Up in the Night

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When it Snows, it Blizzards
2008-01-25 02:07:00
Let’s say you’ve been having a bad week. Let’s imagine you freelance for a living and need a few hours everyday sans children to write. Let’s imagine the public school system and a good babysitter provide you with just that. Now let’s imagine that on Tuesday the wind chill factor is such that school gets cancelled. Now let’s imagine that because your youngest child throws up on the way to the sitter’s on Wednesday you don’t get much work done (now two days running). Let’s imagine it’s now Thursday and you are sick along with your little boy.What do you imagine happens next?a. Your other two children throw up at school and must come home.b. The extreme cold causes a pipe in your home to burst.c. Your ex starts dating a model.d. You win a million dollars through Ed McMann’s Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.So what do you think really happened? While I’m not giving prizes to people who guess correctly, reading your responses just might cheer me up.

Taking a Load off – 20 Loads of Laundry, To Be Exact
2008-01-23 04:35:00
Last weekend my sister Denise and cousin Lusina came to help me paint my playroom. Only I had a nervous breakdown and they ended up doing my laundry instead. And I promise—I didn’t pull a bait and switch. For weeks I had been looking forward to a DIY girls weekend. But it had been a tough week and on the day they were scheduled to arrive I called my sister blathering on like a nutcase (I’m not sure she could even understand me—I couldn’t even understand me). And you know what? They came anyway. They came, they saw, they kicked my laundry room’s butt.I once overheard someone say that one person could never make a difference in the world. All I can say is that although my sister and cousin didn’t establish world peace last weekend, spending 48 hours worth of their time and energy on my laundry changed my perspective and changed my life when I most needed it (thus positively impacting the lives of three wonderful children). And I am proud to announce that for nearly 11 da...
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My Daily Dose
2008-01-22 21:22:00
Karen over at Pediscribe has nominated me for this fabulous award!Xander, creator of this award, had this to say about it: This little award is called The Daily Dose - and here is all the important info to tell you what it is about and where it came from. This is a tribute to all the blogs that you’ve discovered that you can’t possibly live without. They make you laugh, cry, think and feel connected every time you read a post. They give you a thrill as you see them loading into your browser and you get an equally satisfying thrill when you see that they have commented on your blog. Thanks so much for that, Karen. It means a lot to know I'm someone's daily dose! And now to spread the love. While I've been a deliquent blogger of late when I do sit down to blog I have a few daily doses of my own. Many of you have become good friends and I feel like reading your blog is like checking in, having a chat, learning something new. Here are my daily doses:Life in the Nuthouse -- aside ...

