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Odd After-School TV Specials
2007-12-14 04:01:00
by GoldmindWe've all watched them - those helpful after-school TV specials educating us on the potential dangers of accepting soggy pornographic magazines from pantless strangers driving decrepit station wagons. The following is a list assembled by our dedicated staff of some particularly memorable specials.Lemur Star WarsTV executives in the disco-era received a report indicating that kids between the ages of 10-14 were primarily interested in (1) sex, (2) murder, (3) animals, and (4) the movie Star Wars. Tying these together, Grayson Blown Away Productions released "Lemur Star Wars," which feature red laser blasts, graphic animal mating, and territorial battles in outer space.You're in hell Charlie BrownOriginally designed to convey traditional Christian values, "Peanuts" generally featured subtle moral lessons. That is, until Charles Schultz released "You're in hell Charlie Brown," designed to serve as a gentle reminder that failing to love Jesus Christ could mean one day waki...
More About: School , Specials

Mr. Saturday Night Special
2007-12-13 05:30:00
A Night in the Life of Yours TrulyLeft: I had the misfortune of running into “Suzette” here at the Arlington Heights Playboy Club. What made it unfortunate was that I was quite inebriated and am now apparently engaged to the chipper fellow pictured. It could be worse, of course. He DOES shave his legs.by CheeseIt’s Saturday night. A time when a young man’s fancy turns to his pants, or more pointedly, what’s in his pants. Now, I am no longer “young” by most definitions, but I am not quite knocking on death’s door either. I can hear the calling of the frothy mug. I feel the desirable tug of a night spent painting the town. I can taste the freedom of neon lights, gorgeous women, beer nuts, and endless testosterone. So I call my closest friend Mike, grab my fedora, and start driving towards the Arlington Heights Playboy Club.It’s been years since I’ve set foot in the club. I figured by now there were new employees and I resemble the picture of myself on the wall less...
More About: Special

Rome, Circa 25 B.C.
2007-12-12 05:00:00
Bonus and Meniscus at the Vomitorium, Part I by Guinness"Hail, Bonus!" shouted Meniscus from across the forum. "Where you beheaded?""It's Sunday, you fool, and as customary, I intend to conjoin with Ignoramus at the vomitorium to gorge myself until filled to the gullet, purge, and repeat until my esophogus is squeaky clean.""Oh, but of course! My cousin Virus is visiting from the rivalous region of Gaul, and would enjoy an orgy of food and drink...may he attend?""Virus? Never heard of him and do not care to have my purge ogled by strange Gauls.""Oh, it is but my regret. What thoughts have you of the young fellow, Stimulus Terminus?""Ah, yes, indeed, bring that one along. I could use a bit of purging at the other end, provided either Ramses, Trojan or Magnum are packing the sheepskins, that is." Bonus dismissed Meniscus with a brusque wave of his heavily braceleted arm."Very good, we shall see you at XII sharp then!" called Meniscus after the retreating toga.The vomitorium teamed wi...
More About: Rome , Circa

Ask Schopenhauer's Ghost: The Video
2007-12-10 22:27:00
Helpful relationship advice from a dead, cynical existentialist philosopher. by Spec & Goldmind
More About: Video , Ghost , Schopenhauer

Bigots Are All Alike
2007-12-10 02:45:00
by numbsainAh! Heah we go princess, Lou-weegee's Gawmay Cuizeen, eh? Eh? Ya like Eye-talian food don'tcha? Well don'tcha? Ya gotta eat, I mean look atcha, ya nuthin' but skin and bones fuh cryin' out loud. So you could eat, right? Right? Y-e-e-s mother-r-r.Uh-right. Eye-talian food is good. I hope it's not one o' them Mafia owned joints, Yaw fathuh would NEVUH go eat Eye-talian. "They're all mobsters," he'd say...Oh Mom, please!...Ooooh! Red cawpets! Classy joint eh?... Pahty of two please.Spit out your gum, mother.Uh-boy, lookit, ya see dat guy? Ya see Skah-face ovah theah? Mafia written awl over 'em. Oy vey.Mother, he's a waiter.Oh no, Scah-face is a hit man fuh the mob ahm tellin' ya. Look at his eyes... (bas-tuhd) Oh, hello, ah'll have the... um, louey-gweeno crab-on-aro an' do you have Manischevitz? Oh, then just a house white, thank yew.Oh... Moy... Gawd! Lookit, look at dis what just wawked in! It's Chahlie Chan an' the Dragon Lady. Lookit huh; She's prah-bly...

