed whilst we were trying to determine why she wasn't getting pregnant. Even at the time of the operation she chose not to tell me about the pain she had suffered for fear that I would be angry.After the operation she no longer experienced any physical pain during sex.Nonetheless, through the counselling we realised that over a period of years she had become "mentally conditioned" to associate penetrative sex with pain. Therefore, even after the operation, she continued avoiding sex.Finally, I understood why she did not like penetrative sex and why she...
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Where are the Aussies?
2008-03-02 15:31:00
You can call me a geek if you like but I spend a lot of time studying the statistics about visitors to my blog.One thing that has puzzled me for some time has been the lack of Australian readers. Over the last month there have been almost 400% more visits from Canadian residents compared to visits from Australia (despite Canada having a population which is only 63% higher than Australia's).Why is this?Are Australians too busy playing sport to have affairs?You can't tell me that they are all in happy marriages and they are not interested in adultery!I really would like to hear from Australian readers. What is going on down under?In the mean time, I shall go off topic for a moment. I would like to point out that despite the myth that Australians are good at sport they are rubbish at Rugby. I have previously highlighted their failings at Rugby Union and now we should also be aware that they are inferior to the English when it comes to Rugby League.Keep trying guys!TLazy Philosopher w...
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My Wife's Secret - Part 2
2008-03-02 14:39:00
Warning: Although I would like to think that on occasions this blog is mildly erotic, the following post certainly isn't. It contains references to medical conditions and procedures which men may find distressing. Squeamish chaps may wish to go and check out something more interesting and important.After we had been married for around 5 years, W and I were trying to have children.Initial attempts were unsuccessful, despite her managing to put aside her usual aversion to sex. Eventually, we sought medical help. The medical tests involved her undergoing a physical examination. Ordinarily, I would have tried to avoid being present during such a procedure (not having developed a medical fetish at the time) but I can't have been on form that day because I failed to come up with an excuse to be elsewhere.It was a young male doctor and he used one of those speculum things. He had a good bedside manner and he was making light of the process, making relaxed conversation and generally conve...
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My Wife's Secret - Part 1
2008-03-01 16:05:00
During the early years of my marriage, I would often fear that W did not enjoy sex or, at the very least, that she found sex with me to be distasteful.During sex I enjoy eye contact and kissing. W appeared to dislike both. She would often look away and occasionally, so it would seem to me, her facial expression would give away her inner feelings of disgust. I would ask her what was wrong and she would insist that it was nothing and that she did not know why I was worrying.In retrospect I feel stupid about this but I chose to believe her reassurances, although at the back of my mind I think I still knew that something wasn't quite right.During the relationship counselling that followed my confession about my affair with S, the counsellor began to explore the sexual issues in the marriage. When the topic was first raised I did not believe there was anything worth discussing. By that time sex in the marital bed had pretty much ended and I believed it was because W no longer had any se...
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HNT
2008-02-28 09:07:00
Phwoar!Cate thinks she may be developing exhibitionist tendencies.Wahey!TLazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superficially conventional man who has a secret life in which he succumbs to his greatest weakness: women!

Smut Meme
2008-02-26 23:52:00
Cate emailed me today and demanded that I provide her with my answers to the Smut Meme which appeared on Cake’s blog.Cake seems to have no shame when it comes to stealing other people’s material (I never forget!) and the Smut Meme has been no exception. She used it despite not having been tagged. For shame!Philosophically thinking, I don’t see how I can be accused of plagiarism if I steal it from her though. Surely if I steal that which is already stolen then I am simply restoring justice to the world?Anyway, I am suffering from blog writer’s block at the moment so I have turned my email to Cate into this post. I think the writer’s block is because my lust for Cate is interfering with the creative part of my brain. All I can think of when I close my eyes and try to be imaginative is, well, shagging her senseless.So, here we go with the Smut Meme…You're welcome to post the Smut Meme on you own blog. You must call it the Smut Meme, you must link to me in the beginning par...

Fairness, Justice and Adultery
2008-02-22 21:02:00
I broke one of my golden rules recently.I asked my friend Dave* to lie for me should the need arise.Ordinarily, I would never do this. I make a point of not telling those who know and meet W anything about my philandering ways.It isn't so much a trust or a security thing. It is simply about being fair. I wouldn't appreciate having to compromise my own integrity to cover up for even the closest friend's crimes. And so, unless it were unavoidable, I wouldn't put someone else in that position either.The way I look at it, when I compromise my integrity then it should be solely for my own personal benefit and pleasure. And Cate's.Anyway, on this occasion I was concerned that I had not covered my tracks sufficiently, and so my rule was broken for the first time. And it was was a good thing too because a good friend of W's asked Dave a question which could, had he answered truthfully, have landed me in deep doodoo.Fortunately, Dave seemed to enjoy his task. He chuckled as he realised...
