What Makes A Housewife Desperate?What Makes A Housewife Desperate?I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother of three. This is the story of my day to day. Boring to some, funny to many. It is what it is. No added fillers or preservatives. All names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Articles
Freudian Slip?
2007-03-08 14:36:00 I was preparing to make muffins for my children this morning while my coffee was brewing.Not a smart idea to try and use the oven and potentially dangerous kitchen tools before I've had my caffeine fix.I got out the large 8-cup batter bowl and the muffin tin and sat my coffee cup next to it, ready and waiting to be filled.When the coffee pot was finished, it called out to me, entreating me to come and partake. I grabbed the Splenda and ritualistically tore open two packets to prepare my cup to fulfull it's destiny and dumped it in. But alas, I had emptied the packets into the wrong cup. I was preparing my batter bowl for coffee.Is 8 cups too much? More About: Dian , Freud , Slip
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We a...
2007-03-07 00:18:00 Though much is taken, much abides; and thoughWe are not now that strength which in old daysMoved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are -One equal temper of heroic hearts,Made weak by time and fate, but strong in willTo strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.-Ulysses Lord Alfred Tennyson More About: Take , Much
A Mom By Any Other Name
2007-03-03 13:46:00 I used to have this neighbor, we'll call her Julie, who, despite my best attempts, never became a close friend. Actually, she never really became a friend at all. We just never "hit it off".Sister was about two months old and Julie had just had her first child, a daughter also. I had invited her over to get her out of the house a little and chat. She was wrestling with the decision to go back to work or stay home with her newborn.Now, I'm no dummy. I know this issue is a very hot topic among women. And though I sincerely believed no good mother would ever leave her child to pursue a career, I certainly didn't say that to her.I mean, she might be condemned to hell and her children would grow up to mindless, broken heathens if she went back to work, but who was I to say?Anyway, Julie was voicing her concerns and kind of working it out there with me and finally said, "I don't think I can stay home. I mean, I'm just a busy person and I think I would be bored."I wanted to kick her c... More About: Other , Name
Don't Go Breakin' My Heart
2007-03-01 20:36:00 Is five-years-old too young to be pre-menstrual? After having two girls, I'm beginning to think the female species is born with a special mutant drama gene and PMS begins at birth...maybe conception.Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I leave for the day and wander off to college to (theoretically) gain some wisdom and knowledge, and perhaps one day, a degree. Poor Sister still hasn't quite warmed up to this idea and begins telling me the moment she wakes up that she doesn't want me to go. Our conversation usually goes something like this:"Mommy, I don't want you to go." (said with very sad eyes and voice)"I know, Honey.""But, Mommy, I really don't want you to go.""I know. I heard you. But you're going to have lots of fun with Daddy today.""No I won't have fun." (pouting)"Okay, if you say so.""Mommy, I really need to tell you something.""What is it, Sweetie?""I don't like it when moms go.""I'm sorry.""But, Mommy...""Honey, I know you don't want me to go, but I have to... More About: Break , Hear , Heart , Brea , Breakin
Nutty
2007-02-26 20:27:00 Spelling has always been a challenge for Brother. However, we've started a new curriculum and he has gone from about 30% accuracy to getting 92% correct on his spelling test today. Thrilling.But vocabulary may be our next area of focus.While working in his spelling book today, he was to choose a spelling word from his list to correctly correspond with this definition: It has a shell on the outside.The spelling words were:topcanbellnuttipmanbutyetdollcatbill hisThe choice is obvious to you and I, but Brother struggled with it and insisted no word from that list fit. I told him to skip that one and go the next question.Further down the line, the definition was: It means the opposite of bottom.And Brother wrote "nut".This is where I sat down to try and figure out his line of reasoning, and I asked him, "Nut is the opposite of bottom?""Yeah, Mom," he said, looking kind of sheepish. "You know...like around a penis."HEL-LO!! My boy is equating "nut" with "testicle". No wonder he did...
