My Grimm Reality

RSS Feed Homepage

Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Weekend Openers
2008-06-06 05:05:00
I love movies. So much in fact that I have often entertained visions of grandeur by opening up my own movie website with all of the trimmings. A site where I could update everyone on just what are the facts and just what are the rumors floating around. A site that would update everyone on the amount of cashflow from each film so that you can see for yourself just which films flopped (see Speed Racer).Alas, that is just a dream for now. So I must torture you by forcing you to join me in this contest in futility that I plan on keeping if I ever decide to become a box office bozo.Weekend OpenersYour mission: Predict the opening weekend (Fri-Sun) totals for this week's releases. The deadline is Friday night at Midnight EST.Last week:Sex and the City - $56.84 millionThe Strangers - $20.99 millionKung-Fu PandaDreamworks has a pretty strong track record when it comes to animated features and with the voice talents of such stars as Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen and...

I'm Huge With The Felines
2008-06-05 05:57:00
I have just spent the last two hours sitting completely still with a can of salmon trying to entice our numerous mommy cats into a cat carrier full of the fish crud.Do you hear me? Two freaking hours.Why? It's fixing time. The time of year where we shell out close to $600 total getting all of these mommy cats fixed only to have them leave town within the next six months.I told the WonderWife to just let me catch the daddy cat that comes around from down the road and this little problem would be solved - but nooooooo! We are kind to felines or as she calls them - whores.Tell that to the one I caught in the carrier and who nearly ripped my finger off in the process. Let us just say I am no longer on her list of favorite humans right now. She was like those zombies in 28 Days Later in how vicious she wanted out. To put it bluntly - she was pissed.But I got the deed done. Early tomorrow morning we will be travelling to the vet to drop off our furry friends to deny them any further baby...
More About: Huge

Love Is Like A Rock
2008-06-03 07:34:00
I'll be the first to admit that I am being a big baby here, but damn am I sore. The lack of athletic exercise over the winter has really taken a toll as I have come to the shocking conclusion of just how out of shape I am. My fingers hurt just typing this.About two months ago we started Project Play Place with hopes of having a grassy area for the WonderSis to have her new swing set and for us adults to have a nice place to gather for picnics and the like. The Project has been in the planning stages for over a year, but the financial strain of the economy and the fact that we are still waiting on the house in West Virginia to sell (and still paying on it to boot) has taxed the ability to put the Project into motion.We had where we wanted the area to be all planned out, but being as though it was on a gradually sloped hillside it needed some work - work that we were ill equipped to perform. Mainly, we needed to somehow level this area by either hauling fill dirt in to raise the low ...
More About: Love , Rock

I Am Asking For It
2008-06-02 08:48:00
I am going to try something here - a rededication of sorts. I am going to be doing my own personal self-imposed NaBloPoMo for the month of June to help me get back writing for fun again. Those of you who know how much I hate NaBloPoMo, you know how much this is a big step for me. For those of you who don't, hang around long enough this month and I am sure to have a rant or two about it.The reason I am doing this is twofold:I haven't allotted the necessary time I feel that is needed to my writing, no matter if it is just gibberish or useless NFL stats. I know, we've just had a baby and that I have been spending most of my time trying to get the baby to quit freaking out when she sees me, but if the wife can post a great haiku every day - why can't I write a post every day?Unfortunately, I have become increasingly delinquent on my blog reading if for the only reason that I have done very little in the blog related department. I am hoping that by giving myself the time to work on ...

When I Was Young...
2008-05-29 14:14:00
Sorry I haven't posted for almost a week but this has been banging in my head like a loose screw and I wanted to put at least a little time into it. Hope you like.When I was young...Saturdays were spent watching Godzilla in the morningsWith the Stooges Larry, Curly, Moe and sometimes Shemp.Superhost - The overweight Superman on channel 43.Rodan, Mothra, and even King CaesarCould not stop the mighty fire spewing lizard,Leaving Tokyo a pile of rubble.When I was young...Hot Wheels were my toy of choice for destructionUpon the mountains of dirt in my backyard.Earthquakes - Imaginary, yet catastrophic.Boulders would crush, chasms would open,Long lost cars buried under tons of soil,Creating fossils of my childhood.When I was young...Summertime meant being across the streetWhere all of my friends lived.Basketball games lasting all day - you gotta win by two.Home run derby with tennis balls,Football fields spanning three back yards,And flashlight tag until two in the morning.When I was you...
More About: Young