A little court-ordered fun
2008-01-18 04:07:00
Yesterday I went to a court-ordered co-parenting class with my soon-to-be ex-husband. And lest you suspect otherwise, it was actually quite pleasant. Like taking a nice warm bath. With a blow-dryer.For those of you unfamiliar with divorce in the state of Idaho (May you always stay that way, amen.) all couples with children who are getting divorced are required to attend this co-parenting class. Not only that but you are scheduled to take this class together. So imagine, if you will, a room full of divorcing couples. And not just a room, but a courtroom full of divorcing couples (because apparently, the classroom they use for traffic school is unavailable). Needless to say there was nary a warm-fuzzy in that place.But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start with registration because you must first stand in line to pay for this court-ordered co-parenting class. That’s when amidst the giggles issuing forth from the conversation behind us I heard the most unusual pickup line ever...
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And the winner is...
2008-01-14 14:41:00
You guys are good, I gotta say. And I had lots of favorites, including (but not limited to) Zellmer's "See Dad. I told you this Power Ranger shirt is a chic magnet." Rachel's "Ladies, ladies. There's enough man here for everyone." Eileen's "KALEB STRIKES GOLD IN SAN FRANCISCO." And how could I not like Shawn's "DAD !!! How can you even THINK these girls are prettier than MOM???" But I have to say my absolute favorite was Candygirlflies':"HELP ME!! My sister's barbies have COME ALIIIIIIIVE!!"So Heather, I'll be emailing you to get you your Amazon giftcard.Thanks, everyone, for playing. This was a lot of fun and it's gotten me thinking about another great contest I'd like to try -- so stay tuned for the details.
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Up in the Night's First Contest!
2008-01-09 18:28:00
I’m so excited I can hardly contain myself. I got this idea from Confessions of a Pioneer Woman and I think it’s a great way to let all of you know how much I appreciate you reading my lil o’ blog. I’ve got this picture and I want you to write a caption for it. While I may not be able to give you a $500 gift certificate to Best Buy, I can offer you a $25 Amazon card. Yippee!So here’s the backstory. Mid-summer, shortly after the soon-to-be exHub and I separated, he took Kaleb to California to watch a couple football games. After returning he handed me the digital camera and lamented that he hadn’t taken many pictures. I forgot about said pictures until uploading the frozen pumpkin to my computer. I found this:It was the first of about 5 pictures and was by far the most interesting. It represents my son’s first encounter with cheerleaders—and San Francisco 49’er cheerleaders, nonetheless. So here you go—post your caption for this picture in a comment to this post b...
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In which post Shauna gets over it
2008-01-08 17:33:00
Okay, so not really, but it was good to vent and now I’m moving on, post-wise that is. Thanks so much for all the great advice—it has been incorporated into my action plan. Following my dear mother’s suggestion I put my kids to bed early Sunday night, took a long, hot bath, and got a little me-time (see Suburban Correspondent's comment). Meds (St. John’s Wart chased with some B complex—for starters [thanks, Carrie and Karen from Pediascribe] – as suggested by my lovely pharmacist sister, Jen) to commence on Wednesday. If that doesn’t work I’ll be trying the stronger stuff. Thanks Tola (Mom and my brother Jason) for volunteering to help me fold laundry--there are no better friends than those willing to brave my dirty clothes. Thanks also to the exHub who brought me a Diet Coke and chocolate after reading the post in which I vented and felt sorry for myself (How's that for amicable?) And I do so solemnly swear to move forward one 3x3 inch square at a time (thanks, Sh...
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Post Christmas Day Crash, or as I like to call it “Good Riddance 2007!”
2008-01-02 06:18:00
Yep, that’s right. That says “crash” not “bash.” Because Christmas wasn’t exciting enough for the Belknap family, I had to get into a car accident two days later. Here’s how it went down.I was taking Kaleb to the dentist. The van was nearly out of gas and I was less than 5 yards from Conoco when I tried to slow down.Let me pause for a moment to describe the Winter Wonderland that is Idaho Falls. For those of you dreaming of a white Christmas—your dream came true—in my area code. Over the Christmas break I’m going to estimate we got approximately 6 feet of snow (and for those readers from Idaho Falls, you and I both know that number’s probably closer to three, but we’re going for effect here, people. Run with me on this one). And in spite of all this snow, by December 27th few of the side roads had been plowed, and the main road I was traveling had probably not been plowed as much as it had been talked about in the plowmen’s breakroom (effect, people!).So ba...
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Zacky's Lunch Prayer
2007-12-30 04:15:00
Zack: Please bless the two twins…Mom: Dear Heavenly Father…Zack: Mom, I can do it mysefff… Dear Heavenly Father, bless the two twins. Bless Aunt Nalalie and Uncle Jerumy. Bless that I can get Lightning McQueen and Doc for Christmas…Mom: Bless the food…Zack: I can do it myseeeeeeeffff… Bless that we can go to church and watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix…Mom: ????Zack: And please bless the food. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. Was that a good prayer, Mom?Mom: Yes, Zack. That was a very good prayer.
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The Diapurse
2007-12-22 17:20:00
2000 BC (Before Children) I used a strappy purse. You know the kind—the wallet on a rope. Everything I needed fit in that tidy number: cash, credit cards, pictures of friends and family, lipgloss. Never would I arrive somewhere and think, Dang, how could I have left the wetwipes? Or, please tell me there’s a Lightning McQueen in here somewhere. I was childless and streamlined, coming and going without much forethought. And then I had babies.I was never much for diaper bags but being the sharp new mom I was, I soon realized my strappy purse was no longer going to work. So I upgraded to a Mother Purse that was big enough to carry diapers and sippy cups but not big enough to double as a beach bag.Enter Purse Party. Finally I had the time and inclination to hand-select a bag that would carry all the stuff I was starting to accumulate as a frazzled and disorganized mom. This is the first purse I picked:And then my mother gave me this one (recognizing that I was a little jealous of my...

