Small and BigSmall and BigAn amusing story lightens someone's day. We're not always successful at writing one but, Hey. Articles
Sound Of Music
2009-08-19 22:00:00 ©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Music , Sound , Sound of Music
Diet While Eating: Fantasy Vs. Reality
2009-08-17 22:00:00 ©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Reality , Diet , Fantasy , Eating
What Costs As Much As A Plane Ticket To Ireland This Summer, Maybe More?
2009-07-22 23:00:00 Pet care for the cat and dog while you’re awayRenting a place for you, the human, to sleep while in Ireland Taking vacation time off, unpaidRepairing your pick-up, which breaks down the week beforeParking your pick-up near Boston Logan airport, to just sit there the entire time, plus buying a TomTom map of Ireland, except they don’t sell a map of Ireland so you gotta buy the entire Great Britain map to get at IrelandRenting the smallest car found in Ireland, essentially a motorcycle with a hood up top, plus car insurance because it’s not covered by U.S. auto insurance and no one can satisfactorily explain why (are sheep driving while texting?)Buying any amount of euros with U.S. dollarsVacationing with someone who complains non-stop about how expensive everything isAll of the aboveFor the correct answer see the comments below.(Leprechaun dude from this Wikipedia page and awesome usage rights to go with him from copyleft_attitude.)©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some righ... More About: Summer , Plane , Ticket , Costs
Q: What's Grosser Than Gross?
2009-07-16 00:00:00 A: Some of the free crap on Craigslist. Go to Item Not As Described and see what I mean.I suppose there are many correct answers to this question, like, Eating your morning Corn Flakes then finding out your little brother’s scab collection is missing, but I’m going with my heart on this one.©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Gross
Select Biblical Translations From The Deep-Deep Discount Bible
2009-07-07 00:00:00 1 Corinthians 16:13Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be string.Psalms 143:8I have put my crust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my roll.Matthew 18:3Except ye become as little children, ye will not enter the Kingdom of Kevin. Proverbs 16:3Commit to the larder whatever you do, and your plants will suck seed.John 4:18There is no beer in love; but perfect love casteth out beer.Gretzky 8:94100% of the shots you don’t fake don’t go in.In the manner of The Holy Bibel.©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Bible , Translations , Deep , Biblical , Discount
The Holy Bibel
2009-07-04 00:00:00 PsalmsWe are the people he watches over, the sheep under his car.ExodusThou shall not make for yourself a gravy image.LukeBut the angle said to them, “Do not be Alfred.”From the folks at BlueQ. Great spellers.©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Holy
Funniest Thing You'll See All Week
2009-07-03 00:00:00 Pepé Le Pew voice:“You know, eet eez possible to be too attractive.”“Permit me to introduce myself, I am your new lover.”“You are my peanut. I am your brittle.”(Thanks, Cute Overload.)©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Week , Thing
Creepiest Thing You'll See All Week
2009-07-02 00:00:00 Thanks Facebook, with your Michael Jackson (right) and unnamed caucasianoid (left) siamese twins, you’re officially even creepier than this.©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Week , Thing
Small & Big Makes History In Sock Puppet Video
2009-07-01 00:00:00 Focus your deep, penetrating concentration on the 1:04 through 1:16 minute mark. Near as I can piece it together Mason the tube sock puppet has this to say about Small & Big:“And __________ that rooster lady, you know, she’s got that small, big, medium, some kind of blog, ___________ cartoons, and to ______ money she, ah, likes to draw pictures of stuff, of cat litter boxes, and I saw on there a month ____ on there a toupee, some kind of Zen man.”This is historical: Small & Big’s first known video reference, and on MasonMania. The Rooster Lady detects no cuss words.(Mason previously appeared in Why You Should Keep Yourself Far, Far Away From Coffee.)©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Video , History
A Great Comfort
2009-06-30 00:00:00 Looking for the Whole World Toilet Paper Museum and Society? Here you go.©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Great
A Sense Of Humor, Defined
2009-06-24 00:00:00 Many say you can’t ever analyze humor because, like dissecting a frog, “You may learn a bit about it, but the thing dies in the process.” Frogwash. We do well to contemplate and understand the world around us, especially the stuff we like, especially the fun stuff. Gene Perret has a unique take on it in his book, “How to Write & Sell Your Sense of Humor .” Gene writes: I define a sense of humor as the following three abilities:a) to see things as they areb) to recognize things as they arec) to accept things as they are.For example...When would I not be able to accept jokes about balding? First of all if I weren’t aware of it. Many people begin thinning at the back of the crown and don’t even know it’s happening. If you joke about losing their hair to these folks, they look at you as if you’re crazy.Second, if they fail to recognize they are losing their hair. I was convinced for years that by combing my hair a different way, no o... More About: Defined
101 Tom Swifties
2009-06-23 00:00:00 A Tom Swiftie is a short joke that uses a slightly different double meaning for an adverb. I found this exercise fun, and not as hard as it might seem. It’s an enjoyable way to expand your humor abilities, from Gene Perret’s book, “How to Write & Sell Your Sense of Humor.” The one-liner must finish with a word ending in -ly, and that final word can be the real use, a new definition, or a brand new made-up word. You’ll see. Read on, and see how I spent Sunday night. What’s in bold is what I like best.“I saw a UFO,” he cried spacily. “This deodorant ain’t working,” the teen sniffed strongly.“Gasp,” his mom whispered faintly.“Students, you have 10 minutes to complete this exam,” the teacher said testily.“I got my barber’s license!” he said cuttingly.“I wonder what it’s like to race the Iditarod,” Lady said doggedly.“Cold,” purred Whiskers cattily.&ld...