Father Of The Year
2008-05-23 14:00:00
Every now and then you have one of those days that make you question yourself that you qualify as a good parent. A day where maybe you try and cut corners here and there because it's easier or less time consuming and you end up with a bucket of ice water in your face. A day where maybe the best of intentions causes you to get a vicious and swift kick in posterior.Two weeks ago, I had one of those days.We were all in different stages of illness. The WonderSis and myself on the tail end of our colds while Mommy and Baby were laid out in our bed suffering from clogged nostrils and nagging coughs. Being the healthier two of the group, we set up the baby camera in our bedroom so that if Mommy needed anything upstairs - we would have the monitor with us to come running at a moments notice.Being that we all were under the weather in some shape or form, we stayed in our PJ's as we went about our afternoon routine of the WonderSis watching SpongeBob while I desperately tried to catch up on...
More About: Father , Year

Idol Finale
2008-05-22 01:58:00
As this week will be the final American Idol update this season, I thought I would make it special be doing it as a video blog. Unfortunately, YouTube made this difficult and the quality is a tad on the rough side, this will be fixed later on tonight with a higher quality version of the video, but seeing as it is 7:56pm EST as I am writing this now and the show starts in 4 minutes, I am going to shut up and post this.Enjoy.Higher quality uploaded at 9:00pm EST.
More About: Finale

Nerves of Steel
2008-05-19 12:26:00
On the first day of school - almost every single year - I would end up on the toilet with a glorious case of the runs because my nerves would be bad. During presentations in front of the class, I would sweat so profusely that by the end, I would have lost 20 pounds and be able to wring the liquid from my shirt. To this day, I have a fear of something happening (tripping in a mall, ripping the seat of my pants at work, accidentally passing gas during a moment of silence, etc.) in a crowded place and having every eye bearing down on me.I do not think the WonderSis has this fear.There I was at 7am yesterday morning, in the bathroom trying to poop the butterflies out of my system. I was nervous.Not for me mind you, but for the WonderSis. Today was her first piano recital.She knew the song inside and out. We had practiced long and hard and she seemed totally oblivious to the importance of what was to come. To her, it was just like going to her piano teachers' class - you go in, you play...
More About: Steel

The Kellie Pickler Saga
2008-05-15 16:58:00
I cannot stand Kellie Pickler . She is a ditzy blonde who is a decent singer and has surgically enhanced breasts. I do not have a "thing" for her in any way shape or form.I need for the WonderWife to reread the above statement.The Kellie Pickler Saga began about 2 months ago, when I wrote a post about Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman and their respective videos about who they are currently sleeping with.The videos by themselves were hilarious, but in my comments I received a link from ~michael at Smoke & Mirrors showing Kimmel's breakdown of Miss Teen South Carolina's complete slaughtering of her Q&A segment during the Miss Teen USA Competition.Those of you who are familiar with the flighty antics of a certain ex-American Idol may know where I am going with this. Those of you who aren't, this is where Ms. Pickler comes in. Never one to let a good comment lie, I emailed ~m with the following:And less we forget, the American Idol ditz Kellie Pickler....followed by the follow...

Idol Trio
2008-05-15 02:24:00
My apologies for the lack of updates - going through some writers block issues and finding it very hard to write. But leave it to good old American Idol to fill my head with useless drivel.Last week, Jason Castro finally got his wish and took the train out of town after aging Simon Cowell 20 years with his rendition of "I Shot The Sheriff" last week. Dude, maybe you should have killed the deputy.Three songs for the performers tonight, one chosen by the judges, one by the producers, and one the contenders get to choose. I shall go into tonight with an open mind, and hopefully the contenders will choose good enough songs the quell any sour taste left in my mouth from the choices of the judges and the producers. Syesha needs a flawless night tonight to even be considered a finalist while the two Davids are positioning themselves for a finale test runTHE CONTENDERS1 - David CookPre-Show Rank: 1David Cook's performances was like an ice cold glass of orange juice right after brushing you...
More About: Trio

