instant Humourinstant HumourA humour blog with the funniest jokes, photos, videos, stories and anecdotes. Clean humor for everyone and safe for all places. Articles
Dear dog
2007-12-10 17:38:00 Dear Dog, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing ...
Celebration
2007-12-07 22:39:00 My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” I sighed, “She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split ... More About: Celebration
Replacement windows
2007-12-07 21:36:00 Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn’t paid for them yet. Now just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I ... More About: Windows
Co-incidence??
2007-12-07 17:36:00 Year: 1981 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe. 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament. 4. The Pope Died. Year: 2005 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe. 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament. 4. The Pope Died. Lesson Learned?… The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope. ...
Similarities between Passwords and Underwears
2007-12-07 10:37:00 © instant Humour - visit the site for more hilarious jokes. ... More About: Funny Pictures , Passwords
Quick thinking
2007-12-07 10:25:00 A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, “Er… excuse me, would you mind if I sat here beside you?” She responds in a loud voice : “NO, I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH ... More About: Quick , Thinking
The perfect applicant
2007-12-06 08:04:00 A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?” The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “twenty-two.” The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator ... More About: Work , Perfect
The witty professor
2007-12-05 22:01:00 There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said: “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one ... More About: Witty , Anecdotes , Fess
Tooth extraction
2007-12-05 18:00:00 One day a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. “Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $60.” “That’s still too expensive,” the ... More About: Extract
Confession lemonade
2007-12-05 06:53:00 Roger goes to confession and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different women.” The priest says, “Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing.” “Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?” “No,” replies the priest. “But it’ll wipe that grin off your face.” ... More About: Confession , Lemonade , Nade , Mona , Fess
Cakes and Ale
2007-12-04 17:15:00 Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, ... More About: Anecdotes
Season Pass
2007-12-04 10:06:00 On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.” “Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time ... More About: Season , Pass
Second opinion
2007-12-04 04:15:00 A Doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. The Doctor, clearly miffed, blurts to his wife, “You aren’t so good in bed either!” and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answers the phone. “What took you ... More About: Opinion
Gathering snails
2007-12-03 08:15:00 A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down ... More About: Snails , Erin , Gathering
Little Johnny?s goldfish
More articles from this author:2007-11-29 05:34:00 Little Jonny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the rosy-cheeked youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Jonny?” “My goldfish died,” replied Jonny tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole ... More About: Johnny , Goldfish 1, 2, 3 |
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