ZA VibesZA VibesHumor, Funny stuff, South African musings 
Articles
Imaginary War
2008-04-17 20:03:00 Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do? So all of the recruits bar ... More About: Humor
Beer Stealing Monkey
2008-04-17 20:02:00 A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The ... More About: Humor , Monkey , Beer , Stealing
Investigating A Terrible Accident
2008-04-17 20:00:00 There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, ... More About: Humor , Accident
Father Of Chaos Theory Dies
2008-04-17 19:58:00 Edward Lorenz, a meteorologist who became the father of the modern field of chaos theory, died on Wednesday of cancer in Massachusetts aged 90, MIT announced on Thursday. A professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), Lorenz was the first to recognise what is now referred to as chaotic behaviour in the mathematical modelling ... More About: Theory , Observations , Father , Died , Chaos
Just Like Home
2008-04-17 06:25:00 A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he leans ... More About: Humor , Home
Interesting Story
2008-04-17 06:25:00 Little Johnnie sees his Daddy´s car passing the playground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Johnnie finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly about what he saw: “I ... More About: Humor , Interesting , Story
Blonde Jokes
2008-04-17 06:24:00 There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven. God says, “There are 3,000 steps and I?ll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell.” So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the ... More About: Jokes , Humor , Blonde
I Hate Weddings
2008-04-17 06:22:00 When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ‘You’re next.’ They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. More About: Humor , Weddings , Hate
I Tried That
2008-04-17 06:21:00 One day a man went into a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup. The waitress brought his order out to him on a tray with her middle finger immersed in the middle of his soup bowl. - “What the hell?s the idea of putting your finger in my soup bowl?” the man bellowed at the ... More About: Humor
Trevor Immelman?s Life Changed
2008-04-17 06:19:00 Top Ten Ways Trevor Immelman’s Life Has Changed Since Winning The Masters 10. I’ve been elevated from ‘Unknown’ to ‘Obscure’ 9. Thanks to the prize money, I no longer have to buy generic root beer 8. Suddenly I don’t look so foolish for trademarking ‘Immelmania’ 7. I’m BFF’s with Lauren and Heidi from ‘The Hills’ 6. President Bush called to ...
Taking A Woman To Bed
2008-04-17 06:17:00 What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78 ? At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take ... More About: Humor , Woman , A Woman , Taking
Dod Is Watching
2008-04-15 16:27:00 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the ... More About: Watching
World War III
2008-04-15 16:25:00 President George Bush and Colin Powell are drinking in a pub close Old Town Square in Prague. A guy walks in and asks the bartender,”Isn?t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?” The barman says, “Yep, that?s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow,this is a real honor. What are you guys doing ... More About: World War I , Humor , World , World War
Funny Ads
2008-04-15 16:23:00 The following are regrettably phrased classified ads that have been placed in newspapers throughout the world. - “Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.” - “Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 yeards old. Hateful little dog.” - “Snow blower for sale…only used on snowy days.” - “Georgia peaches, California grown - 89 cents ... More About: Funny , Humor
Urgent Business
2008-04-15 16:22:00 A fellow was traveling on a bus when he got a horrible cramp low in his bowel. Since there was an “Out of Order” sign on the door of the small restroom at the rear of the bus, he went to the driver and explained that he was close to having an urgent situation to ... More About: Business , Humor , Urgent
Who?ll Throw The First Stone
2008-04-15 16:21:00 Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus ... More About: Jesus , Humor , Stone , Throw
International Dating
2008-04-15 16:20:00 A CAUCASIAN WOMAN: First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position. IRISH WOMAN: First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk ... More About: Humor , International , Dating
Not Since 1955 ?
2008-04-15 16:19:00 A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative, ... More About: Humor
Guns. Religion. Antipathy.
2008-04-13 20:49:00 Yep. He blew it. Barack Obama was caught on tape maligning the very people who would probably be some of his biggest supporters - people who have been put out of work in small town America. He was caught saying, “It’s not surprising then they get bitter. They cling to guns, or religion, or antipathy to people who ... More About: Religion , Guns , Observations
SA Lose 3rd Cricket Test
2008-04-13 15:43:00 India defeated South Africa by eight wickets with two days to spare in the third and final Test on Sunday to square the series 1-1 after routing the tourists for 121 in their second innings. Read the hole News24 article More About: Cricket , Sport
Mugabe Defies Summit
2008-04-13 15:41:00 Hopes that Zimbabwe ’s neighbours would act to end its deepening crisis were dashed this morning when an all-night summit ended with a statement failing to acknowledge an emergency and calling only for the immediate release of election results. Even that call looked toothless as Zimbabwe announced there would be a recount of results in 23 ... More About: Election , Observations , Robert Mugabe , Summit
Architecture
2008-04-13 15:36:00 An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named ... More About: Humor , Architecture
The Horse and the Chicken
2008-04-13 15:32:00 On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back ... More About: Humor , Chicken , Horse
FBI, CIA, LAPD
2008-04-13 15:29:00 The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants ... More About: Humor
Zimbabwean Dollars
2008-04-13 15:25:00 Bob, a middle-aged Zimbabwe an tourist, visits the red light district of Johannesburg and enters a large brothel. It?s only his second time in Johannesburg. The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady over to entertain the prospective client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a ... More About: Humor , Dollars
Fired For Telling The Truth
2008-04-12 06:52:00 David Bullard got fired the other day for writing the article below. This is just another example of where “political correctness” was deemed more important than “correctness”. I personally think David’s article spoke a lot of truth, but I guess in a country where people use race as a scapegoat for everything that ... More About: Truth , Observations , Fired , The Truth
MDC: No To Run-Off Poll
2008-04-11 17:39:00 The opposition dismisses any prospectof a run-off poll - but Tsvangirai will go to Lusaka Zimbabwe ’s opposition Movement for Democratic Change has re-stated its belief that it has gained overall victory in the Presidential election, and will not therefore take part in any run-off vote. MDC Secretary General, Tendai Biti, speaking in South Africa, said the ... More About: Poll , Election , Observations , Mugabe
Shy But Not Stupid
2008-04-11 06:26:00 A very shy guy goes into a nightclub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her ... More About: Humor , Stupid
Trouble On The Golf Course
2008-04-11 06:20:00 Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up. So one man says to his friend, “I?m gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through.” He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his ... More About: Humor , Golf
Now Here?s A Thought
More articles from this author:2008-04-11 06:20:00 If you build a man a fire, you warm him for a day. If you set a man on fire, you warm him for the rest of his life. More About: Humor , Thought 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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