Adventures in Homeschool
2007-02-20 14:11:00 I have formally started Sister in Kindergarten. I thought this was a good idea. She is super smart and has been showing an interest in being at the table with Brother and I during school. When I presented the idea to her, she was completely gung-ho.But the truth of the matter is that she is probably more enamored with the idea of it all. Kindergarten is a very romantic notion when you're five. Perhaps she only wants to be a Kindergartener in name only, because she doesn't really like the conformity. Literally, every instruction I gave her yesterday was met with a protest, saying she wanted to do it "her" way.I have a great little art program that helps you teach your kids to draw. We start by practicing straight lines. On the page, you draw a straight line from one dot to the next. First horizontal, then vertical. She said she didn't want to do it that way. She wanted to do it her way. "But, Sister," I explained, "there is only one way to draw a straight line." Not so. Determined... More About: Venture , Adventure , Home , School , Homes
Melting Cheese
2007-02-19 21:32:00 Terrible Twos. I hate that expression. I LOVE two!! It just might be my favorite age.But today...ah, today has tested my position on two.It began this morning, and I don't even remember how. Baby began crying uncontrollably about something that disrupted the universe that IS her. She could not be distracted. She could not be consoled. So I put her on the bed, alone, to try and work it out for herself. Brother finds this to be cruel and unusual and begs me to get her. I try to explain to him that she is getting a time out, just like he and Sister would get if they were throwing this sort of tantrum. Soon, Baby calms down and comes to me, eyes puffy, nose running and arms open wide, ready to make up. I'm feeling pretty satisfied and confident that I AM Supermom, able to tame tantrums in a single bound.Later, as I am preparing lunch, Baby comes to me, whining. I have four slices of bread to make two grilled cheese sandwiches. Three kids + two sandwiches = disaster. Howe... More About: Cheese
For some reason I knew, the minute the phone rang,...
2007-02-14 04:29:00 For some reason I knew, the minute the phone rang, that this was the call. I knew because it was our home phone that rang, and it rarely rings anymore. I knew because my husband left the room to take it. I knew because I couldn't hear him laughing or talking. I knew because the cloud had been looming for weeks, months...maybe years. And when my husband came back to the kitchen, I knew.His father had died.Saturday, February 10, 2007, at approximately 3:30 p.m., my father-in-law, the man who smiles from black and white photos with a beautiful, chubby, baby boy, passed away.I've been trying to decide how to write about this for days. It is difficult to expound on such a subject when there are many complex and confliciting emotions. And there have been many moments this past week worthy of being put down for posterity. But it would require a long and detailed description of family history, which I just don't have the heart to post for the world to see.This is a bittersweet time. ... More About: Phone , Reason , Minute , Some
Movin' and Groovin'
2007-02-09 11:50:00 Things are moving. And by "things", I mean the aforementioned slime that has wreaked havoc on my household this week. I will not go into further details.You're welcome.So, I'm taking that as a good sign. Of course, I'm also awake at 4 a.m. this morning.I will stop whining about being sick now.You're welcome.
Some days you feel like squashed bread.
I peeled ...