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The Paranoia of Secret Love
2008-02-17 22:31:00
Sometimes, I read another relationship or affair blog and I find myself fearing for the sanity of the writer. And sometimes, I will come across something that reminds me of my own past madness and I realise that I can compete with the best of them.It is quite fascinating to go through a period of derangement and then emerge from it with all memories intact. One can look back upon the sickness and recall the emotions, even if they now seem inexplicable.My own madness, of course, was my love for S.In a recent post, Lois reminded me of one particular episode.S, like all of my mistresses, lived in a different world to mine. Except in the last few months of our affair, we had no common friends or acquaintances at all. We worked for separate companies; we lived in different towns; so far as the rest of the world was concerned we were complete strangers.This is, of course, a good thing. Indeed, if you are intent on having an affair it is something I would strongly recommend.But, love is th...
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Come back anguish, all is forgiven!
2008-02-12 22:38:00
I am happy.I feel stable.I am not overwhelmed by sadness over some lost relationship. I am not wrestling with angst brought on by my wife's indifference. I don't feel torn by life's competing responsibilities.In fact, I am struggling to find anything at all to worry about.About the best I can manage is a slight concern that my current state of mind doesn't make for great blog posts.I can tell, because the ratings have been down.You can't beat mental anguish, an emotional outburst and a few harsh words from Ms X to bring in the punters. But right now, I just don't seem to have it in me.Today, I suggested to Cate that maybe she and I needed to have an argument. I could then blog about bloody American women being high maintenance and 60% of you could flame me. But the reality is that Cate also seems emotionally stable. She's not too demanding. Well, at least not in ways that I object to.Perhaps I could corrupt her by encouraging her to indulge me in all kinds of depraved sex act...
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Well Worth the Wait
2008-02-11 00:00:00
I went to the railway station to meet Cate.Having parked my car, I decided to go and meet her on the platform. As I walked, a railway employee stopped me and asked me if I had a ticket."No, I'm waiting to meet someone," I replied."That's ok sir, please take one of these". I was handed a platform ticket.Soon afterwards, Cate and I found one another and began to make our way out of the station towards to car park. As we passed the same railway employee, he smiled at her and took back my ticket."Ah, she was definitely worth waiting for," he said.Oh, and how right he was!TLazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superficially conventional man who has a secret life in which he succumbs to his greatest weakness: women!
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Why Don't I Leave My Wife?
2008-02-05 22:05:00
Both Ro and Muffin asked whether my new found equilibrium (as described in my last post) was a temporary state of affairs or one which I envisaged might operate for the rest of my life.The answer is that I feel it is permanent. I don't feel that I can leave W. Probably not ever.I say "feel" because these statements are not based upon logic, psychology or any other form of "lazy philosophy". It is as though there is a mental blockage in my mind. Leaving W is simply not something I can imagine myself doing.There are obviously reasons which contribute to this feeling. My children are clearly one of those. I do genuinely believe that if W and I were to split up then that would cause the kids a lot of distress and that they would be damaged. There is also a selfish angle which is that I enjoy and value parenthood very much and the idea of being a weekend Dad fills me with dread.But I don't think that the children are necessarily the main factor. I sometimes try to imagine several years...
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Guess where I was last night…
2008-01-26 10:39:00
I’ll give you 5 clues:1. Every man has his favourite, but he may not admit it.2. One of them comes from my home town.3. The iconic garment once worn by my favourite is displayed in the Hard Rock café in Las Vegas.4. At one point in the evening, the crowd’s attention became focussed on a sporting celebrity sat amongst them who once (to my distress) had connections with the city.5. I would not readily admit where I was to the guys at work.The winning entry must name the city and the event I attended.T xLazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superficially conventional man who has a secret life in which he succumbs to his greatest weakness: women!
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How Much Lust Do You Have?
2008-01-23 21:30:00
I think a bit of light relief is required after my last post so have a go at this little quiz. There will be a prize for the lustiest person.No cheating now!Your Lust Quotient: 74%You are a very lustful person - and it sometimes gets the better of you!You know how to hold back, but you hardly ever do.How Much Lust Do You Have?TLazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superficially conventional man who has a secret life in which he succumbs to his greatest weakness: women!

A Letter to S
2008-01-22 21:34:00
Five months after the confession, I was tidying up in the bedroom at home when I came across a hand written letter. Inspecting it, I realised that it was written by W and addressed to S, presumably at a time when she believed I was going to leave. From memory, it read something like this: Dear S, [Some resentful, angry stuff, the details of which I forget…] [And then…] He’s a good man and I hope you make him happy. You’ll find that if you pair up his clean socks before putting them back in the drawer he will be very grateful. Also, I would advise you to make sure that there is always plenty of Heinz tomato ketchup in the house. If it runs out he gets upset and cranky. The same goes for Lyle’s Golden Syrup. Please take good care of him. W I was surprised to realise that W had noticed and thought about little domestic details that matter to me. Prior to that moment she had not given me any reason to believe she cared for my comfort or conveni...
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Which came first: Gifts for Sex… or Sex for Gifts?
