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Waiting For Swim Practice to End
2008-02-27 06:02:00
So, waiting around for hours at end for swim practices to end isn't all bad. Take this sunset on Mercer Island: Can I just say I love the Pacific Northwest!?Now, guess who I am less in love with right now? I have to admit that I'm a bit peeved with Li'l Man. He sat next to me tonight as I surfed the web on the couch. CG had just made me a "Flim-Flam" cocktail which includes rum, lemon juice, OJ, Cointreau, and, oh yes, rum. So, he suddenly jumps off the couch out of the blue in a very schizoid cat hocking catnip way and suddenly my cocktail ricocheted off him and landed on top of my laptop. Flim-Flam-Fuck! Can we say Deja Vu? At least this time, I had the forethought to turn the laptop upside down to drain my laptop rather than pry off keys. But arrgh! I was red-hot mad. It was not a fine Mommy moment. I knew my temper was reaching uncontrollable, so I told him in a very tight, very controlled voice to leave. Leave the room now. I don't care where you go, just leave. ...
More About: Practice , Swim , Waiting

More Cream Cheese Issues
2008-02-26 17:07:00
Besides my husband, CG, having the inability to walk ten feet to get a clean spoon, thus stirring my coffee with a cream cheese laden knife, now there's this:Yes, my friends, that is my eight year old's slathered in cream cheese bagel. And yes, the mound of cream cheese on the plate was originally on that bagel. I figure it is at least 5-6 extra tablespoons beyond the 5-6 I left on the two bagel halves. Ridiculous. She's been doing this for weeks, I finally said enough and scraped it off in front of her. I am always so careful not to pick on my daughter especially about food. I had food issues growing up and still do. My Dad in particular was and still can be pretty harsh. I don't want to pass that on to my daughter. However, her love of cheese, sausage, and mindless eating is getting out of control of late. She's still on the healthy range of her size and age. She swims competitively 4 times a week. She plays basketball twice a week. However, I have noticed of late she's star...
More About: Issues , Cheese , Cream

Flawed Surveys Lead To Substance Abuse
2008-02-21 15:55:00
Hold the phones, people. Driving back from swim practice, I got to turn off the blasted DVD and listen to my love, NPR. I may be Republican, but I loves me some NPR. SEE! I don't discount news sources just because they might have a lefty-agenda like liberals attack FOX news. You see, I came equipped with a brain and a little itty-bit of reason. Combine that with some edu-ma-cation, and I can listen with discerning logic. Did you get all that?! Besides, their musical vignettes between stories just gives one such a sense of relaxation. And, I hate radio commercials. Nope, not in the market for a guitar at Guitar Center. Or a used car. Or a mattress from Sleep Country USA. So back to NPR, on comes a report that: " ONE IN SIX eight graders in Washington have drank alcohol." Oh, NOES! Holy Shit, Batman! Oh, the beating of chests and wailing of all good mommies across the state! Well, all mommies but me because I'm on to their surveys of middle schoolers. I'm on to their scurvy survey ...
More About: Abuse , Surveys , Lead

LAzy Cafe Au Lait Or Is That OLE! You Lazy Bastard!
2008-02-21 15:22:00
I was flying along the interstate at 70 mph this morning to take my son to swim practice. The car was warm. The sky was still an inky black. The sounds of Harry Potter floated from the DVD speakers. The quiet sounds of thoughtful chewing of Noah's bagels with cream cheese surrounded us. Ah! The morning commute cocoon.I took my first sip of coffee.In my mouth went some creamy, slightly sweetened, superstrong coffee. Mmmmm...I took my second sip...I got a chunk of cream.Blek! I tried not to spew as we hurtled down the freeway. With no recourse, I swallowed the liquid around the chunk and then gingerly drooled/wiped my tongue/spit out the chunkiness onto the top of my mug. I turned on the overhead light and saw a disgusting chunk. I open my mug and there layed a field of chunkiness.Ugggh. My thoughts went to CG's less than diligent dishwashing. Then my thoughts went to the time this weekend when I might have left the milk out for too long. Bingo! Double yuck.I called up CG on my cell...
More About: Bastard , Cafe , Lazy

