Have Happy Fun TimeHave Happy Fun Time
Diet of Laughter for all. A blog of laughter containing funny clips hot jokes funny jokes funny pictures which you shouldn't miss.
Top 21 X-Rated Riddles
Please read even if you have heard them... after all you are having "Happy Fun Time" :)Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.Q. What's a mixed feeling?A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.Q. What's the height of conceit?A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.Q. What's the definition of macho?A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.Q. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?A. A guy will actually search for a golf ballQ. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!Q.Why is divorce so expensive?A. Because it's worth it!Q. What is a Yankee?A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?A. They both like a tight seal.Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?A. Their balls are just for decoration.Q.What is the difference betwe...
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Crime Story !!
Five friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.MAD: Is it police station???Police: Yes, what is the matter??MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.Police: Are you mad?MAD: Yes, I"m MAD.Police: Don`t you have BRAIN.MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom....Police: you FOOL...MAD: No, FOOL is reading this joke...
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Three Wishes "Do Read Rather must Read "
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant youthree wishes."The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said,"That's okay."For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make yourhusband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flockto".The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.And he will be ten times rich...
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Rest room Stories
Ok so im sure we all know about that unspoken rule about public bathroom stalls, where you NEVER go and use the urinal directly next to someone, unless all the other ones are full. I mean it causes others to feel uncomfortable.--------------------------- ----------------------------------------- ---------------------------Ok so this story takes place at my high school. So every day near the end of lunch, i would go use the rest room, And so one day as i do this ritual of reliving my self. And this guy walks in, like he is old, maybe like 50, and he beaks that holy rule, and goes to the urinal right next to me, flops out his little man, and lets loose, then he looked over and down at me...What did i do? i ran the heck out of there.Now it is the next day, and i go to the rest room at the same time, and the same thing happens. Accept he looked at my man, not just at me, so i got really freaked out, and i blushed cause of the embarrassment, and he said hi...and i ran the hell out of there...
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Where Does Poo Come From ?
A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.“Where does poo come from?” she asks.The father, feeling a little anxious that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions, thinks for a moment and says:“Well you know we just ate breakfast?”“Yes,” answers the girl.“Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottom when we go to the toilet, and that is poo.”The little girl looks shocked, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks…
Top 25 things that only happen in the movies
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German ...
More About: Movies , Things , The Movies
Successful party test
So, how do you tell if your throwing a successful, kick-ass, party? Just take this quick and simple quiz to find out!Festivity Level OneYour guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and stand around the piano singing carols.Festivity Level TwoYour guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."Festivity Level ThreeYour guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".Festivity Level FourYour guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing. Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don...
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You are drunk when ...
Signs that you are too drunk would be...* You lose arguments with inanimate objects.* You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.* Job interfering with your drinking.* Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.* Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.* The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.* Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.* 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!* Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!* You can focus better with one eye closed.* The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.* Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.* Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!* Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you* At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."* Your idea of cutting back is less salt.* You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asl...
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Where was the King Kong when we needed him?
Where was the King Kong when we needed him?1
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Top 10 Sexually Charged Lines In Star Wars
Top Ten Sexually Charged Lines In Star Wars You all will find it very amusing."Star Wars IV: A New Hope"1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"3. "Look at the size of that thing!"4. "Sorry about the mess..."5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care *what* you smell!""Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back"1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the *outside*!"2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."6. "But now we m...
Bill Gates In Hell
Satan greets him: "welcome mr. Gates , we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, i'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.Satan takes bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To bill's delight, he sees a pc in the corner. Without hesitation, bill says "i'll take this option.""Fine," says satan, allowing bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after bill.As he turns around, he bumps into lucifer. "That was bill gates!" Cried lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!""That's what everyone thinks" snickered satan."The bottle ha...
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Why Wikipedia Is Awesome
Frens, ever wanted to know why wikipedia is so cool. The reason is below. ENJOY
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Blonde Lawyer Joke
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer."Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer...
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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.""We don't have any," replied the first blonde."Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden."But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
Onions And Christmas Trees !
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions ?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.
More About: Trees , Christmas Trees
Best Top 10 Answering Machine Messages
10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend...
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Statistics About Sex
* 70% of women who smoke have had more than 4 lovers in the last year while 60% of female non-smokers had none.* Women who respond to sex surveys in magazines like Cosmo may have 5 times as many lovers as typical women.* Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.* Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be turned on by the thought of anonymous sex as women who never got a bachelor's degree.* Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.* National birthrates rise and fall with the height of heels.* In a bar or nightclub, the hemlines and necklines of unaccompanied women rise and fall (respectively) during ovulation.* Women who have a positive attitude towards sex tend to be less achievement oriented.* White teenage girls who live with single mothers are 60% more likely to have sex before the age of 18 than those who live with both parents. The percentage is much lower for black girls.* ...