2007-02-07 22:06:00 Some days you feel like squashed bread.I peeled myself from the mattress this morning with all the enthusiasm of a sloth on tranquilizers. Due to a snoot full of slime, my night was spent in and out of consciousness, though I'd hardly call it sleep. My throat is scratchy and feels thick and sticky, like someone force fed me Play-Doh during one of my less conscious moments. And in this house, one never knows.Moving in slo-mo, I plod down the hall with but one goal, clinging to this one glimmering ray of hope to save me from collapse - the coffee pot. A nice, hot cup of joe will melt away the slime. Or at least give me the energy to make it to the Kleenex box.But the baby birds immediately notice the mama bird is up and about the nest and their requests for breakfast do not wait for coffee to brew. They land on me without taking heed of my sad state and waste no time placing their orders. But it is all mud inside my ears. I mutter something to the tune of "wait" and find the nearest ... More About: Read , Squash , Bread , Days , Like
Sick Day
2007-02-06 15:26:00 There is a funk floating around our house. Brother was the first to catch it, with Hubby a close second.I was having such a hard time motivating yesterday - pretty typical for a Monday. But by 1:00, I started feeling achey. By three, I was parked on top of the heater with a raging fever and a pounding head, trying to chase away the chills. It's a wonder I didn't burn off my eyebrows. I had thawed chicken breasts, planning on fixing something delicious for dinner, but the kids got grilled cheese sandwiches and frozen vegetables, a magnificent feat in light of how I was feeling.As Sister was getting ready to go to bed last night, she put her arms around me and I laid my head on her shoulder. "Tomorrow," she said, "I'll make you some tea and that will make-ted (an adorable grammatical error) you feel better."Her tenderness gave me little goosebumps all over. Or maybe that was a chill."Thank you, Honey," I said, as she patted me softly. "You're sweet."She gave me a soft, little kiss... More About: Sick , K Day
Dreaming In Words
2007-02-03 05:26:00 I just read, devoured, rather, a really great book. It is titled Good Grief by Lolly Winston. I started it yesterday afternoon and finished it today. A fabulous read! And of course, you can't really "Search Inside", as the picture suggests. I merely borrowed that image from Amazon.I wasn't looking for a new book, exactly. I happened to be hanging out with some girlfriends at Barnes and Noble after a movie, sipping my peppermint mocha and perusing some interesting books (which I absolutely did not intend to buy), when one of the ladies makes a comment that strikes me funny just as I am taking a drink of my nice dark beverage and I, of course, spew it onto the lovely, pristine book jacket in front of me. It just so happened to be the above mentioned book. Luckily, it was bargain priced at $5.98.This book had the perfect mix of humor, reality and tragedy, although I found the ending a little too Norman Rockwell. But most of all, I found it inspiring. It is exactly the kind of book ... More About: Word , Words , Dream , Dreaming , Ming
What A Relief!
2007-02-01 18:28:00 This morning, as I was making breakfast, my sweet Baby, toddled into the kitchen in her little pink and purple heart jammies to see if she could lend a hand. Being the big helper she is, she took the bag of cat food from under the sink and proceeded to feed the kitty, heaping big piles of crunchy brown stuff into the stainless steel bowl next to the trashcan.As I was slicing sausage from the roll, I hear a crunching sound...and it's not the cat. My blood turns cold as I immediately think the worst - Baby is eating the cat food.But alas, I was not to worry. Baby wasn't eating the cat food. She was only eating popcorn from the trash.Whew! More About: What , Hat , Relief
What A Relief!
2007-02-01 18:28:00 This morning, as I was making breakfast, my sweet Baby, toddled into the kitchen in her little pink and purple heart jammies to see if she could lend a hand. Being the big helper she is, she took the bag of cat food from under the sink and proceeded to feed the kitty, heaping big piles of crunchy brown stuff into the stainless steel bowl next to the trashcan.As I was slicing sausage from the roll, I hear a crunching sound...and it's not the cat. My blood turns cold as I immediately think the worst - Baby is eating the cat food.But alas, I was not to worry. Baby wasn't eating the cat food. She was only eating popcorn from the trash.Whew! More About: What , Hat , Relief
Disturbing News
2007-01-31 20:07:00 I rarely watch the news anymore. It only leaves me depressed. However, since we are getting our third snowstorm this winter (a rarity in our fair state) I thought I'd try to catch the weather and find out what the heck is going on.But I shouldn't have.Today I saw something that shook me to the core. It enraged me.A woman who had her baby in four minutes.That's right, people. Her water broke and four minutes later she had the baby.Talk about global warming. Talk about war in Iraq. But this...this is beyond unfair. It's unspeakable. I mean, should she even qualify as a mother? Can we take a vote and have her excommunicated from the Mom Club? Impeached? Something?Geez. I just can't watch the news. More About: News , Bing
