The ClarionThe ClarionThe Clarion exposing incompetence and injustice. Truth can never be told so as to be understood
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Bettys speech at a glance
2007-04-23 04:53:00 Here is an at-a-glance list of the 25 bills and four draft bills outlined in the 2007 Queen's Speech : FULL BILLS Everyone must pay them. Border and Immigration Bill Increases powers of Jobsworth officers - including cash and heart - seizures - and capacity to remove condoms - to take biometric details of foreign nationals. And the powers to shoot dead anyone Ad Hoc. This includes the local constabulary. Covers the whole of the UK. But not Bradford Child Support Bill Replaces the Child Support Agency with a new body. The other one died - Covers the whole UK. and parts of Wales Climate Change Bill Sets out measures to cut emissions of carbon monoxide by 600% by 2050. Also establishes an independent Carbon Committee to oversee this. This Committee will be paid by the tax payer. Concessionary Bus Travel Bill Gives free off-peak travel for over-90s and disabled people on crutches free local bus services in England. and some parts of the Spanish Coast. Consumers, Estate Ag... More About: Betty , Bett , Lance , Glance
Save "em for god sake"
2007-04-23 01:55:00 Save our barmaids' boobs Chest perfect ... Nicola T (left) and Keeley know how to pull By TIM SPANTON THE EU has declared a crackpot war on busty barmaids ? by trying to ban them from wearing low-cut tops. Po-faced penpushers have deemed it a HEALTH HAZARD for bar girls to show too much cleavage. And in a daft directive that will have drinkers choking on their pints, Brussels bureaucrats have ordered a cover-up. They say barmaids run a skin cancer risk if they expose themselves to the sun when they go outside to collect glasses. Last night the move was blasted as an affront. Annie Powell, of real ale group Camra, raged: ?It?s just another blatant example of Europe gone mad.? Page 3 babes Nicola T, 22, and Keeley, 18, show just what we could all soon be missing at the pub. The ruling is part of the new Optical Radiation Directive ? expected to be rubber-stamped by the EU parliament next month. Germans are already frothing over the new law ? because bars in ... More About: Food and Drink , Save
Its true: "vegetarians are really crackpots"
2007-04-22 23:11:00 Frequently dismissed as cranks, their fussy eating habits tend to make them unpopular with dinner party hosts and guests alike. But now it seems they may have the last laugh, with research showing vegetarians are more intelligent than their meat-eating friends. A study of thousands of men and women revealed that those who stick to a vegetarian diet have IQs that are around five points higher than those who regularly eat meat. Writing in the British Medical Journal, the researchers say it isn't clear why veggies are brainier - but admit the fruit and veg-rich vegetarian diet could somehow boost brain power. The researchers, from the University of Southampton, tracked the fortunes of more than 8,000 volunteers for 20 years. More on this crackpot news can be seen at: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/artic le-23378331-details/Vegetarians+are+more+ intelligent,+says+study/article.do More About: Aria , Real , True , Crack , Rack
Stupid People
2007-01-24 15:06:02 Stupid People When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompeten... More About: Stupid , Stupid people
Whats this then!
2007-01-24 15:06:02 Graham Handley got the surprise of his life when he discovered a Polish immigrant sleeping beside him in his bed instead of his wife. Graham Handley from Scunthorpe, Lincolnshire told the police that he did not noticed his wife Linda, getting out off the bed to sleep with their eight-year-old son Adam, in another room. He said he was roused from his sleep by the sound of someone getting under the sheets. Handley said he was surprised when he greeted his wife, the reply came in a deep baritone and in a foreign tongue. It was at this point the he leapt out of bed to determine who was sleeping beside him. It was believed the Polish immigrant, who lived in a nearby street, got confused because of exhaustion after a late work shift. He entered the Handley home through an unlocked back door, took off his shoes, ate a large chocolate cake from the kitchen and then went to sleep in Graham's bed. The 45-year-old Graham told the The Clarion "He wouldn't get up for anyone. He told the... More About: What , Hat , This , Hats , Then
Turbans and bombs
2007-01-23 15:05:02 Turbans and Bomb s by Gavin B Wilkinson Most, if not all "Empires" have practised mass murder and genocide in an effort to prove their superiority or to further their own cause. Sadly the UK is just the most recent example. I refer to the rececent Muslim uprising over some cartoons,which I thought were badly drawn. Turbans and bombs have gone side by side for many a year now, and since 9/11, the right thinking and sane people of the world sit back and watch the lunatics take over the asylum, all in the name of religion. Enter, Abu Hamza, a lunatic, the UK Government has known for some years,yet his insessant and inane ramblings were allowed on the streets of London. Freedom of speech is a must have for anyone who choses to live in a democratic society. It would seem now that I have to listen to people wearing turbans and masking their faces with a bath towel. How do I know whats under that Turban? certainly aint any brains, I know what is under the bath towel, anothe... More About: Urban , Bombs
