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Black Olives
2008-05-09 03:37:00
Conklin has a tummy ache. Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt did call the police and the police did say a detective would get back to her. Conklin has been very upset ever since. Which is why he's been eating too many black olives. When Conklin gets upset, he usually calms himself down by smoking an American Spirit. Unfortunately, he recently quit smoking. Fortunately, eating black olives seems to have a similar calming effect, although not quite as satisfying. Unfortunately, eating too many black olives makes him sick to his stomach. Personally, my preference would be green olives, because that reminds me of drinking a martini, which would calm me down if I were upset. "Why aren't you upset?" Conklin asked. "She called the cops.""We didn't kill your slutty wife," I calmly said. "The truck did." "Failing to kill someone is still a crime. It's called Attempted Murder.""Conklin," I said. "When ...
More About: Humor , Satire , Black , Olives , Detective

Can't Lesbians All Get Along?
2008-05-07 03:04:00
Athena the Lesbian is upset because Lesbians have rights too, not just lesbians.It took me a little while to figure out what she was talking about, but this is the gist:"Lesbians are suing lesbians for calling themselves lesbians and making it seem like all Lesbians are lesbians too, even if you're a Lesbian who's only attracted to men. And it's worse for male Lesbians."Athena the Lesbian was so upset, she almost couldn't blow me in the Comm closet the other day. But I assured her that a little fellatio would take her mind off the subject of lesbians and that it would help calm her nerves. Apparently it did calm her nerves but calmed my nerves even more because I completely forgot about lesbians of any sort. Athena the Lesbian, however, was talking about the sore subject of Lesbians suing lesbians again within minutes after swallowing.All because the Lesbians on Lesbos are suing the lesbians in Greece for using the term lesbian to refer to gay women, but unfortunately,...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire

Cinco de Tefft
2008-05-06 02:20:00
Today, on the 5th of May, we celebrate the Mexican victory over the Americans at the Alamo in 1836.   Once again, Tefft was put in charge of handling the festivities for our Cinco de Mayo office party. For some reason, she is under the impression that the Mexicans celebrate this day to remember the Alamo,  the one and only time they kicked American ass. Granted, we kicked their ass back to Mexico shortly thereafter, but that's why we celebrate the 5th with them. Just to show them there are no hard feelings. Okay, I'm the one who told her that Cinco de Mayo was all about the Alamo. But she asked. Sure, it's really about the Battle of Puebla against the French in 1862. But she wouldn't get it even if I gave her the right version. Tefft needs something she can understand. And since she's seen multiple versions of The Alamo, I knew she'd get the concept and make a party of it. I mean, there's a ton more Indians than Mexicans where I work. So who really cares?Well, ...
More About: Humor , Satire

Mojo
2008-05-03 18:25:00
I'd say it was a good week. Sure, there' s a lot of shit going on, especially with Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt causing havoc with her evil, manipulative, psycho antics, but I also got my mojo back this week, so all and all, I think the good outweighs the bad at this point.But you be the judge.Here's the bad:Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt stole McKinney's workprint copy of his 3D porn film staring Nick Zima and Candi Kans. Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt also stole the hidden cam porn short I shot of Conklin deflowering Blendi the Virgin.Conklin is pissed off at me again, not only for the above, but he's decided to blame me again for the accidental death of his wife during our attempt to murder her. Mulhausen is happy. He's happy because he knows his new assistant hates me. He does not know why she hates me, but is very pleased that she does and has therefore been in a very good mood lately. I ha...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire , Lesbian , Pornography

The Premiere
2008-05-01 06:57:00
The premiere of McKinney's 3D Porn Film starring Nick Zima and Candi Kans did not Premiere tonight.Nor did the hidden cam porn short staring Conklin and Blendi the Virgin (now known as Blendi the Unvirgin).So Conklin and I were sitting in my office this afternoon plotting against his dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt, even though she hasn't made an offensive play yet. I was tired of sweating it out. I was tired of the paranoia. I was tired of losing my erection.That's when McKinney burst into my office."It's gone," he said in a panic."What's gone?" I asked. "It," he said."And 'It' is what?""It, Goddamn it. It!" he screamed like a little girl.Well, I just wasn't getting the message. I asked him if he needed to draw "it" on my whiteboard. He shook his head, caught his breath, and said:"The workprint." The "Workprint" in film lingo means a rough cut copy of the original film. It's...
More About: Humor , Satire , Pornography