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How to Talk to Your Child about Jamie Lynn Spears
Here are some questions that your child is likely to ask, followed by the correct answers.How did Jamie Lynn Spears get pregnant?According to her mom, Jamie Lynn was a good girl who always respected her curfew and girls like that usually don't get pregnant. So the answer is, no one knows.Could Kevin Federline have made Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant?No. This is one of those rare instances when someone got pregnant and Kevin Federline was not involved.Now that Jamie Lynn is pregnant, will Zoey, the character she plays on Nickelodeon, get pregnant, too?No. Remember, Jamie Lynn is a real person and Zoey is just a made-up character. Plus, Nickelodeon is owned by an angry old man named Sumner Redstone who doesn't let people get pregnant. So there is absolutely no way Zoey will get pregnant. Instead, Zoey will get cancelled.Could Hannah Montana get pregnant?I thought we already went through this. Hannah Montana isn't a real person. She's a character played by Miley Cyrus.Okay, then could ...
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Warning: Supermarket Scam !!
A warning for you and any of your friends who may be regular customers atTesco!Over the last couple of weeks I have become the victim of a clever scamwhile out shopping.Simply going out to get some shopping turned out to be quite traumatic.Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you!Here's how the scam works.....Two seriously good looking late teen/early twenty-something year old girlscome over to your car as you are loading your shopping into the boot.They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and windowlene, withtheir cleavage almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.It is impossible not to have a good look. When you thank them and offerthem a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a lift to anothershopping centre.You agree and they get in the back seat.On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbsover into the front seat and performs oral on you, while the other onesteals your wallet.I had my wallet stolen on November the...
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Car Ad Dictionary
What Car Ad really means.* Must sell - Before it blows up.* Many new parts - I'm sick of dumping money into this broken down heap.* Appraised at $29,000 - By me.* Frame-off Restoration - The body actually rusted right off the frame.* Needs Front-End Alignment - Some serious frame-straightening wouldn't hurt either.* Same Owner For Last 20 Years - I'd never dream of selling it unless it was as bad as it is.* Must See To Appreciate - It's a scientific mystery as to how a car with bad valves, a cracked block, and no bands left in the transmission can still get to the end of the driveway and back.* Needs Minor Work - Needs significant work.* Needs Nothing - Except a tow truck.* All Original - Except for the tunnel ram intake, Pro Stock hoodscoop, KMart sunroof, fender flares by Bondo, Krylon paint job, hurky air shocks, mohair upholstery, Pep Boy stereo, and pawn shop wheels.* Ready To Restore - After 8 years of abuse on the drag strip and 20 years in a yield exposed to the elements...
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To my darling husband,Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you knowabout the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turnedinto the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt,so please don't worry too much about me.I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway,I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a haltwhen it bumped into your car.I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you >will forgive me.You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.Your loving wife.P.S. Your girlfriend called.
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Things To do Before You Die (PIC)
No body loves to die, but someday we gotta die. But before our death there are things which we can do before we die. Check out the funny pictures below which can be some inspiration to you.Now, i guess you have made your mind what to do next ? :)
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Johnny And Jenny
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but theyjust know that they are in love.One day they decide that they want to get married, soJohnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, meand Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smithreplies, "Well Johnny,you are only 10. Where will you two live?"Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnnyreplies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can bothfit there nicely."Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith sayswith a huge grin,"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough toget a job. You'll need to support Jenny."Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance..Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine"By this time Mr Smith is a little shocked that Johnnyhas put so much thought into this. So, he...
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes using Foot Table
I bet you can learn chinese language in just 5 minutes, check the picture below. I got the table foot for you to learn chinese belowHave you ever seen Table with foot ?
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20 things not to do in a drive food lane
1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.2. Drive through backwards.3. Belch your order.4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.6. Walk through.7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please."11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.12. When y...
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Observations by Billy Connolly
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?7. When something is "new and improved!". Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before...
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Fashion - Getting Low, Lower & Lowest Trend ?
The New "Getting Low Fash ion " is gaining popularity nowadays. Here I have included some hot plus funny pictures of Low Fashion Trend . Enjoy the pictures of Low Fashion
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Wedding Query Geek Style (SQL)
This joke is a SQL style (Geek s) Wedding Query Language. I am sure you all geeks out there will laugh after reading this joke which is really funny and geeky. This joke can be understandable to geeks very easily.CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage BrideGroom Male (25) , Bride Female(20) AS BEGIN SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed' AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalanceFROM FatherInLaw UPDATEMyBankAccout SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal UPDATEMyLockerSET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold INSERT INTOMyCarShed VALUES('BMW') END GO Then the wife writes the below query: DROP HUSBAND; Commit; Wasn't that funny ?
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Chance to Win four tickets to the 2008 Beijing Olympics
YOUR CHANCE TO WIN 4 TICKETS AND ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARE AND HOTEL TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING,CHINA.To participate in this contest is easy, just view the photo below and correctly answer the following questions. Send your answers to: International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne, Switzerland. The first 10,000 correct entries will win.1. Which student seems to appear tired/sleepy?2. Which ones are male twins?3. Which ones are the female twins?4. How many women are in the group?5. Which one is the teacher? Wish You Good Luck! Was that too tough?Now, I guess you are not going either.
More About: Olympics , Beijing , Chance , Beijing Olympics , Tickets
Hilarious Blonde JokesMore articles from this author:
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctorThe doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead ofPicking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it toMy ear.""Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to theOther ear?""The son of a bltch called back!"Blonde Joke's EffectA young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says: "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate dis...
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