Red Letter Day
2007-01-30 04:19:00 I was sitting here, checking my email, when Brother, who was playing outside, comes up and knocks on the storm door. "Come here," he shouts, to be sure I hear him through the door."What?" I ask, somewhat annoyed."Come here," he says, now more insistent."What do you need?" I am finally back up and running with my computer and am perfectly happy to have my face buried in it for the moment, thank you very much."Just come here! I want to show you something."I get up and go to the door. Brother bounces down the steps and grabs his bike. I am intrigued and step out onto the porch in my socks, wondering if he is going to do what I think he's going to do.He walks it to the end of the driveway, hops on and then takes off.What's the big deal? Last March we bought him a new bike for his birthday and took the training wheels off his old one. For almost a year we've been trying to coax him into giving it a shot. A couple of times we even did the whole hold-on-to-the-back-of-the-seat-take-off- ... More About: Letter
Unintentional Vacation
2007-01-23 22:29:00 Where have I been, you ask?In the course of two weeks, I have survived a snow/icestorm of catastrophic proportions, been holed up in my house for five days without a running vehicle (due to the untimely death of my minivan), housed my brother for four days, three nights, two hours and fifty-seven minutes (another blog altogether), had two family members in the hospital, and endured a visit from the ever punctual and enduring Aunt Flo. You will have to ask around if you don't know Aunt Flo. Chances are, you know someone familiar with her monthly visits. All of this together pales in comparison to the real trauma I have suffered. The icing on the cake. The straw that broke the camel's back.My computer died.Yes, you're all gasping in awe and admiration. How have I survived????!!!!! But after a couple of days of cold sweats and twitching, I realized I would probably be okay.Luckily, I still have school, and there are computers aplenty here, so I have been able to somewhat reconn... More About: Cat , Vacation , Tent
How do I do a post about one of my children tur...
2007-01-11 05:03:00 How do I do a post about one of my children turning another year older without waxing sappy and sentimental?It can't be done.So you must endure my blubbering, because Sister was five yesterday.We had cupcakes for breakfast, a longstanding tradition in our house. Then we finished the rest of them after lunch and before dinner. I think we all had about three each.If you can't eat as many cupcakes as you want on your birthday, then when can you?It was a good excuse for me, too.And today I am sporting a Purple Glitter manicure, courtesy of the Birthday Girl, who, like all princesses, got to do whatever she wanted on her special day.It is interesting how all my children seem to take turns being the source of frustration and concern for me, which is good, because if they were all frustrating at the same time (which has happened on occasion) ugly things could happen. And Sister is the one who has been driving me mad of late.But nothing makes me happier and turns me into a blob of mushy g... More About: Children , Post , About , Child
First Day Back or What the Heck Did I Get Myself Into?!
2007-01-10 01:07:00 I realize it's probably somewhat natural to have the jitters on the first day of a new semester. I also realize it is difficult to know what to expect after only one class.But I'm thinking I may be in slightly over my head signing up for an Honors Literature class.Scratch that.I'm dead.I come from a very humble background. My small school didn't exactly offer a first-class education. And the community college I attend now isn't exactly Harvard. Though I have always had above average grades, I wouldn't neccessarily classify myself as a "scholar".And though I am a fan of literature and at one time, was an avid reader, I have a confession to make.This is my very first literature class.Ever.That's it. I'm dead.I did have some literature in my high school English class, but anything I learned or read beyond that was purely recreational on my part. It's weird, but I used to read Shakespeare for fun.However, today when my instructor asked the class what they were currently r... More About: Self , What , Hat , Myself , Back
Mathphobic
2007-01-09 13:01:00 It's back to school for me today, folks.(Insert gleeful dancing and singing here)And get this...I am taking half as many classes, but getting double the amount of time away from home. Don't ask me how I pulled that off. I'm just going to pretend I don't notice so as not to draw attention to it. If the Stay-At-Home-Mom Police hear I'm not actually home two days a week, the jig will be up, and I'm certain they'll shackle me to the stove, or something like that.This semester will not be without it's share of excitement, though, as I will be taking Basic Math .Yes. That's right. I am taking an HONORS Literature course and BASIC MATH. My name is Supermom and I am a Mathaphobe.It all started in the eighth grade when I took Algebra 1 from Mr. Y. Mr. Y was your average, run-of-the-mill, aging seventies disco lounge throwback, complete with gold chain and hairy chest. To make it even better, he was a smoker who enjoyed Funyuns and coffee in the teacher's lounge between class...