Help Desk
2008-04-30 03:56:00
I took my laptop to another floor for a meeting and tried to log into the network through WiFi in order to access email. I was unsuccessful. The message read:Your attempt to login to the network was unsuccessful. Please email the Help Desk at helpdesk@anonymouscompany.com for assistance. Thank you. Enough said about our Help Desk .We had to push McKinney's 3D porn screening to tomorrow night because his wife needed him at home tonight for reasons he couldn't explain.  Damn. I was ready for an exciting night...
More About: Humor , Satire

Mulhausen's New Assistant
2008-04-23 05:58:00
We do not have secretaries at my company; we have assistants. You cannot call an assistant a secretary. That will land you in HR faster than you can say, I meant, Assistant . Assistants perform the same clerical duties of a secretary, like answer phones, schedule appointments, type letters, etc., but Human Resources gets very upset if you refer to them as secretaries.  According to HR, the reference secretary carries with it too many outdated connotations, which is why we now call a secretary an assistant. HR's policy is very clear on this matter: Please use the title "Assistant" when referring to a secretary.I finally met Mulhausen's assistant. Her name is Fiona and she's gorgeous. Blue eyes, blonde hair, little tits, little ass. I'm not usually attracted to her type because I'm more drawn to flavor and spice--but for some reason, this girl gave me an instant tingle in my dingle. Mulhausen gave me one basic instruction related to Fiona: never speak to her. Then ...
More About: Humor , Satire

The 405
2008-04-19 04:02:00
If you live in Southern California, you know what the 405 is. In California, we don't just refer to the freeway with a number; we always add "the" before the number. So it's the 5, the 15, the 91, and of course, the 405. I think we do this because these aren't just your average freeways; these are the worst fucking freeways in the goddamn world. For example, rush "hour" on the 405 is approximately 8 hours a day in total during week days. From 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. and then from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Fridays, rush "hour" lasts all freakin' day. Heading out of town, traffic starts backing up at noon. I left work early today, around 2:00. I think the term people use to describe my freeway situation at that time is, parking lot.I notice I swear a lot in the car while I'm driving. Or in this case, while I'm parked. I don't really hate everyone around me. I think I just need to vent when ever I get into the car. It's very therapeutic. I mean, can I...
More About: Humor , Satire

Girl Scout Cookies
2008-04-15 03:21:00
Just like Candy Bar Season, I've decided to compete with the parents by selling Oreo cookies. That's right. And not just ordinary Oreo cookies. But Double Stuff Oreo cookies. Tefft immediately ran into my office when she heard the news and offered two boxes of Samoas for one package of Oreos. Her kid would be taking another loss.  Mulhausen stopped at my office door with a couple of boxes of thin mints in hand and his mouth open ready to pitch me on helping support his daughter's pack or squad or coven or whatever they call themselves; then he saw the stack of Oreos on my desk for sale for $4.00 per package. I was making about a $1.25 AND still selling cheaper than the Girl Scout cookies. Mulhausen grunted and went over to Tefft's office where he would again be disappointed. Don't get me wrong. I like Girl Scouts. Especially when they grow up and become adults who like to dust off their old Girl Scout uniform from time to time and get freaky. But what I don't like are the...
More About: Humor , Human Resources , Satire , Cookies

Finance Approval
2008-04-10 22:06:00
Funding a project is an interesting process at my company. First off, the CER (Capital Expenditure Request) process takes forever just to put the proposal together. Once the proposal is finally put together, Finance must approve. And since Blair is responsible for my area, the already fucked up approval process is fucked up even more. Here's how it goes:Blair never approves funding for my projects while she's sleeping with me because she worries that someone will think she's sleeping with me.The only way she'll approve funding of my projects is if she isn't sleeping with me. She believes she is no longer sleeping with me when she is angry with me, even though she just slept with me the night before and will probably sleep with me again that same night. Therefore, the only way to get approval for the funding of my projects is to make Blair angry at me just before I meet with her to get approval for the funding of my projects. Here's the visual Flow Chart.The...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire , Office Romance