Exams For The Stressed - 2008 Edition
2008-05-10 05:19:00
Due to the fact that everyone in the Grimm household is struggling with colds and the fact that it is exam season again, here is more of an old favorite. Here is the post from last year.Well DUH!That is just so wrong. No matter how true it may be.Not that I am saying that this is true.Really.Using the radioactive ooze makes a lot of sense to me.This answer would definitely explain George W. Bush.This was a True (A) or False (B) test. I am guessing (C) was none of the above.
More About: Exams , Edition , 2008

Idol Rock
2008-05-08 02:04:00
The update is a little late tonight due to my 1-hour nap turning into a 5-hour slumber. Special thanks goes to the WonderWife for letting me try and get this cold out of my system.Last week, bubble gum sweet Brooke White bid adieu after being unable to recapture her early show magic and having her recent mistakes catch up with her. Once again, I did not call that one. You will be sure to see a Brooke White album in the future - even though it may be in the same section as Pat Boone and John Tesh.This week is Rock -N-Roll Hall Of Fame week and I am pumped up to see what the gang will bring out for us tonight. Maybe, just maybe we will hear Jason break out Chuck Berry or a little Elvis Presley - oh, who am I kidding. I am sure Carly and her tattoo is kicking herself now that she can't bring out her Jefferson Airplane Grace Slick impersonation. As if she didn't do it the six weeks she was on the show.THE CONTENDERS1 - David CookPre-Show Rank: 1 (tie)Out of all of the songs you could h...
More About: Idol

Under The Weather
2008-05-07 20:52:00
Whoever came up with that term - "Under The Weather " - should be slapped. Aren't we all under the weather?Anyway, the cold of the WonderSis apparently came my way yesterday. Now where her nose is constantly clogged to the point that we can't keep tissues in the house we are going through them so fast, the cold is all up in my head making it feel twice as big and twice as heavy.Closing my eyes makes my head not hurt. Must be nap time.I'll be back later for the Idol Update. I may have to re-watch parts of the show because fatigue and that freaking cold had be fading in and out last night.Be back in a bit.

Dar She Blows!
2008-05-06 05:26:00
And blows...And blows...It seems the WonderSis has a cold.It also seems that the WonderSis hates anything inside her nose (aside from her finger).So for the last 24 hours, we have been treated to the non-stop sound of a nose being blown and used tissues being left in various parts of the house. It had become so consistent and repetitive that I feared she would blow her nose off, or at the very least be one of those kids you see with the red around their nose from rubbing it too much.But not my little girl. No way.Like a locomotive chugging down the track, she blows along everywhere she goes - tissues in hand. While bathing? Yep. Eating dinner? You bet. She even does it in her sleep to the point I've been tempted to just stick pieces of tissue up her nostrils to quiet her down.This also works as a unique tracking device - as while she realizes that sound does in fact travel, she hates having that gunk in her nose so much that it matters not if she is planning an assault on the cooki...

Did You Know?
2008-05-03 00:54:00
The following is for informative purposes only. Any use of this information to blackmail me in anyway without expressed written consent from me is strictly prohibited.Did you know...that I gained 20 pounds during the WonderWife's pregnancy?that the WonderWife has lost 23 pounds since her pregnancy and I have lost...absolutely nothing?that I have the daily standings of those playing in my HSX league listed on my sidebar?as of today, I have yet to lead the damn thing?that I have successfully predicted who would leave American Idol an astonishing 12.5% (1 out of 8) of the time this season?that I have become addicted to Hell's Kitchen this season?that 2 1/2 weeks after the birth of my child, I am still trying to get caught up on of my blogs? I'm working on it people...stick with me.that the bumblebees in central Ohio are bigger than some birds?that I have lost 1,539 consecutive wrestling matches against the WonderSis? Wait...now it's 1,540.that the crotch of my jeans are the first t...

