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Kim
2007-03-01 15:40:00
I keep dumping Kim and then showing up at her house all beat up and expecting her to nurse me back to health...She always does!!Except on SUNDAY, she wouldn't even let me IN, even though I got STABBED again!!!I ain't heard shit from Kim this week but someone told me they saw her whispering something into a tree by some stupid waterfalls yesterday.HAHA! I bet it was about ME!!!

Yoga
2007-02-27 22:26:00
I let my MOM borrow my camera last week so she could take it to her stupid YOGA class.She never gave it back!To tell you the truth, I forgot about it...THEN, yesterday I went into her purse to get a condom, and my CAMERA was in there!!I took it out and scrolled through the pictures, and I saw my Mom in a bunch of PERVERTED poses with these weird GUYS!!!I ran to show my DAD, but he wasn't even HOME!!!HE'S prally still at the BAR, wasting ALL his $$$$$ on BOOZE!!!!
More About: Yoga

Matt
2007-02-22 13:09:00
I saw Matt yesterday.BOY-O I haven't seen him for a LONG time!He has a SICK goatee now, and he STILL calls me by my OLD nickname: Borty.I told him firmly that I'm JUST Bort now...Borty is like, just a little KID'S name!He said he was sorry but I KNOW he didn't mean it!

Rory
2007-02-16 18:38:00
I dunno WHAT'S with that guy, RORY...HE'S always talking about how global warming is a LOAD of HOUEEY!!!I don't really know much about that SCIENCE stuff...I mean, it WAS really WARM outside back in January, but TUESDAY it SNOWED!!!

Willie
2007-02-15 10:47:00
My cousin Will ie is the MAN!He got SECOND PRIZE in the school INVENTION CONVENTION!!He spent weeks working on his INVENTION, which was pretty much the COOLEST thing ANYONE EVER INVENTED.It was called WILLIE'S CLOTHES ORGANIZER, and it was the BEST laundry basket I ever SEEN!!It doesn't even MATTER that STUPID MARJORIE got FIRST PLACE with her AUTOMATIC NAIL CLIPPER...HAHA! She can't even CELEBRATE b/c her DAD DIED!!!
More About: Willie

Ndugo and Flemens
2007-02-08 12:45:00
Ndugo and Flemens used to hang out together ALL the TIME...Until Flemens started smoking WEED!Ndugo said his MOM would be FURIOUS with him if she ever caught him on the pot, so he felt like he couldn't ROLL with Flemens no more...But he didn't have the heart to tell him that they couldn't hang out because of DRUGS.So he asked ME to tell Flemens!!I said NO WAY at first, but then Ndugo gave me a signed 1984 Rollie Fingers card!!I went up to Flemens during recess and I started to explain about Ndugo and pot, but SUDDENLY Flemens asked me if I wanted to go by the swings and smoke some AFGHANI HYDRO!!!HOLY BAJESUS!! We got STONED as FUCK AND discussed ARCHITECTURE for like a TRILLION hours!!!Now FLEMENS is my BEST FRIEND, and Mike is #2 and LOSER Soon Yeon is #3!!
More About: Men , Mens

Birthday
2007-02-07 11:56:00
Last night we went to a GREAT restaurant in MANHATTAN for my BEST friend Soon Yeon's Birth day party.I ate the most delicious cummy soup!Before dinner, I had spent MOST of the day yesterday shopping for a RADICOOL b-day present for Soon, and I finally found the BESTEST one at Spencer Gifts...A KUNG-FU HAMSTER!Ole' Soony was SUPER excited to get the BEST PRESENT EVER from ME, and everyone DEFINITELY agreed it was amazing, especially when it played a FUCKING COOL KUNG-FU SONG and spun its NUNCHUCKS AROUND!!! He SEEMED so HAPPY about the present that I gave him with wholesome LOVE from my heart...Can you believe that JERKFACE JERK FORGOT IT AT THE RESTAURANT?!??!!?!?Soon Yeon AIN'T my BEST friend NO MORE!!!!HE's now my SECOND best friend, AFTER MIKE...

