Random Thoughts of a Surf Reporter

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Vencie Surf Report 05/01/08 Old People Exercise?
2008-05-01 18:46:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Southern CaliforniaWow - looks really, really good. Haven't seen this kind of consistency and fun, peaky, waist to chest high shape in quite some time in Venice, and given the beautiful weather there are plenty of people calling in sick it would appear. But you know what? There are still plenty of waves for everyone, and there were a lot of smiles out in the lineup. A good morning overall to be sure.The pictures should tell you all you need to know - if you can get on it before the wind does. Parking filling up, very lightly onshore, parking about gone and plenty of dudes out on both sides of the pier. Remember, sharing is caring, everyone play nice today.Saw this little hottie hanging out watching the surfers. You can't see it too well in the pic, but she had the kind of ass you read about. As Borat would say: Nice!Now, I don't know what the old people in this picture are doing, but it looks very much like some sort of exercise.Now aside from ...
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Why Surfing Is Less Painful Than Skateboarding
2008-04-30 22:08:00
You already know where this is going, but it doesn't make it any less funny. Not at all.......
More About: Surfing , Skateboarding

Venice Surf Report 04/30/08 Hobo Stays Stretched
2008-04-30 20:14:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Venice CAMorning - late post today, been a fucked up morning.Onshore already and it is junking up the chest high swell that is hanging around. There are a few corners here and there if you can get yourself into an end, but all in all it's marginal and sure to get worse as the wind bumps up.A handful out on the north side, a few more getting in, parking still available but filling fast, lightly onshore and getting stronger.So, you want to be a boyo do you? Well, it's not all drinking beer and using the world as your toilet, there is a lot of preparation required before you give up all your material possessions in exchange for a permanent suntan.You can see this in the way Leprechaun approaches his day. Here you can see him stretching before he starts panhandling. Staying flexible is important when you are a boyo, as you never know when you may have to make a sudden dash to retrieve your bag of rags or avoid Johnny Law. And Johnny Law is always ar...
More About: Venice , Hobo , Stays

Venice Surf Report 04/29/08 Asshole Cop Of The Year
2008-04-29 16:27:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Southern CaliforniaNot too bad, not too bad at all......Little bit of a pick up, both in size and consistency, giving us a peaky combo mix in the waist to chest high range. It certainly looks as good as it was yesterday afternoon, which was fun indeed, so if you have the time it really looks like fun.A handful out, more getting in, parking filling fast, The Dummy there once again and once again not surfing. Does he ever get in the water? I don't think so......As I was leaving the pier this morning I hear a very loud and distinctive "SHUT UP" coming from the picnic tables. And, sure enough, I look over and there is Christian and a few of his new buddies cracking a couple of Steel Reserve's at 6:45 in the morning.I grabbed a few pics as I was leaving but didn't have time to chat as I was heading to work and was running late. Hopefully Christian will avail himself of the opportunity to pass out and piss himself, meaning he should be there when I g...
More About: Venice , Year , Asshole