This is what happens when you leave candy within ...
2007-01-09 12:53:00 This is what happens when you leave candy within reach of a two-year-old and turn your back. I suppose I should work with her on unwrapping the candy first. Poor little Tootsie Roll...never stood a chance. Sniff. More About: With , What , Hat , Leave , Andy
Phase 2
2007-01-08 20:38:00 It's funny, really. I had talked to Brother and Sister about redecorating their room with a medieval theme months ago. I talked about painting it to look like a castle. I talked about painting princesses and knights and dragons and they were gung ho.Especially Brother.But I failed to mention to him that I would have to paint over this:This is what his room looked like when it was just his. Before we decided to move the girls in with him and make the extra bedroom a playroom.Apparently he thought I would paint the castle and such around the transportation stencil, because when he saw me doing this:he freaked out a little.Unfortunately, it was too late too turn back.But I found it fascinating how much he loved the stencil, and I was glad that at almost eight years old, he still thought it was cool. I remembered how much fun I'd had painting that room for him. How anxious I was to use the stencil I had found on clearance. And how we came to decide on the bright, kelly green, which is... More About: Phase , Hase
What To Do About Baby
2006-12-17 21:20:05 I have a favorite toy store.No. Not those kinds of toys.These are real toys. You know, the kind my kids like.This toy store is small and privately owned. You will never find Spider-Man, Barbie or Elmo in this store. No video games. No DVDs. No obnoxious battery-operated toys designed to suck your child's brain dry of any imagination.These are quality, inspiring toys. The kind that make you want to be a kid again.So, when I come up emtpy handed on Christmas gift ideas for Baby , I head over there to see if any of their very helpful, very knowledgable staff can help me out. The minute we hit the door the kids scatter, each going to their favorite section. Brother heading to the pirates and knights while Sister skips off to the fluffy, pink side of the store. I follow Baby to see what tickles her fancy.She zeros in on an electronic keyboard, complete with tiny little seat and microphone stand. She's played with it before, but I'll be honest. It's not my favorite toy in th... More About: What , Hat , About , To Do
The Results Are In!
2006-12-17 21:20:05 I have officially finished my first semester of college after 15 years away. And I have managed to get three A's and one B.I could give you a million excuses for that B, but I think instead I will just be very, very happy.Hey, ya'll! LOOK WHAT I DID!!!!!!!!!I'm kinda proud. More About: Results , Result
The Fascination Continues
2006-12-14 09:18:04 You may recall, from my previous post, Sister's fascination with certain potty words. This lovely work of art further illustrates my point.Look closely and you will see the figure with two large, round eyes, who is really a baby. This baby is holding in each of his hands a polka dot blanket and a polka dot pillow.Upon closer observation you may notice the large, round, purple object between the stick legs of said baby.In the words of the artist, that is "a big, giant POOP!"So, would you consider this abstract or realism?Update: Now she is singing "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Poopy New Year!" There must be medication for this. More About: Nation , Cina , Conti
Somewhere Between Soccer Mom and Sex Kitten
2006-12-05 21:12:02 Sigh.It never fails to depress me.Shopping.I know, I know. Something must be wrong. Why in the world would shopping depress me? Is it a hormone imbalance? A female glandular problem?Almost.It's the size of my rear. And the gray hair. And the little lines I'm starting to see on my face. And my bloodshot, sleep-deprived eyeballs. And the mirrors...for the love of all that is holy, why do we have to have so many GODFORSAKEN MIRRORS in the JCPenny's dressing room???!!!And I wish the gorgeous, twenty-something model on the Photoshopped perfume poster would stop staring at me.I want a stylist.I want someone to pick clothes off the rack for me that make me look fabulous and I will never have to look in the mirror again.Oh, yeah. Make them seriously on clearance, too.I mean it, folks. I need help.So my two good pairs of jeans have holes in the knees and the rear end. In the eighties, I would have been super hip. Pair that with some sky-high Aqua Net hair and a Spuds McKenzie ... More About: Soccer , Between , Here , Where , Kitten
Una Fiesta!