Ridiculous headlines
2007-01-23 15:05:02 IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS? PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE PANDA MATING FAILS - VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER NJ JUDGE TO RULE ON NUDE BEACH CHILD'S STOOL GREAT FOR USE IN GARDEN DR. RUTH TO TALK ABOUT SEX WITH NEWSPAPER EDITORS SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN ORGAN FESTIVAL ENDS IN SMASHING CLIMAX EYE DROPS OFF SHELF SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE - ONE DIES TWO SISTERS REUNITE AFTER EIGHTEEN YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES FROM LOVED ONE NICARAGUA SETS GOAL TO WIPE OUT LITERACY DRUNK DRIVERS PAID $1,000 IN 1984 AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY, LET'S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY IT MAY LAST A WHILE WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE SMOKERS ARE PRODUCTIVE, BUT DEATH CUTS EFFICIENCY COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES CHILD'S DEATH RUINS ... More About: Head , Line , Headlines , Lines , Culo
Beer, not water from kitchen taps
From:
From corresponden
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Beer , not water from kitchen taps From: From correspondents in OsloMarch 13, 2006 A WOMAN thought she was in heaven when beer instead of water flowed from the taps in her apartment in west Norway."I turned on the tap to clean some knives and forks and beer came out," Haldis Gundersen said from her home in Kristiansund, west Norway. "We thought we were in heaven." Beer in Norway is among the most expensive in the world, with a 0.4 litre costing about $US7.48 ($10.24) in a bar. Ms Gundersen said she tried the beer but that it tasted a bit odd and was not fizzy. It turned out that a worker in a bar two floors below had mixed up the pipes on Saturday evening, wrongly connecting a new barrel to a water pipe leading to Gundersen's flat. The bar got water in its beer taps. "If it happens again I'm going to order Baileys (coffee liqueur)," she said. More About: Kitchen , Water , Pond , Chen
Girl weds dog to break 'evil spell'
by Wally Trubshaw, L
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Girl weds dog to break 'evil spell' by Wall y Trubshaw, London Free Press A nine-year-old tribal girl in easter n India has married a stray dog as part of a ritual to ward off an "evil spell" on her, Indian newspapers have reported. The girl, Karnamoni Handsa, had to be married quickly because she had a tooth rooted to her upper gum, which is considered a bad omen by her Santhal tribe in the remote village of Khanyhan, about 60 kilometres (37 miles) from Calcutta. "Members of the village jury asked us to get her married to a dog or to face the bad omen," the girl's father was quoted as saying by the Unasscotiated News Agency The tribe elders said the marriage would not affect the girl's life, and that she would be free to marry again later and did not need to divorce the dog. "It will not spoil her future. We will marry her off to eligible bachelor when she grows up," the girl's mother told The Clarion 'No regret' The wedding - which took... More About: Break , Evil , Brea
A US family is suing Greyhound after the contents of a
2007-01-16 15:00:01 A US family is suing Grey hound after the contents of a bus toilet were dumped through their open car sunroof. Robert and Angela Stokes and their three children, aged nine, ten and 22, were covered with faeces, urine and toilet paper, reports the Toledo Blade. The family, from Ottawa County, Ohio, were returning from a Mother's Day meal out at a Toledo restaurant when it happened. They were following a Greyhound bus on an interstate highway when the contents of the bus's sanitary tank were suddenly dumped on their 4x4 vehicle. The waste went through the open windows and sunroof of their Ford Explorer, drenching all five family members. "My client was driving in heavy traffic. They had nowhere to go. What can you do?'' said Robert Bryce, an attorney for the family. Despite being covered with waste, Mr. Stokes followed the bus to obtain its identification information and registration number. The Stokes are seeking more than £150,000 damages from Greyhound for damage to th... More About: Family , Content , Contents , After
Iraq Photos06e9c4a47163880cfe038000aa80144f8551c4b59c1be7b18
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Iraq Photo s06e9c4a47163880cfe038000aa80144f855 1c4b59c1be7b186b83d303fb202ae6ea3285b45df 03874377810702f105875eb8ca900ccf6eb7b9e14 6afe43d63 More About: Iraq , Photos
Bushisms: "I would guess, I would surmise that some of
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Bushisms: "I would guess, I would surmise that some of the more spectacular bombings are done by al Qaeda suiciders." - On violence in Iraq. More About: Bush , Hat , That , Bushisms , Guess
