What Makes A Housewife Desperate?What Makes A Housewife Desperate?I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother of three. This is the story of my day to day. Boring to some, funny to many. It is what it is. No added fillers or preservatives. All names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Articles
First day of school.
I'm pooped.
I hate Algebr...
2007-08-21 04:56:00 First day of school. I'm pooped. I hate Algebra. More later. More About: Hate , School
Jitters
2007-08-20 05:45:00 Breathe in. Breathe out.No, I'm not practicing Lamaze. I'm trying to recover from a slight panic attack. It's been a wonderful, leisurely summer without homework or papers or 9 o'clock classes.But tomorrow it all changes.Tomorrow is my first day back to school.Time for my pre-term freak out.What am I doing? How will I keep up? Will my children be ok? And the real question, CAN I HACK INTERMEDIATE ALGEBRA?!Breathe...I do this at the beginning of every semester. It will be fine. I will be fine. My family will be fine. No need to worry.Fine.Right?
Like Apples?
2007-08-19 15:12:00 I have an addiction.Well, WAY more than one, but this one is relative to this post.It is the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad from Panera Bread. When I get hungry, I CRAVE it. Crunchy dried apples, succulent lemon-herb chicken and that dressing - DEAR GOD, THE DRESSING! - tangy, apple vinaigrette drizzled over crispy salad greens and sweet purple onions, topped off with creamy crumbles of feta cheese and crunchy pecan halves.Hungry yet?Well, since Panera isn't next door to my house and that dreamy salad will cost me seven dollars a pop, I decided to turn to my friend who knows everything.The Internet.I found several recipes for Apple Vinaigrette, but this one seemed to be the closest. I bought all the ingredients and yesterday tried my hand at it.This dressing was so good, it was as though I had died and went to Panera.And now I'm sharing it with you.These are the ingredients for the recipe I found online:1/2 cup granulated sugar1/2 cup apple cider vinegar2 teaspoons grated sweet or purpl... More About: Apples
A Clean Fridge Is A Happy Fridge
2007-08-17 22:30:00 I need to go buy some groceries today.However, my refrigerator was a nightmare. I could not, in good conscience, buy fresh food and subject it to those kinds of living conditions.I had reached that point when the filth is up to your eyeballs and you can stand it no longer so you just have to jump in, hold your nose and get it done. There was yeast spilled along the back wall, sticking to it like wet sand, chocolate pudding hardened like plaster, requiring a knife to chisel it away, cilantro that had passed away and decomposed in the crisper, leaving behind a lacey, green skeleton and a large puddle of something stickey and brown in the bottom.I don't want to know what that was.I removed all the shelves and soaped them down in the kitchen sink. I wiped down the inside walls and used my Magic Eraser on the door. Forty-five minutes later, the fridge sparkled. In fact, I kept going back to it, opening the door and admiring my handiwork.Never mind that the milk jug was sweating fr... More About: Clean , Happy , Fridge
Flirty or Friendly?
2007-08-12 23:07:00 There's a new love in my life.I've admired him from afar for years.He's large, well built and washes all my clothes. Here's a picture of him and his brother.Aren't they beautiful? If I could just get them to fold and put away the clothes, they'd be the perfect pair.But that's not really the point of my post.A week or so ago Hubby, the kids and I went shopping for these guys, as the old ones were on their last leg. Hubby had been shopping for months, actually, but he wanted to take me along to see what I liked. So we headed to a large home improvement chain to look at the choices. Our helpful sales associate that day was Joe, (we'll call him Joe, because I really don't remember his name, and it's not at all important to the story) who was average in height and skinny as a rail. In fact, the term "squirrely" comes to mind. Joe was a nice enough guy. He made eye contact, cracked the occasional joke and was all to eager to show us his vast knowledge of washing machines. He dir... More About: Friendly
Lesson of the Day
2007-08-06 15:18:00 And this, my little ones, is a lesson in patience.I've been wanting a child-sized table with chairs FOREVER. So, maybe not forever. Well, since Sister could climb up to the kitchen table and terrorize Brother during his school lessons, anyway. It seems a good idea to have separate work spaces for them. But not just any table would do, as it would probably be a permanent fixture in my living room. Fisher Price plastic would have been fine, but I hated to pay that kind of money for plastic that I didn't even really like all that much. Even people selling them at garage sales seemed mighty proud of their plastic. Then there were the flimsy character card tables for $20 at Wal-Mart that could never withstand my family's punishment. What I really wanted, was the beautiful, wooden, Pottery Barn-style table with whimsical mismatched wooden chairs. It didn't have to be from Pottery Barn, mind you, I just liked that style. But again, my champagne taste far exceeded my beer budget. Actual... More About: Lesson , The D
How To Make Good Coffee
2007-08-02 19:52:00 Put in clean filter.Add two heaping tablespoons of ground coffee. Preferably NOT decaf.Pour six cups of clean, cold water into reservoir of coffee pot.Turn switch to ON.Reason # 179 why I should not operate household appliances before 8 am:I left out step #2.And the rest of the day has been just like that. More About: Coffee , Make , Good
Change Is Good?