The Because-I’m-a-Loser MEME
2007-12-20 03:29:00
Over a month ago Candygirlflies at I Can Fly Just Not Up tagged with a meme I was actually excited to do (I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of the MEME). I realized it was the same MEME that Rachel at Like a Star tagged me with two months earlier (no, I didn’t do it then either). But I got a little sidetracked (I’ll blame it on getting locked out of my house shortly thereafter) and never did it. So in efforts to push the Collateral Damage post down a bit (as always, thanks so much for all your words of comfort and support) and to fulfill my blogging obligations, I will share 6 random facts about me:1. I’m obsessed with Britney Spears.Don’t ask me why. I was never interested in her life before it became a train wreck. Maybe it’s because regardless of what I’m going through I can always say, “At least that’s not me.” Or maybe it’s because we’re watching, in real time, what happens to a media darling who’s told she’s sexy before she’s old enough to watch R rated...
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Collateral Damage
2007-12-17 21:46:00
This year has been taxing on my little man, Kaleb. The divorce has been hardest on him, and in just a few short months he’s matured more than I’d like to admit. My toothless wonder is more reflective, thoughtful, and introspective.Last week was the most difficult of my life. I won’t drag you through the details—suffice it to say that ending a marriage is a painful, difficult, and often, ugly thing. On Tuesday night I placed my kids in front of the TV and shut myself in the nearby empty playroom to talk with my Mom. It wasn’t long before I was sobbing uncontrollably, wiping snot from the faceplate while trying not hyperventilate. Kaleb walked in. At that exact moment I realized that while my children have seen their mother cry (in a dainty, dab-a-tissue-at-the-corner-of-my-eyes kinda way) they’ve never seen me broken like that, incoherent and hiccupping with emotion. He stood in the doorway, stunned. “Why are you crying, Mom?”“Mommy’s just sad,” I said. ...
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An Undeniable Will for Chocolate
2007-12-12 14:29:00
This week's column...One parenting trend suggests you describe your child’s shortcomings in a positive light to avoid pidgin-holing them early in life. If that were the case I would say my daughter is selective, discerning, and astute. Unfortunately for her I don’t subscribe to that trend. Leah is a picky, persnickety, finicky eater.If my daughter had her druthers, she would eat Honey Nut Cheerios, chocolate ice cream, and grilled cheese sandwiches everyday. Again, unfortunately for her, she doesn’t get her druthers much.So dinner is a battle at the Belknap house. It doesn’t matter what it is, child-friendly though the meal may appear, the girl won’t eat it. Spaghetti? Nope. Tacos? Too spicy. Pork chops and mashed potatoes? What is this, Mom?But I won’t budge. She has to have a bite of everything to get down from the table; her plate must be clean to get any dessert. And tonight’s piece de resistance is chocolate ice cream. The situation has now become a moral dilemma...
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Picture Retakes
2007-12-12 14:14:00
I took all the kids in to get their pictures taken at the school. And after getting retakes for Kaleb and Leah, they have returned. Thankfully they turned out pretty durn good. They're cute, right? Kaleb, or as we like to call him, "No Teeth"LeahZack, Zackers, Zacky, Zackerino
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Leah at Church, Again...
2007-12-11 04:17:00
Yesterday, Leah sat next to me in church (sound familiar?), cross-legged on the pew with her dress covering her legs. She was concentrating on her notebook, painstakingly placing stickers (thanks, mom) all over the cover. When out of nowhere (and in the stark silence of the chapel) she let loose the biggest piece of flatulence that congregation has ever heard. And at first I had to look back, expecting to see a gassy elephant sitting behind us. But no. It was my dainty daughter, acting as if letting one rip in the middle of church was completely natural. And not to be gross, but it had a noticeable flapping effect and was long. Long enough for me to look back at the pew behind us, not see an elephant sitting there, and then turn back to my daughter and say, “Stop, Leah,” to which she responded (yes, still flatulating), “But, Mom, it’s my toot. I CAN’T stop that.”Why, of course!And that’s when the man sitting in front of us looked back (expecting to see an elephant) and...
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Project Playroom-Makeover, Part One
2007-12-09 07:24:00
Sit down, people, this is going to be a long one (but totally worth it, I promise).I had quite the weekend planned. The ex had the kids and I had a list of Honey Do’s (yes, I call myself Honey) longer than Santa’s naughty list; and my list had nothing to do with Christmas.I had decided, in the middle of the most hectic time of year, to prep the playroom for a makeover. My in-laws recently moved out and the room was nearly empty so, I said to myself, why not paint it while the painting’s good? I know—these monologues of mine are nothing but trouble.Sooooo, if you’ve ever done a home improvement project you know that before you can accomplish said project you must do 20 other things first. It’s a rule or something.Here’s my list in reverse order so it makes more sense (stay with me—the good part’s coming):10. Paint playroom9. Prime playroom8. Sand-down baseboards and window casings7. Empty playroom and put books in my bedroom6. Move beautified bookshelf into my bedro...
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Deck the Halls, Not the Children
2007-12-07 18:20:00
This week's column...Because I’m now the only adult in my home, I’m frequently outnumbered on things like food preferences and movie picks. That’s why on the 26th of November Christmas decorating commenced at the Belknap house.Now I’m not a Type A personality. In fact, I’m more like Type C, if there is such a thing. My house is not meticulous, Mt. Laundry looms in my basement, and my children believe cooking simply requires a can opener and microwave. So you’d think I’d be easy-going when it comes to Christmas decorating. Not so much.I’m not sure if it’s because the majority of our decorations are breakable or I’m just a grinch, but as soon as I popped the seal on our Christmas tubs I became Martha Stewart preparing for a party at the compound. I was barking orders, telling children to stop touching things, and finally made everyone sit at my feet to watch me place everything “just so.” Yes, someone should nominate me for the Christmas Spirit award.When we s...
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Hawaii, my Ku'uipo
2007-12-06 21:06:00
Last night I found the Israel Kamakawiwo'ole CD, "Alone in IZ World," and played it as I fell asleep. Ever since I've been homesick for Hawaii , my sweetheart, my Ku'uipo. So in honor of Pink and Blues Girls Flashback Thursday I'm going to indulge myself a bit and write this lovepost in honor of the place I once called home and am missing dearly today.Have you ever had that odd sensation of coming home? I don't mean returning home from college for Christmas break, although the feelings are similar. I mean landing in a place you've never been before and feeling like it was the place meant to be the setting for your life? And like a tuning fork your heart resonates whenever there? Hawaii was that for me. It's the only place I still have reoccurring dreams about, and when I wake up I feel melancholy and apart.But enough of that. On to the good stuff. As I closed my eyes last night and listened to the very local Hawaiian music I remembered so many things:I could hear the ocean thr...