I Don't Like Funerals
2008-04-08 07:09:00
The Funeral for Conklin's slutty wife was today. All her relatives flew in for the memorial service. I can just imagine the clan that spawned her. I'm thinking one or more of them has been a guest on the Jerry Springer show, but I'm just guessing. Maybe she was just the black sheep of the family; the black, trailer trash, slutty, uneducated, rude, and obviously mentally disturbed sheep of the family, and the rest are upstanding, respectable members of society who were simply ashamed of her misguided ways.Yeah, that's likely. I'm glad I wasn't invited because I don't like funerals and here's why: Funerals are a major buzz kill. There's something depressing about death. I don't know what it is. And everyone loses their sense of humor at a funeral. Every time I walk into a funeral and see how somber everyone is, I have this overwhelming desire to blurt out, Who died? Man, I crack myself up...People cry. I hate seeing people cry. People make strange faces when they cry. N...
More About: Humor , Satire

Conklin's Slutty Wife is Dead
2008-04-01 01:35:00
Oops. I guess that's all I can say at this point. It was an accident. I know, I know... I said I was going to help Conklin make it look like an accident. So I'm sure you don't believe me. But I swear it was an accident. Even so, Conklin blames me. I know he does. I mean, if I hadn't come up with the idea of murdering his wife, she'd still be alive. But that's just stupid. Accidents happen, even when you're trying to kill someone. Look, I'm just as shocked as anyone. Well, maybe not as shocked as Conklin's slutty wife. But I'm pretty overwhelmed. I mean, I suppose you could say, if I hadn't pretended to try to murder his wife, she would have been safe and sound in her home last night. But instead of blaming me for the accidental death of his wife, Conklin should be celebrating the act of God that killed his wife. It was meant to be. And it's a good thing. After all, she was a slut. Those words did not comfort Conklin. Nor did the gentle reminder that he was trying to murd...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Wife , Satire , Dead

Italy
2008-03-21 19:46:00
There was nobody to fuck in the Rome office.Not because there weren't any good looking women. There were. Mama mia, there were some hot woman in that office. But everyone was already fucking someone else in the office, so there was nobody left to fuck me. Some were open about it, but most were subversive about their fucking. A lot of married people fucking. I thought it was bad back at the office in Los Angeles; but this, my friends, is what you call a major fucking fuck fest. So the problem was this: every time I started working some girl in the office, some angry guido would walk up with a smile on his face but threaten to choke the life out of me with his eyes. And I never knew who was fucking who, so I had to assume everyone was fucking everyone, otherwise I would get the life choked out of me by someone. At dinner, it was much more obvious. We sat at a large square table in a private room at a small restaurant. All the men were paired with the woman they were fucking...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Italy , Satire , Office Romance

Spain
2008-03-19 04:08:00
I was pleased to find the people at the office in Madrid were much less German than the people in the office in Berlin. In fact, they were not German at all. Nothing against Germans; there's just something about people who eat a lot of sausage that makes me uncomfortable. Mulhausen was surprised to find that the Spanish speak Mexican. I told him it was because the Mexicans conquered Spain in 1603. Most of the people spoke both English and Spanish, but I could understand neither. I couldn't understand their Spanish because I don't understand Spanish. Although Blair sometimes says chinga tu madre, and I know that has something to do with my mother. And one time a hot Peruvian woman I went out with told me no means no in Spanish. I was glad to hear that, because no usually means yes in English.  And I didn't understand their English because they spoke too fuckin' fast. It sounded like this: Lalalalalalalalalalalalala Christopher Columbus. I swear to God, they kept throwi...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire , Office Romance

Don't Go Out with Australians
2008-03-11 23:19:00
Australians are crazy motherfuckers.Do not try to keep up with them. I did. I regret it. Last night we went to the horse races just outside London. I drank too much, of course, and started instructing everyone on how to pick a winner. When I say “everyone”, I mean Directors, VPs, and a President and CEO of my company. I decided the winning combination was this: The horse’s tail must be wispy, not limp. The more wispy the tail, the better. If you can somehow tie the horse’s name to Satan, you have a winner.This, of course, was bullshit. The kind of bullshit I spout with deadpan seriousness that everyone buys into. But the cherry on top was the fact that I kept winning every race. I picked the horse based on this bullshit criteria, and won time after time. The drunker I got, the more I won. The more ridiculous the pick, the bigger the winner. I don’t know how to explain it. It just was.Then, the Director of Finance for the U.K. came to me and asked me my ...
More About: Humor , Satire , Australians

