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Small and Big
An amusing story lightens someone's day. We're not always successful at writing one but, Hey.

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Film Review: Alain Resnais's Black And White Masterpiece, "Last Year at Mar
2008-03-06 22:30:00
It’s a French Groundhog Day.©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
More About: Film , Review , Film Review , White , Black

Put A Yuck-Yuck Into Office
2008-03-03 23:30:00
I support smart comedy at the office—the political office. I donated smackeroos to the campaign of Al Franken (www.alfranken.com). Al’s running for the Minnesota Senate and I find myself supporting him even though I’m from a completely different M state. Why? Here’s an excerpt from the letter I received, minus the serious bit:Dear Person I'm Asking For Money,One year ago, I launched my campaign to take back Paul Wellstone’s seat in the U.S. Senate....I’ll tell you all about it—but first, we need to talk about money.Can you help me... by making a contribution of $25, $50, or $100 today? Now that I have that first “ask” out of the way, let me tell you why I think the campaign’s going so well.Norm Colman is bad—I mean bad...Our campaign is awesome.In fact, my first TV commercial featured my fourth-grade teacher.Can you help me... by making a contribution of $25, $50, or $100 today? (There. I’ve made my second &ldq...
More About: Office , Yuck

Occupations I'd Like To Have For 24 Hours
2008-02-28 04:15:00
Wrecking Ball OperatorCotton Candy / Stratocumulus CloudSequoia TreeHoboBig Time PhilanthropistMosquitoYahwehCross Country Big Rig DriverKeystone CopNot-Allergic-To-Poison-Ivy PersonMegaballs Lottery WinnerTime Machine OperatorRuby-Throated Hummingbird, Wintering In The YucatanCarnie BarkerDutchess©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
More About: Hours

Top 10 Best Numbers Ever
2008-02-25 01:30:00
31095472816©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
More About: Numbers

World's Worst Pick-up Lines (For People)
2008-02-19 23:30:00
“At the stroke of midnight I turn back into a pumpkin.”“Look at my fine plummage? Just look! Listen to my beautiful song. Listen! Here, I’ve gathered these sticks for you. Sticks!”“You look expensive.”“Wow, we could be twins!”“Babe, I am—burp. I am, am not... not, so not drunk unk.”“What do you call a dorky guy who doesn’t know how to carry on a conversation? Hello, I’m Albert.”“Do you have a tampon I could borrow?”“Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!”“Are those real? Because I’m pretty sure they are not.”“I’ve been saving myself for you.”“Oday ouyay eakspay Igpay Atinlay?”“I couldn’t help but notice you staring at my monkey shaped mole.”“Smell my butt?”©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. A...
More About: People , Pick , Lines

What Not To Say On The First Date
2008-02-18 23:00:00
“This is not a date.”“Honey, you’re in for a real treat tonight. I’m a beekeeper!”“You look expensive.”“I’m bilingual: I speak Klingon. nuqDaq yuch Dapol?”“Thank you, thank you! Now, for my next fart I’ll take requests. You, at the back table?”“I am wearing sacred underwear.”“Thou yeasty common-kissing barnacle! Sorry, but I suffer from Shakespearean Tourette’s. Do you like seafood?”“Shush, I’m texting!”“Let me check with my mommy.”“I love cats too! You can’t beat a calico kitten for flavor.”“Ooh, the laxative just kicked in.”©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.

You Can Count On My Return
2008-02-17 05:15:00
(There’s no accounting for the bad poet inside me.)My heart beats exponentially for you,thump thump, thump thump,endangering my pocket protectorwhose pens shoot out like Cupid’s love arrows,quick shooting and stabbing, tenderly all night.Your two brown eyes, like seeing zeros which I colored inside with a Ticonderoga No. 2 pencil, do they see my compounding interest?Baby you can count on my return.For, line upon line,your wrinkles arouse my calculationslike something my clients say they will keep track of day by day all year long but instead panic and do in one day at the last possible day.©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
More About: Return , Count

How Much Do Your Feet Sweat Per Day?
2008-02-16 05:30:00
One half-pint. The human average amounts to one cup of foot sweat per day. (At first I typed food sweat. Eww.) That's what I learned this week.Here's some proof: The Why Files and Dr. Scholl's©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
More About: Feet

Illustration Friday: Blanket
2008-02-08 04:00:00
Last Friday ’s Illustration Friday assignment was to illustrate the word “Blanket ”. Given the wintryness outside my window, I'm picturing a cool blanket of white snow being poked through by flowers. Dainty spring buds are tough little buggers. My tulip ain’t technically a snowdrop—but then that white stuff’s not actually snow.Up for a read? Here’s the whole story...The SnowdropBy Hans Christian AndersenIt was wintertime; the air was cold, the wind sharp, but indoors all was snug and well. Indoors lay the flower; it lay in its bulb, under earth and snow.One day the rain fell; the drops trickled down through the snow blanket, down into the earth, and stirred against the bulb, telling it of the world of light up above. Soon a sunbeam, so slender and penetrating, bored through the snow, down to the bulb, and tapped on it.“Come in,” said the Flower.“That I can’t do,” said the Sunbeam. “I’m not strong enou...

