instant Humourinstant HumourA humour blog with the funniest jokes, photos, videos, stories and anecdotes. Clean humor for everyone and safe for all places. Articles
The Buffalo Theory
2008-01-07 07:03:00 (In one episode of ‘Cheers’, Cliff is seated in the bar describing the Buffalo Theo ry to his buddy, Norm. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this…) “Well you see, Norm, its like this… A heard of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard ... More About: Anecdotes
Little Johnny?s case for promotion
2008-01-03 13:46:00 I have been sitting on this joke for quite some time. The reason being this is quite long joke. But I still could leave it coz its absolutely hilarious. Check it out. A first-grade teacher, Ms Janet ( Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students The teacher asked,”Little Johnny what is your problem?” Little Johnny ... More About: Promotion , Case
Happy New Year to everyone
2008-01-01 12:44:00 I wish all my readers a very very happy and prosperous year ahead. I would like to thank all my readers for their support and encouragement. Without which I dont think this blog would have been what it is today. I request support from all of you to make this blog one of the best humor blogs ... More About: New Year , Happy , Happy New Year , Year
The best interview ever
2007-12-27 12:29:00 This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor Boy Scouts visiting his military installation. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to ... More About: Interview
Actual leave notes!!
2007-12-23 18:46:00 These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country, amazingly funny: 1) My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 3) Dear School: Please exscuse John ... More About: Notes , Leave
MasterCard Moments 2
2007-12-18 16:17:00 © instant Humour - visit the site for more hilarious jokes. ... More About: Funny Pictures , Moments , Mastercard , Aster
Wisdom of age-3
2007-12-18 15:54:00 An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an ... More About: Wisdom
Excuse me, Do you speak English??
2007-12-15 10:05:00 I had told you people yesterday How difficult and crazy English is. If some of you out there still not convinced watch this video. I just dont know what has happened to me that I am going after English language post after post. But I’m enjoying it nontheless. I just wish any of my English teachers get to ... More About: Funny Videos , Speak , Excuse
Not taking any chances
2007-12-14 12:42:00 A man, his wife, and his mother in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.” The man thought about it and told him he would ... More About: Taking , Chances
Crazy English language
2007-12-14 12:16:00 This is not the first time I’m writing about the inconsistencies in the language, First it was English Proverbs and then about how dangerous English was. Well, now one more. I’m wondering whether I should start writing in some other language:-) Let’s face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ... More About: English Language , Crazy , Language
A day in the life of a dog
2007-12-14 07:16:00 I got it as an email forward. But its the work of Dan Reynolds. All his cartoons are equally brilliant, Check them out. © instant Humour - visit the site for more hilarious jokes. ... More About: Life , Day In The Life
The difference between guts and balls
2007-12-13 08:09:00 We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below …. GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having ... More About: Balls , Difference , Diff
Apple launches multi purpose- iBlade
2007-12-13 07:07:00 After the GPS device and the New SeatBelt Design, today for one more launch exclusively on instantHumour.com Tired of Piracy and Spam, Steve Jobs has decided to take matters in its own hands, or rather in its users hands! Inside sources have been quoted saying “Its no use just standing by and doing nothing but just ... More About: Apple , Funny Pictures , Multi , Purpose
Incredible story about an elephant
2007-12-11 16:35:00 A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot. ... More About: Story , Incredible , Elephant
Pocket Taser
2007-12-11 10:34:00 A guy who purchased his wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this. Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized ... More About: Anecdotes , Pocket
Dear dog
2007-12-10 17:38:00 Dear Dog, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing ...
Celebration
2007-12-07 22:39:00 My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” I sighed, “She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split ... More About: Celebration
Replacement windows
2007-12-07 21:36:00 Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn’t paid for them yet. Now just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I ... More About: Windows
Co-incidence??
2007-12-07 17:36:00 Year: 1981 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe. 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament. 4. The Pope Died. Year: 2005 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe. 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament. 4. The Pope Died. Lesson Learned?… The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope. ...
Similarities between Passwords and Underwears
2007-12-07 10:37:00 © instant Humour - visit the site for more hilarious jokes. ... More About: Funny Pictures , Passwords
Quick thinking
2007-12-07 10:25:00 A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, “Er… excuse me, would you mind if I sat here beside you?” She responds in a loud voice : “NO, I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH ... More About: Quick , Thinking
The perfect applicant
2007-12-06 08:04:00 A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?” The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “twenty-two.” The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator ... More About: Work , Perfect
The witty professor
2007-12-05 22:01:00 There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said: “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one ... More About: Witty , Anecdotes , Fess
Tooth extraction
2007-12-05 18:00:00 One day a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. “Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $60.” “That’s still too expensive,” the ... More About: Extract
Confession lemonade
2007-12-05 06:53:00 Roger goes to confession and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different women.” The priest says, “Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing.” “Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?” “No,” replies the priest. “But it’ll wipe that grin off your face.” ... More About: Confession , Lemonade , Nade , Mona , Fess
Cakes and Ale
2007-12-04 17:15:00 Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, ... More About: Anecdotes
Season Pass
2007-12-04 10:06:00 On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.” “Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time ... More About: Season , Pass
Second opinion
2007-12-04 04:15:00 A Doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. The Doctor, clearly miffed, blurts to his wife, “You aren’t so good in bed either!” and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answers the phone. “What took you ... More About: Opinion
Gathering snails
2007-12-03 08:15:00 A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down ... More About: Snails , Erin , Gathering
Little Johnny?s goldfish
More articles from this author:2007-11-29 05:34:00 Little Jonny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the rosy-cheeked youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Jonny?” “My goldfish died,” replied Jonny tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole ... More About: Johnny , Goldfish 1, 2, 3 |
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