This Isn't Funny But Here's A House I Saw In Maine
2009-06-20 01:00:00 (Click ’em to biggerify.) Here are a couple close-ups. If you haven’t noticed the interesting bit yet, look in the middle of the pictures below. These are frickin’ wooden shingles on flat walls. (Or whatever the technical term is for the flat vertical house bits that keep the roof up.) Isn’t that amazing?©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Funny , House , A House , Maine
Roz Chast, What's So Special About June 18th?
2009-06-19 02:00:00 Today is June 18th and you know what June 18 is? June 18th is Roz Chast Day, an official holiday I declared 10 minutes ago. I direct you to her completely awesome book, “Theories of Everything”. And when I say Everything it is a four-syllable word. Step right up, folks! See humor up close and personal! Look into her mirror! But... can you look away? Can you?!SEE a large selection of her cartoons on Cartoonbank.com!READ the New York Times book review!WITNESS a full-color sample of her likeness in a bright blue shirt!WATCH the stuff wandering feral over the Internet! (Click ’em to bigify.) Today’s Roz Chast Day brought to you by the Chast-talk in the comments section of Heavy Lifting.©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Special
The Sweetest Pet Ever
2008-06-07 00:00:00 “FREE kittins!”These are the signs that draw people’s attention when they’re pet shopping. And you are, aren’t you? Good for you! And good for them, because animals are some of the nicest people you’ll ever want to meet. (Except for that 100-pound St. Bernard that cornered me when I was six. “Saint,” my foot.) But before you run off to adopt a special four- or two-legged bestest friend, I urge you to consider something more. Something more-legged: namely, honeybees.Now I know what you’re thinking: “Are they really made of honey?” Yes. Yes they are. And the yellow stripes? Solid 24k gold. That’s why people don’t eat them. These non-bee pets you’re considering, they’re not gonna to work out. Here’s why.Cats1) Honeybees don’t nonchalantly squeeze behind the washer and poop up the basement floor. 2) Honeybees don’t carry out this affair secretly and passionately, behind closed doo...
Dona Nobis Pacem
2008-06-04 09:33:00 Dona Nobis Pacem is Latin for “Grant Us Peace”. It’s the tagline of the Peace Globe project, something started on the blog Mimi Writes in 2006. (Click for more info.) Here’s some stuff to get you smiling for peace.Kids laugh around 400 times a day.Smiling releases endorphins. Endorphins make us feel better. Even faking a smile can make us feel happier.You were born with the ability to smile. Even babies born blind, smile. They don’t learn by copying the expression.A fun way to get yourself a’smiling? Make someone else smile.Now, read this.©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
Beyond MBA: Business Tips From The Memogenda
2008-05-28 03:00:00 Are you a mover and a shaker? A decider? Do you put the “man” in “management” (and in “woman”)? Duh, or you wouldn’t be here today. Now that we’ve finished our three-hour vodka martini luncheon, I’d like to share something important with you. It’s about the Memogenda on your steel gray decision-making desk. The spiral notebook in embossed Leathertex paper. I don’t care what Irish illuminated manuscript calligraphers say, paper is so much easier to write on than dead animal skins. And the Book of Kells could have cut off a hundred years if those monks had Bics. (At left: Unhappy monks.)That’s but one reason why I so love my Memogenda (at right), and consult it for many a critical business decision. The system is simple to “manage” (har har!) and, if you open to Page 1, you’ll see the necessary instructions. I shan’t go over them. Do it yourself: I’ve leaned to delegate. After masteri... More About: Business , Tips
Ennio's Paper Cut
2008-05-10 00:00:00 Ennio Marchetto (website) performs in paper. At 100 cph (celebrities per hour), playful costumes transform him into Dolly Parton, Eminem, Marilyn Monroe, Celine Dion, and others. The video below made me laugh, and maybe it will you too. Warning: Contains show tunes.©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Paper
Spamzas