Sticky Note
2008-02-07 05:00:00
Kleenexcascadehand soapTPProstituteListed on a Post-It note found in a Texas bookstore. It now lives on page 66 of “Found Magazine #4”.©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
More About: Note

The Unfortunate Cookie
2008-02-05 00:45:00
Golden brown and bent at the waist, the Chinese fortune cookies look promising. The crisp hard shell snaps open like a gift, confetti crumblies splashing into my translucent green tea. Tucked away inside is a special message meant only for me. Me. The white slip of paper slides out, scraping against a sharp cookie edge. I unfold it, holding my breath.A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.I would say so. But what I want to know is what I do not know. After-dinner oracle, tell me a fortune that brings my future to me.You are dreaming. It is time to wake up now.No, no, no. That’s not the speak I expect. Crispy after-dinner treats give insight into their eater’s future, not pithy commentary. Back in the day—not all the way back to scurvy, outhouses, and pinochle either—fortune cookies told fortunes. Real tangible fortunes like Expect miracles in two weeks or A stranger will become your best friend or even You’ve got mail. Just one fortune. That’s...
More About: Cookie

Let's Humor Ourselves, Shall We?
2008-02-02 01:45:00
Humor tidbits from here and there.Can Anyone Learn to Be Funny? – by John KindeLearning humor is like learning to play the piano. Chopsticks anyone?Humor: Tips for unpublished writers – by Robert CraneRobert says, "If you are unpublished, you are one of my peeps." I smell chicken.Humor: Tips for Using it in Everyday Conversation – by Cy EberhartA look at what goes into a successful joke.Humor Skills: What People Find Offensive – by John KindeTwelve factors about our human nature help understand why not everyone thinks farting's funny. Apparently these folks exist.Joke & Story Writing Tips – by Laugh DisorderShort 'n' sweet.Ventriloquist tips: Learn how to become a ventriloquist – by Burgher's EntertainmentHaven't you wondered?Writing tips: Understanding humor (1) – by Rob O'HannonAnyone who does not understand what the word "humor" means raise your tentacle.Writing tips: Understanding humor (2) – by Kate SheaWriting humor is a di...
More About: Humor

Illustration Friday: Tales & Legends
2008-02-01 02:30:00
Feelin’ cosmic and story-fied today. Above is the collage I put together for the current assignment over at Illustration Friday (click it for a bigger view). It combines an ancient creation story and the Orion nebula, which is a good 1,500 light-years from Earth. In the night sky Orion is the brightest spot in the sword of the constellation Hunter. The bird knows.This is my answer to Illustration Friday’s (IF website) assignment to illustrate “Tales and Legends ”. With help from a spectacular NASA image called Chaos at the Heart of Orion and two cuts from Briar Press. The text is adapted from an Aborigine creation story.©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License.
More About: Stration

Taking The Flower Power Test
2008-01-30 00:00:00
I took a test and I took it twice. By way of a highly scientific (though secret) process, the test tells me definitively what sort of flower I am. As you can see from the findings I'm not so easy to pin down. Perhaps it's my penchant for letting the cat answer questions by stomping on the keyboard?FIRST TIME, THE TEST RESULTS SAY...I am a SunflowerWhen your friends think smile, they think of you. There is not a day that goes by that you can't find something good about the world and your fellow human.SECOND TIME, THE TEST RESULTS SAY...I am a DaffodilYou have a sunny disposition and are normally one of the first to show up for the party. You don't need too much attention from the host once you get there as you are more than capable of making yourself seen and heard.Does this make me Sundil or a Daffoflower? What kind of flower are you?©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Power , Flower , Test , Flower Power , Taking

Spammer Match-up Game
2008-01-28 23:15:00
Can you match the name of the spammer with the important email they sent to me?Spammer Booker WigginsClifton U. PickettCoy HoneycuttCrystal RamseyHilario B. LevineJaime BonnerZuzar KnucklesSohrab GandyOrli WigfallMyron BegayMia BowlingDorotheos WertsZenaida KittyWhitfield N. NetThaddeus LightEmail SubjectDon't be shame for reason of of your instrumentYou wins $32,000,000 cash!!!Big Male AggregateGreat male device is the fact that all girlfriend like.Umar investmentExplode your email open ratesHeard you were firedMarylouBodypartPuffyThat your wife speaks, it is necessary to be betterAttn: BENEFICIARYImportant internet warningSick disgusting girl you Won't believe!Need your help!Mindy's in town this weekend.. Are you ready?Say NO to being small-sized loser!Answers: A-3, B-14, C-13, D-8, E-1, F-12, G-5, H-15, I-2, J-9, K-11, L-4, M-10, N-6, O-7.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Game , Match

Metamucil Berry Burst... Laxative?
2008-01-26 00:00:00
Dear Fiber Supplement Laxative Manufacturer,Your new Berry Burst laxative has got me stuck thinking: Is the “Constipation” and “Burst” combination dangerous in any way? Even though the canister design depicts refreshing colors, three kinds of fruit, and erupting liquid, I’m left with a vague sense of unease. Bursting and constipation are now two concepts floating around in my brain pan together like some geriatric splash-and-burn thriller.Sincerely,P.L. Frederick, Concerned Citizen©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.