Venice Surf Report 04/28/08 What Gives?
2008-04-28 16:26:00
Venice Surf Report 04/20/08 Free Surf Report Southern CaliforniaSmall, but with potential.Still holding in the waist high and under category, but with the little offshore breeze, semi-conisistent swell and the peakiness it is showing, well, it just might be more fun than work. Unless, of course, you work at Penthouse or a lollipop factory or something.....Anyways, Guy and Alix were out catching some fun ones, there were only about 3-4 more suiting up and it feels like another scorcher - why the hell not?Did catch this one cool picture of Guy letting a wave pass him by. A close up:Bring some foam and have some fun.So, yesterday I went down to the beach and enjoyed a little sunshine and, just for shits and giggles, brought the logger down with me, just in case there was anything surfable. Now, for those of you not local to Venice, yesterday was a scorcher. Highs got well into the mid 80's, and for a part of town where most places don't even have AC, that's pretty darn close to abou...
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I Guess It Can Happen *** UPDATE ***
2008-04-25 20:45:00
Man killed in shark attack near Solana Beach Friday, April 24, 2008A man swimming in the ocean near Solana Beach was killed this morning by a shark, the Times' Molly-Hennessy-Fiske reports.A man 55 to 60 years old was swimming with others at Tide Beach about 7 a.m. when he was attacked, according to a statement on the Solana Beach city website.The man, whose identity was not immediately released, was taken to the Fletcher Cove Park lifeguard station for emergency treatment but was pronounced dead at the scene, the statement said.Swimmers were ordered out of the water along a 17-mile stretch around the attack site, and the San Diego County Sheriff's Department sent up helicopters to scan the waters for the shark."The shark is still in the area. We're sure of that," Solana Beach Mayor Joe Kellejian told the Associated Press.1:15 PMThe victim, 66, was with a group of swimmers off Solana Beach when he was attacked. Authorities close a stretch of beaches.By Laura Nott, H.G. Reza and T...
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Uncle Grant MIA
2008-04-25 18:53:00
Hmmm.....somewhere I remember Grant saying he was going away, but that seemed like a long time ago. So, sorry no report today, I don't know what the story is. I did look at it and it looked small, again. I will see what I can find out but looks like I'm doing Friday's now too :)Funny story - Wednesday The Dummy was there with a couple of his dickweed buddies and again shot his mouth off. "Fuck you" and "get off the pier" and "locals only" and all of his standard third grade dumbass bullshit, which I of course ignored, and which of course was all talk as, once again, he didn't actually DO anything to back these words up.Yesterday, though, I walk out there and it was just me and him. He looked at me, I walked right up and looked at him and guess what? Not one word. Not a peep.I imagine that being him must kinda be like being a bug. You are somewhat aware of your surroundings, and sort of feel that there is more to the world than what you get, but your total lack of brain function ...
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He Probably Would Have Been Fine
2008-04-24 22:43:00
They say that God watches out for drunks and idiots. In that case this guy must be a drunk idiot, then.
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Venice Surf Report 04/24/08 Feedback Please
2008-04-24 16:57:00
Venice Surf Report 04/24/08 Free Surf Conditions Report Venice CAOK, quick surf report then I'll be back to give some site news.Looking pretty drained out and weak out there. Waist is ultra short period, locally generated windswell in the knee+ high range. There were a couple groms having some fun riding their potato chips on the south side, and I caught one of them doing his best seagull imitation below, but overall I'd have to say it just too weak for the over 18 / 150 lbs club.Still, it is a gorgeous day, and with the tide push coming you might be able to sueeze a few rides out with a log or something, keep an eye in the cams and see if it gets better.2 out south, everyone else scoping and bailing.Tommy was out bright and early this morning. Peh in hand he was attacking the L.A. Times crossword puzzle, which most days he can complete in ink. Of course, on those days when he has more than his usual allotment of 3 Colt 45's for breakfast the crossword puzzle and paper gets used ...
More About: Venice , Feedback

Venice Surf Report 04/23/08 Fred Feels Fine
2008-04-23 17:34:00
Forgot the camera this morning but no biggie - there ain't shit going on out there.Fred did stop by the other day, though, and I am sure everyone has been dying to know what the hell Fred has been up to.Not much, it would appear. She hasn't missed any meals from what I can tell, and seemed in fine spirits.That's it for today, got a very bad case of the fuck-its this morning.
More About: Surf , Venice , Report , Fine

