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Vote!
2008-01-15 17:04:00
Man, it's getting hard to pick these things. 160+ captions? Are you kidding me? I'm going to have to start holding runoff elections to pick the front-runners. Or maybe delegate the selection to some reliable group of people, like Iowa.Anyway, here are the finalists. Choose wisely.Rickey Henderson said..."But, my fellow Americans, what differentiates me from my competitors is that, unlike Congressman Diesel, I can unhinge my jaw and swallow my prey whole." rjlight said...Hillary: Deep and wide, deep and wide, there's a fountain flowing deep and wide. MrFab said... "Hillary, you ignorant slut!" Qelqoth said...During a press conference, Hilary Clinton launches a pre-emptive strike on Obama's street credibility by attempting to throw up some muthaf*ckin' gang signz. crazy aunt bea said...Diesel: Must. Stay. Awake. Brad said...All were in agreement that this was the weakest "Celebrity Jeopardy" in recent memory. Mark Jabo said...Hillary: ...I knew Ron Jeremy; Ron Jere...
More About: Politics , Vote

My Laptop Bluescreened While I Was Trying to Think of a Title
2008-01-11 19:39:00
So here's something you didn't know about me: I don't know jack about computers."Wait a minute," you say. "Aren't you, like, a computer programmer?"Ok, first of all, I'm a software developer. "Computer programmer" is a term left over from when computers were the size of a Greyhound bus and packed as much computing power as your curling iron. "Computer programmers" were people who huddled in a dark room feeding punchcards to a giant steel behemoth made of spinning dynamos and vacuum tubes. If they were lucky, the programmers might be able to get the computer to beep or calculate half of 6, but in general they considered it a good day if the computer didn't go on a killing rampage and eat them.Most people know that the first "bugs" in computers were literally bugs: Moths or whatever would get into the circuits and screw things up. Imagine how big a computer has to be for a moth to be able to get into the workings of the machine and cause 1 + 1 to intermittently equal 7. T...
More About: Movies , Technology , Books , Laptop , Science Fiction

Caption Contest: Hillary!
2008-01-11 17:18:00
I'm virtually guaranteed to regret this, but I thought I'd try something different today. You know the rules: Submit your captions in the comments, and I'll post a poll with the best ones on Tuesday.Have fun!Listed on humor-blogs.com.
More About: Politics , Contest , Hillary , Caption

Thursday Shout-Out: HumorBlogging.com
2008-01-10 16:21:00
First of all, thanks to everybody who responded to yesterday's post and tried to assure me that I'm completely normal. That's total bullocks, of course, but thanks. I mean, we all have our remote-control-in-the-freezer moments, but trust me, I take absentmindedness to a whole new level.Oh, and to those who attributed my condition to (1) being male, (2) getting old, or (3) being overworked, I respond:(1) Then I must be way male.(2) I've actually gotten less scatterbrained as I've aged. Which isn't to say that I'm about to head down the other side of that hill, but trust me, I was even worse 20 years ago. I'm tempted to ask my mom to do a guest post to prove it.(3) ROFLMAO.In any case, the point of today's post was supposed to be to give a shout out to Fiar's new blog, Humor Blogging. Like the man says,The goal of the site is to create a resource for, and community of humor writers that wish to showcase their work, and learn to be better humor writers.I think his site i...
More About: Thursday , Shout

Where Was I?
2008-01-09 19:03:00
Newcomers to this blog may get the impression that I think I'm smarter than everybody else. For example, I've suggested that author Mark Halperin wrote his bestselling opus The Truth Machine "in seventh grade study hall." I've ridiculed parents who won't let their kids read Harry Potter, asking them whether there was "some kind of natural progression from J.K. Rowling fan to goat-worshiping cultist." I called my junior high teachers "smug, sorry-ass, close-minded, by-the-book pablum-spewing dullards." I've ridiculed fundamentalists for believing that "God invented photosynthesis before He created the sun."Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I am smarter than everybody else. Well, ok not Stephen Hawking, but then I could kick Stephen Hawking's ass in Ping-Pong. Generally speaking, for every person on earth, I'm either smarter than them or I could beat them at Ping-Pong. And in some cases, both.Although, come to think of it, how smart can Stephen Hawking be if he could...

