the notorious J-O-E-the notorious J-O-E-laugh with me. or laugh at me. it's like steel magnolias - if you have nothing nice to me, come sit next to me Articles
i predict an oscar....
2008-04-29 07:10:00 for mariah! yes, mariah carey!a big oscar is coming to her for her new movie "tennessee". this is the most amazing transformation of an actor since....well, ever. (oh - by "OSCAR", i mean oscar meyer weiner - because that's how SHITTY it looks).don't miss her southern accent. it's just.....stunning. i think it's safe to say it's shitter than "glitter".- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Oscar , Predict
what the fuck, sammy jo?
2008-04-29 03:54:00 why do women jack up their faces??????heather locklear has gone mad. they should call her SAMMY CHO because she looks asian with that new face of hers. i realize it is a bad photo, and she is probably caught off guard....but jesus! look at this face!!!!! it is VERY jocelyn wildenstein. i smell a "separated at birth". i'd do it myself, but i just ate dinner.you know, if i was richie sambora, i'd be a drunk too! just from looking at that, i'd find the first bottle i could find and drink it - rubbing alcohol, hairspray, listerine - whatever.i just want to smack the silicone out of her face. i wanna smack her realllll hard! OH WAIT! someone already has! watch claudia smack this bitch around. ah, classic sammy jo. i miss her.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: What the fuck , Fuck , Sammy
plugged mary keep on pushin'
2008-04-28 19:13:00 is it me, or is tina turner trying realllllly hard to push out a poop????like she hasn't had a stitch of fiber in weeks and it hurts. it hurts baddddd. and she needs to get it out. you know she feels the tip of it but is worried about popping a hemorrhoid.am i wrong?- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Mary
go ahead. call me racist
2008-04-28 03:16:00 if it's racist to say that this is SOME GHETTO ASS shit, then so be it.fat nasty skank ho mariah carey must be stopped. has anyone ever read the lyrics to any of her songs? i mean the songs after she divorced her pimp husband, stopped being a white long island girl, and became a skeezy, sleazy cow who wishes to god she was more than just 12.5% black....america is full of the dumbest people, and people like this heifer - who are held in high esteem by the trashiest of people - are perpetuating this stupidity. there is not even one full english word in most of the lyrics i am about to cite. she made great pains in recent interviews to make sure people knew that she writes her own lyrics. SHE IS PROUD OF THIS SHIT???? i'm talking about lyrics like these from her new ass-terpiece:Once again nothin' jumpin' up in yo place,Sick of your berry buzzin' all in my face.....Speed dial connecting me to Rae-Rae (Hey)Click in Shawntae and Mae-Mae (Hey).....Soon as we walk through the d... More About: Call , Racist , Ahead
separated at birth: black and white
2008-04-27 19:08:00 vera wang, from some TV commercial, and 70s TV star davey from "davey and goliath". good one.i think its the flat, one dimensional claymation-esque face and apostrophe-style eyebrows. yeah, i like this one.thanks to judy bernley for the photo of vera.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: White , Black , Birth , Black and White , Separated
v. 2.0
2008-04-27 18:43:00 here comes trouble, the next generation.update: if you saw a similar post on fatez hilton, i did it first. duh.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com
2 hearts that beat as 1
2008-04-27 18:28:00 yes...the one and only STACEY Qi realize that "greatest hits" is the dumbest thing i have heard since paula abdul judged "american idol" and jennifer lopez was on "inside the actors studio", but it's a fun little flashback. take a trip with me.click le pic to vomit. i mean download.thanks to musicsource.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Beat , Hearts
better dead than red
2008-04-25 07:13:00 apparently, sex and the city's miranda is making her lesbian love life official, by planning a wedding to her, um, girlfriend.Cynthia Nixon is making plans to `marry' her partner Christine Marinoni ..... A source tells the National Enquirer: "Cynthia and Chris want a quiet autumn ceremony in Vermont under the red leaves."under what?look at those two: you just KNOW "under the red leaves" is something about their naked pasty red-haired bodies. under the red leaves! ewhhhhthe red leaves on a red bush, perhaps?- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Dead
blood on my hands
2008-04-24 18:12:00 i am a murdererarmistead maupin has "tales of the city", so i now have "tales of the country". dump a homoesexual in the sticks and all sorta shit goes down. like homocide.in my morning rush to flee the trappings of rural nowhere, i committed a heinous act. i think i killed an animal.little bitch just ran outta nowhere, in front of blanche (that's my jeep) and made itself vulnerableblanche swerved. animal swerved. we all swerved. i closed my eyes and let jesus take the wheel (the pope was here recently - it felt ok).....popthudcrunchsomething in the rear view tried to walk away. ok, it wasnt dead. but i bet it wishes it was. or is by now.i stopped the car. i vomited.i still don't know what it was....wasn't a squirrel. it was low-lying, long-tailed and gray-brown. gopher? possum? aretha's wig? dunnomaybe i did the world a favor. he coulda been all rabied out. poor thing was just tryin' to get some breakfast....the hunt for a nut is tough business........ believvvve me - i know!... More About: Hands , Blood