2006-12-04 09:10:04 Yesterday my sweet, darling, teeny, tiny, little Baby turned two.(Are you sensing some denial here?)Two is still a baby, right? I mean, never mind how big she looks in the picture, she's still a baby. She's not really big, is she? Even though she's talking, putting on her own shoes and eating with a spoon instead of her hands, I can still call her a baby. She still wears a diaper...babies wear diapers, right?It was a fun evening, even if we were celebrating her getting bigger. Hubby, who would normally be working, took the night off to be with us.That alone is cause for celebration.Brother, Sister and I colored Dora pictures and hung all over the kitchen. We hung balloons and streamers and baked her a Dora cake.Hey, get a load of that cake.We had fun, party-like finger foods for dinner and watched Baby go crazy in her little slice of heaven surrounded by Dora. Though she didn't fully understand what was going on, she was definitely enjoying being the center of attention.L... More About: Fiesta , Fiest
Snow Day
2006-12-02 15:07:44 This morning Sister came and woke me exclaiming it had snowed. And sure enough, it had.Only here can it be 70 degrees one morning and 24 with snow and ice the next.Amazing.I had the best laid plans to be productive today. We were going to carry on just like any other day. Business as usual. The kids were asking to go out and play and like a real Grinch, I was being firm. "No. School and chores first."Then those public school kids had to go and mess it all up.We had just barely made the beds and hadn't even sat down to do our lessons when the knock came at the door.(Actually, due to the Christmas music we had blaring, it was more of a very loud, obnoxious pounding.)Since the schools were out for the weather, the little neighbor boy down the street wanted Brother to come out and play in the snow.What's a mom to do? I mean, it's one thing for your own kids to know how mean and hateful you can be. But it's clearly another for all the neighbor kids to know.So I caved. And we decla... More About: Snow , Snow Day
Thankful
2006-12-02 15:07:44 Martha Stewart I ain't.But this time of year brings out the Martha in me.So when Mom asked me to bring green bean casserole and a dessert to Thanksgiving dinner, my inner Martha stepped in and took charge. Her list looked like this:Green Bean CasserolePumpkin Pound Cake w/Walnut SauceApple CrispHomemade BreadHomestyle Macaroni and CheeseCranberry ChutneySpinach DipApple PieSo much for casserole and a dessert.I jumped in with both feet this afternoon, spending about eight hours in the kitchen, peeling, mixing and chopping. Brother played football with the boys down the street. Sister was beside me in the kitchen, learning to knead and making a little concotion of her own, and Baby...well, Baby was doing what she does best. Finding trouble.So, how did it all turn out? Well, I forgot two key ingredients for the Spinach Dip, so it never materialized. The Apple Crisp had to be crossed off. My bread didn't rise...at all. And the edges of my pies got a little dark. Far from per... More About: Hank
Give In To Giving
More articles from this author:2006-12-02 15:07:44 In a society where people are getting shot over a video game, this story moved me.About six years ago, when Brother was a baby, I had been talking to Hubby about installing a dishwasher in our kitchen. It was an old house, and didn't come with one. We had done some research and had decided we could get one for about $100 and install it ourselves. We waited for Christmas, when we knew we would probably get money from our parents.About two weeks before Christmas, I went to check the mail and found an envelope addressed to us and from us, though I knew I didn't send it. With trembling fingers I opened it to find $200 in American Express gift checks and a note attached:"To buy appliances"No signature. No clue as to who sent it. I cried.And I still get misty when I think of it. I think of them every time I wash dishes in my beautiful dishwasher. I hope in some way they know how very much it means.I still don't know who sent it, but whoever it was, touched our lives in a very po... More About: Giving , Give , Ving 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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