Small and BigSmall and BigAn amusing story lightens someone's day. We're not always successful at writing one but, Hey. Articles
Pioneering Individualist
2008-01-03 01:00:00 GROVER McGILLICUTTY1880 World ChampionCalligrapher & Neti Pot Thrower©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
Strong Drink
2008-01-02 03:00:00 I said a Hot Toddy, not a hot Todd.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Drink , Strong
Eat And Run
2007-12-31 17:00:00 The 99¢ cheeseburger at McCreepy's©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
Big Feats
2007-12-19 03:30:00 Athlete's foot can get out of hand.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
Public Service Announcement
2007-12-17 23:30:00 Don't drink and dress.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Public Service , Public , Service , Announcement , Public Service Announcement
Illustration Friday: Backwards
2007-12-16 20:00:00 Combine anything with its mirror opposite and a new whole emerges—sometimes vaguely bird-like.This is my answer to Illustration Friday 's (IF website) assignment to illustrate "Backwards ". Briar Press worked backup for me.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Stration
Go Figure
2007-12-15 03:00:00 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Figure
Blood Doping Test Results
2007-12-14 00:45:00 Microscopic view of Lance Armstrong's pinky cells.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Results , Blood , Test , Doping
Be Honest
2007-12-13 01:30:00 Does this make me look fat?©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Honest
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
2007-12-12 01:30:00 Although Jack split with Nellie eons ago,she kept hanging around.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Hard , Breaking , Breakin
Illustration Friday: Little Things
2007-12-11 01:15:00 Birdies, branches, the out-of-doors. A cozy home off in the distance. Fresh flowers, bright color, a cupcake silhouette. Little things are best.This is my answer to Illustration Friday 's (IF website) assignment to illustrate "Little Things ". With a wee, itty bitty, teensy weeny bit of help from a nifty little outfit called Briar Press.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Stration
The Good Old Days
2007-12-08 04:00:00 Graffiti is fundamental.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Days , Good , Good Old Days , The Good , The G
This Just In...
2007-12-07 03:15:00 Get off my back, you old goat.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
Thinkings While Sofa-Bound
2007-12-06 00:00:00 This'd be a cushy landing spot for the Human Cannonball.Natural redheads are orangeheads.Choose one: A) Sofa , B) Couch, C) DavenportPretty pillow. I mean—tight brocade, pert tassles. That is one fine, fine looking pillow. Uh huh.When someone fibs, are they laying or lying?What's the fart content of this cushion?This is not a spaceship, but that could change.I thought up the platypus first.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Bound
Yesterday's Military News...
2007-12-05 02:00:00 Official spokeslemon for the U.S. Navy, Candice Curvy-Scurvy was expected to sing, dance, and cure dreaded sailors' diseases.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: News , Military
Yesterday's Society News...
2007-12-04 03:30:00 Great-great grandma and her genuine French stole. She later discovered it to be full of oui oui.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Society , News
12 Things To Do While Home Sick Today
2007-11-30 23:00:00 In bed sheets, pretend you're a sweaty ghostWage sleeping contest against catUpdate cheek swab collectionPamper yourself—diapers reduce bathroom tripsPractice downhill lugeLine gift boxes with used tissueRack mead to carboy, add half-pint NyQuil®Be the houseplantFly snotty hanky flags for benefit of all feverish sentient beingsMunch through bowl of cherry cough dropsRe-watch World Series, see who winsDial random phone numbers, see who else is sick©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Home , Today , Things , Sick
As Reported Today...
2007-11-29 23:00:00 Incontrovertible Evidence of String Theory©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Today
Blog Added To Sweet Blogroll
2007-11-28 23:00:00 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEBoston, Massachusetts | November 28, 2007 | The Small & Big weblog today announced that it has added a link to its blogroll. It now goes directly to Readers and Writers Blog , a blog for readers and writers. Afterwards, the blogroll was slashed crosswise, glazed, and baked."I urge people to go to smallandbig.blogspot.com and experience this for themselves," said Small & Big's Vice President, P.L. Frederick. "This blogroll uses the finest ingredients, including organic clicks. They're free-range!"While rolls are found in homes, a blogroll is found on Internet home pages. It is a list of recommended blog and website links that runs on the You Bake My Bread and I'll Bake Yours principle. Links are reciprocated, and this cross linking generates increased dough, or bread, should the analogy hold up."Links are on a roll! A hot, scrumptious current roll," said Frederick."This is no half-baked scheme," insisted Frederick. "Somebody already clicked the link to... More About: Blogroll , Sweet
Illustration Friday: The Zoo
2007-11-28 03:15:00 There's only one animal at the zoo for me: the giraffe. Even after all these years it remains exotic. Other animals are commoners. I mean, I can imagine owning a pack of zebra horses. I'd hitch them to the cart and haul junkmail back from the mailbox. Elephants are so smart I could see one buying the house next door—a good investment given its reduced price and double-wide doors. Snakes are like giant earthworms, with fangs. But the giraffe! Now that's a unique beast. That endless neck, that loping gait, those handlebars. Besides admire it, what would a person do with a giraffe? Rent it out for necklace ads? I could never do that to somebody I look up to.This is my drawing for the Illustration Friday (IF website) assignment to illustrate "The Zoo".©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Stration