Dance Fever
2008-05-02 01:59:00
Somebody snuck a video of me and my day job onto YouTube. Is nothing sacred?
More About: Dance , Fever

Idol Diamonds
2008-05-01 01:22:00
So Grace Slick, er Carly Smithson and her tattoo unfortunately proved that Jesus Christ has no place on American Idol and that most Idol voters are atheists. No matter, I have heard that Carly's Satanic looking boyfriend has placed a curse on the head of Paula Abdul, causing her to completely sound like she has been on a week long bender.Wait, what's that you say? That is normal for Paula? Whoa.This week is Neil freaking Diamond baby. You want to know how much of a nerd I was growing up? Picture me in my bedroom in full concert mode singing "America" to my stuffed Grover. Yeah, I made nerds cool. This should be an interesting week as Neil has a plethora of songs to choose from - and me being the uber-nerd that I am, know most of them!THE CONTENDERS1 - David CookPre-Show Rank: 1 (tie)David had a very solid performance last night. I wouldn't say it was jaw dropping like in previous weeks, but it was still enough to vault him into the top spot. His rendition of "I'm Alive"...
More About: Diamonds

Dress Code Violation Part II
2008-04-29 21:19:00
This morning the family Grimm was getting ready to make the very first trip to playgroup for the baby. Playgroup is fairly early in the morning for us - 10:00am - and due to the baby getting her days and nights switched and me playing Border Patrol again with the WonderSis, the WonderWife and I were pretty tired.We were running behind schedule so in order to get the WonderSis up and going, I bet her that I could get dressed faster than her. Fully expecting to lose, I went about getting dressed in my normal fashion. I had put on one of my favorite shirts (long-sleeved with a collar - this is important) and was reaching for my blue jeans shorts - when sirens began sounding throughout the house leaving me in a state of shock and disbelief - it was happening again... "You're not wearing that shirt with those shorts are you?" the WonderWife asked.Now, when I skimmed through the official dress code handbook some 18 some odd years ago, I am pretty sure that almost anything went with blue ...
More About: Dress , Code , Part

Hillbillies and Rednecks
2008-04-25 17:46:00
There is a common misconception that hillbillies and rednecks are the same. This is simply not the case. In most situations, calling a hillbilly a redneck (and vice-versa) could be grounds for a public flogging in front of the town hall and having your underwear run up the flagpole - with you still in them. So to help you avoid this confusion, I offer up to you some examples.Jeff Foxworthy is a redneck.The Hatfield's & McCoy's are hillbillies.Hank Hill and his family from "King of the Hill" are rednecks.Jed Clampett and his family from "The Beverly Hillbillies" are, in fact, hillbillies.Cooter from the "Dukes of Hazzard" was a redneck...who drove a tow truck.Tow Mater from the movie "Cars" is a hillbilly...that IS a tow truck.The clan from "House of a 1,000 Corpses" were mutant rednecks.Those freaks from the movies "Deliverance" & "Wrong Turn" were mutant hillbillies.Neither group however wishes to claim Larry the Cable Guy.I was born in Ohio, but spent many a day visiting...

Idol But Not Forgotten
2008-04-24 02:05:00
What better gift last week to bring in our darling baby girl into the world than for the WonderWife to finally get her wish and see Christy Lee Cook get the axe. I swear I will never see another living person jump up on the bed and pump her arms in complete joy after just having surgery early in the day. And as far as Michael Johns' elimination the week before? I am still pretty shocked because he was coming off two big weeks prior to that.This week Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber mentors the gang and while I haven't seen too many musicals (something the WonderWife promises to fix), I was surprised at the fact that I knew many of the songs that were performed. That doesn't make me weird or anything does it?THE CONTENDERS 1 (tie) - David ArchuletaPre-Show Rank: 1While I noticed David's problem a few weeks ago, I couldn't put a name to it. This week listening to him sing "Think Of Me", I figured it out - David has Doolittle syndrome. What is Doolittle syndrome? It is when you sing every...
More About: Idol , Forgotten