Stairway
2007-02-06 09:16:00
I met Renee at a party a couple weeks ago, and last week she called me outta the blue!SHE wanted to know if I would come over to her house for a TV WATCHING party on Saturday night to check out some episiodes of 24 with her and some of her friends.I thought maybe she LIKE LIKED me, so I was a little NERVOUS, but I agreed.I decided to be FASHIONABLY late by six minutes, but when I got there I was STILL the first to ARRIVE!THEN she told me that ALL her friends CANCELLED and it was just gonna be me and her, and ALSO she couldn't find the episodes of "24" she wanted at the video store and did I feel like drinking some whiskey?WHISKEY!!!!!We sat down on her couch and drank for a while, and I was beginning to feel a little BUZZED, when I noticed that Renee was startin' to get all HEATED UP and SQUIRMY SEEMING and THEN she put on STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!!!I told her to "TURN IT OFF!!! I WON'T listen to STAIRWAY with YOU, RENEE!!"She asked me why and I told her it was SECRET and that I hadda...
More About: Airway

Ducky
2007-02-01 09:44:00
Me and my sister was playin' POWER RANGERS: MYSTIC FORCE and she woulda gotten DESTROYED if Uncle DUCKFACE hadn't shown up and KNOCKED me down with a ZEN ATTACK!I told Uncle DUCKY he couldn't DEFEAT my STAR WARS powers and then I challenged him to a LIGHT SABER DUEL!!!He took me up on THAT challenge, and THEN he KNOCKED my light saber outta my HAND and then KNOCKED me down AGAIN with ANOTHER ZEN ATTACK!!I told him he was a DUCKY DUCKFACE and then I tried to LIGHT SABER him AGAIN!!HE KNOCKED my light saber outta my HAND AGAIN and then KNOCKED me down AGAIN with ANOTHER ZEN ATTACK!!I axed him why SUCH A DUCKY DUCKFACE was SCARED of POWER RANGERS: MYSTIC FORCE, and THEN I tried to LIGHT SABER him AGAIN!!He GRABBED my light saber outta my HAND AGAIN and THREW it across the ROOM and then KNOCKED me down AGAIN with ANOTHER ZEN ATTACK!!THEN he told me to "Go bother your Uncle Eddie!"THEN HE FELL ASLEEP!!!!
More About: Duck , Ducky

Euphrasia
2007-01-30 09:03:00
Shit I hadda work SOOO MUCH last week I didn't even have a chance to THINK!!Friday was the WORST, though, I stayed up ALL NIGHT cleaning out the walk in fridge and dry goods closet so's our restaurant could be ready for the NYC health inspector on Saturday.MAN OH MAN, by the time Sat. NIGHT rolled up, I was ready to PARTY!!!My friends and I decided we would get WASTED at my friend Paul's house and then maybe go out to a COOL party if anybody heard about one.I got to Paul's early and I was ready to DRINK, but he forgot to steal the Canadian Club from his older brother so we had NO BOOZE!We called our friend Loren and told him to see if he could score us some acid on his way over. He said he would TRY.That LOSER showed up without it!!We were running out of options and also it was SUPER COLD outside and nobody had gotten any calls about AWESOME parties nearby and everyone was getting to be in a BAD MOOD.Suddenly, I got an IDEA! I ran into Paul's little sister's room (she was sl...
More About: Asia , Euph

Warren
2007-01-25 09:03:00
I dunno WHY Aunty Edith had to invite her new BOYFRIEND to Baskin Robbins with us...It was SUPPOSED to be just ME and AUNTY!!!HE always tries to pretend he's COOL by tryin' to talk about karate or comics with me, but he ain't never even READ X-Men he just saw X2 and he STILL can't even pronounce Magneto right!!Once I axed Aunty why she even LIKES War ren and her answer was that she thinks he looks JUST like Christian Bale...YEAH...If Christian Bale was OLD and RETARDED!!!