madonna's hair apparent
2008-04-23 18:10:00 i know i am off the xmas card list for this....but i didn't make this video - just posted it.think: lourdes. photoshop. hair removal. reinvention.i know - it's evil. but it IS art in a sense that it makes a great video.....- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Hair
separated at the gynaecologists
2008-04-23 17:59:00 julianne moore and her body of evidence co-star, madonna. maybe not a "separated at birth", but "separated at the stirrups" might be more like it.what they are doing is proving that 50-year old hoo-ha is as good as the rest, i guess. i am, however, concerned about the grand canyon between julianne's breasts......- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Separated
you must spare me
2008-04-23 17:51:00 i love madonna so don't you ever say anything bad about her. if you wanna question her singing skills, just watch this moron on american idol last night. by moron, i mean talentless twit, dumb bitch and overall madonna murderess. ok, ok - she is a sorta pretty girl (i'm human, you know).i hate american idol, i really do. OH! for those of you that love it, i hate to say it publicly (but i also love to say it publicly): THE SHIT IS SO FAKE!!!! IT'S RIGGED! there - i said it.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com
recycling is important!
2008-04-23 15:47:00 what's this, you ask?a simple hair band for the ladies, right?think again.BEIJING (AFP) - Used condoms are being recycled into hair bands in southern China , threatening to spread sexually-transmittable diseases they were originally meant to prevent, state media reported Tuesday. In the latest example of potentially harmful Chinese-made products, rubber hair bands have been found in local markets and beauty salons in Dongguan and Guangzhou cities in southern Guangdong province, China Daily newspaper said. 'These cheap and colourful rubber bands and hair ties sell well ... threatening the health of local people,' it said.here are my questions:1. who gets to wash them?2. how on earth do they collect them all?3. who thought of this?4. they are awfully wide for chinese condoms, no?5. don't you think the japanese would have done this better?- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Recycling
separated at birth, the shameful version
2008-04-20 03:08:00 i know.i know that he has diseases.but this is about his fashion.if you don't like it, you have no sense of humour.and then you should get off the blog.laugh bitch.it's funny and you know it.roger ebert and darth vader, unmaskeddamn, i'm good.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Birth , Version , Separated
separated at birth, the B-list version
2008-04-20 03:05:00 kylie minogue and a some man named pink (which describes his penis, actually):- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: List , Birth , Version , Separated
separated at birth, the racially sketchy version
2008-04-20 03:03:00 heidi klum and black baby; madonna and black baby. it's almost uncanny!- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Birth , Version , Separated
separated at birth, the chiclet version
2008-04-20 02:53:00 gary busey (with his teeth) and ellen de lesbian:need further proof?- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Birth , Version , Separated
a new (french) twist on multiple partners
2008-04-17 17:22:00 i dunno if any of you saw this on the news....there was some raid of a ranch in texas involving a morman polygamist and all his wives. AND 500 CHILDREN!it's disturbing, sure.but what's more disturbing to me?you guessed it. these bitches all have MATCHING HAIRDOES! and what the hell kind of style is this? laura ingalls-meets-donald trump via new jersey? a combover, fluffed up top, and braided in the back.clearly, this man has a type. liberate those kids, wives and especially, those follicles. girl...where is jose eber when you need him?- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: French , Partners , Twist
back together
2008-04-17 16:56:00 call my lawyer and stop the divorce proceedings.madonna and i seem to have mended our fences. i will forgive her the international disgrace that is her current (i hate to say "hit") single and her choice of pandering to the population. i'll allow it after all.only because the rest of the album is unevenly good (potentially great in some spots). beyond the music, she has returned to being damn funny. case in point....this youtube video she made. much like i liked heather locklear's campy dance below, i love the vacuuming in killer boots and gold chains....the outfit is hot, her eyelids are tight as can be, and her britigan (british + michigan) affectation is in full force.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Back
are you wondering?