Computer Advancements Surprising the Hell out of Grownups
2007-12-09 03:41:00
In the photo above, a middle-aged man is startled by the functionality of an imac computer. Here, he is viewing a real-time image of himself in "Photo Booth." Such ridiculous expressions have become increasing common and have contributed to a national decline in lockjaw fatalities.by GoldmindAP Reports. Computer Advancements are increasingly surprising the hell out of grown men and women, a new federal study reveals. Once the exclusive realm of post-depression era Luddites, even America's Atari generation has become aghast at the latest software/hardware developments and the number of otherwise dignified grownups holding their mouths open and wagging their tongues while uttering ridiculous phrases like "this is more real looking than space invaders" has substantially increased.  "In my day, Intelevision was the cats pajamas," said David Lindholm, a confused gentleman in his late 60's. "My portable phone & carrying case was the shiznit back when I was listening to the Fat Bo...
More About: Hell , Vance

From the Book of Guinnessis, Ch. VII, vs. XI.
2007-12-07 18:43:00
By Guinness "How Jesus Christ was Named"The True Story - abridgedSayeth the Lord:Circa 0 A.D., a virginal vessel who was so nameth Mary, conceived by the hand of thine Lord, a Child. With haste, she was, by the hand of thine Lord thy God, betrothed to the able and gifted servant of thine Lord, the town carpenter, Joe, who believeth, through the wisdom of thine Lord, that she remaineth intact. Some nine months passeth, and whilst the Virgin was able to conceive without spermatazoa, and the Carpenter wielded his hammer with God given potence, and wast never without good wood, they foundeth themselves without a crib for the approaching Child.The Virgin and the Carpenter undertooketh to seeketh a birthing place. They knocketh upon several doors of thine Lord's servants, and were consistently refuseth admittance, they hath traveled for some time, and reeketh of body odor, mule and fowl breath. By the will of the Lord our God, they didst happen upon a meager residence of beasts."A manger...
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The Evolution of Reality TV
2007-12-06 02:13:00
by numbsain [editor's note: the following is "satire," and should not be interpreted as reflecting the view of Goldminds Unwind. If you are offended, sorry! We are, in fact, quite liberal. The point where we can no longer make fun of everyone in this country, most of all, our ridiculous selves, is the day we have mutated into a fascist state. Thank you!]8:47.52 AM:Robin is awakened by a leaf blower one block away.Robin: (Ugh! I hate Mexicans... God I really am racist, that sucks. Shit, my arm's asleep... I gotta pee really bad.)As she gets out of bed, she realizes her panties are kinda bunched up in her crack so she pulls them most of the way out and walks into the bathroom rubbing her eyes.Robin: (That's weird, Eddie actually put the seat back down... )SPLOOSH! Robin has perfect timing on her release. As she pees, she really lets one rip, it kind of hurts a little, she starts to doze off, bumps her elbow on the sink which wakes her up. She wipes, stands up, looks in the mirror, ...
More About: Reality , Evolution , Ality