2007-07-30 14:50:00 A friend asked me the other day, "So, why did you decide to return to blogging?"I can understand why she was curious to know. Especially since I had told her only a few weeks before that I might "never return to blogging".It's a legitimate question.So I tried to think of something smart to say that would make perfect sense and make me seem as though I knew exactly what I was doing. In the end, I had to give in to the truth.I am flighty and indecisive.Here's proof.Remember earlier this year when I had this brilliant idea to move all three of my children into one room and make the spare room a playroom? And then I would turn their bedroom into a medieval castle? Well, scratch that.The girls have moved into the playroom and Brother has his own room again.I don't know what I was thinking, putting two girls and a boy in the same room without any space for them to be alone.Actually, I do know what I was thinking. I wanted to paint a medieval castle on the wall.So, with Brother alone in... More About: Change , Good , Chang , Chan
And the winner is...
2007-07-27 15:18:00 Loni at My Little Blogging Home!Congratulations, Loni, and thanks to everyone for participating. If you MUST HAVE the bow, visit my website, http://www.punkinheadhairwear.com/, where you find this bow on sale throughout the month of July. In August I will feature a new bow and this one goes back to regular price.Thanks again! More About: Winner
Denial
2007-07-25 14:35:00 I'm only kidding myself. In an alternate universe, I scrapbooked. I filled three volumes within Brother's first year. Along came Sister and though I fell slightly behind, I still made time to get two volumes for her first year and two more for Brother.Then we started homeschooling.Then we added Baby #3.Incidentally, Baby has two pages.So a few weeks ago a friend, who also happens to be an avid scrapbooker, suggested we try to get me caught up before school starts. She began weaving this scenario - a beautiful lie, I know - and like a true junkie being faced with an old habit, I began to believe her.I'm only four years behind. I can get caught up in a month. Totally.She suggested we pick a day. I would get a sitter for my kids. She would take hers to daycare. We would rendezvous at her house - a veritable scrapbooking Mecca - and scrapbook.Without kids.All day.I said, "SIGN ME UP!"We set the date and I wrote it on my calendar. However, two doctor's appointments and four prescript... More About: Denial
FBI or Mensa?
2007-07-24 14:23:00 Yesterday morning I went to Sister and Baby's room to get shoes for my youngest. Lo and behold, all the shoes had been kidnapped from the closet! But a very brief search (just turned around, really) led me to the Barbie box, where all the shoes where standing at attention in nice, neat rows.Good, little shoes.Last night, while getting all the kiddie teeth brushed and ready for bed, I noticed Sister pulling out all the shoes from her pretend play stash and lining them up in the same neat rows.Mystery solved.This behavior from Sister is suddenly turning up everywhere. Sunday morning in church she arranged the crayons in a perfect sunburst pattern. Yesterday morning she spelled her name with dominos.It's either creative genius or criminial mastermind. More About: Mensa , Mens
It's A Freebie!