Picture Worth A Punchline (#2)
2007-11-26 23:00:00 For Sale: Well-heeled cabana furnishings. End table & matching lamp/dresser in Caucasian Rush. Good starter set. B.O.For the backstory, read I Can Learn To Be Funny? Image from the Library of Congress Olympic photographs.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Picture , Worth , Wort
Rising Blogger
2007-11-25 04:00:00 Ahh, but June 6, 2007 was quite the day, as you can see from the photo there. After safely landing my airplane—on my first try!—I spent a few quiet moments contemplating the picturesque sunset (or sunrise, who can tell?). Then I read the small print to see that one of Small & Big's postings gotted Post O' the Day over at Rising Blogger . Here's the spiel about the Morning Migration poem-story post.Five months later and the thing's still giving.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
Me And My Lady Of Assumption
2007-11-24 00:00:00 For a fortnight I have been receiving telephone messages concerning baptisms, funerals, confirmations, and the like. Callers wish that I perform said duties straightaway. I find this curious because my standard out-of-office recording—"Hello. This is P.L. Frederick. I'm currently away from my desk. Please leave a message and I will return it. Beep."—contains little hint of my being a Holy See of the Roman Empire.Hold on. I just looked up the definition of fortnight. It doesn't mean "five years" but rather "14 consecutive days." So what I mean to write up there—for I am far too lazy to move my cursor up a few lines and edit it—is, For over 130 fortnights this has been happening. Averaging a couple times a month. Just enough so that after I get a message I figure I should do something about it, but just enough so that I don't. Sometimes I answer the phone. Here's the typical dispatch:Me: "Hello, this is P.L. Frederick."Cute Old Lady Voice: "When is Father H...
Picture Worth A Punchline (#1)
2007-11-23 04:45:00 Back at the elephant Q-tip factory.For this one I gotta come up with a funny caption for a photo. For the backstory on why I'm doing this, read my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny? Image from the USDA historical photographs. Learn more about Q-tips on Wikipedia. Q-tips rock.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Picture , Worth , Wort
One Person's Idiom Is Another Person's Straight-Line
2007-11-12 23:15:00 I've got a memory like an elephant. This also explains my big painted toenails."Gimme a break! A big break," yelled the hotshot young orthopedist.I hear that drinking like a camel increases your chances of being humped.Think outside the box: avoid allergies to cardboard.In his job he wears many hats. He enjoys it though; it hides the bald spots.Don't cry over spilt milk, unless it's breast milk.Whoever said "life is not fair" probably didn't enjoy carnivals much either.I may be over the hill but at least I'm not under arrest.If there's no such thing as a free lunch, who's enslaving them all?Who would want a bee in their bonnet? Bonnets are ugly.A picture is worth a thousand words but I'm tired of reading.Remember, anyone claiming to be as busy as a bee has 29,000 assistants.Wow, that man is a tall drink of water! Luckily, my doctor recommends 8 a day.She didn't just raise Hell, she gave it an allowance and sent it to college.Judging by my bank account, running a rabbit farm... More About: Line , Straight , Idiom , TRAI
Illustration Friday: Trick Or Treat
2007-10-30 22:00:00 Click image above for larger viewSomebunny lives forever. Magical!This is my drawing for the Illustration Friday (IF website) assignment to illustrate "Trick Or Treat ." Mine's both.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Stration
Professional Turtle Artiste
2007-10-29 22:45:00 Koopa is a professional turtle artist who makes a living selling his paintings on eBay. Koopa's most recent painting is at right. The image changes every 7-10 days, which means he gets more done than I do.According to his website, Koopa the Box turtle "has been painting professionally for over 4 years." Supposedly, he treats the process as he would any enjoyable non-toxic mud bath. To me, this means he:1) Locates mud2) Real slow-like, gets into mud3) Poops in mud (this part optional) 4) Walks around slowly and muddily5) Uploads mud to eBay and begins 7-day auctionDon't turtles live for, like, 1,000 years? This cute little artiste's gonna be richer than Michelangelo.Bored? I recommend going to eBay and perusing their "Weird Stuff" category. That's how I found Koopa and www.turtlekiss.com. Careful though, some of the eBay listings are nasty.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Turtle , Professional , Artis , Fess
Positive People Day
2007-10-29 01:00:00 Oh boy! October 29th is coming! October 29th is coming! Yay!Here's your checklist from the people behind Positive People Day, VictoryOverViolence.org:☐ Smile (often)☐ Give a hug☐ Thank someone☐ Pay an unexpected compliment☐ Share a laugh or a kind word☐ Call your mother or a loved oneBy the end of the day you'll be feeling more positive! Exclamation point!Of course, every day is Positive People Day around here. Underdog is the day's official mascot: "Heeeeere I come to save the daaaaay." Underdog image from VictoryOverViolence.org. If you're into niceness, and I know you are, check out Nice Blog by the folks at Power of Nice.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.
Taking A Great Big Breath
More articles from this author:2007-10-28 03:00:00 Whales have to think to breathe. Can you imagine if people had to do that? I can't even remember where I put my keys. My next breath? What am I, psychic? If I were a whale I'd be deceased. That makes whales—breathing ones—smarter than me. I'm just sayin'. They probably swim better too. More info at Sleep in whales and Popular whale, dolphin, and porpoise questions. Nifty whale photo from National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Magazine.©2007 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide. More About: Great , Breath , Taking 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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