FAMOUS QUOTES QUIZ
2007-12-04 04:05:00
Here's a multiple choice quiz to see how well you remember unimportant things famous people said. If you remember every one of these quotes correctly, chances are you've forgotten something important. Like how many children you have. To check your score, you'll find the correct number to the left of the right quote. Good luck!-by numbsain... Well, do ya punk?!Charlton Heston said:1. SOYLENT GREEN HAS TRANSFAT!!!2. SOY BEANS ARE EVIL!!3. COLLARD GREENS EAT PEOPLE!!!4. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!Charlton Heston said:1. Get your greedy hands off my butt you damn dirty ape!2. Take your filthy sandwiches and never come back Mildred!3. Get your filthy paws off me you damn dirty ape!4. Unhand me you big hairy gorilla!Jack Nicholson said:1. The fruit?! You can't HAVE all the fruit!2. Vermouth?! You can't be all out of vermouth!3. The flute?! You call that playing the flute?4. The truth?! You can't handle the truth!Jack Nicholson said:1. Yeah, hold my chicklets between yer tits!2. Yeah,...
More About: Quiz , Famous Quotes , Quotes , Famous

Numbsain's Commercial Break
2007-12-03 09:34:00
-by numbsainOpening day of Little League...*BOTTOM OF THE FIRST*Ump: BALL FOUR!! ...Hey Dawson, isn't that your son on the mound? Better go talk to him.Dad: What's the matter son?Son: Aw gee dad, i just don't feel...Dad: Fresh?Son: Golly, yeah.Dad: That's okay son. Masculine hygiene problems are nothing to be ashamed of. Try new Testy-Breeze® Masculine Hygiene Spray! When used as directed Testy-Breeze® helps stop masculine odor, itch, and wetness with a new powder fresh formula that leaves no greasy residue and keeps you feeling fresh and masculine all day long! I use it everyday!Son: But you don't have masculine hygiene problems...Dad: Exactly!*THIRD INNING*Ump: BALL 1! ...Dawson?Dad: Did you try the Testy-Breeze® Son?Son: Sure dad, I only have one ball...Dad: Second one hasn't come down yet eh?Son: Naw! And the doctor say's I might have to wait until puberty, gee whiz...Dad: Don't worry son, you need Testy-Breeze Light Days®! Specially formulated for when you're not p...
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MY LUNCHEON WITH MR. STEVEN HAWKING by Dr. Numbsain Phd.
2007-12-02 04:14:00
Numbsain: Wow! Mr. Hawking I can't tell you what an honor this is. I really appreciate you having lunch with me. (That's fine just roll him right up there) Oh, I mean, If that's okay with Mr. Hawking?Steven Hawking: Gnyehh... gnyehh... nehhhuengN.: What? Oh! Sorry, you need your little stick for the robo-voice. Here you go... open... wider.... now bite!... the-e-ere... got it? Go-o-od.S.H.: Fine... that is fine... it is okay... I can do it... just let go please... thank you.N.: Oh, okay, your fine, okay (oh I'll just have, like, a ham on rye, hold the cripplesPICKLES!!, cole slaw and maybe a vodka tonic, over and keep 'em comin' yeah, thank you.) Oh and what are you gonna have big guy... er, Mr. Hawking?S.H.: I will have the same except without the vodka tonic...N.: Ahah-ha-ha oh yeah... you don't want that! You got enough problems as it is, heh heh-heh...S.H.: Bring me two Long Island Ice Teas, Doubles, thank you.N.: Well uh-hawlright Steve! Ha-Ha-Ha oh! Can I call yo...

Unwinds' Investigative Reports: The Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking, Woody Alle
2007-11-30 17:58:00
by CheddarAt Goldmind’s Unwind, we frequently receive kind letters from you, the viewer. Some is congratulatory in nature; others contain random death threats; some, marriage proposals. (no means no drtygrl69@Spewmail.com!) Recently, however, I (Cheddar) received an odd email that may expose one of the greatest fraud scams in the history of the world. I am copying the email below.Dear Cheddar,I’ve been searching the web for weeks looking for the right candidate to whom I can unburden myself with information so explosive, it could shake the very fabric of space and time. I occasionally enjoy Cheddar Cheese, and realized it was destiny’s hand leading me to you. You cannot know my identity, so please do not attempt to trace this email and ignore my name, cell number, and home address in the signature line.For three years, I have been shadowing famed physicist Stephen Hawking . I’ve followed his wheelchair through malls, campuses, back alleys, and unsightly gas station restrooms ...
More About: Bill Gates , Woody , Gates , Bill

