The Offended Blogger

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The "The Blog Snobs Above Me" Offensive
2007-12-27 11:15:00
Just who do they think they are up there in Montana??! So, signing up with Google Analytics was the worst thing I could have ever done! Are they even aware of the havoc that their little data collection agency wreaks on innocent bloggers like myself??This is a snapshot of my stats for the last 2 weeks. I may end up in therapy over this one....just take a look for yourself: Do you see what
More About: Blog , Snobs , Snob

The "Beauty Shop Bunker Busters" Offensive
2007-12-27 05:32:00
Note to self: I will never take Super Cuts for granted ever, ever again!!!!!! ..... Last year, extremists blew up 42-year-old Umm Doha's beauty parlor in west Baghdad after she did not heed their warnings to close shop. "They didn't want a ladies salon there," she said. Two other salons were also blown up. Umm Doha said hardline Muslims were offended by the sight of freshly made-up women leaving
More About: Beauty , Shop

The "How I Blogged My Way to Billions!!" Offensive
2007-12-26 21:49:00
I'm going to let you in on a little secret....(Yes, that's me ~ on FORTUNE MAGAZINE!) OK, I'm sure that some of you out there wonder just where it is that I find the time to promote and run my blog, produce top-quality, highly inspirational posts each day and still afford to pay my hired staff of maids, butlers, toe-nail polishers and leg-waxers??? Well, I decided it was not fair to keep the
More About: Billion

The "Naw, Man, I'm Jiggy With The Jews" Offensive
2007-12-26 20:03:00
In an exclusive interview with The Offended Blogger, Will Smith released this statement today: .....The former Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was criticized by the Jewish Defense League for a statement he made when he said, "Even Hitler didn't wake up going, 'let me do the most evil thing I can do today.' I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backward logic, he set out to do what he
More About: Jews

The "Hillbilly Sum-Bitches" Offensive
2007-12-26 08:00:00
This one is dedicated to all of you bare-footed, hill-stomping, gapped-toothed, sister-marrying, non-showering, liquored-up sum-bitches. God Bless each and every one of you!!! You are what makes America great (and what made me feel somewhat normal as a child!)
More About: Bitches , Hillbilly

The "Deeply Offended Turkey" Offensive
2007-12-26 00:08:00
For some odd reason, this is the mental image I get when I read this article: ..... For many Christians, utterly expelling Turk ey from Europe has been an age-old dream. This kind of ‘idee fixe’ is very dangerous and can lead to tragic events. A very clear example of this is Hitler, who in addition to wreaking havoc around the world, also devastated his own country, Germany. An offended Turkey,
More About: Offend

The "My Christmas Charity Lesson" Offensive
2007-12-25 18:58:00
Donating to charity this Christmas changed my life!! You know those ads you always see, with the sad little children digging through trash heaps in third-world slums, just begging you with their big pleading eyes to "send them just 30 cents a day so that they can have clean water, food and a flu shot"? Ugh. Yep, I hate those, too! Who needs that sort of guilt trip?? I hate feeling guilty!!!
More About: Charity , Lesson

The "Dear Santa," Offensive
2007-12-25 03:25:00
Dear Santa ,I know I am probably wasting my time writing to you, because you probably aren't really real...but just in case, I have a few requests.First, please take my name off of your naughty list. You know me better than that!! Of all people, you know half of the crap I post here is not the REAL me. So what if it lives somewhere deep within my twisted subconscious and surfaces here, does the

The "Sticky-Note Life Lessons" Offensive
2007-12-24 21:23:00
I’m never leaving my house ever again… Today I realized, with great horror and with deep regret, that I have no choice but to self-exile to the confines of my abode for the duration of my time on this earth. As my sticky-note says, I really do suck. What would cause me to feel this way and take such drastic actions, you ask? Well, I am embarrassed to admit it, but the answer is simple. I
More About: Life , Note , Life Lessons , Lessons , Tick

The "Not ALL Dogs Are Allowed" Offensive
2007-12-24 02:29:00
..... The miscue apparently occurred when the city commissioned a local artist to make a new sign for the dog park entrance. It is somewhat unclear why, but the words "small dog" were etched into the welcome message on it by mistake. "It's quite a beautiful sign; it really is," Reiblich said. "We think it probably means it's a small park, not that it's for small dogs." In any event, plans
More About: Dogs , Allo