Read My Lips: No New Anything!
2008-01-07 21:05:00
Occasionally when I write one of my brilliant political missives someone leaves a comment like this one:Very good site. Thank you:-) farm porn mother son porn dragonball porn lindsay lohan porn free porn samples home porn free porn passwords tara reid porn free porn mpegs free full length porn movies korean porn tentacle porn swedish porn free celeb porn french porn free porn stories pornstar finder nurse porn jennifer lopez porn free toon pornWhoops. Wrong comment. Looks like my anti-spam code needs some adjustments. Although I have to admit to being curious what 'tentacle porn' is. Would pictures of me feeding a dead squid to a beluga whale count? Because then I think I might actually have some tentacle porn from our trip to Seaworld. Let me know if there's a demand.Anyway, occasionally I'll get a comment like this one:Great idea. Are you going to run for president? I'd vot for you.Which, frankly, is a little disheartening, and not just because I don't know what votti...
More About: Politics , Nonsense , Read , Lips

Caption Contest Winners
2008-01-04 20:43:00
This week wyo once again trounced the competition with a caption that perfectly fit the dumb guy look on my face while simultaneously poking fun at Johnny Depp's history of collaboration with Tim Burton.Congratulations, wyo! You may display this customized 2-Time In Your Face Award that I stole from another multiple winner, Crummy Joel. As always, the winner may also post the picture with their winning caption on their own site (you can link directly from my site if you want; Lord knows that I've got plenty of other people stealing my bandwidth already).Tied for second were Mark Jabo, with:Diesel: I'm just saying ... I never heard of "cranial liposuction"...And Sparrow, with:"I'm sooooo excited to be in my first musical, Johnny! Especially to be working with you! But isn't the script a little short? Mine only goes to page six..."Congratulations, everybody! This was a particularly tough one to pick the finalists for. By the way, there's one question I forgot to answer in my...
More About: Movies , Contest , Winners , Caption

What's Up
2008-01-04 01:10:00
Just a quick post to let you know what's going on around here lately. Several of you have asked, "WTF is up with the comment thingy?"To which I respond, "Well, can you be more specific? There are a lot of things up with the 'comment thingy', as you so eloquently put it. And watch your F---ing language.""Ok, first of all," you go on, "Why am I a weird little robot guy?"And I respond, "Funny, all the weird little robot guys seem to ask that question eventually." And then I laugh and laugh.Then you say, "No, seriously. I want a cool little avatar. Not a weird robot guy.""Oh, that!" I say. "You can get a cool avatar by signing up with Humor-Blogs.com.""But what if I don't have a funny blog?" you say."No problem," I answer. "Just go here and select the bottom option. That will allow you to participate in the Humor-Blogs community without listing a blog. It's super fast and easy.""Neat!" you exclaim. "But how come some people have square avatars and some people have horizon...

The Dance of the Ten Problems
2008-01-02 19:16:00
Wow, where does the time go? According to Steve Miller, it keeps slippin' slippin' slippin' into the future, but then he also spoke of the pompitous of love, so that tells you how much he knows.2008. What is up with that? When I was growing up, it was kind of assumed that time would never progress beyond 1999. That's why we made everything out of styrofoam and dumped our motor oil behind the garage. In science fiction movies and pop songs, 1999 was the cutoff for a mythical future that would never actually arrive. In 1975 there was a TV show called Space:1999 that was so horrendously bad that the writers clearly didn't expect human civilization to last until next Thursday, much less the next millennium. We were so sure that the world was going to end before 2000 that we even made up a fake crisis called Y2K in the hopes that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. And then 2000 came and went, a year so dull that Wikipedia lists the Broadway opening of Seussical as ...
More About: Politics , Music , Dance , Nonsense , Problems

Vote and Stuff!
2008-01-01 18:08:00
Sorry I never got around to posting yesterday; I was a bit under the weather. Or maybe it was the half bottle of Southern Comfort. Anyway, I was under something.So Happy New Year and stuff. You'll be relieved to know that Huey Lewis has been declared an underappreciated genius by a ratio of 2 to 1. The Huey-haters never had a chance, although I did catch Grundir scheming behind my back with elasticwaistbandlady to skew the vote in their favor. It seems that Nazgul are not, after all, big fans of catchy 80s pop tunes. Who knew?Technically, the elasticwaistbandlady is supposed to do a post lauding the genius of Huey and post my Huey banner, but I'm not going to press the issue. The message of Huey is spread by love and friendship, not by brute force. The Huey-haters will come around eventually. And if they don't, we can just round them up and put them in Huey-hater camps.Ok, on with the caption contest finalists:CrummyJoel said...NO ONE resists the COMFY CHAIR!! Mark Jab...
More About: Movies , Stuff , Vote