Calling all readers...
2007-12-05 19:35:00
People, I need your help. Seriously.I’m about ready to tackle the task of sending out Christmas cards, but I’m a little stumped. Generally I try to write a light-hearted newsletter that tells people what we’re up to. But how do you share the earth-splitting news I’ve got to share (i.e. divorce) without putting a damper on the Christmas spirit? I’ve considered not sending anything at all, but then lots of people will just be confused next year when I return to the ritual. I’ve also considered just sending out the picture postcards and signing it “Shauna and the kids.” Is that enough? I welcome (and beg for) your advice and/or suggestions.
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My Day Spa, or more appropriately titled, I Have Strep
2007-12-04 08:10:00
Today I went to the doctor to get a throat culture (Yes, people, the Belknap’s have strep), and I was a magazine whore in the waiting room. I’m guessing this is what happens when you confine a woman in a room without her children (and her laptop), forcing her to sit quietly by herself for nearly 20 minutes.First I raided the wall rack, snagging a Good Housekeeping, a Country Cottage, and a Redbook with Kelly Ripa on the cover. I binged, flipping through pages furiously, trying to get as much mindless magazine-ing in as possible. The other lady in the waiting room looked up from her Newsweek with raised eyebrows and then back down as if embarrassed for me. I read magazines I never would pay for—People’s issue naming the sexiest men alive, and then the one about that guy they think killed two of his four wives.When the nurse called me in I scowled at her. I would have waited for an hour. or two. I’m probably the only person who views a trip to the doctor for a throat culture...