The "Honest Irish Basket Case" Offensive
2007-12-23 21:56:00
..... THE RTE programme High Society wasn't the only one to have its knuckles rapped this week. Prime Time had to issue a grovelling apology for allowing panellists on a programme aired some months ago to use the term 'basket case'. The Broadcasting Complaints Commission said: "The context in which the term 'basket case' was used could be considered to stigmatise people with mental illness
More About: Basket , Irish , Case , Honest , Bask

The "Get An F-ing Clue" Offensive
2007-12-23 08:00:00
Remember the good old days?? I was feeling nostalgic today, remembering back on my pre-Offended Blogger childhood. You see, I was lucky to grow up during that wonderful, magical era that existed once upon a time just after Mary Poppins and just before the plague of political correctness infected our minds and effectively castrated our culture: It was a great time. The Frito Bandito was

The "I'm Offended Too!" Offensive
2007-12-22 19:57:00
I've Been Thinking... Ever since I posted about the "Drunken Sioux" mascot for the UND, I've actually had an epiphany of sorts. I am here to say that I have grown to understand and sympathize with the Native Americans who are so deeply offended and educationally afflicted by the degrading and racist logos & mascots defacing various educational campuses across our nation. I am not Native
More About: Offend

The "Six Levels of PC Hell" Offensive
2007-12-22 19:31:00
I've devised a system to catagorize the PC'ers: I got the idea from this article on "The 5 levels of Political Awareness"... ..... How many times have you tried to have an intelligent political conversation with a friend, fellow worker or family member only to discover that two of you are talking on completely different levels?What starts off as a well intended interaction quickly devolves
More About: Hell

The "Last Temptation of Santa" Offensive
2007-12-22 06:49:00
"eli eli lema sabachthani??" ..... Santa 's keeping watch over a West Bremerton neighborhood in a way that has some offended and everyone else at least a bit curious about the motive. In the front yard of a house on the 300 block of Olympic Avenue stands a crucifix about 15-feet tall, bearing Santa Claus in place of Jesus. Jake Tally of Bremerton walked by the display Friday and chuckled, but
More About: Temptation , Temp

The Weekender Offender
2007-12-22 00:56:00
Hello fellow offenders, it's the weekend again! For the next few "Weekender Offend er " posts, I have decided to pay homage to comedians who enjoy making us think about things that are practically off limits in today's Fear of Offending climate. Sometimes we just need to laugh at the typical stereotypes of ourselves and others, and some of the greatest stand-up comedians do it oh sooo well. :)
More About: Fender

The "What Do You Do WIth A Drunken Indian" Offensive
2007-12-21 17:44:00
Here we go again. I mean, it's not like the UND nickname is the "Drunken Sioux" and this guy is their mascot...although that would be kind of funny, really. ..... David Gipp, president of United Tribes Technical College in Bismarck, said the nickname and logo cause problems for Indian students at UND. Gipp is a member of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. “Regardless of their tribal background

The "Holy Mother Load of Offenses" Offensive
2007-12-21 01:33:00
My head is spinning, there were NO LESS THAN SIXTY (Yes ~ 60!) variations of the word offend in this one article!! Ha ha leave it to a website called "Virtue Online" to provide me with The Holy Mother Load of all Offenses! ..... Christians must not only contend for the preservation and protection of free speech -- essential for the cause of the Gospel -- we must also make certain that we do

The "Nazi Head-Butt" Offensive
2007-12-21 00:39:00
Now this is one majorly offended dummkopf! (Oh, and the guy in the article below is one, as well!) ..... The attacker confronted the 54-year-old American for speaking in English with a woman at a McDonald's restaurant in Gelsenkirchen, in the industrial Ruhr region, police said. The man demanded to know why the two were not speaking German. The woman said her friend did not speak German
More About: Nazi , Head , Butt

The "Paddy Power's Man Boobs" Offensive
2007-12-20 05:26:00
Well, first of all this is hardly indecent compared to many things allowed in the UK...and second, I'm offended that they can't be original. They stole the idea for their ad campaign from my "Must See TV Ads" post! (Which, by the way are hilarious in case you missed them!) I think it's even the same guy from that commercial. .....London Underground has banned an ad campaign by bookmaker
More About: Paddy , Man Boobs