Numbsains Eyewitless NewsFlinch
2007-11-29 21:08:00
HOT XXX SEX SHOW, LIVE NUDE GIRLS!!!This is the kind of headline many blogs are using these days to get more business to their site giving them an unfair advantage in the rankings. "Its just cheating, to say things like SEX, NUDITYor BIKINIS on a humor blog. Of course everyone's going to look at it. And the worst thing is that usually they don't even have any nude girls which I found out after searching through dozens. Goldmind's Unwind would never resort to such cheap tricks," says numbsain who regularly refrains from writing tags like: "FREE XXX PORN", "LIVE SEX SHOW" or "JUGS-O-PLENTY" because in his words "Goldmind won't let me."MAN DONATES ORGAN TO SAVE WIFE'S LIFEMrs. Drelda Flapwitz of Cratchet N.J. lay helpless in critical condition last Tuesday when a 500 pound Hammond B3 organ fell on her while she was attempting to dust it. Mr. Flapwitz, a parapalegic, knew the fire department would not come out to save her again as she was repeatedly warned not to clean the instrume...

25 Worst Cat Names
2007-11-29 06:15:00
Concocted/assembled by Cheddar, Goldmind, Guinness & numbsain25. Fruitpoot24. Clawed23. Sphinxter22. Puss n' Butts21. Lap Pussy20. Long Duc Dong19. Pissy18. Fido17. Sandshit16. Joe Pastafazooka15. Shitty Shat14. Tubesteak13. Itchypussy12. Violinnards11. Purr snatcher10. Furburger9. The Turdinator8. Meouch7. Fartbubbles6. Vaginym5. Queef4. Napkin3. Osama Bin lickin'2. Dump Clump1. Seoul Food
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Corporate Icon usurped by Warty Toad
2007-11-28 14:21:00
by CheddarIn a move that has rocked the corporate world and has water coolers steaming with speculation, officials at McDonald’s handed Ronald McDonald his walking papers. After fifty years as one of America’s most recognizable icons, McDonald’s decided it was time for a new spokesperson to peddle the restaurant’s high caloric blubbery lard.“It simply was time for a change,” McDonald’s spokesman Gaylord Byron said. “Modern times call for a modern approach. And, as Geico’s annoying-as-hell Aussie Gecko makes clear, amphibians move inventory.” “After much internal consideration among our management team, our CEO unilaterally decided it was time to introduce the modern face of McDonald’s: Ribbit McDonald, a stubby toad with short hind legs, warty skin, and conspicuous swelling behind protruding eyes.”In a move that has industry insiders scratching their heads, the company elected to retain “The Hamburglar,” "Mayor McCheese," “the French Fry Guys,” “M...
More About: Icon , Corporate , Toad

25 Worst Dog Names
2007-11-26 17:53:00
List concocted/assembled by Cheddar, Goldmind, Guinness & numbsain 25. Bundy24. Mistress23. Crappy22. Stain21. Kitty20. Anus19. Worms18. Sir Crapsalot17. Spaylina16. Coming Mary15. Bedshits14. Mein Führer13. Wetspot12. Fart11. Hairpie10. Fudgepacker9. Stools8. Meatsword7. Grumblepoot6. Butt Trumpet5. Crotchie4. Assie3. Herpes2. Buttsniffs1. General Colon Bowel
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A FEW OF THE THINGS THAT I HATE
2007-11-26 11:19:00
sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things "__________________________________ ___________Botox and face lifts and boob jobs on women,Medical waste where you want to go swimmin',Bush and his cronies deciding my fate,These are a few of the things that I hate.Twinkies and pop tarts and crunchy Doritos,Transfats and dye in your bright orange cheetos,Big fat pigs telling their wives to lose weight,These are a few of the things that I hate.Kids getting spanked when they need understanding,Then when they fail they get more reprimanding,Giving teens meds so they won't masturbate,These are a few of the things that I hate.When the sun shines, when life is great,When I feel understood,I simply remember the things that I hate,And then I don't feel so good.2nd chorus___________________________________ __Pop stars that show up for court in their jammies,Rappers that thank Jesus Christ for their Grammys,No separation between church and state,These are a few of the things that I hate.If you are rich ...
More About: Hate