Bye Bye Bling...
2007-12-01 20:27:00
I can’t afford therapy so I’m writing in my journal, religiously. It sits on my bedside table and sometimes I stay up until one in the morning, writing down my feelings and reflections, trying to figure stuff out and make myself accountable for changes I’m trying to make.Recently I’ve been made acutely aware of how much I worry about what other people think. Does anyone else struggle with this? When I’m at church, with my family, talking with my ex, and yes, even publishing posts to this here blog. It’s been something I’ve struggled with since high school. Before that I remember being a carefree child who could care less what anyone thought. What changed that?Junior high. At least that’s when I realized that others’ judgments could impact me in a very public way. There was this popular pack of boys who would roam the halls before school, circling the 8th grade wing and bulldozing anyone in their path. I remember having my locker closed on me, being goosed while try...
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The Longest Finger of All
2007-11-30 19:10:00
At church on Sunday, after Leah had tired of drawing in her notebook, she sat back in our pew and began fiddling with her hands. Minutes later she lifted her fist high in the air, her middle finger erect. I cupped my hand over hers and whispered, “Leah, don’t do that.”“Why, Mom?” she asked.“Because it’s not nice.”“But, Mom,” she said. “It’s my longest finger.”How could I reason with that?“Yes, Sweetie. It sure is,” I said. “Just keep it to yourself.”So for the rest of sacrament meeting she admired her middle finger, the longest of all, from the safety of her little lap.
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And thus it begins...
2007-11-30 04:44:00
A sign Kaleb penned himself and hung on his bedroom door just this week.

Dating-Service Guy
2007-11-26 19:53:00
Okay, so I’m sitting here in the library, waiting for a desk with an internet hookup and there’s this guy browsing some electronic dating service. Can I just say, ew? Now I don’t mean to be nosey (okay, so I do) but he must have set his search specifications to “busty” because he’s enlarging all these pictures of very buxom woman with come-hither looks (it’s certainly no eHarmony). And he’s sat himself right in the middle of one long desk with two internet hookups. Now I come to the library to freelance – if I stay home where my ex mother-in-law is watching my children I don’t get anything done. So I come here to focus for 4 quiet hours a day and work at a desk with a free internet connection. I know, it’s a public place where everyone’s welcome to use these services, but, pah-lease! Try to get lucky somewhere else, mister.Sheesh. That was a grumpy post. It's now one hour following this aforementioned "encounter" with Dating -Service Guy, and I've gotten m...

Black Friday
2007-11-24 06:42:00
I have a riddle for you. Where do you find a bunch of crazy people crowded together before daylight without their straight jackets on? Answer: Black Friday , otherwise known as the Day after Thanksgiving Day sales. And I say that with love, people, because I’ve been a loyal attendee for years. When I lived in Utah my ex and I were great Black Friday strategists; we would pour over the ads and make lists of where to go and at what time. We would wake up at 4 and wouldn’t get home until after 10 (for you sane people, that’s in the a.m.). And while I haven’t had much experience shopping in Idaho Falls, Black Friday in Utah was more than a day, it was an Olympic event.I made my sister, a Black Friday virgin, come with me one year. She was amazed to see retailers passing out refreshments to 5am shoppers on their way into stores. But on Black Friday those shoppers are more like marathoners taking the paper cups of orange juice and hot chocolate to pour over their heads as they...