Venice Surf Report 04/21/08 Game Fucking On
2008-04-22 17:05:00
Pretty weak looking out there this am......Super clean conditions with sheet glass surface, very light offhores, warm temps - just not a lot of energy in the water.Granted it is still drained out a bit on the low tide and there could be some improvement with the push, but I doubt it. Still, if you want to drag the log out it's better than working.2-3 out south, 4-5 out north, a few more gtting in, lots of parking and a sneak peek at summer on board.So, it is time for another True Work Story. This time, however, you will get to hear about it as it happens. Seems that one of my co-workers the other day decided it would be a chuckle to take the cable box in my office and switch the "cable in" and "cable out" on the back of the box. Now, the reason I have cable in my office is to be able to watch CNBC, which is pretty much ubiquitous in all financial firms, as there is nothing worse than having a client call and say "Wow, what did you think of those Google earnings?" and you replying "...
More About: Surf , Venice , Report , Game , Fucking

It Wasn't As Close As the Score Shows
2008-04-18 19:59:00
They had themselves a little fun over in Japan the other day.......TOKYO, April 17 (Reuters) - A Japanese high school pleaded for a regional game to be abandoned after surrendering 66 runs in less than two innings, local media reported on Thursday.The coach of Kawamoto technical high school threw in the towel to spare his pitcher?s arm with his team losing 66-0 with just one batter out in the bottom of the second.The hapless hurler had already sent down over 250 pitches, allowing 26 runs in the first inning and 40 in the second before Kawamoto asked for mercy.?At that pace the pitcher would have thrown around 500 pitches in four innings,? Kawamoto?s coach was quoted as saying. ?There was a danger he could get injured.?Opponents Shunshukan were officially credited with a 9-0 victory, giving the scoreline a tinge of respectability for the luckless Kawamoto school.I guess we have a lot to learn from the Japanese when it comes to baseball. Over here a pitcher would probably get pulled a...
More About: Baseball , Close , Score , The Score

Venice Surf Report 04/18/08 Housekeeping for Tommy
2008-04-18 16:27:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Southern CaliforniaA little less consistent, a little smaller, but still enough potential to warrant a padle.Saw a decent chest high set right as I walked up and everything after was smaller, but man, what a beauty of a morning. Bright sun, light offshore, sheet glass ocean - bring the fish and have some fun.There is a bit of a crowd right at the pier, but if you can bring yourself to walk 100 yds up or down the beach you will be able to find a peak all to yourself.Let's hope it holds for tomorrow. 6-7 out north, 4-5 out south, many more getting in and street parking about gone.OK, I just remembered that today is Uncle Grant's day to do the surf report. Guess everybody gets two for one today......Saw Tommy this morning. As you can see his little hidey hole has been, shall we say, modified. Apparently yesterday DPW came by and started cutting away at all the bushes; ostensibly this was done to "keep the plants healthy" but I am a little skeptical...
More About: Venice , Housekeeping

Is It Really Possible To Be This Stupid?
2008-04-17 21:10:00
Apparently so.......
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That Karma, She Is A Bitch
2008-04-17 20:59:00
Seatbelt Subterfuge Kills Driver Taranaki Daily News | Saturday, 23 February 2008Ivan Segedin's subterfuge killed him when he was in a head-on car crash while wearing a fake seatbelt, a coroner says."Ultimately Mr Segedin's actions in driving without a seatbelt have cost him his life in an accident that he may well have survived had he worn one," coroner Carla na Nagara said yesterday.Mr Segedin died in a crash on July 22 last year near Okato, in Taranaki, from multiple injuries when his car crossed the road and collided head-on with an oncoming vehicle, the coroner said.Mr Segedin, 39, refused to wear a seatbelt and had been fined for not wearing one 32 times since February 2003.Examination of his car found that, though it was fitted with proper seatbelts, an additional belt with a long strap had been knotted above the seatbelt on the driver's side, providing a belt to simply sit over the driver's shoulder, Ms Nagara said.Presumably this was to create the illusion to a passing ...
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Venice Surf Report 04/17/08 Tommy Tunes In Totally
2008-04-17 17:02:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Venice CAWow - hasn't looked this good in a while.Solid, consistent combo mix in the waist to head high range is offering up peaks all over the place. The left north of the pier is firing and the bar in front of Bucc is working real well, too.Tide peaks around 10:30 so that will slow it down a bit, but it's not high enough to drown it outright. Go now!5-6 out south, 8-10 out north, many more getting in, parking about gone, light offshores, lots of sun and a beauty of a day coming up.Tommy was out early this morning. He saw me and my buddy Paul coming off the pier and came up to put the touch on me."Hey, Matt" Tommy yells out."Yeah Tommy, what's up?""You got a couple bucks I can have?""Sure Tommy. Here you go" I say as I hand him three dollars."Great - thank you very much.""No problem.""Hey - Paul; can you do me a favor?""Sure, Tommy, what do you need?" Paul said."Will you go buy me a couple of beers at Nick's?""Yeah, OK." Paul replies as Tomm...
More About: Tunes , Venice