Like a Blister in the Sun-- But Wackier!
2008-02-20 16:47:00
Did I mention it was a beautiful, sunny day yesterday? Oh, I did. Did I tell you it was sunny the day before that? Oh, yes I did. And the day before that? Are you getting tired of me telling you about the orgasmic sun in Seattle?Too bad!Yep, we Seattleites are worse than Englishmen in the sun. We go sun-mad! Sun-crazee! Oh, the glory of that bee-u-tiful sun. I would kiss you, o sun gods, if I could. I would do other things to .... if I weren't happily married.Where was I? Oh yes. So, funny I said happily. You see, loading up the bikes on my car's bike's rack was not so happy yesterday. Arrgh! Lots of grumpy words with the hubs. It seems that in the interim from the last time we used the rack, we purchased children's bikes with frames that don't fit on that pricey $400 piece o' shite. So, after grumbling and saying he wasn't trying hard enough, we got our way, a half-hour late to meet friends at Pine Lake. PB's bike, in it's oily glory, was inside the car. So convenient we h...
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It's What's For Lunch
2008-02-20 16:06:00
So, some people thought that Denny's would have been a choice than my high-brow breakfast on Monday. Whatever!However, to tell the whole truth, we don't always eat that way. Everything evens itself out. All in moderation.For instance this lunch the next day: See, no carbs unless you count the four Trader Joe unsalted blue corn tortilla chips with flax seeds. Lots of monounsaturated fats in the organic avocados. Tons of vitamins, carotenoid luteins, phytonutrients, beta carotene, plant sterols, in the avocado and again in the organic tomato. Crammed with calcium from the fresh mozzarella. Drizzled with olive oil, lemon juice, kosher salt, and fresh ground pepper. Ummm...yum!People, are you not impressed? Admit it! You covet my lunch!Okay, maybe I chose the lunch for it's colors. It'd matched my mood. Did I mention it's still SUNNY in Seattle?Life, my friends, is gewd! At least one new blog a day! ~Scout's Honor
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Grace and Charm While Cycling
2008-02-19 19:05:00
Remember how I said we went for an hours long bike ride on Sunday?Well, last night we went for another hour long bike ride. Just so you know, this is the first time I've used my bike in oh...over a year. So what happens when you over do it on a bike? Yep, my tush felt like I'd gotten a thousand spanks of a wooden paddle. Ouch! I couldn't sit on the bike seat last night. So I rode upright for the whole hour. Still fun, but I definitely needed to work on my endurance. So what happens when you use butt and now thigh muscles you haven't used also in years, times two? Yep, my friends I'm walking around today stiff-thighed, bent-over aching back, waddling like I have a diaper between my legs. I moan every three steps. So graceful, my friends. So very attractive. And what do I plan to do today? Yep, we want to go again. I think I'll go from my current toddler staggering to a crawl tomorrow. Yep, charming. At least one new blog a day! ~Scout's Honor
More About: Cycling , Grace , Charm