Caption Contest: Sweeney Todd
2007-12-28 17:53:00
Ok, folks. I'm actually on vacation with the family, but I snuck off to an Internet cafe in the shadow of the Sphinx long enough to come up with a caption contest pic. You know the rules: Submit your caption in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites, which I'll post in a poll on Tuesday. I'll be back on Monday with some kind of post about something or other. Have fun!Listed on humor-blogs.com.
More About: Movies , Contest , Sweeney Todd , Sweeney , Caption

Noel, Noel, Noel. What Were You Thinking?
2007-12-24 18:38:00
Everybody loves Christmas carols. Christians love Christmas carols. Jews love Christmas carols. Even Satanists secretly love Christmas carols. The only people who don't like Christmas carols are Communists and people named Carol who are going to smack the next person that asks them if they are a Christmas Carol because it's just not funny after the bazillionth time, ok?One of the most enjoyable Christmas songs to listen to is "The First Noel ," the lyrics of which were presumably written as some sort of prank by a guy named Noel. The tune is wonderful, but the lyrics are ridiculous. He works his name into the song like 87 times, for starters.Noel wrote a song, Noel NoelNoel Noel Noel NoelIt's my song so suck it, Noel NoelSing Noel Noel Noel NoelNoel Noel Noel NoelBorn is the King of Israel whose name is Noel!If it weren't for "Hey Jude", old Noel would still be on the hook for Most Needless Repetition of a Name in a Song.Ok, ok. That's not really how the song goes. In rea...
More About: Christianity , Music , Thinking

Congrats to the Winners!
2007-12-21 18:45:00
This week's winning caption came from newcomer carolinebender. Nice work, Caroline! I assume your first name is Caroline. It could be Car or Carolinebe for all I know. Anyway, as the winner, you may display the prestigious In Your Face Award:It was a two-person race this week, and Sparrow ended up in second with: "But Alfred, if I have to take my glasses off to get into the Batsuit, I'll be blind as a...oh."And frequent finisher Brad pulled in a distant third with: "Is there an opening for my...um...guano?"Great job, everybody. I think this was my favorite one so far. Carolinebe's caption actually made me snort, an honor I generally reserve for the some of the stronger episodes of Charles in Charge.I'll be back on Monday with a post on why "The First Noel" is the worst Christmas carol ever.In the mean time, make sure you cast your vote for Huey in the Huey-pocalypse. So far, Huey is climbing Jacob's Ladder to victory, but we're still Walking on a Thin Line, people. If ...
More About: Winners

It's the Huey-pocalypse!
2007-12-20 16:25:00
Yes, friends, this is it. The final showdown between the forces of infectious light rock and the forces of evil. The Ecstatic Infidel and I have come to an agreement on the terms of our internet duel.If the Power of Love conquers all, the Erratic Infidel must do a post unreservedly lauding the genius of Huey Lewis. She must also proudly display my "Huey Lewis needs your help" banner on her site for all of 2008.In the unlikely event that the Heart of Rock & Roll stops beating, I must post a retraction of my Huey accolades and then never mention Huey on this blog again.That's right, the results of this poll have eternal consequences. This ramifications of this duel will reverberate through the ages like the "Wee-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh, wee-oo-oo-oo-WEE-ooh" at the end of "Do You Believe in Love?" This is no laughing matter, folks. This is the Huey-pocalypse.Huey-geddon?No, I'm sticking with Huey-pocalypse.I think.Anyway, here's the poll:Opinion Polls & Market ResearchThe pol...

Waiting for Huey
2007-12-19 02:38:00
I have a dream.I have a dream that some day in the not-too-distant future, little white children and other, slightly larger white children will hold hands and sing in unison Huey Lewis' "Power of Love." But not the part about love being "stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream," because that's not really suitable for the littler white children. Maybe we would change the lyrics to something more family-friendly, like "cooler and faster than methamphetamine," or "smoother and slicker than Vasoline."Allow me to start over.I had a dream.I remember it as clearly as if it happened Monday night, although in reality it was early Tuesday morning. In this dream I was at the mall, waiting for Huey Lewis to arrive. Evidently I had won tickets to a Huey Lewis and the News concert, and part of the prize was getting to meet Huey himself. I stood there in the mall, wondering when Huey would arrive. I was not wondering if Huey would arrive, because Huey always follows through on his com...
More About: Waiting