GuestBookLeave A MessageAdd Your LinkSix Scams To Avoid
2007-01-16 15:00:01 GuestBook Leave A MessageAdd Your Link Six Scams To Avoid More About: Links
Strange But TrueWife cuts off husband's penisPolice Hunt Man
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Strange But TrueWife cuts off husband's penisPolice Hunt Man Wearing Nappy: We all have our probs!Crushed NutsMale Student Wins Dress VictoryEarly Closing Thwarts Bank RobberyThe Natural Law Party More About: Band , Usb , Strange
Contact Your MPEmail Your MP: Are They Worth It?Up Your Stre
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Contact Your MPEmail Your MP: Are They Worth It?Up Your Street: Lets go "Up Your Street" More About: Mail , Contact
Hosepipe ban heralds spring of zooming house prices
by Webb
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Hosepipe ban heralds spring of zooming house prices by Webber SitelyAmid dire warnings that the EU directive on having exactly the same weather each year has once again been ignored, estate agent Douglas Ramsbottom of Floggit & Gazump shares a few insider tips for struggling property vendors to turn the water shortage to their advantage and secure that elusive sale.The examples are taken from actual particulars of a selection of the hundreds of properties he sold only this week across the drought-stricken arid wasteland of the south: "Deceptively spacious hole in fence adjacent external water outlet conveniently sited to rear of neighbouring property (not tested)" "Nocturnally-operated irrigation system to front lawned area afforded by sought-after location in wee-lined avenue a short stroll from popular local pub" "Compact top-floor apartment tastefully modernised throughout by its present owner and now comprising of 6 beds, 0 bathrooms, 0 ensuite sho... More About: House , House Prices , Spring , Zoom , Rice
Attacker struck passer-by with fish he wouldn't kiss
A MAN i
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Attacker struck passer-by with fish he wouldn't kiss A MAN is facing jail after slapping a passer-by with a fish. Alan Bennie, 20, was walking through a park when he was approached by assailant David Evans, who was carrying a fish. Neil MacGregor, prosecuting, told Falkirk Sheriff Court that the incident happened in Zetland Park in Grangemouth, Stirlingshire, at about 8.30pm in May this year. Mr MacGregor said: "The accused asked the complainer 'Do you want to kiss my fish?' "Mr Bennie made no reply and walked on, at which point the accused said: 'You answer me next time I ask you to kiss a fish', and slapped him round the face with it." The attack caused reddening and left fish scales sticking to the victim's cheek. Police were called and apprehended Evans nearby. He admitted the offence. Evans, 22, of Strowan Road, Grangemouth, pleaded guilty yesterday to assaulting Mr Bennie with the fish to his injury. Sheriff Craig Caldwell deferred sentence until... More About: Kiss , Fish , Truck , With , Pass
A new report published by local employment agency, JSA Rec
2007-01-16 15:00:01 A new report published by local employment agency, JSA Recruitment, says that, "Polish prostitutes are not taking work away from local ones".The report goes on to say, "Prostitution in the town is a highly skilled industry and there is therefore no threat to established local prostitutes from less skilled Polish ones, who have recently been brought to the town, by our agency".According to a spokesperson for JSA Recruitment, "The agency is expected to bring a further 50 prostitutes to the area in the next few months, but they will be spread across the communities so they will have a better chance of integrating and not outnumbering the local ones. Our workers come here to fill a jobs gap".The report comes after revelations that eastern European prostitutes have been offering sex for only £10 from a local ASDA supermarket car park(Editor: I wonder if Tesco car park prostitutes charge less?). A local man who was accosted by one of the prostitutes, was sa... More About: Agency , Men , Report , Port , Employment
OFFICE OF THE PRIZE ADMINISTRATORHAVANAH FOUNDATION INC.124
2007-01-16 15:00:01 OFFICE OF THE PRIZE ADMINISTRATORHAVANAH FOUNDATION INC.124 STOCKPORT ROAD,LONGSIGHT, MANCHESTER M60 2DBUNITED KINGDOM.DATE: 22/11/2006FROM: Prof Carol Smith, Prize AdministratorRE: Notification of winning/Prize Award.BATCH NUMBER: PFI/O1/TZFC/O6REFERENCE NUMBER: 2006234522PIN: 1206Attn:Sir/MadamFollowing the results of our annual Award draws concluded onSeptember 2006, we are pleased to inform you, that your e-mailaddress drew lucky numbers 7-14-18-23-31 which won in thefinal category. You are one of the 7 selected winners and havebeen approved for a lump sum pay out of 950,000.00 GreatBritain Pounds Only.You are hereby adviced to contact your claims agent for immediateacquintance with Guidelines as regards you claim and subsequentpayment of your prize award. Always endeavour to quote yourwinningnumbers. Kindly find his details below.Agent Name: Rev. Williams OlegTel: +44 702 402 0771E-mail: rev_williamsoleg@walla.comAccept our sincere congratulations.Regards,Prof .Carol Smith(Resu... More About: Office , Foundation , Mini , Anah , Havana