(Gurp) It's What's For Breakfast
2008-02-18 18:32:00
A Keeping it Real Recipe brought to you by the makers of Coke-glazed Spam. Ok, not really. It's from me and I've never had Coke-glazed Spam. Step One: Take one plump, tender, deliciously flour-y Orowheat County Potato Roll. Or two. Make it three. Carbs = Gewd. Step Two: Nuke homemade Sun-Dried Tomato Alfredo sauce left over from penne last night. You know the healthy kind made with real butter and lots of parmesean-na. Step Three: Dip and slurp, my friends. Dip and slurp. Yep, it's the breakfast of champions. It's like high-brow Shit on a Shingle or S.O.S. for those of you from the south or who've been in an Army mess hall. Yep, high-faluting S.O.S. Except the shit gravy saucy stuff looks more vomity than sh***y with the orangey-peachy color from the sun dried tomatoes. Those tomatoes also add some chunks. Since it's a little cold in spots, even more gelatineous, mucousy chunks are added. Bonus! MmmmmMmmm. Good. Whew-weeee! You covet my high-falutin' breakfast. Admit it! At...
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Always on the Sunnyside
2008-02-18 17:06:00
IT'S STILL SUNNY. Cold (31 degrees), but sunny. Life is good. Even better than the sun, CG just offered (without out even being asked) to take Eldest to his holiday schedule swim practice in Kent. That's over 1-1/2 drive roundtrip from here. Add a 2 hours practice. That means I have almost four hours more of this sunny weather to myself. This is important because on a sun-high from yesterday, I looked up the 10 day forcast. That was a bad move, my friends. This is our last day of pure, unadulterated sun. Wet, rainy, gloomy weather is in our future in the Pacific Northwest. Do I enjoy the sun I do have? Or start slamming my head against the wall for what's coming? All pictures taken by me on my walk at 8 AM this morning. Gorgeous? Definitely. I'm hoping it makes my family anybody you want to visit me ! At least one new blog a day! ~Scout's Honor

How's the Weather Down There?
2008-02-18 02:09:00
My Mom calls me all the time to compare her weather to our Seattle gloom. I guess it makes her feel better. If there's an instance when the Bay Area weather isn't so great, it's blamed on Seattle. The phrase, "I guess we got your weather down her," gets uttered occasionally. So, today, I'm thinking we might have stole some California weather. It's been a clear, sparkly, sunny day. Not a cloud in the sky. Miles upon miles of views of snowy mountain caps, but warm and sunny here. So we met the day with a gorgeous breakfast made by the boys. Eldest, with some assistance from Li'l Man, made this stack: They might have made more, if I didn't say the mountain was enough. We threw in some more thick-slab bacon, like yesterday. Mmmmm. Bacon. Then a bowl-full of very ripe organic strawberries, blackberries, and raspberries. Throw in a glass of pulpy OJ or thick vanilla soy milk. Add some real maple syrup and Nutella. Mmmm. Then, we started thinking of what to do. The kids wanted a mo...
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Shit Happens: Vacation-Schmay-cation
2008-02-17 19:31:00
CG wanted to go snow camping for winter break. Crazy, I know. This involved going to an area which has had frequent avalanches this season. It involved digging snow caves to sleep in and snow shoe-ing in with avalanche beacons. It involved lots of dried food. Uhhhh. No thank you. I told him that that was absolutely not ever happening. I did however encourage him to get it out of his system by going with a college mate. I also made sure his life insurance was update, because, if he was going to be a DAMN fool, he better leave us in style. They were supposed to leave today. SUPPOSED TO are the operative words. It seems that our friend "Weed" has gall bladder problems and the DIARRHEA. Weed can't come to play. So, CG starts immediately trying to convince me to go. Beyond the fact that Weed has the avalanche beacons and training, ummm, not on your fucking life! Never, ever going to happen. Deja Vu? On top of this, I'm already in a bad mood because someone's husband kept her up at...
More About: Vacation , Shit

Bacon! It's What's For Breakfast!
2008-02-16 20:01:00
Bacon was on the menu today.. Yes, I know that's a fuck load of bacon. However, when you have a family of five, it doesn't last long. Take for instance this six year old. He's slightly taller than average at the 80 percentile. He's about the same in weight. Would you ever guess that this kid could eat the following in one sitting: TWO Noah's gigantic cheese bagels with butterTHREE pieces of said thick-sliced bacon1 Fried Egg1 large Strawberry Hollow leg! You don't even want to know what Eldest eats. At 5'2" and 100 lbs, the kid is a skinny black hole. He does burn 1000 calories a practice at swimming, but still. He hasn't even hit puberty yet. Our grocery bill already routinely hits $1000. In the name of Thor, what will it be when these boys really start to grow?! CG and I are screwed. Kaput. We might as well invest in Costco. They will own us. So much for college, I think they will eat us before they make it. If you haven't heard from me in a while, give a call to our next...
More About: Breakfast , Bacon