2008-05-08 01:30:00 This poem is composed entirely out of Subject lines from my spam email. Each line, by line, is painfully unedited.Dearly BelovedLiving out on the porch: our new all-weather wicker collectionhotplatebayberriesunimaginableB ENEFIThit the deck with our grasshopper chairDid you authorize Mr. Louis Henrik?Respond urgentlyevocativelyPlease I Need A Trustworthy Person... Monday May 05, 2008foretoothPlease Hear meGood day to youGood Day©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
The Queen And I
2008-05-06 00:00:00 The UK’s Queen Elizabeth II and I are real close. Why, just last week she emailed me an urgent dispatch entitled, “Irrevocable lottery payment.” The message begins, “Dear frend, treat Urgent to Proceed” and then goes into detail about needing my Social Security Number and bank accounts. Her agents are depositing lottery winnings directly into an overseas tax-free account for me. I won’t go into further detail, as she urged me to speak to no one concerning this matter, but I think you catch my drift about the friend thing.So I was a trifle surprised about a blurb in yesterday’s Parade Magazine. You think you know somebody—until you find out what’s in her purse. Turns out, Lizzy totes around family photographs, dog treats, crossword puzzles, a make-up case, and good-luck charms. Appropriate items for a life of leisure, I’ll grant: except that last one. This is the woman Forbes Magazine conservatively says is worth £280 milli... More About: The Queen
Little Old Race Riot
2008-05-01 02:00:00 Last year, I overheard this loud bit of conversation between two little old ladies. I hurried away in embarrassed disbelief and quiet chuckles. The spring part came later.Deliberate as a turtle through the woods, Jenny says, “Brown, black, red, yellow, and white.” Above, fragrant apple petals slip from blossoms, accompanied by birdsong. Chicka-dee-dee-dee. The gray braid winding ’round her head has a pale pink cast.“Oof!” Clara leans forward on the park bench. Her frail, refined body disguises a seargent’s voice. “You cannot call them that! You cannot label a person as a color.”Jenny rubs a soft petal between her fingertips. “We have such hues. White, red—”“That is ignorant. You cannot say someone is ‘red’ or ‘brown’. There are no ‘yellow’ people.” An upside-down squirrel click-clacks around the tree trunk. “But color is beautiful.”Both Clara’s hands cl... More About: Race
Dilly-Dally Drive
2008-04-30 03:30:00 I have been dawdling myself silly. Those in the know, know that it’s been over three months since I completed a step in my humor learnings (I Can Learn To Be Funny?). Why? The next assignment sounds easy: take a photo, write a funny caption for it. Unfortunately there’s a block in my mental parts the size of Connecticut, hermetically sealing off “photograph” and “caption” in separate hemispheres. The Corpus Callosum Bridge linking ’em is closed indefinitely for repairs, causing a three-mile metaphor pile up. I don’t know what I’m saying here, but I plan to get back in gear and put the pedal to the metal. Anyone lend me $50 for gas?(Speaking of corpus collosum: you ever read about split-brain injuries in the book, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by neurologist Oliver Sacks? Fascinating stuff.)©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 Unit... More About: Drive
Monday Free Day
2008-04-28 23:15:00 Three free things, just for you.FREE BOOKAdrift in America by Sid LeavittAdrift in America is the true story of a middle-aged man who loses his job, his love, his youth, and moves into a truck where he intends to live at least the next 20 years. The author is a professional writer who hosts the thoughtful, well-written blog showcasing works by writers, called Readers and Writers Blog.FREE IMAGESNASA by the U.S. taxpayersGorgeous photos that are literally out of this world. Be sure to make use of the images at NASA Image of the Day Gallery and NASA Featured Images. I used one in an illustration I posted called Tales & Legends. (Image Usage Guidelines: See? Told you you could use them for free.)FREE VIDEO, AUDIO, SOFTWARE, IMAGES, ETC.Creative Commons by Harvard UniversityUse free images, video, audio, text, software, and more. You can also register for a Creative Commons license of your own, so that people can freely use or build upon your work, depending on the restrictions you set.... More About: Free , Monday
Fear Of Needles?