New York Times Rejects Goldminds Unwind Political Cartoon
2007-11-26 06:02:00
The New York Times—a newspaper—today rejected an unsolicited political cartoon (left, click to enlarge) apparently drawn, colored, & submitted by Goldmind. Goldmind appeared unfazed by the rejection and, indeed, unaware he had drawn the cartoon. But numbsain swears he did that day they were drinking Colt45 tall boys in Mountain View. No futher details are warranted.Additional details by numbsain:"I saw him draw it and in fact I handed him the crayons (I chose the face color) and it was not Colt45 tall boys, it was Mezcal served by short girls in thongs (or maybe they were moccasins... I do know we were wearing Keds High Tops) and it was not Mountain View it was Sierra Vista, Mexico. Oh, and I had an outstanding warrant but Goldmind was unwarranted.
More About: Cartoon , Political , New York Times

Little Deer (click to enlarge)
2007-11-25 17:45:00
Goldmind recently discovered the cartoon at left, titled "Little Deer ," in the bottom of a dusty drawer in his California condo. Turns out, Goldmind first assembled this cartoon in 1997. This discovery was quite baffling. After all, the lines delivered by the hapless deer were recently attributed to a yawning rabbit in a post that appeared on this Blog just 2 weeks ago.According to Dr. Scientist, the odds of this coincidence occurring are 1,456,292,109,200 to 1. It is, therefore, the opinion of Goldmind's Unwind that it is the destiny of the U.S. to see this cartoon and that it will initiate a global change in consciousness that will create everlasting peace.
More About: Click , Large

Harold the Talking Dog
2007-11-25 17:41:00
by numbsainIn the future, canine linguistics will become a national obsession and after 13 years of breakthroughs in genetic technology, scientists will find a way to make dogs talk. Unfortunately they'll overlooked one minor detail: Dogs don't have anything to say. And so in the future we'll be stuck with a lot of talkative dogs everywhere, babbling mindlessly about nothing in particular.Harold : "Helpy Helpy! Gimme a penny. Pokey moo gimme spots! People feathers helpy, okay? No! Okay? No!"The Human: Shut up Harold, stop bothering people, Don't listen to him, he doesn't really understand what he's saying.Harold: "Bother people under stand really gimme gimme gimme a penny"The Human: Shush I told you!Harold: "Sorry sorry sorry gimme a meat. No? Now? No? Now? Meat? Gimme? Now? Now? No no no no. Now? hello, Now? No gimme sorry"The Human: Now Harold, I have to go in the bank, wait out here and be good.Harold: "Sorry good bank gimme spots go to the bank gimme? Sorry meat now? Okay o...
More About: Talking

Tales of the Big Ass Wolf. Episode 1 (click to enlarge)
2007-11-25 02:43:00
by Goldmind
More About: Episode , Click , Tales , Episode 1 , Wolf

Smoking Lungs - America's Latest Addiction (click image to enlarge)
2007-11-25 01:49:00
This realistic police sketch of a 16 year-old girl smoking lungs, illustrates a growing addiction among our youth. Not LSD, not Mushrooms, not Ecstacy, not Cocaine, not Crack, not Speed, not whatever trendy drug we're not hip enough to know about because those days are behind us or are too lazy to research because we've been drinking wine. No folks, smoking lungs is one damn big problem.Amateurish Drawing by Goldmind
More About: Click , Addiction , Smoking , Image , Large

