ZA VibesZA VibesHumor, Funny stuff, South African musings Articles
The Pirate
2008-04-25 06:53:00 A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven?t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.” “What about the wooden leg? You didn?t have that before.” “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ... More About: Funny , Humor , Humour , Pirate , Joke
Selling Insurance
2008-04-25 06:52:00 Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn?t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain ... More About: Funny , Humor , Humour , Selling , Insurance
Wesley Snipes Tax Scandal
2008-04-25 06:47:00 Wesley Snipes may face up to 3 years jail and a fine of $5 million when his sentence is passed later today. The prosecutors aimed to get Wesley the maximum penalty. He was to become the example of how tax evasion carried severe penalties. Wesley has been convicted on 3 counts of failing to file federal ... More About: Scandal , Observations , Wesley , Wesley Snipes
Humans Nearly Extinct 70,000Y Ago
2008-04-25 06:41:00 A CNN story discussing evidence found by researchers which indicates that humans came close to extinction roughly 70,000 years ago. A similar study by Stanford scientists suggests that droughts reduced the population to as few as 2,000 humans, who were scattered in small, isolated groups. Quoting: “‘This study illustrates the extraordinary power of genetics to reveal ... More About: Science , Observations , Extinct , Humans
God Is Violent. God Is Love.
2008-04-24 09:20:00 I saw this on the website of Religious Tolerance : Biblical scholar Raymond Schwager: ?? has found 600 passages of explicit violence in the Hebrew Bible [a.k.a. Old Testament], 1000 verses where God ?s own violent actions of punishment are described, 100 passages where God expressly commands others to kill people, and several stories where God irrationally kills ... More About: Humor , Love , Violent
Bad Luck
2008-04-24 06:58:00 A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. - “But officer.” the man began, “I can explain,”. - “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I?m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back…” - “But officer, I just wanted to say….” - ... More About: Humor , Luck
Fish Heads
2008-04-24 06:57:00 A customer at Green?s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor?s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?” “I wouldn?t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won?t hear. “But since you?re a good and faithful customer, I?ll let you in on it. ... More About: Humor , Fish , Heads
Stop Masturbating!
2008-04-24 06:53:00 A guy goes to the optometrist. The Doctor tells him, “You?ve got to stop masturbating!” “Why Doc,” he asked, “am I going blind?” “No,” the Doctor explained, “but you?re upsetting the other patients in the waiting room!” More About: Humor , Stop
Union Rules
2008-04-24 06:50:00 A dedicated union steel worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?” No,” she replied, “Iīm sorry it isnīt.” “Well, if I pay you $100, what cut ... More About: Funny , Humor , Humour , Joke , Union
Quoting Pat Robertson
2008-04-23 11:18:00 If you don’t know who Pat Robertson is, have a look over at WikiPedia. He’s a televangelist, who also ran for the presidency in the USA as a Republican candidate. Now, this dude is seriously deranged. And thousands of people (that is religious, fundamentalist Christians) hang on every word that he preaches over the television! Just to ... More About: Observations
Darwin Awards
2008-04-23 08:02:00 You all know about the Darwin Awards - Itīs an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last yearīs winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he ... More About: Humor , Darwin Awards
A Perfect Shot
2008-04-23 08:01:00 A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What?s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball.” The guy answers, ... More About: Funny , Humor , Golf , Joke , Shot
What Time Is It?
2008-04-23 08:00:00 On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?” The tower responded, “Who is calling?” The aircraft replied, “What ... More About: Time
On This Date: William Shakespeare
2008-04-23 07:23:00 On this date in 1564, William Shakespeare was born in England. He died in 1616. The “master” playwright was eulogized by 19th century agnostic orator Robert Green Ingersoll. In one of his famous lectures, Ingersoll said that when he read Shakespeare, “I beheld a new heaven and a new earth.” (The Works of Robert G. ... More About: Observations , William Shakespeare
Joke Of The Year!