Foreign Languages
2008-03-11 00:37:00
The English do not speak English.I don’t know what they speak, but it is not the English language. Here’s what it sounds like: Bidda dida du, badaba daba di, badeeba fish ‘n chips. I don’t like the way they talk because they seem so fucking cheery, but I know that they’re really probably saying Fuck you, you arrogant American asshole. I may in fact be an arrogant American asshole, but I’d like to know when I’m being accused of it. As it stands, I don’t know what the hell these blokes are saying. I can only assume, so I assume the worst. The trip over was good. Mulhausen was a wreck. I kept ordering alcohol, but Mulhausen, because of his religious convictions, would only order apple juice. He did, however, drop a couple of Ambien. But every time he started dosing off, I shook his seat to simulate turbulence. He awoke in a fit of paranoia. I had no desire to sleep because of the abundant selection of movies our business class status offe...
More About: Humor , Satire , Languages , Foreign

Going Global
2008-03-08 02:50:00
Well, it looks like I'm moving up in the world. I've just been given global responsibilities. Fessler asked Mulhausen to ask Smithee if he'd be okay with increasing my duties to include a more global focus. Smithee, of course, was delighted. Keep in mind however, increased responsibilities do not translate to a promotion or more money. My corporation feels a person should work in the role for at least six months before being given the title or pay. That way, they can be assured the person is right for the role. What they don't seem to recognize is the fact that as a mere Manager, I've been handling the former Director's role for over a year now. So essentially, they're asking me to prove myself in a lesser role for six months before they will actually give me the lesser title and lesser salary of Senior Manager.  And even though I'll be promoted to Senior Manager, I'll still be doing everything the former Director used to do. I can't complain too much because the form...
More About: Humor , Satire , Global

Elevator Etiquette
2008-03-06 16:51:00
I automatically dislike anyone who gets into an elevator with me, especially in the morning when I first arrive at work. This is mostly an irrational reaction, but odds are those who join me in the elevator will disembark on floors lower than mine. I'm now located on the 30th of 34 floors and apparently anyone who works on the floors above me always arrives either before or after I do in the morning.And for some reason, inevitably no two people who get on the elevator with me in the morning will work on the same floor. So every new person who manages to catch the departing elevator by inserting and sacrificing a body part between the closing doors, will not only delay departure even more by stopping everything, but will continue to delay things by punching yet another floor below mine. I used to be on the 20th floor, which was the first floor available on the express elevator. Then, I didn't give a shit who got on the elevator with me because I got off first no matter what. But no...
More About: Humor , Etiquette , Satire , Elevator

Inject, Cut, and Burn
2008-03-05 02:43:00
In light of recent events, I think it might be time to take drastic measures. I typically avoid sharp objects being placed in or around my balls, but I think the time has come to cut the cord. Sure, there's birth control. But it's not 100% reliable (as we've recently seen), especially if I'm relying on the woman to take on that responsibility. But am I prepared to go under the knife? I think the thing I fear the most is receiving the local anesthesia. That's local anesthesia. That means they stick a needle in both balls. And possibly another needle for the deep visceral pain. That's a total of 4 needles injected into my balls. And then they take a scalpel and slice them open. Then they cut the tubes and cauterize the ends. That means they burn my balls. Inject, cut, and burn my balls.Now, as bad as that sounds, how does this sound: Blair is pregnant. Yeah, eerie as hell, wouldn't you say? Do you think I want to go through another week like last week? But the next time, maybe ...
More About: Humor , Satire , Burn

Valentine's Day
2008-02-15 01:48:00
Women love Valentine 's day; men hate it. So why the fuck do we put up with it?Romance is a woman's fantasy. Men only deliver when they're trying to fuck a woman or avoid her wrath. Which is why romance always dies. Because it's pretend. Either the man gets laid or he just doesn't give a shit about her goddamn wrath anymore. A message to women: We hate Valentine's day and sooner or later your obsession with this stupid consumer holiday will make us hate you too. I don't want to buy you candy because it'll just make you gain more weight; and you're already pushing maximum density. I don't want to buy you diamonds because that won't get me laid half as good as fifty bucks will get me laid by someone I buy a few drinks for in a bar, or even a hooker I find on the street. The only thing that matters in a relationship is seduction. Because its here and it's now and it's good for both the man and the woman. Seduction is real, because you both get turned on by it. If one o...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire , Office Romance