2007 Smartest & Stupidest Human Award
2007-11-24 05:02:00
by GoldmindHello and welcome to this year's addition of Publisher’s Clearing Louse’ Smartest and Stupidest Human in the World Contest. We are pleased to announce this year's winners: Smartest goes to Ms. Intelligent of New York City and Stupidest to Mr. Dumb from Lake Tahoe. I’m thrilled to be able to congratulate each of you in being named this year’s grand prize winners …First, let me ask you, Mr. Dumb, how does it fell to be named this year's stupidest human in the world?DUMB: Dumb no mind, Dumb happy. Dumb love wife; wife love Dumb. Dumb love mom; mom love Dumb. Dumb not need Dumb money to help Dumb family.BOB SEQUIOUS: Wonderful! Now, Ms. Intelligent, how does it feel being named the smartest person in the world?SMART: Well Bob, that’s an excellent query. And I can unequivocally state that my satisfaction is ephemeral.BOB SEQUIOUS: Splendid! Would you mind telling us a little bit about what it is you do?SMART: Certainly Bob, I’m an important tax attorney for a ...
More About: Award , Martes

NUMBSAIN'S EYEWITLESS NEWS FLINCH
2007-11-23 06:22:00
FIRE FIGHTERS WHO FLED IN-FLIGHT FIRE FIGHT TO FIGHT FIRE ON FLIGHT, FIRED—editorial by Dr NumbseussTwo fire fighters caught in an in-flight fire fighton flight five bound for Fiji were fired last night.The two fled the bloodshed to fight fire insteadwhich flared up in mid air at five thirty, they said."It isn't so fair that they fired the pair."Said Ms. Bear, Flight Commissioner Cheif of O'hareTo fight fire, not fire fight was the fire fighters right,since they paid there air fare and were there fair and square.Blair McLair and Clyde Kildare were quite unawarethat a fire fight would have flared up way up there.And because they were scared they were quite unprepared.And they felt that their skills were more needed elsewhere.The two knew they were doomed if the fire consumedthe flight crew, so they did the right thing, they assumed.The two fire fighters did what they knew they had to do.I would do the same thing if I was in their shoe.The man who began the fire fight had a planwh...
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Happy Thanksgiving from Goldminds Unwind!
2007-11-22 13:02:00
by GuinnessYes, that time once again, the rafter of turkeys I am loathe to call relatives will be on the wing to gobble up what mother has prepared. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor hail, not even a howling, blinding, gizzard will keep them away. They’ll carve themselves a spot at the table, and, over a cacophony of “peas pass the gravy,” “you breast be thankful!” and “gitcher hand off my thigh,” shall proceed to stuff themselves. On the spur of the moment, carUncle Tom will raise his glass to roast the family, while obese Aunt Hen-ny will wattle off to the toilet for the fifth time.After dinner, the family will gather to raise the coop with music, daddy, a percussionist sage, will keep thyme and mince the meat out of his snare with golden drumsticks, while Sis Gibby shakes her breasts, bobs her neck and wiggles her pointed, fat tail. Baby Huey naively squeals, “dewlap dance, dewlap dance!” Cousin Feastus, drunk and teetering, will point at mother, and start ...
More About: Thanksgiving , Happy , Unwind , Hank

The First Round of Dear Santa Letters
2007-11-21 16:48:00
by Cheddar, numbsainWell, here we are again. November. The North pole mail bags are filling with greedy requests for everything from toy bazookas to new puppies to cartons of cigarettes to Jennifer Anniston's panties. Having been asked by the postal service to assist them in writing some responses, we here at Goldmind's Unwind have been busy working overtime to make sure every child gets a personally crafted, loving response to their pointless letters. Some we are so proud of, in fact, that we thought we'd post them for you the reader to admire. Fawn over. Hell, marry the answers if you like. And away we go.....Dear Santa ,I really want a hamster this year. I've been good and lissened to mommy and daddy like I should, so pleese bring me a hamster! Pleese!CodyDear "Cody"-Look. Santa knows everything, remember? I know this is really Richard Gere, and you're not getting a hamster, gerbil, titmouse, prarie dog, or chinchilla! After what you did to the last one...well, you really oug...
More About: Letters , Round