2007-07-23 05:12:00 Shannon over at Rocks In My Dryer is hosting a blog giveaway. (Yes, I know. She always has all the good ideas.) Problem is, I wasn't sure what I, the Bow Lady, who makes bows and has her own bow website and owns over 100 bows for her own girls could possibly give away. A book? A CD? After hours of agonizing contemplation and racking my brain, I finally I decided I would give away a bow.Shocking, I know.So, leave me a comment during the week of July 23 and on Friday, July 27, I will draw the lucky winner and ship them this lovely bow for free.Yes, FREE!So, leave a comment. Your little girl's hair doesn't like being naked anymore.
Cleaning Is Overrated
2007-07-22 05:49:00 This would be the glass on my storm door. I cleaned this glass today. For the first time in at least 6 months. I cleaned the sticky mouth marks and crayon scribbles from it. It was spotless. Crystal clear. As you can see it is no longer that way.Wonder what happened? I greased up some kids with sunscreen and they made up a fun new game. It's called "Stick Your Greasy Gut To The Glass And See The Cool Smudge It Makes On The Shiny Door".Fun, huh?This is reason 536 why cleaning is a waste of time. More About: Cleaning , Overrated , Rate
Parenting In Absolutes
2007-07-20 06:35:00 I before E, except after C...It was a momentous day I realized my son could read, made even more amazing by the fact that I, without a teaching certificate or even a college degree, taught him. We started out simple, learning the letters by sight. Then we moved on to letter sounds, which became more complicated by the fact that some letters make more than one sound. And then we learned when paired together or put with certain letters in a particular word, those same letters make yet another sound. But then again, they could make a totally different sound for no good reason, defying all rules of phonics."But, Mom, why is the "i" in "kind" long when there's no "e" at the end?" And what about the word "wind"? You have to read the sentence and ascertain its context before you can know which way to pronounce it. Very tricky, indeed. Many words are not pronounced at all the way they are spelled phonetically and one has to learn them by sight and just know what the word is simply by the w... More About: Parenting , Parenti , Absolutes , Parent , Utes
Innocence Found
2007-07-16 15:33:00 I have often wondered if Brother has an overabundance of testosterone flowing through his eight-year-old man-cub veins. He's a large boy. Larger than most boys his age. He has a very deep voice for a child and a voracious appetite for sports, fast cars and all things mega manly.This morning we got out and ran a few errands, enjoying the air-conditioned car during the midsummer heat. We were on the highway that runs next to our neighborhood, which has been under construction for what seems like an eternity.But it's good. I almost sank my car in one of the potholes last year.So, we're toodling along, being good law-abiding citizens, driving the 55 mph suggested by the signs posted amid the orange cones and barrels.Okay, it was more like 60, but you go with the flow of traffic, right?When all of a sudden, a bright yellow Mustang goes shooting past us, going at least 80. Brother rises up out of his seat and lets out a "Whoa! A Mustang!" He settles back once the car is out of sight an... More About: Inno , Innocence
The Grape Undertaking
2007-07-13 07:03:00 Don?t let the big baby blues fool you. My five-year-old daughter has the face of an angel and the iron will of Stalin ? a perfectly diabolical combination. This was never more evident than two weeks ago Monday, when I dared to lay down an ultimatum, and having prepped her the day before, she braced herself for the impact.?Honey,? I said on Sunday, ?You are going to have to start eating more fruits and vegetables.? Sister has never liked fruit from the beginning. Even as a baby, she made it clear applesauce and strained peaches were not for her, no matter how many times I offered. She will eat the occasional apple slice without the peel and sometimes part of a banana, but other than that, fruit does not pass her lips. And as I am prone to doing, I picked another new habit that was sure to make life better for us all that would, of course, start on Monday, the magical day of the week where dreams begin. ?Tomorrow we are going to try some new foods,? I tried to pick something palatable... More About: Under , Taking , The G
A Horrific Discovery
2007-07-11 05:00:00 Three weeks ago I bought coffee at the grocery store.This morning I made a horrific discovery.I've been drinking decaf.That would explain the headaches and irritability.So not funny. More About: Discovery , Discover , Disc
Pre-Adolescent Pains
2007-07-09 02:23:00 Once upon a time he wore white canvas sneakers with frogs and lizards and carried a bear made from drapery samples and mismatched buttons. Then he followed me anywhere, trusted my every word and told me in no uncertain terms where it hurt. Now he's eight and I hardly remember that little boy.He's moody, emotional and I struggle to maintain a connection. I can't find the balance between giving him liberty to be his own person and drawing those lines intended to protect him. I can't communicate truth to him. He doesn't believe me.It was he and I against the world, my firstborn. At six months old he lay next to me, head on my shoulder, smiling as if there were no happier place for a boy than right there with his mom reading Paddington Bear and Stop That Ball. And then in that moment I knew I could do it right. I never dreamed there would come a day when we would spend so much time in conflict and I would feel so completely out of control.He comes to me when I reach for him.... More About: T Pain , Dole
