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A dicky little ditty
2007-02-19 02:02:00
Walking down The street one day I swore I heard A small voice say, ?Unzip those drawers Or without a doubt Your great big balls Will squeeze me out!? I was amazed. I was surprised. A blabbermouth Between my thighs? I told myself, ?Don?t be silly. It couldn?t be? ...a talking willy?? I whip him out To order beer If I think the barman Might be queer My dick will shout: ?Give me a sip!? But he?ll get his On the outbound trip. My dick speaks soft My dick speaks loud His forehead wears A little shroud Sometimes he?s Politely flirty Sometimes he gets Downright dirty His ditties are held In high regard. A veritable Phallic Bard During sex He might complain. But I answer with The same refrain ?Shaddup!? I say As I plunge in deep ?Fucking's precious Talk is cheap?
More About: Icky

Stumbled onto while drinking: Opera.
2007-02-11 02:24:00
The Players Club.(photo sourced from the club website)You know, I've thought of giving up the drink, for all kind of reasons.To preserve health. To preserve a youthful twinkle in the eye, and a white eyeball on which to display it. To preserve several hours of the next day for productive endeavour. And to preserve some semblance of sanity (I've a family history of alcoholism on both sides, so one has to be careful).But dammit, life's so much more interesting with a drink in your hand. So, when my old pal Mackintosh arrived in town on a junket last weekend, we went out for a few glasses of preservative.I know Mack through my number one fag hag, Miss Betty Ford. Now, Betty is a woman of enormous capacity. She can juggle several fags at once. Mack and I are two such lucky homosexuals.We met at The Players' Club, in Gramercy Park. (The Goddess of Love nominated me as a member, by the way.) This grand institution deserves several bloggings in its own right. But later.For now, you sho...
More About: Australia , Opera , Drinking , Bled

Stumbled onto While Drinking: Hip Hop
2007-01-30 02:26:00
Hip-hop legend and historian Paradise Gray, accepts his award. I joke that I really don't live in America. I live on an island off the coast of America called Manhattan. Sometimes I drive into America to buy gasoline, because it's cheaper.Well, America beckoned me on a recent weekend. To Pittsburgh , where Headbang was born and spent the first decade or so of his youth.To ease the stress of dealing with America, I found a little slice of Not America in which to retreat each evening. Thanks to a cache of frequent something-or-other points, I checked into the Pittsburgh Hilton.A classic moderninst structure clad in brass, it was built in the sixties as a golden symbol of Pittsburgh's rebirth from the wreckage of its industrial past. Now, it's pretty much just a Hilton like any other Hilton on the planet, competing for trade from travelling salesmen on tight expense accounts and wedding-night newlyweds, just escaped from the reception. A perfectly nice place, but like all internatio...
More About: Drinking , Bled

Gayfinger
2007-01-27 02:28:00
I?m looking at my fingers, trying to work out if I?m really gay.No, I?m not looking for an obsessively neat manicure or, god forbid, traces of nail polish. To an untrained eye, these hands seem pretty straight; wrinkly knuckles on pudgy digits. They belong on a dentist. (Why do dentists always have fingers so unsuited to delicate manual work in close quarters? All the dentists I?ve ever seen carry forearms like meat-axes and fingers like cocktail frankfurters.)No, I?m looking for the one, ironclad clue. A ring finger the same length as the index finger.Surfing the HormonesIt's like this. One of the many theories about why men are born gay is congenital oestrogen wash.Women, bless them, become hormone soup when they get pregnant. A coordinated symphony of chemical yin and yang bathes the foetus in successive waves of testosterone and oestrogen. A little too much girl-juice in the mix at a crucial time, the theory goes, and instant Nellie. A good description of it is contained in Cha...
More About: Pittsburgh

The Second Coming Out.
2007-01-15 08:12:00
Table at a New York street fair, Summer 2006I've been blessed, I guess. Blessed with love, modest financial security, the opportunity to live in many parts of the world, and to visit many more.But since arriving in the United States two years ago, I have never been so blessed.I am in a room full of people at work. I sneeze. The chorus of "Bless You's" rings out loudly. If not from the sub-continent or Middle East, cab drivers bless me as they hand me my change (angling for a bigger tip, maybe?). Bless-yous outnumber thank-yous, even here in heartless, godless...nay, Democrat New York.The other day, a homeless man hustled me for a donation. He was one of these ambitious types, eyeballing passers-by, asking point-blank for cash, thanking even those who refused him.No, he was doing more than that; he was God-Blessing them and their kin. Rather loudly, I thought, perhaps to impress the next good soul who walked down the street.This enterprising attitude holds very little sway with me....
More About: Atheism , Secularism , Second Coming

The Imperial Muppets Sing Vogon Poetry
2007-01-13 02:34:00
To your left you'see the chrysanthemum crest of the Japan ese imperial family, borrowed from Eryn Vorn's excellent photographic website. Eryn, if you'd like me to take it down, please email me. One of the movies to which United treated its long-suffering travellers on my flight from Tokyo to Washington DC was The Queen, starring the incomparable Helen Mirren. As a commentator remarked, "Is there a queen this woman cannot play?" Male ones, probably. The movie shocked me a little. In it, the writer imagines Cherie Blair in coversation with her husband, referring to the Royal Family as "emotional retards". Every contact between royal procedurecrats and the elected government generates a roll of the eyes and a shake of the head that reads where do they find these people? Now, Americans respect the institution of the presidency, but it doesn't stop us from calling the current president a retard, emotional or otherwise. But loyalty to one's monarch cuts a little deeper for most Briton...
More About: Poetry , Muppets , Sing , Imperial