Holy Captions, Batman!
2007-12-18 22:10:00
Once again, my commenters have proven themselves to be the wittiest bunch of fawning sycophants on the web. Competition was fierce (particularly in the scatological and what's-he-doing- with-his-hands categories), but after much deliberation the captions were narrowed down to these:No, I'm afraid the suit is not properly outfitted for rounds of "pocket pool", Mr. Diesel. - Midleah "Is there an opening for my...um...guano?" - Brad"He doesn't even HAVE any superpowers -- crap, he's behind me right now, isn't he?" - carolinebender "But Alfred, if I have to take my glasses off to get into the Batsuit, I'll be blind as a...oh." - sparrow Alfred: And what do we do when we fall, sir?Diesel: We....stay down and cry for help?!? - CrummyJoelAlfred was less than impressed to find his new master playing with his 'Bat-Pole'. - Lord Likely "Hi, I'm the diesel fitter. You called?" - crazy aunt beaDiesel: Shouldn't the crotch bulge be significantly larger?Alfred: *clears throat* Would s...
More About: Movies , Batman , Holy , Superheroes

Sock Drawer
2007-12-17 20:00:00
Submitted for your approval, some random items from the disorganized sock drawer that is my brain....-------------------I don't understand why people are freaking out about a little lead in toys. When I was a kid, I used to play with little paintable Dungeons & Dragons figurines. You know what those things were made of? Lead. That's right, the toy company would just pour a little glob of molten lead into a mold shaped like an elf princess and call it a toy. You're worried about a little lead in the paint on your Bratz(TM) Dream Crib*? Please. We used to paint our lead toys with lead-based paint in radon-filled rooms blanketed with asbestos insulation while sitting on furniture made out of cyanide and rattlesnakes.One time my junior high teacher confiscated my lead orc figurine -- not because it was made entirely of poison, but because he thought it might be satanic. The grownups back then could give a shit about whether you were playing with toxic substances. They'd ...
More About: Drawer

Caption Contest: The Dark Knight
2007-12-14 17:00:00
How excited am I about The Dark Knight , the sequel to Batman Begins, coming to a theater near me this July? Well, considering that Batman Begins is the Greatest Movie of All Time, pretty excited. For about three hours after seeing Batman Begins, the only words I was capable of speaking were, "That was AWESOME." More importantly, it made me completely forget about Tim Burton's Beetleman, and nearly erased my memory of George Clooney's bionic nipples.So I'm jumping the gun a bit with this one, but hey, did you really want to see me insert myself into the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie? Nobody even wants to see Jason Lee in that movie.You know the rules. Submit your caption(s) in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites and I'll post them in a poll on Tuesday. Have fun!Oh, and in case you somehow missed my shameless hawking in every post over the past two weeks, today is the LAST DAY to get my book, Antisocial Commentary, for $9.95 with free shipping. Tomorrow...
More About: Movies , Contest

Last Chance (for Shameless Self-Promotion)!
2007-12-13 23:22:00
Ok kids, in case anybody is still around after yesterday's distasteful rant, I thought I should tell you that tomorrow is the last day to purchase my book, Antisocial Commentary, at the low low price of $9.95 with free shipping. So really you should order it right now, because if you wait until tomorrow you'll forget. You know how you are.Thanks to everybody who has bought the book so far, especially Mark Jabo, who seems to be planning a Very Antisocial Christmas. I mailed the latest batch out on Monday, so if you haven't gotten it yet, you should be very soon. If you don't, please send me an email at diesel - at - mattresspolice.com.Oh, and for those of you who tried to buy the book only to have PayPal threaten to charge you $3.00 for shipping -- sorry about that. I've fixed the form now, and I've refunded the people who overpaid. And for those of you who are morally opposed to PayPal for whatever reason, send me an email and I'll give you my address so you can send a ...
More About: Promotion , Chance , Mele

Kidneying Around
2007-12-13 07:32:00
In the late 90s, back when Al Gore's Internet was still shiny and brimming with possibilities, I worked as a tech support rep at a large software company. My boss at the time was a good-natured dufus that I'll call Chad. Chad drove a blue Camaro with the license plate YAHOOO, not because he was a fan of the then-nascent web portal but because he was, in fact, a moron. Chad would demonstrate his cognitive deficit by forwarding emails of dubious origin to our entire department. I'm not sure if he ever sent his bank account number to a desperate Nigerian, but one time he did forward the one about people being drugged and having their kidneys cut out. You remember that one, right?At this point I should mention that I'm a big-time skeptic. Not a Skeptic with a capital S, but a person who tends not to believe anything that sounds a little fishy without some hard evidence. I mean, I believe in UFOs because, well, I've seen one, but I don't buy the rumor that Jamie Lee Curtis is...
More About: Technology , Rants , Anecdotes

