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No fear
2008-04-18 08:41:00 A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. “You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear.” At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the ... More About: Fear
Portrait
2008-04-14 06:38:00 Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait painted by a very famous artist. She told the artist, “Paint me with 3- carat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful red ruby pendant.” “But ma’am, you are not wearing any of those things.” “I know,” said Mrs. Johnson. “My health is not good ... More About: Portrait
Ten Dollars Is Ten Dollars
2008-04-02 16:35:00 Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Edna would say, “I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” One year Fred and Edna went to the ... More About: Dollars
The Preacher?s Horse Racing exploits
2008-04-01 10:07:00 A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since ... More About: Racing , Horse Racing , Preacher , Horse , Exploits
Height of Suspicion
2008-03-31 23:54:00 Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged. “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It ...
Little Johnny?s wife
2008-03-31 13:54:00 At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I ... More About: Wife
Logic about condom packs
2008-03-29 02:55:00 A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son comes across the condoms and asks his father what they are. The dad replies, “Well son, those are condoms and they’re for protection when you’re having sex.” The son then picks up one of the packs and asks why it has three in it. The ... More About: Condom , Logic , Packs
Going To A Lecture
2008-03-28 13:55:00 The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer. “I’m going to a lecture.” The man said. “And who is going to give a lecture ...
The Perfect Shot
2008-03-27 14:20:00 A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed… driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!” The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the ... More About: Shot , Perfect
Watermelons
2008-03-27 06:20:00 A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!” He smiled smugly as he ...
Brain transplant
2008-03-24 22:55:00 In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said, as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain ... More About: Brain
Golden Wedding Anniversary celebration
2008-03-24 13:55:00 An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. “Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.” The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the ... More About: Anniversary , Wedding , Celebration , Golden
The Boy, the Policeman and a Squirrel
2008-03-23 22:33:00 A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. “Now listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever yo do to that poor, defenceless creature i shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy, “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go” ... More About: Squirrel
What?s the hurry?
2008-03-23 10:10:00 A man in his 40’s bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red ...
MasterCard Moments 5
2008-03-22 23:13:00 Front Row seats to Flyers Game: $145.00 Replica Hockey Jersey: $225.00 Beers and Hot Dog: $22.00 Picture of you and your friend acting like a couple of FAGS in Sports Illustrated: PRICELESS © instant Humour - visit the site for more hilarious jokes. ... More About: Funny Pictures , Moments , Mastercard
Sir, can you tell me the time?
2008-03-22 14:11:00 A well dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, “Sir, can you tell me the time?” The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, “It is a quarter ... More About: Time , The Time
Opportunity
2008-03-22 06:10:00 You should always be ready to take on a challenge when opportunity presents itself. After all whats life without a lill bit of risk involved. . . . . © instant Humour - visit the site for more hilarious jokes. ... More About: Opportunity , Funny Pictures
Crossing the road
2008-03-21 22:22:00 A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light. First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them ... More About: Road , Crossing , The Road
The nude statues
2008-03-21 16:49:00 Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in the middle of a beautiful park for 99 years. On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues. He said to them, “God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been ... More About: Statues
Blonde Dent Remover
2008-03-21 10:49:00 A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a REPAIR shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and ... More About: Blonde , Sardar
The Pirate
2008-03-21 07:01:00 A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch. “How’d you end up with a peg-leg?” asks the sailor. “I was swept overboard in a storm,” says the pirate. “A shark bit off me whole leg.” “Wow!” said the seaman. “What about the hook?” “We were boarding an ... More About: Pirate
The dog?s duties
2008-03-21 02:05:00 A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said another, “he’s just ... More About: Duties
The Poor nun!!
2008-03-20 08:05:00 There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well ... More About: Poor
My son is?
2008-03-20 07:00:00 Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.’” The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace.’” The third Catholic crone says “My son is a ...
The three legged chicken
2008-03-19 13:03:00 One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran ... More About: Chicken
Little helper
2008-03-19 12:59:00 Little Susie was Mommy’s helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing… “Susie, dear,” she said, “You didn’t put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe’s place.” “But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn’t need ... More About: Little Helper
Young Indian cricket team
2008-03-18 13:24:00 Ever wonder what the young Indian Cricket team does when not playing??!! Well I think I have the answer for you . . . . . . © instant Humour - visit the site for more hilarious jokes. ... More About: Funny Pictures , Team , Young
Advanced urine test
2008-03-07 11:48:00 One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend offered, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your ... More About: Test , Urine
Presence of mind
2008-03-03 09:09:00 John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he’d go ask his manager what to do. John walked into the back room and said, “There’s a ... More About: Mind , Presence
Three Brazilian Soldiers
More articles from this author:2008-03-03 07:05:00 © instant Humour - visit the site for more hilarious jokes. ... More About: Funny Pictures , Soldiers , Brazilian 1, 2, 3 |
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