Party ON!
2008-02-15 18:21:00
I partied hard on Valentine's Day. Didn't you? Yeaaah, party hopping baab-yyyy! The Capri Sun cocktails were so-so. What, you've never had a Capri Sun at a party?! Then, you obviously aren't a party Mom. Do you feel the triumphant tone of this post? I made it. I did not get sick. I was the last one standing of our family, but did not get the stomach flu. All emergency plans were averted. I helped in Li'l Man's class party then hopped over to directing PB's party. They both had a blast. There's something to having your Mom or Dad attend your class party that makes a kid beam with pride. Hence, I was happy to have ten party helpers yesterday in PB's class of twenty-four. Not as much to do, but the kids do love their parent to be there. So, after pretty much all-day kid parties, I was exhausted. I had blown my wad. CG had plans to make a wonderful dinner ... except, the entire island, every counter surface and the kitchen table was covered with Valentines from the kids, party ...
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A Valentine For My Love
2008-02-14 17:53:00
What do you get your husband of eleven years? He, who gives you everything? Including morning coffee, without fail. You give him some hot stuff. No, no chains and whips today, my friends. Just some teasing. I gave him the gift of warmth. You see, lately, he's always cold. So I got him this bright orange polar fleece jacket I knew he would hate. Seriously, because it's IZOD. He hates IZOD. It wouldn't have been cool unless it was North Face or REI, but I wasn't going to pay that much for a joke. So, it looked like the type of thing his DAD would wear around the house. And I always tease CG that he's turning into a curmedgeonly Grandpa.Then, I got him this to keep something warm inside of him. It's a soup cannister to take to school with him:CG thought it looked like a pill.And this, so he could look pimptastically hot:Does anyone think this shirt bears a striking resemblance to Lady Kier's outfit in the "Groove is in the Heart" video below? I still thinks it's hot and he...
More About: Love , Valentine

Valentine One-Upmanship
2008-02-14 17:14:00
Some people say I have an inner-Martha Stewart. Does that portend prison? Nah! However, conventional, regular old Valentine s are just not for us. We've never done just the pre-made cards. Or even the pre-made cards with candy. No, we stay away from candy and give small gifts. We have done this from the time we were in infant playgroups, pre-school, kindergarten, and beyond.One year, we did cookie cutters. Another year was mini-books. Two foot Sparkly pencils. Party bags of trinkets. Necklaces. All for the whole class. Yep, it can get expensive. We do the same at the Holidays. My kids are known for handing out the cool stuff. We have a reputation to uphold. We also always print out a cute pic of the kid to glue on. Ah, cementing that popularity through bribes.This year, with our sicknesses, I was so behind the power curve. I was also flummoxed because this will be the first year Eldest, in 6th grade, won't hand out Valentines. Sniffle. So I bought a Costco-size Red Vines that we en...