Venice Surf Report 04/16/08 Hillary's New Strategy
2008-04-16 15:45:00
Bigger, but not necessarily better.Bump in size to head high but looking very walled, which is odd given the fact that there is 2 +4.6 ft. high going on at 7:30 am. I suppose it will have a little better shape the more it fills in but again, I would expect better. The 'tweeners have more potential it would appear.Still, at least there is some energy out there, which is at the very least an improvement over what we have been seeing lately. Let's hope it holds for the weekend and then winds don't kill it, even though right now that is the call. Early looks to be the only window Saturday and Sunday.One out, 3-4 more getting in, dead calm, overcast and cool, lots of parking to be had but beware the street swepers.The Pennsylvania primary is fast approaching, and consensus has it that Hillary had better pull one out of her ass or she is done. Msr. Obama has closed the gap and by all accounts the relevancy of the Clintons appears to be on the wane. This fact was starkly demonstarted at...
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It's About Fucking Time
2008-04-15 17:22:00
Finally I found a site that is doing something (I hope) about the insanity that is our governments attempt to "stabilize" the housing market.As you know, the simple fact of the matter is that housing in the last few years became an invetsment rather than a place to live, and the exotic loans such as ARMs have artificially inflated prices to the point where as we stand today someone earning the median income in L.A. could never afford to buy a house.House flippers, cash out refinancers, banks, lenders - all made Billions in the last few years, and now that things have turned they want you and me to bail them out.Here is a video that shows what I mean.Well, it is bullshit, and there is a site intending to let Congress know how we feel.Please, please , please - whether you are a renter, someone who owns their home and intends to stay or even if you just don't want your tax money bailing out those who tried to "get rich quick", go to Angry Renter and sign the petition that is going to ...
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Venice Surf Report 04/15/08 Happy Tax Day
2008-04-15 16:10:00
Venice Surf Report Surf Conditions Venice CANot too bad, ceratinly the best I've seen in a while.Which when you think about it is really pretty sad, as it is only a 2, maybe a 3, on a scale of 1 to 10. Guess it shows just how lame it has really been lately. There is the odd waist to chest high windswell peak popping up, but don't call in sick or anything. Man, I can't wait to get to Mexico.One out, two more getting in, a couple scoping, already lightly onshore, a bit disorganized, June gloom feel out there.In case you've been on a two month bender today is April 15th, so don't forget to pay your ransom today. And to all of you that pay nothing in taxes, well, you're welcome. So, I am sitting on my back porch yesterday having a cocktail or three when who do I see go walking by but 'ol Dave. I called him over and spent a few minutes catching up."So Dave, what the hell have you been up to?""Oh you know, the same old stuff. Working on boats, drinking, hanging out....""Really? we...
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Looks Like We've Hit Bottom
2008-04-13 22:25:00
Ran across this chart yesterday on Yahoo, produced by Robert Shiller of Yale University. Yeah, I'd say we have a LOOOONNNNGGGG way to go.CLICK PIC TO ENLARGE
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Venice Surf Report 04/11/08
2008-04-11 22:01:00
Uncle Grant has digital problems this morning. He reports that the conditions are turned, after a week of crappy and cold onshores winds, to perfection. However, there's almost no wave energy. A few were trying this morning when UG was there, but mostly they are just sitting there. Watch the swell charts for the weekend and plan accordingly.
More About: Surf , Venice , Report