Getting Back Into The Flow
2008-04-22 16:17:00
Five days into this new addition and we are finally getting into a routine. With the baby, this routine is simple: eat, sleep, poop, repeat. But for the parents, it is taking a little adjustment. Mommy is still a little sore from her surgery and has learned the hard way not to stop taking her pain medication prematurely. Moving around on our bed is a difficult adventure in itself for her, as it takes the precise combination and placement of pillows throughout the bed to get her comfortable enough to sleep. And usually just as she does - it's feeding time - and the process repeats itself over and over again.As for Grimm, I have been having trouble sleeping as well. Not because of the baby mind you - she has been awesome these last few days. No, my trouble has to do with the arrival of the WonderSis during the night from her room who proceeds to take what little precious bed space that I have. Now I can't leave the WonderWife because she needs assisting whenever there is a dirty dia...
More About: Back , Flow

Making It Home and Recovering
2008-04-19 22:19:00
NOTE: I want to thank each and every one of you that had such kind words for the family during the last few days. From the very bottom of my heart, it was deeply appreciated. I am hoping over the next few days, to get back to my blog reading and get caught up with ALL of your lives. Due to the distance of the hospital away from our friends - we didn't receive many visitors there, but we continuously checked our blogs and with your comments, we knew we were being thought of. Thank you again. You guys rock.Well we finally made it home yesterday afternoon and the wonderwife and I were exhausted. The wonderwife, of course, for having being operated on and being a milk maid to our precious little package 24/7. I, on the other hand, am spent due to having to sleep on those hospital couch-beds that make sleeping on uneven concrete sound like a thing of beauty.I chided with the wife yesterday about how she went through the surgery and is going through the recovery like a real champ, while ...
More About: Home

Lucy John Grimmett
2008-04-16 18:03:00
I am so proud of the wonderwife - she was extremely nervous going in, but came through like a champ.Lucy is 9 lbs 6 oz and measuring in at 19 inches. Both Mommy and Lucy are doing wonderfully, while I am a totally wreck.A nervous wreck yes, but a very proud, happy, nervous wreck.Click over to My Mommy's Place for more pics!
More About: John

T-Minus 10 Hours And Counting
2008-04-16 03:30:00
In less than 10 hours, there will be a new addition to the Grimm Reality family.Please keep the wonderwife in your thoughts and prayers as we go into surgery tomorrow morning. We need to get up super early in the morning, but neither one of us figures on getting much sleep tonight.I will hopefully get some pics up sometime tomorrow. Thanks to all of you for checking in.Wi-Fi in hospital rooms rule.
More About: Hours , Counting

Kudos To The Guru and an HSX Update
2008-04-15 01:00:00
Last week I posed the question that I believe is an issue for most people in this world. (At least those without garages) A question of cleanliness. A question of nature. A question of fowls.A question of poop.Unable to gain the adequate answers that I long desired, I searched for the one man who could quench my quest for knowledge. The one man who could satisfy my hunger for intelligence. The one man who could fulfill my yearning for wisdom.I found him on a 15 foot pole.I stumbled upon The Freelance Guru (or maybe he somehow fell into My Grimm Reality) a few months ago and have truly enjoyed everything he has written. The man has a great story to tell and is a symbol for all disgruntled insurance salesmen everywhere. Together with his stuffed snake Luke, the Guru uses all of his infinite wisdom to answer the things that plague his readers. Check him out, your IQ will increase and you will feel the power of the Guru through his words.After taking my question into careful considerati...
More About: Kudos , Update , The Guru

Life Lessons Of A Barbie Jeep
2008-04-12 05:37:00
Only 5 more days until baby Lucy comes into the world. Yikes. I am so ready to see what she looks like.And scared to death at the same time.Wednesday was beautiful and I enjoyed the warm air on our front porch with the wonderwife and the little one. It was becoming spring before our eyes with the mud and slop making way for the beauty of the grass and the smell of fresh cow manure. The myriad of felines were out enjoying the sun, occasionally stopping to hop up on our laps for a quick rubdown before proceeding with whatever projects they had planned for the day."Yes I see you human and I will grace your lap for but a moment, as there are mice to eat and flowers to poop on."Ah country life.The little one wanted to ride her Barbie Jeep and being that I was the only one available that was not pregnant or under the age of four, I was deemed the official Jeep digger outer. When we had put the Jeep away for the winter, we had made its own official parking place that was very easily acce...
More About: Life , Life Lessons , Lessons