What I Know for Sure
2007-11-15 20:33:00
(I know, I stole it from Oprah, but the woman’s too busy getting pedicures with hundred dollar bills rolled between her toes to sue lil ole me – so I’m gonna run with it. Love ya, Oprah. And should you ever want to run a show about poor bloggers trying to become multi-millionaires on nothing but poopy posts, I’m here for you.)While at BYU-Hawaii a kazillion years ago I attended a devotional that changed my life (unfortunately, the same portion of my brain that remembers the devotional can’t remember the person who delivered it. Sorry.). The speaker said, “Just because it feels good doesn’t mean it’s right, and just because it’s right doesn’t mean it feels good.” I’m certain he used an example of making out in the back seat of a car. Feels good, not so right. You get the gist.At the time I was engaged to a great guy, one who treated me very well. I loved him and was caught up in everything that was Wedding (there was a $200 deposit on the dress and a luau with...

A First Date
2007-11-14 07:29:00
I’m going to take a break from my melancholy self and write an uplifting post. I’m determined to think my way to a happier place so I’m going to tell you about my date. Yes, I’m newly single and tonight I went on my very first post separation date. With whom, you ask? My son. I know—you feel a little ripped off. You were expecting a juicier story – the likes of which I don’t expect to experience in the immediate future. But believe me, people, if I ever have a juicy story, you’ll be the first to know (because I’m shameless that way).Anyway, my date with my son was fabulous. He was the perfect gentleman, and while I had to pay my own way (and his), he was a good conversationalist, well-mannered, complimentary, and asked if we could go out again. Soon. Now how often does all that happen on a first date?I guess it’s a misnomer to call it a first date. We’ve gone out before. In fact, I’ve gone out on dates with Leah and Zack too. And I’ve got to say that while ...

Without My Children
2007-11-11 05:51:00
I both relish and despise the weekends my ex has the kids. On the one hand it’s exhilarating to have hours to myself—to freelance, to watch movies, to take baths. I can go shopping, without a cart, and meander the store looking at things—me-things. Body wash, jewelry, handbags, magazines. And then it gets late and I start to ache, wondering what my children are doing, if they’re having fun, and how much of their lives I’ve just missed.Kaleb has another loose tooth—will that go under a pillow at our house or his Dad’s? What profound questions will Leah ask that I won’t be there to answer? And what of Zack and his potty training—will he finally get it when he’s not with me? They are my children, flesh of my flesh, and I’m sharing them like luxury vehicles, piecing out moments of their lives like poker chips. And I wonder how they feel about this, passed between my ex and I without thought or question of what they want, of how they would like to spend their time.I...
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You're Fired!
2007-11-09 05:57:00
About three weeks ago I was unceremoniously fired from a job I’ve held for a little more than 6 years. I’ve never been fired before so, I admit, I took it personally. Unemployed, and from a volunteer position, no less. You know where I’m going with this. My three year old let me go.Following an especially difficult trip to the grocery store, I was buckling a disgruntled Zack into his car seat when he informed me, “You’re fired, Mom!”I was stunned, because really, where had he learned to say that? And then, shouldn’t he have warned me in some kind of formal performance review? “So are you giving me two weeks’ notice or should I leave you here so you can call a Taxi?” I asked. He wasn’t amused. I continued my bitter monologue home. “Do you have someone in mind or are you just going to take this to the classifieds?” And then, “Remember to ask for someone who will wipe your tears, wipe your nose, and yes, wipe your bum. Not a very appealing job desc...
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A Storm of Pain, and other shameless metaphors
2007-11-07 17:57:00
Humans are interesting creatures, not unlike animals in their desire to shun pain, to do what they can to avoid the sting of a wound, be it physical or emotional. About the time I stopped posting to my blog I had stepped into the axis of my pain, and I have to admit, it surprised me.Just weeks earlier I had been talking with my friend Mary, explaining that I had already mourned the end of my marriage three years ago. All that was left to grieve was the impact it was having on my children (can we say denial?). I was efficiently moving through my divorce, checking through these emotional steps like items on a To-Do list. That’s when the unbearable pain hit me, stealing my breath. Suddenly my heart resembled a split melon, wide and messy with emotion. I thought I was going to die, thought I wanted to die, and gravitated towards my ex, the only one who truly understood how much our divorce hurt.Not until this moment have I recognized two types of pain. One steals upon you slowly and b...
More About: Storm , Pain , Mele , Metaphors