2008-04-17 13:02:00 what my "new life" is like since i moved from nyc?let me sum it up here: it's 645 am. i have already seen a herd(?) of deer, multiple toothless white trash and a truck of hay bales. and 8 chickens. i'd like you to go for the visuals: me, in dark glasses, tight jeans and a leather jacket (sounds way sexier than it is) and 8 chickens. i once traveled the world with A-list stars. i was quite fab in my day...... now, i roll with fowl.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com
i miss the 80s
2008-04-17 01:07:00 oh, the 80s. the glamour! the hair! the TV!i'm talking primarily of miss heather locklear (before she became a 2-time divorcee, after being impaled by tommy lee's...drumstick!), who at the time, was doing double-penetration (of TV sets, people) on "dynasty" and "t.j. hooker".first, let me say that i clearly - very clearly - remember being very jealous that my name was not "hooker". weird that i remember that....anyway, here is heather as sammy jo, the white trash girl who married the big fag. i saw this on doodlewhore and have watched it at least 10 times since. her drunken dancing is divine!!!!! and her dress - with the slit up to HERE.....i covet. the frosted, huge hair??? phenom! oh, and joan collins, frankly, ruins everything. enjoy. they don't make 'em like this anymore.....- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Miss
carol. her name is carol.
2008-04-16 17:43:00 who wants an update on the new cleaning lady?i did not hire the HTML sisters. but i am wondering if i should have.miss carol rolls up this morning in her little toyota....you know, the tiny little one that looks like every economy car you ever rented? i had a vision of this woman being a 65 year old, graying and permed, 5' 10", rail-thin and with jacked teeth. i was kinda wrong.she is about 5 feet tall, has henna red hair with krystle carrington bangs - you know - the kind that feather out? picture that look on edie mcclurg. and then, draw on BRIGHT cherry red lips, but in betty boop kewpie-doll style.oh, and i guess she recently lost weight, because the waist of her pants was cinched in the back with pins....anyway, she wasn't that good. i'm calling the microsoft twins.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Carol
what a brat (aka separated at birth)
2008-04-16 16:48:00 i can now see where madonna got the inspiration for her latest look - the bratz dolls! girl, leave rocco's toys alone! doesn't david have a dashiki you can borrow?- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Birth , Brat , Separated
the popannazzi
2008-04-16 05:12:00 i swear to the ghost of jesus christ - you cannot turn on the radio or the television in the new york area without hearing about the impending visit by the pope.i'll say it: who the fuck cares?why the visit of a german nazi is major news, i have no idea! these buffoons on the news are talking about doing bomb checks in the manholes in new york city and testing the bulletproof plexiglass on the popemobile (apparently, POPEMOBILE is now a correct and totally usable word).....then there are the crews that are rolling out red carpets are saying "this is an experience of a lifetime". seriously? they need a new life. and ohhhhh the children! the parents of the kids who are "lucky enough to hand the pope flowers when he lands" are in tears! crying! over an 81 year old uptight repressed homosexual nazi who probably shoves church candles up his ass!!!!!!so, i call on my homosexual readers: anyone wanna get together and have a massive, naked, gay sex orgy on the steps of saint pat...
separated at birth
2008-04-15 17:28:00 i am so totally over this one....and i am not even in the demo! i don't need to see a pubescent girl dry-humping a stage.i wish she would just stop! and by stop, i mean stop doing her daddy. you just KNOW he is riding more than her coattails....ewh vile.here she is with her brother bugs - its in the teeth, people. big old buck toofs, custom made for carrots and billy ray's ding-dong. yeah, i said it.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Birth , Separated
have you got a query, queerie?