The Evils of Drinking
2007-07-02 00:04:00 I'm a pretty straight-laced gal. I've never really been one to bend the rules. I've never toilet-papered someone's house. I have my kids in bed by 9:00 pm most every night. I eat my vegetables. I've never smoked a cigarette.But Wednesday night, this good girl got a little crazy.We'd been hanging out with some friends pretty much all day at our house - the kids and I and my friend, Mickey, her two kids and an extra she was sitting. Five-thirty snuck up on us and before I knew it, it was time for me to take Brother to swimming lessons. While rushing around trying to feed everyone, get their shoes on and find Brother's elusive swim trunks that I know I had just seen an hour earlier when I didn't need them, Mickey offers to take my girls to her house while I take Brother to his lesson.Actually, truth be told, Baby said something to the tune of "I wanna go with you" to Mickey and she couldn't say no. And of course, if you take one girl, you gotta take them both. So, feeling a li... More About: Drinking
My Blog Is Back
2007-06-28 13:15:00 Who am I kidding? I have to blog.Break over. More About: Blog , Back
Delusional
2007-05-30 19:46:00 Call CDC. I'm ill.I have Post Relaxing Vacation Disorder. I contracted it when we returned home from our trip to St. Louis. After a week of shopping, sleeping, sightseeing and leaving wet towels on the floor only to have them magically disappear, I am having trouble preparing my own meals and making my own bed.My symptoms include lethargy, irritability, and some mild depression. All I want to do is lay on the couch, watch movies and eat ridiculously large quantities of chocolate.If you know of anyone who has successfully recovered from PRVD, please let me know the cure. More About: Sion , Delusional
Have To Post This
2007-05-18 05:51:00 Oprah says we should reach out to our neighbors. And because Oprah is always one to practice what she preaches, she sets the example by throwing lavish dinner parties for her neighbors complete with celebrity chef and Michael Buble and hires a celebrity gardener to landscape their balconies.I want to like Oprah. But something about her 400 carat diamond earrings makes me leery.And she doesn't know my neighbors.On one side I have the senile widow who likes to call the cops on us for pretend grievances. On the other side of her is the manic depressive housewife who flashes widow lady from her front yard whenever she feels threatened. Across the street from her is the middle-aged, hot tempered wannabe rock star who sings bad karaoke from his garage till the wee hours of the morning.I have a theory that Oprah had her neighbors balconies beautified so she wouldn't have to see the less-than-glamorous exteriors on her way into work every morning. She only did this for the neighbors facin... More About: Post , Have
My Theme Song
2007-04-23 05:40:00 Music Video:UNWRITTEN (by Natasha Bedingfield) Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone More About: Song , Theme , Them
It's Never Too Late
2007-04-02 11:28:00 http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070401/ap_on _en_ot/first_book_at96 More About: Ever , Never , Late
Blogger Burnout
2007-03-28 00:47:00 I think it's time for a break.As much fun as I've had with this blogging thing, I think it's time I got serious about my intentions. I want to be a writer. I am a writer. I'm going to pursue that and I feel like this blog is limiting me.So, for now, I am taking a blogging hiatus and channeling my literary energies into something meatier. Oh, I'll probably pop in from time to time when I have a funny story to share, but my focus is going to be working on some projects I started earlier this year. I am so excited.Thanks for reading. Thanks for sharing. Here's to Supermoms everywhere. More About: Blogger , Burnout , Logger , Blogg , Burn
The Gift
2007-03-21 06:00:00 I had made mention of it about a year ago, but found so many reasons why I didn't need it. Too expensive. Not practical. Didn't need it. Computer labs at school.But I really wanted a laptop.Not to look cool carrying it around campus, but because while I had been thrust from never being alone to having hours, even entire days alone with my thoughts, I became inspired. I found myself creating stories and giving narrative to my surroundings in my head and wanted to write them down. However, this inspiration didn't occur within the cold, sterile computer lab. It occured next to the window of the restaurant, watching patrons brace against the chilly, autumn wind. The same wind that gathered the crispy leaves in a maternal embrace and sent them spinning in dizzy, carefree circles through the air. Pen and paper couldn't keep up with words.A few months ago, my husband gave me a gift. Although I picked it out. I carried it from the store. He gave me the money for a laptop, because he kne... More About: Gift , The G
So, I haven't dropped out of school...or moved to ...