Idol Cares
2008-04-10 04:51:00
Another one bites the dust last week as Ramiele is shown the door, leaving Kristy as the only one the wonderwife is making voodoo dolls of for next week. Again, there isn't much change in the standings because besides the bottom few, there isn't anyone that is really performing poorly. On tonight's show, David Archuleta stretches his lead after a sub par song by David Cook, Jason Castro makes a nice little comeback and, according to the wonderwife, Kristy Lee Cook continues to suck.This week the Idol s are performing inspirational songs and while I expected a lot of "Amazing Grace" and "You Lift Me Up", I was pleasantly surprised at the different types of songs that were chosen. Now I am just waiting for the week where they do the Black Sabbath tribute.THE CONTENDERS 1 - David ArchuletaPre-Show Rank: 1The crowd loves the kid, so there is not much on that stage that he could do that wouldn't be cheered by a bunch of teenage girls in the audience. That being said, David was on agai...

God Smacked
2008-04-07 14:00:00
Normally I am in bed on work nights at around 4pm. This gives me around 5 1/2 hours of sleep and gives me enough time to spend with the wonderwife and little one during the day. Today was beautiful outside so the family took full advantage of it - with the little one beating the tar out of me in the front yard while the wonderwife looked on approvingly.Yes, she seemed proud of her daughter and her ability to put her father into place. I really pity the future husband of my little one whenever I decide to let her date around the age of 30. Here's hoping he has really good heath insurance.So after playing with my little barbarian to the point of exhaustion, I decided to catch some of the NASCAR race the wonderwife had taped for me. This was at 3pm.At 6pm, the race ended and I headed up to bed, knowing full well that I cheated myself out of two hours of precious sleep. THIS WAS REAL STUPID.No sooner that my head hit the pillow, Mr. 4-Wheeler Kid decided now would be the time to ride u...

Put Your Fake Money Where Their Mouth Is
2008-04-04 19:14:00
Have you ever wanted to own a piece of Harrison Ford or Johnny Depp and get paid for how well they do in the box office? Or maybe you heard a rumor that Rocky VII was in development and you wanted to jump on that bandwagon early to get maximum profit (or loss). Or you could be someone who would like to play the stock market game but think the NASDAQ is the stock car races on Sundays and need something relevant to fill the yearning need?Well you can - and it is free!At the Hollywood Stock Exchange, you can do all of this and plenty more as you buy and sell everything Hollywood just like the actual stock market.This may sound like a desperate plug for a site, but I am honestly looking for some people to try this out and see if they like it. It is pretty addicting if you let it - and you can join in on my bloggers league. The wonderwife and I have made accounts just for this purpose, for our blogging friends to show their stuff. I'm not advertising the site or anything - I'm not gett...
More About: Money , Fake , Mouth

Idol Frustration
2008-04-02 22:23:00
If last week showed us anything, it's that singing ballads usually don't pay. I honestly believe that if Chikezie would have performed a more up-tempo song he would still be with us here this week. Who wouldn't have loved to see the man rockin' out to "9 to 5"?Tonight it was Dolly week, as each contestant performed the songs of Dolly Parton. While I was disappointed that I didn't hear a few of my Dolly favorites, such as "Two Doors Down", "Starting Over Again", and of course "9 to 5" and another was changed in a way I didn't like ("Here You Come Again"), all in all they didn't do a horrible job.THE CONTENDERS 1 - David ArchuletaPre-Show Rank: 1When David began singing "Smoky Mountain Memories" I was mumbling to myself, "Ugh, another ballad". By the end of the song, he had me won over. His notes were his normal perfection, but he brought out the runs that had been missing the past two weeks that helped make this good performance a great one. 2 - David CookPre-Show Rank: 2Well ...
More About: Frustration , Idol