Technorati Profile
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Technorati Profile More About: Techno , Tech , File , Technorati
Inquiry call on 'suspect in veil'
Mustaf Jamma
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Inquiry call on 'suspect in veil' Must af Jamma is thought to have returned to SomaliaOpposition MPs have demanded an inquiry into claims that a suspect in the Pc Sharon Beshenivsky murder case fled the UK dressed as a Pantomime horse. Mustaf Jamma reportedly evaded checks at Heathrow last Christmas dressed as a pantomime horse and returned to his native Somalia. Shadow home secretary David Davis said tighter checks were needed on fancy dress hire. The Home Office said the claim was likley to be true but immigration officers had not got the power to check, as Pantomime horses, women with veils and Father Christmas were exempt from eduring identity checks. Especially during the festive season. Visual checks are carried out on people arriving in the UK but not on those leaving the UK. AA, Alcoholics Anoymous, which owns and operates Heathrow airport, said it was the responsibility of individual fancy dress hire shops to confirm the identity of pantomime horses at ... More About: Call , Veil , Suspect
London says goodbye Ken Livingstone
By John GardnerLondon h
2007-01-16 15:00:01 London says goodbye Ken Living stone By John GardnerLondon has not tearfully bid farewell to the final journey of Ken Livingstone who died yesterday , His last dying wish was,made before the last election ? that he would keep the popular Routemaster buses in service. have now gone.Mr Livingstone, who once said that only a "ghastly, dehumanised moron" would banish the iconic vehicles from the nation's capital, showed what a ghastly, dehumanised moron he was by banishing the iconic vehicles from the nation's capital.Six Londoners lined the streets to wave good-bye to the Moronic mayor of London, still smarting from the Mayor's other recent u-turn. Londoner Athur Trubshaw reminisced: "I remember when we said goodbye to the promise to freeze transport fares for four years ? do you remember? The promise came before the election. Then just after, all the fares went up. Again."Campaigners had been hoping to save Ken's promises, but their pleas fell on deaf ears.... More About: Stone , Ondo
How UK-US extradition works
Following the recent case of t
2007-01-16 15:00:01 How UK-US extradition works Following the recent case of the Natwest bankers, who are being extradited to the US under a treaty - ratified only by the UK - which was designed to deal with terrorists and despite the crime they are alleged to have committed taking place in the UK, The Clarion has produced the following guide to the extradition system. Extraditing from the US to the UKAfter a detailed written application has been made by the UK, authorities in the US consider the case thoroughly. If they can answer ?yes? to any of the following questions, the extradition process will be halted. If they can answer ?no? to all of the questions, the suspect may be extradited if the person in charge is having a good day and nobody else will notice. Has the person got a beard? Has the person got any unpaid parking fines? Is the person anyone important? Is the person friends with anyone important? Has the person ever met the President? Is the person American? Extraditing from the UK to th... More About: Tradition , Work , Cent , Works , Case
Exclusive: Russian spy death caused by 10,000 smoke alarms
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Exclusive : Russia n spy death caused by 10,000 smoke alarms Former Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko was probably killed by 10,000 smoke alarms, sources close to the investigation have told The Clarion.Mr Litvinenko's death was at first classified as "maybe a bit unusual" by the police, who placed the investigation on a similar footing to one into a burglary (no response in person and a crime number). After it was pointed out that all of the previously healthy victim's hair fell out prior to his death, officers upgraded the death's status to "odd, bordering on the suspicious". This put it on an equal footing to that into a minor speeding office, requiring a 40-page form to be filled out and a police cordon to be placed around central London.The Clarion has learned that the focus of the investigation is now on the purchase of 10,000 smoke alarms by a person or persons unknown, following the discovery of a smoke alarm in Mr Litvinenko's home. The devices, whic... More About: Smoke , Death
Litvenenko murder: Pete Doherty arrested
Police probing th