The Accidental Butt Book
2008-01-25 03:45:00
This book spine caught my eye:All I see is “ASS FOR (blob)”. Because I have an appreciation for fine literature I snatched up the book to examine it more intimate-like. On the front cover there’s more ass:And dead people. Dead people? Hm, this is curious. I open the crisp dust jacket and read away. Turns out the thing’s about medieval witch-burning. Silly me, it’s called “Mass for Arras”—or at least that was the title before the cheeky graphic designer got to it.This reminds me of a close design call I once had. In the early 1990s I designed a booklet for the University of Michigan’s president. Just before it went to press—after me, spell check, and four others picked through the text and graphics with a finely toothed comb (for the record: lice comb)—by chance, the FedEx guy glanced at a print-out and read, “‘The President is to make the announcement pubic’?”Ah ha hah! Humorous accidents happ...
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Separated At Birth?
2008-01-24 02:00:00
©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Birth , Separated

Drinking Tips
2008-01-22 23:00:00
Godzilla Dog (above), Small and Big's Vice President of External Affairs, demonstrates proper table etiquette: Whilst slurping, keep thy tongue inside thine own drinking cup. Also, keep thy noggin inside thy cup.It has been reported by major news outlets (namely this one) that Godzilla consults on table manners for The Boston Globe's equivalent of Miss Manners. Here's a useful tip from a Miss Conduct bit:Never sure which glass to drink from when seated with people on either side? Make "OK" signs with both hands, tip of index finger to thumb. Your left hand will look like a "b"—for bread—and your right like a "d"—for drink—to remind you where things go.Finally, a use for opposable thumbs.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Tips , Drinking

Supper At The Library
2008-01-21 23:00:00
Stopped off at the Traveler Food and Books last week. Books, books everywhere, and all free for the taking. This Connecticut restaurant is a 1970s retro vibe, minus the bowling alley and disco ball. Food’s decent but leans into the fried spectrum. They do earn points for offering sweet potato fries (McDonald's, listen up!). I could eat my weight in sweet potato fries. In this library you get to talk real loud, lackadaisically spill cranberry juice or beer, and “steal” books. If you’re interested you can read more about Traveler Food and Books at Noumenon.No books were harmed in the making of this post.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Library , The Library , Supper

P.L. Frederick-Simpson
2008-01-19 01:00:00
Look at me with Simpson Vision and this is purported to be what you see. Just like in real life: my un-chin goes from lip to jewelry bauble. You can Simpsonize yourself at simpsonizeme.com. Do'h!©2007 P.L. Frederick . All rights reserved worldwide.

Change Happens
2008-01-18 05:00:00
There's a lot of change happening in New York City. I was in Rockefeller Center in late December and saw a whole lot of it—in 1¢ increments. That's because an art display called Penny Harvest was filled with money collected by elementary and middle school students. Those kids collected $1,000,000 in pennies for charity. One million. Dollars. In. Pennies. The display was as long as a city block: 165' x 30'. Here are a couple photos I took. Woo-boy, those kids made cents! More at the website of the organizers: Common Cents.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Change

A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Captions
2008-01-15 23:00:00
How do we do justice to photographic nuttiness? Why, by pairing it with an equally oddball caption. Above is a recap of my 20 caption think-ups. Click each image to spy the caption that goes with it. These photos are something, aren't they? If you're curious where they come from, do check out the comments that go with some of 'em.I think my personal fave is . The photo is wonderfully composed and the old-timey caption tickles my fancy.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Picture , Worth

Pantless Saturday
2008-01-10 23:00:00
So I'm enjoying my weekend, taking a Boston subway to the museum when I look down to see I'm in my Underoos. That explains the backdraft and the $1 someone stuffed in my jacket.Sound like a scary dream? Well on the afternoon of Saturday , Jan. 12, between 3 and 6 p.m., take the MBTA to witness the bravery of No Pants 2K8. A group called Improv Everywhere is "out to prove that a prank doesn't have to involve humiliation or embarrassment; it can simply be about making someone laugh, smile, or stop to notice the world around them."Underwear everywhere sounds fun. More info from Boston.com's story at Organizers plan 'no pants' event Saturday for the MBTA.Granny panties unite!©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.

Illustration Friday: 100%
2008-01-10 05:00:00
For this week's Illustration Friday I gave 100 percents.This is my answer to Illustration Friday's (IF website) assignment to illustrate "100%".©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Stration

A List Of Lists For The Listless
2008-01-07 23:00:00
Feeling listless? Nine out of ten doctors recommend that you read this list of fun Small & Big lists. If that fails, gargle with List erine.15 Things I Learned At Art School20 Sure Signs You're In A Fancy Public Bathroom20 Reasons To Love Winter12 Things To Do While Home Sick Today18 Excuses Not To Go To Work TodayThe Spoon: Superior Specimen For EatmentsThinkings While Sofa-Bound©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
More About: Lists , A list , List of Lists

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