Random Thoughts of a Surf ReporterRandom Thoughts of a Surf ReporterFree Daily Surf reports from Venice Beach CA including homeles updates, local culture and massive amounts of drinking and drug abuse Articles
Venice Surf Report 04/06/08
2008-04-06 15:40:00 Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Venice CABummer, dude - totally flat.I spent a solid twenty minutes watching and did not see one single wave over shin high and this is supposed to be the heart of the tide push.Looks like plan B is the call for today.Two getting in (God knows why), 3-4 checking it and bailing, light offshores, another beauty of a day on tap. More About: Venice
Hard To Watch - SO Lucky To Be Alive
2008-04-05 05:14:00 All I can say is that I used to live in Charlotte, NC and I used to work for Roush Racing. This guy should be dead.BTW, this type of crash is exactly what killed Dale Sr. And that day sucked. More About: Watch , Hard , Lucky , Alive
Here they are (pics from this a.m.)
2008-04-04 18:57:00 It takes patience; apparently the upload takes about 2 minutes and there's no way to tell it is going on.- UG
Fred v. Scary Monkey
2008-04-04 18:57:00 Many of you have come up to Us and asked, "Uncle Grant, are you sure that is wise for a man of your advanced years?" But you've also asked, "Dude who would win a fight between Fred and Scary Monkey ?"Glad you asked.In this corner Fred: A fucking rodent who mooches food by doing a Penthouse centerfold pose on Matt's screen door. Cute, but really - what does the little guy bring to the table? Nohting - that's what. He only takes form the table. Take take take. We cannot countenance his whole selfish attitude - especially the thing where he left the bread crust.In the other corner Scary Monkey. A primate! Just like you and Us (some of you more than others)! Although the mooching rodent does have digits that are not opposing - same as Scary Monkey - the similarity ends there. The DNA between Scary Monkey and, say, you - is the same but-for about 3%. Scary monkey would have Fred for lunch - literally, rather than pan handling for lunch like Fred does. No contest.Then Scary...
Surf King's Queen and Myrna Loy
2008-04-04 18:57:00 Click here for a story from yesterday's L.A. Mimes that includes quotes from Laura Ferre, wife of long-time Venice local surfer Craig Ferre - who now shapes boards and sells the under the brand name Surf King (We shaped one of the first editions with him). More About: Queen
Fred v. Scary Monkey
2008-04-04 18:57:00 Many of you have come up to Us and asked, "Uncle Grant, are you sure that is wise for a man of your advanced years?" But you've also asked, "Dude who would win a fight between Fred and Scary Monkey ?"Glad you asked.In this corner Fred: A fucking rodent who mooches food by doing a Penthouse centerfold pose on Matt's screen door. Cute, but really - what does the little guy bring to the table? Nohting - that's what. He only takes form the table. Take take take. We cannot countenance his whole selfish attitude - especially the thing where he left the bread crust.In the other corner Scary Monkey. A primate! Just like you and Us (some of you more than others)! Although the mooching rodent does have digits that are not opposing - same as Scary Monkey - the similarity ends there. The DNA between Scary Monkey and, say, you - is the same but-for about 3%. Scary monkey would have Fred for lunch - literally, rather than pan handling for lunch like Fred does. No contest.Then Scary...