Addicted-Schmedicted
2008-02-14 05:46:00
Our router doesn't seem to be working. After being cut off from the internetz for the longest 239.5 minutes of my life, here I sit. I'm in the coat closet. Shhh! Don't tell anyone.You see, our high-speed cable modem is in our coat closet.How lame am I??CG told me before he left for class that I'd have to connect the old-fashioned way. I've been wireless for so long, I didn't even know how! I told him it was ok 'cause it's not like I have to be constantly tapped in, right?Are you laughing??? He was when I told him that. One hour later, I was texting him during his class."How in bloody hell do I get connected? Oh, that blue cable thingy goes in the back of my laptop?"Yep, I popped my laptop's cherry. She'd never had a cable in her before.After a call to the pimptastic cable mating service Comcastic for a reset, it worked.She's liking it in this dark coat closet. Her fans are a-humming and she is connected with her lurve, the internetz!The End. At least one new blo...
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Can You Feel The Love?
2008-02-13 22:34:00
Honest quotes today:"You pee on my keyboard, and you are dead to me." Yes, you know I roll like that. I put my laptop down on the closed toilet seat while washing my hands and CG thought it would be funny to whip his organ o' love out and poise it above my keyboard. Honey, so NOT funny! "Can you smell my breath? I think it smells like poo." Nice. Where was this in my wedding vows, I ask you?? I finally smelled it while squinting and hoping my eyes didn't water. Noooo, it didn't smell like poo. However, it wasn't quite fresh either. Hmmmm..... It smelled familiar.Then, I realized.It smelled exactly like my first boy friend, Scott Keener's mouth tasted. Weird. It smelled like a 16-year-old kid's mouth tastes. I'm not sure CG was pleased with that assessment.Love and marriage. Can you feel the romance after eleven years?!Sorry, I'm a-feelin' the music today so I gots to go to a throw back from my rave days. What? You didn't think Republicans went to raves? You'd be surprised...
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And Our Hellish Houseguest Begins the Final Assault! Help!
2008-02-13 19:47:00
Eldest is down. Eldest is done. Yet another blow from all that is germy. I can hear this echoing in my head:People, I am the only one left is this home of retch and frothy poo who has not succumbed. I am the last domino is this house of cards. How's that for euphemisms? I can not get sick. I am a party mom in charge of 24 third graders' ferverent hearts and dreams of the best class party ever. I will give that to them because I am the bitchin'-est party mom ever. Baby, I will survive: Or maybe this version: Which do you like better? At least one new blog a day! ~Scout's Honor
More About: Assault , Final

My Buddy...My Buddy..My Buddy and Me
2008-02-13 05:58:00
My only brother and I had a rough relationship growing up. Ah sibling rivalry! It's hard to both be rebels in a Mormon family of six. Umm...he definitely won. However, as adults we have a pretty cool, respectful, friendly deal-i-o. Besides, I long ago thought he was punished enough with his first psycho wife to make up for all the crap he put me through. :) And, he bought me my first 12-pack of beer to take to a party. Big points, big brother. Mega points. So swinging back to the present, he doesn't email often, but when he does, my eyes perk up. You see he has a talent for finding the most disgusting of traffic scenes such as real pictures of actual people CUT IN HALF AND DISEMBOWLED from car accidents while texting. He forwards me pictures of athletes taking a leak on the Olympic field. Pictures of pumpkins shapes like sex organs. Dude, really twisted stuff. Ahhhh... Do you feel the love? Tonight, he sent me another of his gems. I click with anticipation and a bit of a...
More About: Buddy

I See The Light
2008-02-12 18:01:00
People, at this very, very minute, there is actual sun in Seattle. Watery sun. Weak, dappled light, but light none the less. There might just be light at the end of the tunnel. On other light news, CG, I repeat, CG, did change most of the 20 bajillion indoor lightbulbs. I turned on the downstairs bathroom light the other evening and was so blinded by it's magnificence that I almost tripped into the toilet. There might even be hope for the outdoor lightbulbs to be changed. Stay tuned! I would like to give thanks to Helen for her husband heckling. Truly, you were too kind. Let me know if I can ever return the favor. Many thanks also go out to Amelia, Leslie, and Not a Granny for their gracious comments about our horrible lightbulb situation. Thanks for the back up girls. You rock! Finally, my troll flea seem to have disappeared. Huzzah! Thank again to Helen and Ferbit for helping me laugh her off my blog. Thanks chickadees. I'm not sure if this video is for the troll or the obediant...
More About: Light

Guilty Much?
2008-02-11 22:21:00
Remember that Daddy-Daughter dance I mentioned? PB was looking "up for it," so I let her go to much-anticipated dance -- over responsibly keeping her home for another 24 hours. Here are the pics before the dance:I am so blessed to have these two. They are beautiful from the inside out. PB wore my wedding jewelry. She was so proud. She preened in the mirror...then turned a little green. Can you see CG thinking, "If she throws up in my car...Woman, you are mine. I'll throw the whole Saltine box at you?She insisted she wasn't sick, so off the two of them went. CG gave her a gallon Ziploc in the car, just in case. I sent the boys to bed early since we had a swim meet to finally get to in the wee morning. I washed dishes and puttered around. The house was so quiet. No wretching. No giggles. No constant, obnoxious cartoons with sickly kids planted in front of the devil box. Silence. Only the tap-tap-tapping of the dogs following me wherever I went. They, with their swishing tails, s...
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Withered
2008-02-10 22:41:00
This tulip pretty much sums up how I've been feeling lately. Dried up. Old. Tired. It's spirit shriveled. At the same time, with it's hidden bulb beneath, I realize there is still energy there. Still huge potential. Still promise.Resilience. A future still undecided. And, yes, no matter how tired, still beauty in it all. I'm still hanging in there. Hanging on to those childhood dreams.I hope you are too. At least one new blog a day! ~Scout's Honor