Makes Us Want to Holler - Throw Up Both Our Hands
2008-04-11 03:46:00
We just paid our taxes and, let Us tell you, it isn't pretty. We have no deductions to speak of (which is why we are now buying a house we can't afford) and make decent coin - thus we have to pay taxes that will pretty much fund the Iraq war for the rest of the year. The entire federal income tax systems sucks, is unfair, counter-productive and needs to be replaced by Uncle Grant's Tax System (explained later).At the risk of seeming Matt-like, here are some interesting numbers.The entire tax system sucks. The top 25% of US taxpayers earned about 67% of all income, and paid more than 85% of all the taxes, according to IRS data. The new data shows that the top-earning 25% of taxpayers (AGI over $62,068) earned 67.5% of the nation's income, but they paid more than four out of every five dollars collected by the federal income tax (86%). The top 1% of taxpayers (AGI over $364,657) earned approximately 21.2% of the nation's income (as defined by AGI), yet paid 39.4% of all federa...
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"Most Americans Don't Even Know There's A Problem"
2008-04-10 18:31:00
By any objective measure Jim Rogers - cofounder of the Quantum Fund back in 1970 - is arguably the best investor in the last 100 years in America. Want to know what he thinks of bailouts and where the economy is headed?Jim Rogers: More Pain for the Greenback, and the Failure of the Federal ReserveBy Keith Fitz-GeraldInvestment DirectorMoney Morning/The Money Map ReportSINGAPORE - By bailing out Wall Street and applying "band-aids" to the economy, the U.S. Federal Reserve may well be causing its own downfall - even as it hastens the demise of the greenback as a viable global currency, investment guru Jim Rogers told Money Morning during an exclusive interview.Because of such strategic missteps, U.S. consumers could be facing a long and painful economic malaise, similar to the "lost decade" of 1990s Japan, or the stagflation-riddled 1970s in the United States, Rogers said.Make no mistake: If that happens, there are two clear culprits - current Fed Chairman Ben S. Bernanke, and his pre...
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Venice Surf Report 04/10/08 Costco Barometer?
2008-04-10 15:42:00
Will we ever surf again?????Probably, but it sure as fuck isn't going to be today. Flat. Dead freaking fucking fartface flat.Should be a nice weekend, though. Of course, there won't be any waves, but what the hell, at least we'll start seeing bikinis again. Nobody out, nobody looking, nothing doing.And speaking of bikinis, ladies, let me give you a little hint. If you have more than 10-15 lbs. to lose, a bikini is really not a good look. Much like seeing a group of teenage cholos walking around the mall with jeans, half shirts and big, flabby muffin tops spilling out the middle, people are still going to notice your weight, no matter how small or impossibly tight your bikini.And why do they make bikinis over a certain size anyways? Do we really need size 18 bikinis? Or size 22 leather pants? Seems to be the smart thing to do would be put together a list of all sexy/revealing attire and let's all make it illegal to make these thing over a size 8, maybe a 10. And yes, God knows I ...
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Makes Me Want to Fucking Puke
2008-04-09 23:15:00
One more way for me to show that this country is going right down the shitter.This is really, really sad. Take 5 minutes and read this, it is so important and YOU - not "the country" and not "the taxpayers" - YOU are going to pay for this and bail out the greedy lenders, the stupid borrowers and the idiot builders. Oh, and by the way - guess who reported their first ever quarterly loss today? Yep - the F.H.A. Get used to it, more is on the way.FHA Expands Mortgage Insurance to Troubled Borrowers (Update3) By Dawn KopeckiApril 9 (Bloomberg) -- The Bush administration is expanding a federal mortgage insurance program to allow as many as 100,000 borrowers at risk of foreclosure to keep their homes. Borrowers who are as much as three months behind on their mortgages, have damaged credit histories and owe more than their homes are worth will now be eligible to refinance with a federally insured loan, U.S. Housing and Urban Development Department Assistant Secretary Brian Montgomery said ...