Uncle Sam (and the Gecko) Want You!
2007-12-10 16:41:00
Are we headed for an economic meltdown? Probably not, but that made for a much better opening sentence than the one I had before.It is true that there are signs that indicate the American economy may be in for a rough patch. We've seen a weakening dollar, a housing bubble and a credit crisis -- and all the while the threat of a Spice Girls reunion tour hangs over our heads like a black cloud.What alarms me the most, however, is the state of advertising in this country. As everyone knows, our economy is based largely on consumer spending, and consumers would have no idea what to consume if it they weren't constantly being told what to purchase by reliable authorities such as Sam Waterston or an animated gecko. Powerful, emotionally resonant advertising is the team of malamutes that pulls the giant, unwieldy sled that is our economy.The typical American consumer has become fairly jaded regarding the choking miasma of advertising that envelopes him from cradle to grave...
More About: Current Events , Pop Culture , Uncle , Uncle Sam

Caption Contest Winners
2007-12-07 16:16:00
This week's winning caption came from the beautiful and witty Kadi Prescott, whose blog, Seven Seeds, you should visit right now. I have a feeling that Kadi is going to be very popular in the near future, so you should make a point to get over there and become her friend while she will still have you.Kadi, you may display the prestigious In Your Face award:I have to admit that I was silently rooting for Jay's entry, because it ties in so well with the newfound purpose of this blog:"We're very disappointed with your refusal to play Huey Lewis on this station."And finally, the woman who may soon be known as Third Place Theresa (the 'h' is silent), with another clever pop culture reference:The Cat in the Hat was really sorry he'd let Thing One and Thing Two out of the box. I also have to give a special shout-out to Crazy Aunt Bea, whose caption, though doomed to go down to defeat, holds a special place in my heart. You'll have to ask her what a "diesel fitter" is exactly, b...
More About: Contest , Winners , Caption

Did I Mention...?
2007-12-06 17:18:00
Man, I've been so busy this week that I think I might have forgotten to mention that my book, Antisocial Commentary, is on sale for $9.95 with free shipping until December 14. Buy it now!Recently I gave a copy to a friend of my wife's and her husband as a housewarming gift. I mentioned to them that several people had told me that it was excellent bathroom reading. Apparently they took me very literally, because the next day my wife's friend called her to tell her that while she and her husband were supposed to be doing some work around the house, her husband kept disappearing into the bathroom. At first she was irritated, and then concerned. Of course, it turned out that he was sneaking off to read my book. So be warned: It may start off as bathroom reading, but if you don't want people to think you're experience uncontrollable bouts of Dianetics, you may want to leave the book in the living room.In case you're still not convinced, here are some quotes from various pill...

Dr Pepper Proves Book Larnin' is No Substitute for Common Sense
2007-02-28 18:48:01
As you know, Dr Pepper is my muse. I therefore took it particularly hard when the marketing wizards at the Dr Pepper company turned out to be no more wizards than, well, than Dr Pepper is a real doctor. From the Buffalo News:Less than a month after Boston's highways and bridges were shut down during a bomb scare touched off by an advertising stunt, a new marketing scheme has led angry city officials to shut down a historic site. A clue in a Dr Pepper promotion suggested a coin that might be worth as much as $1 million was buried in the 347-year-old Granary Burying Ground, the final resting place of John Hancock, Paul Revere, Samuel Adams and other historic figures. After contestants showed up at the cemetery gates early Tuesday, the city closed it, concerned that it would be damaged by treasure hunters. Read the rest of the story here.I did some digging (ha!) and found out that, astonishingly, this wasn't even the worst marketing gimmick the Dr Pepper people came up with. I p...
More About: Sense , Book , Common , Common Sense

Inappropriate Card Day Recap / Oscar Cap
2007-02-28 00:46:01
I'm over at the Snark again today, recapping the Oscar s.Thanks to everybody who participated in Inappropriate Card Day! It was the best one ever.I got highly inappropriate cards from Angela, Chrissy, Robin, Lizza, Awaiting, Neva and G (I'm being pretty generous in my definition of "card").Special thanks also to Logophile, Central Snark, TubaPants, Tan Lucy Pez, Jennifer and Arlene for doing their part to spread the good cheer/best wishes/condolences/whatever.Here's the card my wife gave me:...and the one I gave her:Thanks for participating, everybody! I'll be back tomorrow with a post about the marketing geniuses at the Dr. Pepper company.
More About: Recap , Prop