Spousal Abuse
2008-02-10 00:25:00
Help! CG is throwing Ninja Stars saltines at my head. Seriously. The last one whizzed by my ear. The dog is loving it. Why? I might have impuned his masculinity by pointing out his self-chosen MBA homework file is a little girly. Well, it's bright purple. So I suggested adding a pony. Or maybe an unicorn. Maybe a scratch 'n sniff sticker or two? I might have made reference to Purple Rain. I might have sang "Little Red Corvette." What? He's the one who chose a bright, shiny purple folder that PB, our eight year old daughter, would love to have. He's also the one who still reveres Danzig, Metallica, and NoFX. The one who still holds on to wearing black Chuck Taylors and Doctor Martens. The one who claims to like all things black. You know, the former Army Captain who qualified expert (that's higher than a sharpshooter for those who don't know) on too may weapons to count. The one who like playing with c-4 (that's army-man explosives again for those who don't know). Are the sa...
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Sick of Our New House Guest
2008-02-09 20:19:00
Welcome to the house of spew and frothy poo. Okay, I admit this is happier times a couple weeks ago. Now the snow has thawed, but it's thaw brought with it the most horrific house guest.What lurks behind those happy shiny faces? What's to come behind those blood-red doors? Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.Yep, the plague has taken little PB as it's latest victim. So, instead of going to bed early, to be ready for the swim meet this week-end, I stayed up with her until 3:30 AM, with bowl after bowl at the ready. Final number 15.We were a no-show at the swim meet. While Eldest is healthy, after staying up all night, I didn't trust myself to be driving at 5:30 AM to a meet. He is a bit bummed, but, in the immortal words of Annie, there's always tomorrow.Did I mention tonight is the Daddy-Daughter dance? PB is determined she'll be fine. She hasn't thrown up since 6 AM. How long do you think is enough to be safe to go in public? I kept Li'l Man home from school when he ha...
More About: House , New House , Guest , Sick

Unappreciated and Dirty
2008-02-08 22:23:00
Guess who remembered at 8:53 today that she had ordered the Salvation Army truck to pick up a shitload of stuff that was somewhere in that dung hole we call a garage? She was very ambitious and said she'd have 3 bags of clothing, 2 bags of shoes, 3 boxes of housewares, a double oven, a toaster, a printer, 2 boxes of toys, an entertainment center, an arm chair, and a solid oak table, etc. etc. waiting for pick up. She delayed the pick up twice, but forgot to delay once again. She hoped this would force the cleaning of the garage. Did I mention the entertainment center was under 50 boxes of junk and stuff we have yet to unpack almost three years since we moved? And that the solid-oak-my-back-is-so-fucked table was on the opposite side of the garage? Did I mention that there was no space to sort, move, budge, and kick stuff into a pile since all floor space was covered with xmas decor I threw out there last week? To accompany the Halloween decorations I threw out there in October? To ...
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Bubbles and Sparkles
2008-02-07 23:52:00
Li'l Man's final number was a whopping TWENTY-THREE. Twenty-three offerings to the gigantic Tupperware Thats-a-Bowl of Doom.I was up until 3 AM feeling nauseated myself. So tired today.And still depressed today. I can't stop staring at my feet and willing myself to get up, to no avail. Can't get out of this funk. Get up! Get up! It's better than yesterday. Today I found the energy to shower. Better than maintaining personal hygiene over a greasy ponytail, I actually painted my toe nails. I went sparkly, using PB's sparkle over an OPI opalescent. See. I am combatting the Seattle gloom, one sparkly toe nail at a time. Now about those light bulbs... At least one new blog a day! ~Scout's Honor
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Corrupted
2008-02-07 17:42:00
It's a middle school rite to be preached to about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Sometimes it starts a little earlier, but they will hit on the subject no later than six grade.So Eldest, being in said grade, came home excited about a survey the entire school took."Mom, they asked three questions."I, as always distracted with reading and commenting on blogs life-changing, super important bizness, quietly sigh, "Umm-hmmph." He starts listing the questions...blah...blah...blah. WHAT! Don't tell me you actually listen to your pre-teens?!Then he gets to the punchline. With a certain matter-of-fact pride, he slips out, "I said YES to all three."What? "What?! What were the questions? " I squeaked. Flickr picture by AlwaYs Be Cool My mind fluttered wildly to all the afterschool specials of my yute. Here the little guy was trying to share his heroine addiction and I wasn't even paying attention. Meth-Schmeth!"Questions, again, please." I bark out. I am intently paying attention now. W...