2007-11-08 19:44:00 i always wanted to be the gay dear abby. like, dear faggy or something. it has always been a fantasy of mine. now that i know at least 4 people read this, i have decided it is high time i achieved my dreams. you should all benefit from my years of world travel, international mystery and tawdry sex-drenched escapadesyou know me - i allllways have something to say.on the right column, the "ask me ask me ask me" section is for you to ask anything you want. i am happy to offer my 2 cents. email me via the link and i will post questions and answers. bring it.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Query , Erie
rotten apple
2007-11-08 18:45:00 i am thrilled to bits about a new ipod. and i thank you for the suggested names - winning entry is TBD.but let me say this: APPLE SUCKS ASSand not in a good wayhave they really gotten so cheap? all previous ipods came with so much more. older versions (i have had them all) had an electric plug, docks (in the really old models), software disc, etc. they even used to have a sleeve for the ipod.none of that is included anymore. not that i need it, but still. seriously - why must you include those piece-of-shit headphones that no one likes??? AND THEY DON'T HAVE THE PADS FOR THE EARBUDS!!! granted, i used to lose them, but they gave you backups. not anymore - they give you NONE. i gotta use their shit headphones with no cushioning on my delicate ears.and in a further effort to scam you out of more money, the connector is a little different than previous models...meaning i can't put this ipod on my ipod alarm clock. it is nice of them to include a dock connector to make up f... More About: Apple , Rotten
bubble pop eclectic
2007-11-08 17:24:00 i love this website. it's a one-stop-shop for free music. but corny music. funny music. one hit wonders kind of music. they describe it this way:If it's ever been on K-Tel or Ronco, it's in. If it features hand claps, cow bells, syrupy orchestration, walls of sound, wrecking crews, sha-la-las, toothy teen idols, candy-based metaphors for carnal acts or lyrics about hugging, squeezing and rocking all night long, it's in.there are two songs per week, but go through the archives and fill up your hard drive. there is some classic stuff in there. i'm filling up my to-be-named-ipod (thanks for the suggestions....).don't say i never gave you any tips!- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Eclectic , Bubble
your help is needed
2007-11-08 04:44:00 remember when i lost my shit because i lost my ipod? well, with time, things heal. after all, it's been almost 2 weeks. at last, i bought new one. it was painful, because even though i have had about 15 ipods since they were invented (some died, some i gave away, some i sold ), i have never actually PAID for any of them.....(i was privy to a lot of free things in a former career).but, the new baby is here, and i love her already. i feel like madonna when she got off the plane with that malawian delight, david. like david, my baby is also black (i will do anything madonna does first). but here is the clincher:I NEED A NAME FOR HER!it's the first thing you do when you plug it in....so, please - suggestions in the comments. **remember - it is a she and she is black. and this is NO joke.- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com
the bizarre and the hot: kylie
More articles from this author:2007-11-07 19:09:00 i'm back on the kylie tip.i got my mitts on 2 new songs by miss midge minogue - click em to have em.the first one - "sensitized" - rips off serge gainsbourg's "bonnie and clyde" ...i knew that song would get sampled eventually, but this isn't what i expected. not bad. just not great.the second is a whole new game. this is my gay jam for winter 07/08 (until madonna's single comes out and i tire of roisin murphy). "how does it feel" feels reallllll good to me. hot hot hot.** 2ND LINK FIXED- joe to hell, 2007 http://joetohell.blogspot.com More About: Bizarre , Kylie 1, 2, 3 |
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