Like a Virgin
2008-01-30 02:35:00
Conklin hasn't gotten laid since Christmas, even though his wife gets laid on a regular basis.  This was a very generous gift given there's barely enough to go around as it is. She maintains a very full queue. I was eating chicken noodle soup the other day when Blendi the Virgin told me that she was ready to give up her virginity. I choked on a noodle, which almost came back out through my nose. And although I do not want to be "The One", I thought Conklin might enjoy sleeping with someone who was clean and pure, since his wife's snatch had about as much traffic as a motel with an hourly rate. Convincing Blendi the Virgin to lose her virginity to Conklin was easy. I told her that he was like a virgin himself because his wife typically only had sex with men who were not him. And although she was completely unfaithful, he was as faithful as a eunuch. I told her that he was suicidal as a result and that there would be no greater cause than to give up one's virgi...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire , Office Romance

Performance Reviews
2008-01-29 03:38:00
It's performance review time again, and this year I'm pretty sure I'll be getting an good review since Alan Smithee is sticking around to give me mine. While I'll admit there have been some pitfalls, all in all, I have to say the advantages of making up a pretend boss that everyone believes is real, outweigh the disadvantages. My performance review is a good example. If Alan Smithee were not my boss, Mulhausen would be filling out my performance review. Mulhausen is an idiot and believes I should be fired. While he is probably correct in thinking I should be fired, he is wrong about the reason I should be fired. He believes I should be fired because I am an independent thinker who constantly challenges his opinion. And while I am an independent thinker, that is not the reason I constantly challenge his opinion; it's because he's consistently wrong. That's why he's an idiot. Or maybe he's consistently wrong because he's an idiot. Whatever. The point is, when I challenge his...
More About: Humor , Reviews , Performance , Satire

Friday Mourning
2008-01-19 03:39:00
Karma (Sanskrit: ???? kárma (help·info), kárman- "act, action, performance"[1]; Pali: kamma; Chinese: ?? yinguo ) is the concept of "action" or "deed" in Indian religions understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect (samsara) described in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies.That's what Wikipedia says. In other words, what goes around comes around. As I sat in my office today gloating about my brilliant play with Smithee, a.k.a. Nick Zima, a man popped his head inside my door and identified himself as Detective Curran. My bumptious smile dropped quickly as I stood up to shake his extended hand. He looked like Warren Beatty maybe as Dick Tracy without the hat. "You work for Alan Smithee, is that right?"Who called the cops? What fucking idiot called the cops?"That's right...""When was the last time you saw him?" he asked.I thought for a moment. Maybe I should come clean and say I'...
More About: Humor , Satire , Friday , Mourning

Thursday Mourning
2008-01-18 00:14:00
Now that the rumor was out that my boss Smithee had possibly been murdered by a coworker, life around the office has been much more pleasant for me. People have been stopping by all day offering their condolences, since I was closest to him. Pangbourn stopped by and pretended to be Smithee's best friend. He wept on my desk, making sure the door to my office was wide open for all to see his anguish over the loss. Osmund used similar tactics, but strangely, for a woman, she couldn't fake sadness. She cried, but their were no tears. She seemed to be trying real hard too. Both executives were concerned about being considered suspects in the death of Smithee. They both certainly had good odds when it came to the wagering which is now running rampant in the building for both the Phantom Pisser and Smithee's murderer.  I'm managing the bets like a bookie. I'm not sure how to produce the guilty party yet, but regardless of the outcome, I'll take a nice percentage. Mulhausen stopp...
More About: Humor , Satire , Thursday , Mourning

How to Kill Your Boss and Still Keep Your Job
2008-01-17 02:39:00
Smithee did not show up for work today, which made Teri very concerned and Triplet very suspicious. Triplet had set up a meeting with Smithee today to discuss all the complaints that had recently been filed against him. His absence made her think he might be guilty of all the allegations. Teri, on the other hand, was just worried something had happened to him. Like an accident. Which gave me an idea... "Or worse," I said, as if foul play and conspiracy were written all over the wall. "Worse?" Teri said with a look of shock."Worse?" Triplet said with cynicism. "Well," I said, leading them to the sick little place in my mind. "He had a lot of enemies..."Teri gasped, Triplet raised an eyebrow. I then pulled a piece of paper out of my desk drawer and told them I had found it on Smithee's desk this morning. It was an anonymous death threat, which had a remarkable resemblance to the anonymous death threat I had received a few we...
More About: Humor , Satire , Boss , Kill