2007-03-13 23:57:00 So, I haven't dropped out of school...or moved to Australia, even though it sounded pretty good Thursday. I woke up at 2 a.m. Saturday morning and could not go back to sleep, all in a panic about my Brit Lit midterm. The more I thought about it, the more I KNEW I had failed. I didn't want to go to class this morning. I didn't want to face my professor. What if she said something to me about it? What if she didn't? I didn't want to know my grade. I wanted to pretend it didn't happen and move on.I had to ask myself, what would it mean if I didn't get an "A" in this class? Would it mean I was a failure? Would it mean I couldn't be a good writer? I have friends with their baby in ICU. Another friend whose husband is in Afghanistan and may be deployed again next year. People around me - people I know and love - are hurting and I'm losing sleep over one silly exam. An "A" in British Literature suddenly lost its significance and I found myself humbled.It's hard to shift the focus... More About: School , Move , Have , Haven , Drop
Tiny Dresses
2007-03-09 10:23:00 It was cotton, crisp and soft, with cheerful white daisies and red, shiny cherries floating in a sea of pink. It was small. So small I couldn't believe it used to fit my Baby, when she really was a baby, also soft and pink with that delicious little crease in her forearm that separated her arm into three sections instead of two. When I took the sundress from the box to prepare it for consigning, I lingered with it, and hesitated to part with it.But it's only a dress. A dress too small she will never wear again and will only take up space. Besides, you bought one for Sister, too, and Baby can wear that one when she is older and you can enjoy it again.Right. I'll let it go.Then it was the blue dress Baby wore to my Sister's wedding last summer. Powder blue taffeta with shiny silver threads woven throughout and a skirt made of layers of tulle and organza and satin and tiny little blue ribbon rosebuds housed throughout its many folds. It was practically a confection. And the color w... More About: Dresses , Dress , Tiny , Esse
Supermom and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
2007-03-09 05:06:00 I've had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.I think I'll move to Australia.It was terrible because my husband was irritated with me and even though he didn't say so I could tell because he wouldn't smile and kind of huffed and puffed through his nose like he does when he's irritated and I left the house crying.It was terrible because I cried all the way to school and was mad because I would meet with my study group with puffy red eyes and splotchy skin and my makeup would be all washed off and I knew it was silly to be crying but I couldn't stop because it's that time of the month and I always get ultra sensitive and emotional at that time of the month and I would have to tell my study group it was allergies or some other lie like that.Do they have allergies in Australia?It was terrible because I realized while I was studying that I had taken terrible notes and was not as prepared as I should be and the midterm was less than an hour away and there would be an essay q... More About: Super , Good , Perm , Terri , Bad Day
Freudian Slip?
More articles from this author:2007-03-08 14:36:00 I was preparing to make muffins for my children this morning while my coffee was brewing.Not a smart idea to try and use the oven and potentially dangerous kitchen tools before I've had my caffeine fix.I got out the large 8-cup batter bowl and the muffin tin and sat my coffee cup next to it, ready and waiting to be filled.When the coffee pot was finished, it called out to me, entreating me to come and partake. I grabbed the Splenda and ritualistically tore open two packets to prepare my cup to fulfull it's destiny and dumped it in. But alas, I had emptied the packets into the wrong cup. I was preparing my batter bowl for coffee.Is 8 cups too much? More About: Dian , Freud , Slip 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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