2008-04-26 23:00:00 People get freaked out by needles. (Good thing people ain’t pine trees.) An elderly yoga teacher once taught me the perfect, no-fail way to get a vaccination, shot, blood test, or whatever.Take in a deep, relaxing breath. Take that air all the way in to your lungs, and even enough to puff out your belly, if you can.Hold that breath, comfortably. When the pointy thing is about to go in...Let your breath out slowly through your mouth, and continue exhaling throughout the procedure. Really concentrate on feeling your breath exhale. (Second choice would be to exhale out through the nose.)That’s it! So simple, easy and magical. It works for other stuff too, like when a doctor is resetting (re-breaking) a broken bone. I can vouch for that!Fear makes us feel powerless. But your own body and breath are there to help you. Just one simple breathing exercise will greatly reduce your physical and mental pains—and have you breathing a big sigh of relief in no time.©2008 P....
A Phoney Afternoon, From 4:11 To 4:23
2008-04-26 00:00:00 “One moment, please.” Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beeeeeeeep. “Thank you for continuing to hold. All of our agents are still assisting our other customers. For immediate help, check out our online page at www dot istockphoto dot com, slash faq.”Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beeeeeeeep. “Thank you for continuing to hold. All of our agents are still assisting our other customers. For immediate help, check out our online page at www dot istockphoto dot com, slash faq.”Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beeeeeeeep. “Thank you for continuing to hold. All of our agents are still assisting our other customers. For immediate help, check out our online page at www dot istockphoto dot com, slash faq.”Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beeeeeeeep. “Thank you for continuing to hold. All of our agents are still assisting our other customers. For immediate help, check out our online page at www dot istockphoto dot com, slash faq.”Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beeeeeeeep. “Thank ... More About: Afternoon
In Rhythm
2008-04-24 00:00:00 I’m reading the book, The Imagineering Way: Ideas to Ignite Your Creativity, and came upon this wonderful bit:Dr. Ross Edy, a well-known international neuroscientist and longtime friend of my husband, once told me that if you take two separate live heart cells from two separate mammals and put them pulsing in the same petri dish—left alone—in a short time, they will find each other’s rhythm and start to beat in time with each other.—Karen Connolly ArmitageSenior Concept DesignerCreative DevelopmentWalt Disney CompanySomething to think about, eh?©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Rhythm
Humming Field
2008-04-18 01:00:00 A field, warm & nbsp; bubbles overround red clover ; singing song, greenleaf song, winding wood airstransparent wings ; zig over zag &n bsp; under bloom,animal stripes ; land the open ; blossom, pad ; across long-shagsix percussion & nbsp; toes thrum against &nbs p; living carpetone honey bee ; her brown body &nbs... More About: Field
The More Times Change, The More They Stay The Same
2008-04-15 23:00:00 Love the online version of The New York Times . Love, love, love it. However—and this has a big capital H, followed by a long pause wherein I don’t type—however, a recent mailing they sent caused me to heartedly question our future together.First off, let me share with you that I am grateful every time I peruse their online edition, and have been for more than five years. There is no paper to unfold and fold, no ink smearing my fingertips, no yellowing newsprint stored in my recycle bin, and no trudging said paper off to the Duxbury town dump. (I don’t abide calling it a “transfer station.” “Dump” gets us where we need to go, 75% quicker.) Most enjoyable, though, is not having to pick through murders and robberies and other garbage to find my science and health news. Unlike the printed paper, online I see only headlines and snippets until I click a specific article that I choose to read. This makes for less junk going to my subconscious. I keep a clean mind, see.S... More About: Change , Stay
During Comic Maneuvers, Think "Safety First"
2008-04-14 23:30:00 Comedian Jerry Seinfeld was unhurt after a real-life vehicular accident in his 1967 Fiat. Following the standard Comedy Rule of Threes, he first tried the brakes (not working), then the emergency brake (not working), and then executed a classic swerve, whereupon the vintage car “sort of fell over on its side.”Afterwards, Mr Seinfeld offered this sage advice: “Because I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do.”See related stories at: Boston.com, Huffington Post©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Comic , Safety
Craigslist Free Verse
More articles from this author:2008-04-10 03:30:00 An angel in the post officeWanted pre-1965 paper money for time travelFree green teaHornets nestBox of 60 doll headsMounted lobsterCarton of irregular cat hats.Is this your petCouch - very uncomfortable, red - $3.75?Take my bees, please.Advice to young men from an old man:Potato cannon.I almost crossed the streetFrom the Craigslist archives: 100 years ago.Large glass jar (possibly containing a ghost).©2008 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners. More About: Free Verse , Verse 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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