Lady Shady Hosts a Seance
2007-11-19 02:16:00
by Goldmind[Lady Shady is conducting a seance and is attempting to call upon a spirit] I feel a presence... The spirit is here... Spirit, are you here? (the spirit answers) "I am here."In this room?"In this room."Near the table?"Near the table."Echo?..."Huh?"Nevermind....Oh, spirit, what is thy name?"Bob"Bob?"That's what I said."Do you have a last name oh Bob?"No - my mom didn't think me worthy - Of COURSE I have a last name. Doesn't everyone?"What is your last name?"What difference does it make? Why do you need it?"It's okay if you don't want to disclose your last name."I have no problem telling you my last name. It's Smith."Where are you oh Bob Smith?"Bob's fine, and I already told you, I'm right next to you, sitting down on a couch, watching a football game."Can you tell us whe...did you just say you were watching a football game?"Yeah. It's almost the 4th quarter; maybe we could pick things up a bit."You can watch TV?"Of course I can watch TV. It's a free country ain...
More About: Hosts

12 Worst American College Mascots
2007-11-18 04:44:00
assembled by Cheddar, Goldmind, Guinness, & numbsain ("Wiscy," pictured to the right, did not make our list this year)12. The baboon redbutts11. The sissy puffs10. The roids9. The nads (Go Nads!) 8. The excitable toddlers7. The convalescing old farts6. The camel's toes5. The women scorned4. The snotty tissues3. The fighting starfish2. 10 slow white guys and a black running back who's fast1. The Mullets
More About: College , American , Mascots

From the Patent Office: The Graveyard of Discarded Inventions
2007-11-17 07:15:00
By Cheddar1. Vend-a-goat The exotic choice for the slaving office Joe with an adventurous palette, Vend-a-goat provided a wholesome, nutritious hit of chewy protein. Although the prototype was a smash success in test markets, the vending machine was shelved after it repeatedly malfunctioned when users attempted to shake goats loose from the coil tension springs. After its failure, creator Ben Dover moved in Birmingham Alabama where he later became a successful lawn jockey.2. Charmin 600 ply For the giga pooper in every family, Charmin developed this industrial device in the 1960s . Its 600 feather-ply ultra soft feel was often compared to the sensation of wiping one's behind with the silk of paradise. The product was shelved out of respect to Mr. Whipple, who suffered a massive coronary while attempting to squeeze the fluff pack and simultaneously asphyxiate himself with scented baby wipes to heighten the pleasurable effect.3. The Noodle Fan - Artfully designed to attach to any cho...
More About: Inventions , Office , Graveyard , Patent , The G

Today's Spotlight on Addiction: The Scooby Doo Cartoon Problem
2007-11-16 03:04:00
by GoldmindAddiction . Is it a problem? Yes. For many, that addiction is narcotics; for others, gambling, sex, and Robitussin. Fortunately, assistance is available. Charitable organizations, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, continue to help struggling addicts tussle with inner demons through such radical techniques as the use of support groups.There is, however, a debilitating addiction being swept under the green shag carpet. An addiction that has become so menacing, so terrifyingly alarming, it warrants two minutes of thoughtless reflection.The following is an anonymous transcript secretly scribed at an underground meeting of an organization that is courageously opposing this addiction known throughout the televised world simply as…the cartoon “Scooby Doo .” Hi, my name is John.[collective reply from folks in room]:“Hi John!”This is my first time here…And, I, you know, I came to talk about…what it was like… My Scooby Doo problem.I started watching Scooby Doo around 10 y...
More About: Cartoon , Problem , Spotlight