The Phantom Pisser
2008-01-16 04:58:00
It takes a lot of anger to actually piss on someone's office door right in the middle of a work day. Triplet found it very strange that there were no witnesses. Both security and HR were investigating the crime scene this morning and conducting employee interviews. I suggested they come up with a short list of  suspects and take urine samples to match against the sample they take from the door.  Here's the obvious list:Pangbourn - Because Smithee sent him a bomb (well, a loud ticking clock)Osmund - Because Smithee assumed she would like the doggie positionOsaka - Because that's what aliens do when they get upsetGladstone - Because Smithee called him a Kun, who is actually a Korean Accounting ManagerPengilly - Because Smithee complimented his nice haircutBlair - Because she's BlairAny one of the executives could have had their assistants do the dirty work for them, so each assistant should be on the list as well.While Triplet did not take my suggestion or my list of su...
More About: Humor , Phantom , Suicidal

A Case of the Mondays
2008-01-15 00:58:00
Somebody took a piss on Smithee's office door today.  This has been a very strange Monday. Not so much for me, but definitely for Smithee. Pangbourn, the Sr VP of Marketing, went to HR today and told Triplet, the Sr VP of HR, that if Smithee comes within 50 yards of him he'll call security and have him shot. Triplet explained that even though he was a senior vice president, he could not have anyone shot. Pangbourn then asked for the proper approval form and said he could get Skeffington, the CEO, to sign off on the request. Osmund, the Sr VP of Licensing, also paid a visit to Triplet. Apparently Smithee had sent her a nude photo of himself having sex with another woman with a note that said, "This could be you." Osmund claimed that it could never be her; she would never assume the doggie position because it's demeaning to women. The only way a woman should have sex with a man is to put him beneath her and ride on top. Triplet said that she couldn't file a com...
More About: Business , Humor , Relationships , Finance , Satire

User Status
2008-01-12 03:01:00
Athena the Lesbian has decided not to be a lesbian after all. And although she's still a Greek Lesbian, she is no longer a gay lesbian. At the Christmas party curiosity got the best of her and she decided to experiment with Jane from Softlines, leaving me and stiffy out in the cold. Apparently she enjoyed it quite a bit. So much so, she thought it had taken and she became a lesbian. But it didn't quite take the way she thought it had taken because she really started missing stiffy, something Jane from Softlines could not provide. So she's now back for more, which is good for me since I've fallen a little short after the whole Christmas party debacle. For example, Lucia has not been the same since she found God and started attending Mulhausen's weekly Bible study. She believes that committing adultery with a fellow member of the Bible study group is somehow more acceptable in the Lord's eyes than fucking an agnostic like myself. After all, they have the same beliefs, they're o...
More About: Humor , Relationships , Bible Study , Satire

The Onshore Alternative
2008-01-11 04:55:00
Budget planning continues and we've had to make a few more cuts. As a result, Tefft has decided to go with a cost-effective yet risk-adverse alternative to offshore outsourcing. She is no longer going to send work to India. "I'm still going to have Indians do the work, but onshore instead of offshore," she said."But their rate will be the same as any contractor here in the states," I said. "How is that cost-effective?""No, not the Indians with dots. The Indians with feathers," she said. Tefft has found a company that will go to Reservations to administer behavioral and aptitude tests to willing participants, then select those who qualify to attend a 12 week training course on computer programming.  Tefft has already started planning for welcoming the feathered Indians. She has asked Gladstone to prepare a mural that depicts the battle of the Alamo in which the Indians overtook the Mexicans. She's been saying, Remember th...
More About: Humor , Alternative , Satire , Alterna

The Special Project
2008-01-09 01:58:00
While I mentor Smithee in office politics to insure a successful tenure in the role, I continue to plot the closure of the current theatrical run. Who kills shows on Broadway? The critics. So I decided to introduce him to one of the harshest critics in the company, who also happens to be the most criticized in the company because of his own incompetence and inability to deliver. But the beauty of criticism is that you don't have to be competent at anything yourself to criticize others. I asked Fernandez if he could take Smithee under his wing. Fernandez had taken others under his wing in the past and very successfully destroyed their careers. When you ask an executive for help or advice, they believe it's because you are not nearly as wise as they are and their ego cannot resist accepting the request so that they may further prove how superior they are to you and everyone else. As Vice President of Special Project s, Fernandez had absolutely nothing to do, so it was reasonable for ...
More About: Business , Humor , Satire