2008-01-20 02:17:00
One of the consequences of telling W about the affair was that she insisted that I gave her all the same things that I had given S. I was marched down to the shops and made to buy her jewellery, perfume and clothes: all things which, whilst subject to intense interrogation, I had confessed to once giving S. As W explained, the balance had to be redressed. Do you know what I was thinking as I surrendered my credit card? “Hmmm… you’ll accept these gifts but, unlike the woman to whom I gave the same things spontaneously, you won’t take it in the ass will you? Where’s the balance in that?” I know. I know. I am ashamed. It’s a man thing. But, for any woman who wants to condemn me, I would first ask you to consider the flipside of my coin of shame by posing the following question. Can you honestly tell me you have never deliberately used sex to get what you want? Think about it. You’re as bad as we are! * winks * T xx Lazy Philosopher w...
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Missing in Action
2008-01-18 23:01:00
London Adulterer has gone offline. I’m a bit worried about him.What if someone who knew him found his blog? That would be a tad embarrassing!And what if his wife found his blog? That could be seriously painful!It’s a blogger’s nightmare!I wasn’t his biggest fan. You can call me an arrogant hypocrite if you like but I felt that his philandering tales lacked the human touch. Still, he had his comedic moments (if, like me, you have a soft spot for bad guys). For example, his “Getting Laid by Mistake” post had me in stitches: “As I had no recollection of fucking her the night before (or even chatting her up), I fucked her for breakfast.”Male British adultery bloggers are few and far between so it was nice to have a little company. Dear readers, despite LA's departure, please be assured that the Lazy Philosopher is going to be here for a while yet. I’ve still got plenty of ideas for new posts and I enjoy the feedback. However, I do occasionally worry about S or W readi...
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Rediscovery
2008-01-13 11:40:00
OK, here’s the scenario.You’ve been married for a long time. In my case, it was more than 10 years, the first time it happened.The marriage isn’t what it once was. Your spouse just doesn’t seem to want to know any more.We all know the clichés.You have somehow drifted apart. You have outgrown him/her. She/he just doesn’t understand you. You feel neglected...You have forgotten what it is like to be sexual, to be desired… to be WANTED.And then you encounter someone and the prospect of an illicit affair presents itself. It is as though you are a teenager again. You feel so alive. You have hope. You smile again.You allow the feeling to wash through you and it is better than any drug. If your prospective lover sends an email then its arrival makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.You experience the most incredible high. You are unable to concentrate on anything else. The feeling is amazing!Sometimes, a little abstinence is a good thing. It means that when you do re...

Quote of the Day
2008-01-12 21:22:00
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher" -- George Bernard ShawHmmm... make that "philosophical adulterer".TLazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superficially conventional man who has a secret life in which he succumbs to his greatest weakness: women!
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Was it Worth the Pain?
2008-01-10 11:49:00
Ms. X asked me if the pain of my love affair with S was worth it. After all, as she put it, it has taken me a long time and a fairly substantial blog to recover.Good question.The answer is that I think it was worth it up to a certain point in the relationship but S and I both allowed the thing to go on for far too long.I remember the first time S and I broke up after about three or four months. We had a final evening together. It was very sad and we did little more than hold each other and sob. About three weeks afterwards, she sent me an email in which she said something like (I am reconstructing based on memory as I no longer have the mail itself):Hey you. I just wanted to let you know that this morning I woke up and when I came out of my house the sun was shining and I looked up at the blue sky and I smiled for the first time since our final night together. I smiled because I was remembering the great times we had and I was thinking what I learned from the experience. I learned t...
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In Consideration of Ms. X's Challenge
2008-01-08 16:49:00
Whilst imagining that I was addressing both W and S, I once wrote:“You know that I am a pleaser and a carer, and all I want to do is make each of you happy.”Ms. X (yet another gorgeous adulteress who is frustratingly beyond my lecherous reach on the wrong side of the Atlantic) was not impressed.She said:“WRONG! Tell the truth philosopher…you want to make YOU happy. Affairs are selfish, they are for our pleasure – not our spouses, not our lovers. Lovers are merely a means to an end.”Hmmm…My dear Ms. X,You do remind me of my other former mistress, B. She was outspoken and opinionated too. I think it may have been something to do with her red hair.Of course I begin affairs because of “me” reasons. But that does not mean I am out to “use” a mistress and it does not mean that once in the affair my actions are all for my benefit. Her pleasure gives me pleasure and (hopefully) vice versa.I am certain that deep down you are as soft and romantically inclined as the res...
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World's Sexiest Alternative Celebrity Sex Goddess Survey - Poll Results
2008-01-08 10:30:00
The results of that poll are in and, it is official, the world's sexiest Alternative Celebrity Sex Goddess is the gorgeous Nigella Lawson!Congratulations Nigella! Please drop me a line to claim your prize of a date with the Lazy Philosopher followed by a night of passion in a deluxe room at the Dorchester.Kirsty and Lynda - please do likewise to claim your runners up prizes.And there is a bonus prize for all three of you. You all get a pre-approved, fast-track, priority redemption voucher to claim your rightful position as my new mistress (apply here for lust and adventure).TLazy Philosopher writes about the angst and philosophy of a superficially conventional man who has a secret life in which he succumbs to his greatest weakness: women!
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