Happy Inappropriate Card Day!
2007-02-27 12:45:02
Well, it's finally here. I hope you're spreading the love with someone you hate, or spreading the hate with someone you love.While I was working on this post, I got an e-card from G! Lookit:Ain't that sweet?And if you don't know WTF this is all about, read the story of Inappropriate Card Day here!Gotta go spread some cheer or whatever. Catch you later.Humor-Blogs.com is always inappropriate!
More About: Happy , Prop

Funniest Blog Post Contest Update
2007-02-25 18:43:01
A couple of clarifications to my Fun niest Blog Post Contest :Remember, you have to submit a post, not a blog. For example, "http://www.mattresspolice.com/2007/02/br illiant-james-blunts-songwriting.htm" or just "Hey, Diesel, go to mattresspolice.com and find the James Blunt post." (Just an example; my posts are ineligible....) Why posts and not entire blogs? Because I think it's a lot easier to rank the relative funniness of blog posts than entire blogs. And one really funny post is a good indication of the author's ability.Also, to be eligible the blog must have a link to humor blogs.com somewhere on the site. You can see a list of qualifying blogs at humor blogs.com (any of the sites listed on the right are eligible). If you find a funny blog that's not listed, tell the author to get with the program and add a link to humor blogs.com. Once they do, they'll be eligible. It's like magic.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~One more very important announcement:...
More About: Funnies

There Can Be Only Four (Funniest Blog Post Contest)
2007-02-25 06:42:01
You probably know by now that I run a little black ops project called humor-blogs.com. One of the goals of humor-blogs.com is to give some recognition to lesser known but very funny blogs. The problem with most blog directories -- even the ones that have some kind of voting mechanism -- is that they are biased toward sites that already get a lot of traffic. I'm working on a way to more objectively rank blogs, but until that's done, I thought I'd enlist your help in determining which are your favorite funny blogs.To that end, I'm running a Fun niest Blog Post Contest . The rules are as follows:1. Submit your nominations for funniest post for the month of February 2007 to me, either by posting a comment here or sending me an email (diesel -at- mattresspolice dot com). You must include the url to a specific POST, not just the blog url. 2. The post must be dated some time during February 2007.3. All nominations must be received by midnight Pacific time on Thursday, March 1.4. To ...
More About: Funnies

Blogger Code of Blah Blah Blah
2007-02-23 18:40:02
I recently ran across something called a "Blog ger Code of Ethics" on the web somewhere. What a great idea! It's about time somebody got us unruly bloggers in line. I agree with this Code 100%. Or maybe 74.3%. Still, I mostly agree with it. I've republished it below with a few comments of my own.I will tell the truth. Man, wouldn't it be great if all bloggers told the truth? I strive to include some truth in almost every one of my posts. Lies are important too, of course.I will write deliberately and with accuracy. Or hire a lot of monkeys.I will acknowledge and correct mistakes promptly. I always do this. I think. I'll have to come back to this one.I will preserve the original post, using notations to show where I have made changes so as to maintain the integrity of my publishing. This one is crap.I will never delete a post. Even if the original writer of this post tells me to. I have my principles, after all.I will not delete comments unless they are spam or off...
More About: Blah Blah Blah , Logger

Imagine My Surprise
2007-02-22 00:38:01
I've always been a shy, introspective sort. I had a hard time making friends as a kid, so I resorted to devising imaginary friends. Fortunately, I was quite imaginative and was able to construct entirely believable fictional characters with whom to while away recesses.My best friend was Toby. Toby was everything you might want in a friend: generous, helpful, and just a fun guy to be around in general. He was athletic but he didn't rub your face in it, and he was a good student but not a brown noser. He was smart enough to stay out of trouble but mischievous enough to engage in the occasional prank. He was, as far as I could imagine, the best possible friend.Things were going well with me and Toby. Too well, in fact.As I mentioned, I was an introspective and creative child. I was the kind of kid who could never just let things be. I drove my teachers insane with my incessant questions. I was always asking "why?"It was not surprising, then, that I soon started to wonder w...
More About: Rise , Imagine