Absorbative
2008-02-07 04:47:00
"Is that Britney?"My just-turned-six-year-olds weak voice asked between spew number eleven and upchuck number twelve in the last three hours. Yes, I'm counting because I'm OCD like that."What did you say?""Mommy, is that Britney?"Wiping his mouth, I realized his glazed eyes are glued to the television which is on Access Hollywood.Shit."Britney who? " I ask innocently."You know, Britney Sh-peawers." He rests his head weakly on the couch.Ummm. Stalling."How do you know who Britney Spears is?""She's that girl on the T.V. that doesn't wear underwear."Oh. My. God. He's like a little sponge except tonight this knowledge--and everything else--is all coming out."I thought she had blond hair, Mommy."Oh, what have I done exposing my baby to such drivel?! His brain should be full of Dr. Suess, not Entertainment Tonight.Then, I am redeemed."She's that girl that doesn't do things right. She doesn't do the right things." His little voice is full of conviction.Oh, thank you Jebesus. Althou...

Can It Get Any Better?
2008-02-07 01:34:00
Seriously, it's been a day for me. I did muster the energy to take the kids to swim practice. It's a 50 minute round trip. Lately, I've been making it twice daily instead of hanging out at the club for three hours, just so I get an extra hour at home to make dinner before turning back. Normally, that's what CG is for, but he's at school and I've a pact with myself to stop eating out so much. So today, I had nary turned the car around when Li'l Man starts to complain of a "sore throat." I sort did a "suck-it-up-buck-r-roo" speech. I figured he must have picked up my flu-ish, phlegm-a-rama plague. Luckily, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the bulging eyes and puckered mouth. I completely forgot how the older kids used to confuse imminent nausea with sore throats. Shit! Shit! Shit! I swerved to the side of the road. Yanking open his door without a second to spare, he yak-ed all over the road. I split my legs quickly or he would have made a bullseye. I quickly pulled his p...

Lights Out
2008-02-06 22:03:00
Baby, it's gray outside. Too gray. I'm depressed. I hurt. Too tired to think. Thank god for kids or I would never leave the house. Getting showered seems like too much of an effort.I've suffered from S.A.D. before when we lived in Fairbanks. I'm starting to feel it again.Where's my first stop? Not therapist. Not drugstore. Nope, I need to get me to a hardware store.You see, light helps. Light is good. Full spectrum light. Bright, sunny days would be awesome, but the earth doesn't seem to be listening to me. So, I'll settle for replacing some lightbulbs because...oh...we only have only 30+ lightbulbs burned out at our house.You think I jest? CG thought I was exaggerating. Let me refer to the evidence:Let's start when I drive up to the house. Six bulbs here. Let's look up at the back stairs. No surprise! There's 2 more. Do however note how very useless a skylight is in winter when you live in Seattle. Running total = 8Here we come to the downstairs bath. Yep, 2 more. By th...
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