Ricky
2007-01-22 09:34:00
Ricky was my roomate at the Bronx Community College summer art program last year.BOY, did he LOVE to talk about all those times he got his PENIS TOUCHED!When I FIRST met him, we started talking about what kind of music we were into and stuff and I was tellin' him all about Kelis and how cool she is!!He tol' me Kelis is for SUCKAS who don' know SHIT and that he ONLY likes music you can MAKE LOVE to...SASPARILLA!! I knew EXACTLY what he meant by THAT!!!
More About: Rick , Ricky , Icky

My MOM'S friends
2007-01-19 09:02:00
Uhhhhhhhh, my MOM dragged me out to dinner with some of her FRIENDS last night...THEY think they're soooo COOL, but they're NOT!I even wore my NICEST suit so they'd be IMPRESSED, but they don't even KNOW who Pierre Cardin IS!!So I just tried to IGNORE them and my Uncle Charlie was there too, so I was playing around with HIM for a while, which was OK until I bent down to try and pick him up!My FANCY PANTS SPLIT right up my ASS CRACK!My Mom's JERK friends started LAUGHING AT ME 'cause they could see my TIGHTY WHITIES!I told them they should "SHUTUP!! STOP LAUGHING AT MY ASS!"They DIDN'T!!!
More About: Friends , Friend , Ends

Christopher
2007-01-17 10:42:00
I dunno WHAT is wrong with my friend Chris .He ALWAYS stays up ALL NIGHT!I told him its REALLY unhealthy to sleep through the ENTIRE day and never see the SUN, but he doesn't give a SHIT!He ain't gettin' NONE of his VITAMIN D!!Everytime I tell him about THAT and how he should wake up in the MORNING like a NORMAL person, he's all, "SHUTUP BORT! I HATE VITAMIN D and I HATE YOU!!!"OKAAAY....GRUMPY McGRUMPUS!!!
More About: Christ , Stop

Surge
2007-01-16 08:54:00
HAHA! Some kids in my class got sent to IRAQ!!I heard that Melissa PISSED her pants in GYM CLASS when she found out SHE was goin' over THERE!Quinetta tol' me that Melissa was cryin' about pissin' her PANTS like a BABY!I STARTED to feel bad for her, until Quinetta ALSO tol' me that PISSY pants Melissa put ME down in her SLAM BOOK under the "WEIRDEST" category!WHATEVER!!!I AIN'T as WEIRD as that JERK MARJORIE!!!!
More About: Surge , Urge

Andy
2007-01-15 08:26:00
Me and Andy couldn't figger out WHAT to do last night, until he told me about how we could TRIP our ASSES OFF by smoking TOOTHPASTE!!We went down to his basement and made a tinfoil pipe. Then we smeared some Crest in there and lit it up!HOLY COW I thought I was gonna DIE when I smoked that shit!Pretty soon we BOTH felt a little WEIRD, and then Andy FELL OVER!We both laughed and laughed about THAT for a while, and THEN Andy decided we hadda watch the Doors.About a half an hour into the movie, Andy got even WEIRDER and started talking about how he WAS JIM MORRISON in his former life and then he GRABBED ME and said, "Bort, you'll NEVER understand what it's like to be the LIZARD KING!!!!"I told him that he's sure as SHIT wrong about THAT!!!I WAS THE LIZARD KING IN A FORMER LIFE NOT YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

Scanner
2007-01-04 07:24:00
Last week me and my friends did something crazy!We found my MOM's old photo albums and started SCANNING them into the computer!THEN we put 'em up on the internet and made up a bunch of CRAZY SHIT about her!!HAHA!! I sent THAT website to my ENTIRE SCHOOL!!!But THEN my STUPID cousin Richie TOLD my MOM, and that BITCH took my SCANNER AWAY!!!I couldn't FIND it for FOUR DAYS!!!YES!!! Today I FINALLY found it! It was HIDDEN in my DAD's closet, behind his CHICKEN collection!!
More About: Cann , Scan , Anne , Scanner

Aunty
2006-05-17 19:30:00
Today Aunty Edith finally graduated. She sure showed us!