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Venice Surf Report 04/09/08 Fred Fires Back
2008-04-09 17:27:00
Beats me on the surf today. My first day of Fun With Mold had me running late this morning as it kinda skipped my mind that I would need work clothes for today so my morning routine was split between the two places and thus took much longer, but from what I can see on the other sites and from what the wind did last night I would bet it's bumpy, disorganized and sloppy.Fred stoppped by this morning, and she was a little pissed about Uncle Grant's comparison to some stupid monkey, and so she gave me a few minutes to respond. Enjoy!VSR: So, Fred, you've become kind of a fixture on the web site these days; how has this new found fame affected you?Fred: Well, I will tell you Matt, eet is good and bad. It is nice that some of the other squirrels give me a bit more resepect and courtesy, and the free food is always appreciated, but the allegations and smear jobs by some of your other reporters, well, ees not so nice.VSR: Tell me about that. What did you think when you read Uncle Grant'...
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Venice Surf Report 04/08/08 Random Stupidity
2008-04-08 16:09:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Conditions Venice CADay 2 of No SurfFlat flat flat flat flat.One out, nobody looking, nobody getting in, who gives a rats ass about the conditions when there ARE NO WAVES??????Okay, taking a cue from the title of this post here are some Random Thoughts for this morning.You know my pet peeve about people who not only walk in the bike paths, but walk against traffic in the bike path three inches away from traffic heading directly at them. But not even I could imagine that it was possible for someone to be this stupid and lazy. Honestly, how this woman managed to put her fucking shoes on, let alone tie them, is just an absolute and complete mystery to me. Check this out.Not only is this dumb bitch walking THE WRONG WAY in the bike path, and not only are cars missing her by an inch or two, she IS PUSHING HER BABY IN FRONT OF HER!!!!!!God, you stupid, dumb cunt of a slut. If there is any justice in this world, you raging dipshit, you will soon find yourself m...
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That's Pretty Damn Good
2008-04-07 23:35:00
Venice Surf Report
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Coincidence? I Think Not
2008-04-07 18:57:00
Turns out a field trip for fourth graders in Joliet, Il. was ruined the other day when a man pulled alongside their bus and openly fondled himself.Mark R. Hotuyec, 46, of 1224 Nicholson St. in Joliet, was arrested after allegedly fondling himself while driving naked next to a school bus for several miles. The driver was completely naked and masturbating in full view of the kids. The bus driver called 911 and updated police on the situation as both vehicles drove into downtown Joliet. You wouldn't think this would be such a big deal for kids from Wood View Elementary School , but apparently it is. I would have thought they had already seen it all, you know?
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Venice Surf Report 04/07/08 Real Estate Hustle Continues
2008-04-07 16:07:00
Flat, again. And based on the forecasts today is supposed to be the biggest day of the week.So, friends and loved ones of surfers prepare yourselves; you are going to be around some really cranky people by the end of this week.Nobody out, nobody getting in, nothing doing.Yesterday I went out to run a few errands and after doing so decided to drive around the neighborhoods and see what, if any, changes there have been in the local real estate market here on the West side of L.A.And let me tell you, it hasn't changed a bit. I stopped by about 10 open houses and spoke to each of the realtors and let me tell you, the bullshit was flying fast and furious. First up was a "cozy" 870 sq. ft. 3 BR / 1 Bath house in West L.A., in an area which the residents have taken upon themselves to start calling "Del Rey", in hopes, I presume, of capturing some of the cachet of adjoining Marina Del Rey. The house itself was empty, was basically as generic a listing as you could want, with no upgrades of...
More About: Estate , Surf , Real Estate , Venice , Report