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Litvenenko murder: Pete Doherty arrested Police probing the death of dead Russian former ex-spy Alexander Litvinenko have arrested potty Pete Doherty. Experts with long strokey beards have reportedly found traces of radioactivity at 12 locations including two British Airways aircraft, an easyJet 737, both Thames and Highbury Magistrates Courts, a second-hand shop in Hackney, four pubs, Pentonville Prison, The Priory and a crack den in Brixton."All these places have been frequented by Doherty," said a police source, "and what with his track record with illegal chemicals we're pretty sure we've got our man."Home Secretary Dr John "Goldfinger" Reid told Parliament that Doherty - or Pietr Dohertski as he is now known - was being held in his usual cell pending further police enquiries and a break for a nice cup of tea and some lovely donuts.The Health Protection Agency said the entire Metropolitan police force had been referred to a specialist clinic for... More About: Murder , Arrested , Arrest
Crucifix ban "purely health and safety issue", in
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Crucifix ban "purely health and safety issue", insists BA By PG WilsonBA, perhaps no longer quite the World's Favourite Airline as far as many in the Christian community are concerned, has today issued a statement defending its position in banning check-in worker Nadia Eweida from wearing a cross at work. Reacting to robust criticism from archbishop Dr. Rowan Williams, chief executive Willie Walsh told The Clarion's Ethical Investment Advisory Group that BA's decision had been taken "purely on grounds of health and safety" and that BA absolutely refuted any possible suggestion that the airline was in any way "anti-Christian".Mr Walsh illustrated the seriousness of BA's health and safety concerns. "Just to take one simple example, what if an irate passenger in a check-in queue lost his temper and grabbed hold of a cross worn by a member of staff? And then ? admittedly in a worst-case scenario ? what if the passenger then suffered a severe aller... More About: Health , Safety , Pure , Safe , Heal
Heather Mills 'hopping mad' at tabloids
Heather Mills is t
2007-01-16 15:00:01 Heat her Mills 'hopping mad' at tabloids Heath er Mills is to take legal action against three British newspapers after they printed several stories that didn't mention her charity work or what a thoroughly warm, friendly and nice person she is. The Geordie gold-digger, The Clarion would like to point out has wonderfully gifted lawyers, is currently embroiled in a messy divorce from ex-sugardaddy, Sir Paul McCartney. The greedy ice maiden is reportedly hopping mad after her aforementioned solicitors leaked her allegations of abuse at the hands of her pensioner husband to the tabloids. The leak was widely believed to be a massive PR failure for Mills, irreparably affecting her (ahem) standing, and denting her life-long dream of getting her hands on all of Paul's cash:"She was kicking herself when she learned of the leak," said an aide, "then obviously she fell over."But friends of the money-hungry litigant claim the former biped is putting her best foot forward... More About: Tabl , Ping
'I rang outpatients for six hours but no one replied' by Ga
2007-01-16 15:00:01 'I rang outpatients for six hours but no one replied' by Gaby Hinsliff Luckily, I am not on my deathbed. Or at least statistics tell me so. Of the thousands of people on the waiting list, like me, for an appointment with a hospital specialist, most eventually learn that they need no further treatment. When - if? - I ever get to see my neurologist, he probably won't find much seriously wrong. So doubtless the migraines that have begun felling me regularly are small beer to my local hospital, the Royal Free in north London, which is so deep in debt that last week it announced it was axing 480 jobs. None the less, like many would-be outpatients, I admit I am in pain sometimes. And while guzzling rather too many prescription painkillers seems to keep the headaches mostly at bay, they leave me drowsy and fuzzy-headed, making work - and normal life - an uphill struggle at times. So when a letter offering an appointment with the consultant neurologist arrived a few weeks ago, I was... More About: Patients , Hour , No One , Patient , Lied
'If you don't take a job as a prostitute, we can stop your
More articles from this author:2007-01-16 15:00:01 'If you don't take a job as a prostitute, we can stop your benefits'By Clare Chapman A 25-year-old waitress who turned down a job providing "sexual services'' at a brothel in Berlin faces possible cuts to her unemployment benefit under laws introduced this year. Prost itution was legalised in Germany just over two years ago and brothel owners ? who must pay tax and employee health insurance ? were granted access to official databases of jobseekers. The waitress, an unemployed information technology professional, had said that she was willing to work in a bar at night and had worked in a cafe. She received a letter from the job centre telling her that an employer was interested in her "profile'' and that she should ring them. Only on doing so did the woman, who has not been identified for legal reasons, realise that she was calling a brothel. Under Germany's welfare reforms, any woman under 55 who has been out of work for more than a year can be forced to tak... More About: Take , Your , Stop , Prostitute 1, 2 |
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