ZA VibesZA VibesHumor, Funny stuff, South African musings 
Articles
London Tube Announcements
2008-04-11 06:16:00 Enjoy this list of actual announcements that London tube train drivers have made to their passengers: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you´re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you´ll want to cross over ... More About: Humor , Tube
I Get A Bit Nostalgic
2008-04-11 06:12:00 Peter met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other´s company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed. Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each ... More About: Humor , Nostalgic
This Is How You Do It
2008-04-11 06:11:00 Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. ...
Confession Time
2008-04-11 06:02:00 When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, “Father … during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic.” The priest replied, “That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need ... More About: Humor , Time , Confession
Anatomy Class
2008-04-10 06:17:00 A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman “Do you know what your asshole does when you?re having an orgasm?” “Sure” she said. “He?s at home, taking care of the kids” More About: Humor , Anatomy , Class
Dumbest Things Said In Court
2008-04-10 06:14:00 The following questions were actually posed by real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records Now, doctor, isn?t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn?t know anything about it until the next morning? Lawyer: What is the meaning of sperm being present? Witness: ... More About: Humor , Things , Court
Face Reveals Look Of Love
2008-04-10 06:11:00 London - Members of the opposite sex can spot whether someone is after a one-night stand or something more permanent just by looking at their face, scientists said on Wednesday. On men, a square jaw, large nose and small eyes are more likely to betray the look of lust than of love. Women found men ... More About: Love , Observations , Face
Vampire Bats
2008-04-10 06:10:00 Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.” “We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.” The first ... More About: Humor , Bats , Vampire
Cow On The Track
2008-04-10 06:09:00 A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees ... More About: Humor , Track
Women?s Dictionary
2008-04-10 06:08:00 Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I?m sorry = You?ll be sorry We need = I want It?s your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You?ll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don?t want you to I?m not upset = ... More About: Humor , Women , Dictionary
Washing Machine
2008-04-10 06:08:00 This young couple was about to get married and the night before their wedding day they had a talk. They decided that the one thing that they never wanted to have a problem with was initiating sex in their marriage. To solve that problem they decided to come up with a “code word” to help ... More About: Humor , Machine , Washing
Blind Pilots Flying
2008-04-10 06:06:00 One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; ... More About: Humor , Pilots , Flying , Blind
Condom Use
2008-04-10 06:05:00 Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Lady 1: What’s that? Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Lady 1: Where did you get it? Lady ... More About: Humor , Condom
Men (One For The Ladies)
2008-04-10 06:03:00 What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack. Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the shit out of you. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes Why is it good that there are women astronauts? So that when the crew gets lost in ... More About: Ladies
Personal Ads
2008-04-10 06:03:00 Mafia leader seeks sleazy woman who can dodge bullets, meet in rat-infested motels, and speak Russian. Must be able to keep a secret. Mormon male looking for one or more females for a long-term relationship. Must have childbearing hips and be willing to give birth to at least four children. Catholics need not apply. Single, unemployed female ... More About: Personal , Humor
At The Doctor?s Office
2008-04-09 06:28:00 There?s nothing worse than a snotty doctor?s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it. A 61 year old man walked into a crowded doctor?s office. As he approached ... More About: Humor , Office , Doctor
God?s Law
2008-04-09 06:25:00 Dear President Bush, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God ?s Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, “in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman.” I try ... More About: Humor , Observations
Mother?s Wisdom
2008-04-09 06:23:00 Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful Ben’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if ... More About: Humor , Mother , Wisdom
The School Play
2008-04-09 06:20:00 Matt´s dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that day, he asked his son if he got one. Matt enthusiastically announced that he had. “I play a man who´s been married for twenty years.” “That´s great, son. ... More About: Humor , Play , School
Tough Getting Old
2008-04-09 06:19:00 An elderly couple were both lying in bed one morning, having just awoken from a good nights sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, “Don´t touch me”. “Why not,” he asks. She answers back, “Because I´m dead.” Her husband says, “What are you talking about? We´re both lying here in bed together and talking ... More About: Humor , Tough
Feline Laws of Physics
2008-04-09 06:17:00 - Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. - Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change ... More About: Humor , Physics , Laws , Feline
State Capitals
2008-04-09 06:16:00 There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes she?d hear at the office. So one evening she went home and memorized all of the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, - “I?ve ... More About: Humor , State , Capitals
Terrible Headaches
2008-04-09 06:14:00 A man is having terrible headaches. He can?t sleep, eat, think, or do much of anything because of the pain. Several doctors examined him and couldn?t determine the cause of his problem. He finally went to one of the top neurological specialists in the country who examines him and says, “I?ve found the cause of ... More About: Humor
Better Be Careful!
2008-04-09 06:12:00 These are actual warnings given on various products: On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. On the bottle-top ... More About: Humor , Careful
Wacky Signs And Notices
2008-04-09 06:12:00 - “How To Repair Your VCR.” - The title of a how-to video tape. - “Great New Taste!” and “Same Great Taste!” - On opposite sides of a drink cooler in a grocery store. - “Ears pierced while you wait.” - A sign in a shop. - “Free Parking ($1.50 per day)” - A sign at a parking ... More About: Humor , Signs , Notices
Mother Of Six
2008-04-09 06:11:00 A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,” Mother of Six” in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it?s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife ... More About: Humor
Nude Gambling
2008-04-09 06:10:00 Two bored, male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the, dice. She said, “I hope you don?t mind, but I feel much luckier when I?m completely nude.” With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, ... More About: Humor , Gambling
In Search Of The ?God Particle?
2008-04-08 16:48:00 Geneva - British physicist Peter Higgs said on Monday it should soon be possible to prove the existence of a force which gives mass to the universe and makes life possible - as he first argued 40 years ago. Higgs said he believes a particle named the “Higgs boson”, which originates from the force, will ... More About: Science , Search , Observations , Particle
Only Three Times
2008-04-08 06:03:00 Sam & Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Sam says to Becky “So, Becky, I was wondering… Have you ever cheated on me?” Becky replies, “Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don?t want to ask that question” “Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please…” “Well, all right, 3 ... More About: Humor , Times
That?s My Boy!
More articles from this author:2008-04-08 06:01:00 A young man goes off to college, but about a third of way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. “Hmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. “Dad,” he says, “you won?t believe the wonders that modern education are ... More About: Humor 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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