2008-04-23 06:12:00 Two women were sitting together, quietly. More About: Funny , Humor , Humour , Joke , Year
Stephen Hawking Thinks Aliens Likely
2008-04-23 06:06:00 Noted astrophysicist Stephen Hawking thinks that alien life is likely, albeit primitive, according to a lecture delivered at George Washington University in honor of NASA’s 50th anniversary. It begs the question of if we need to consider a Prime Directive before exploring or sending signals too far into the depths of space. More About: Science , Aliens , Observations
Some Lesser Known World Records
2008-04-23 06:04:00 In life, we all have our goals. These people just raised the bar! Here?s some lesser known World Records : Ripley?s Believe it or Not MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991. LONGEST PUBES Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the ... More About: Humor , Observations , World records
Business Ethics
2008-04-22 16:15:00 Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice Son: ‘I will choose my own bride!’ Father: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.’ Son: ‘Well, in that case…ok’ Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates. Father: ‘I have a husband for your daughter.’ Bill Gates: ‘But my daughter is too young to marry!’ Father: ‘But this young man is a ... More About: Business , Funny , Humor , Humour , Joke
God Hates America
2008-04-22 06:33:00 This Youtube clip shows why god hates America according to this baptist church in some Hicksvill. Makes perfect sense. NOT! More About: Religion , Christianity , Observations
I Wonder ?
2008-04-22 06:31:00 Just a few thoughts that have occupied my mind at times: - When French people swear do they say pardon my English? - Aren?t the ?good things that come to those who wait? just the leftovers from the people that got there first? - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think ... More About: Funny , Humor , Humour , Joke , I Wonder
Dictionary Of Dating
2008-04-22 06:27:00 DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don?t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man. EYE CONTACT: A method ... More About: Funny , Humor , Humour , Dating , Joke
Three Proofs Of Jesus
2008-04-22 06:17:00 THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH: 1. He went into his father?s business 2. He lived at home until the age of 33 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH: 1. He never got married 2. He never held a steady job 3. His last request ... More About: Jesus , Funny , Humor , Humour , Joke
Sleeping On Jury Duty
2008-04-22 06:14:00 It was a hot summer day, and the old courthouse was just as hot. The air was thick and humid, and the jury was having a hard time staying focused. One of the jurors succumbed to the heat, falling asleep just as the victim was being questioned by the prosecutor. “The defendant is accused of making ... More About: Funny , Humor , Humour , Sleeping , Joke
Lost In Translation
2008-04-22 06:12:00 The American Dairy Association was so successful with its “Got Milk?” campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was “Are you lactating?” Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.” Colgate introduced a toothpaste called “Cue” in France, but ... More About: Funny , Humor , Humour , Lost , Translation
Nicholas White?s 41h Smoke Break
2008-04-22 06:07:00 The longest smoke break of Nicholas White ?s life began at around eleven o?clock on a Friday night in October, 1999. White, a thirty-four-year-old production manager at Business Week, working late on a special supplement, had just watched the Braves beat the Mets on a television in the office pantry. Now he wanted a cigarette. He ... More About: Break , Smoke , Observations
Boston Marathon Results
2008-04-21 20:57:00 Kenya does it again. Robert Cheruiyot from Kenya is this years winner of the Boston Marathon . Most people had predicted Cheruiyot would win Boston’s 112th marathon. So, as it was no surprise for most, it was the way he won it. He hauled ass in the front of the race and destroyed everyone else on ... More About: Results
Don?t You Just Love Children
2008-04-21 20:51:00 From real life: My 2-year-old son asked our baby sitter for help in getting his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn?t want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had already worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when my ... More About: Humor , Children , Love
Mixed Up Test Results
2008-04-17 20:07:00 Mr. Smith goes to the doctor?s office to collect his wife?s test results. Receptionist: “I?m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain ... More About: Humor , Results , Test , Mixed
Still In Love
2008-04-17 20:06:00 A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is. “Well,” the man says, “I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now ... More About: Humor , Love
Golfing Genie
More articles from this author:2008-04-17 20:05:00 A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball ... More About: Humor , Golfing , Genie 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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