Pretty Damn Good
2008-04-04 17:35:00 Big and juicy - sweet and meaty. Good morning.We've got overhead + on some of the sets and, although We don't usually believe the Wetstand graphs about swell size either, this time it was correct. The south swell is mixed up enough by the slight norht pulse that very decent shape. By 8, the word was apparently out and there was 12 south of the pier and 16 north with some folks getting some very nice rides before the waves hit the fully tide-loaded hole and disappear. Some are even making it through. About now, the tide is a full 5 feet - going down to a low of nothing at around 2. The marine layer appears to be burning off but we still of a good 6 MPH offshore breeze helping the shape. For Venice, it is pretty damn good. (Once again, the free software won't let me upload the the pictures I took - got some good ones too.) I'll try again later. ***************************************** Politics - the third rail of surf reporting. We are (re)instituting our policy about n... More About: Pretty , Damn
Early Morning Visitor
2008-04-04 17:19:00 So this morning I get up, shit shave and shower, go outside and water the plants, go back into the bedroom to grab my keys, etc. walk back into the living room and what do I see?Yep. Fred the Squirrel.A closeup:I guess she was hungry 'cause she had a death lock on that screen door and was looking at me like a pit bull looking at a T-Bone. She wanted some food!Naturally, I obliged, and when I left Fred was feeling fantastic. More About: Morning , Visitor , Early
More Good News From Wall Street
2008-04-03 18:14:00 You know, it really amazes me just how some people just want to believe what they want to believe, the facts be damned.Someone, please, explain to me how the stock market can be UP (up only slightly, but still, up) when the following two reports came out today.First up is American Bankers Association on the state of affairs of U.S. consumer debt.April 3 (Bloomberg) -- Consumers fell behind on car, credit-card and home-equity loans at the highest level in 15 years during the fourth quarter, another sign the U.S. economy is slowing, according to an American Bankers Association survey. Payments at least 30 days past due increased across all eight categories of loans tracked, the Washington-based group said today in a statement. Late loans climbed 21 basis points to 2.65 percent of all accounts in a consumer-loan index created by the group. ``It's an indication of the degree of stress consumers are facing right now,'' said Nigel Gault, director of U.S. research at Lexington, Massachu... More About: News , Wall Street , Good News , Street , Wall
Venice Surf Report 04/03/08 Tommy's Big Day
2008-04-03 16:51:00 Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Venice CAOnshore and shitty.Last night's "storm", which inundated the Los Angeles area with up to .02 inches of rain, didn't do any favors to the surf. There is a pick up in size to around chest high, but the winds are already stiffly onshore so it has both the junked-up post storm look to it as well as crumbly, section, closed out waves.Needless to say there is no good reason to get out there today. There was one guy out there, and I did see him get a ride, but there must be something better to do this morning.One out, nobody checking or suiting up, onshore at 7-10 kts, choppy surface and crumbly, crappy waves. Lots of parking, though.....One cool thing this morning - I guess there is a pelican convention going on today because there were about 5,000 of them sitting in the water by the pier. What was really cool was a small group of them drifted to the inside and got caught by a little sneaker set. Not something you see every day.OK, so the big... More About: Venice , Birthday , Tommy
Venice Surf Report 04/02/08 How Dumb Can Someone Be?
2008-04-02 16:56:00 Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Venice CAFlat - totally and completely flat. A little overcast and still a bit cool, light offshores and a compete absence of anything surfable. If that sounds like fun get on it. Lots and lots of parking available.Ugh, my abslute least favorite thing is on TV right now - the Fed Chairman speaking to Congress.If I were a staffer for one of these train wrecks we call Representatives my advice would be "keep your fucking mouth shut". Otherwise you run the risk of saying something like this dumb bitch (D-Minnesota) just did.Dumb Bitch: "Mr Bernanke, don't you think it's fair to say that the Bush tax cuts and the resultant loss of revenue has been a major contributing factor in this market volatility that has cost all of us so dearly in the last twelve months?"Bernanke: "No"Dumb Bitch: "But you just said that the Fed and the Treasury could have done more with more money and wouldn't we by definition have more money if we rolled back these tax cuts ... More About: Venice
That's Not So Good
2008-04-01 18:57:00 As you know, we here at Venice Surf Report strive to be an equal opportunity, progessive, racially sensitive website suitable for the entire family. And as such, we will refuse to make any tired jokes about the following story concerning blacks and their supposed innate hand eye coordination, making them good at sports, particularly ones featuring any sort of roundish ball.The story: Barack Obama , in an attempt to show what a "regular guy" he is, bowled a game while out campaigning in Pennsylvania.His score? 37. Yes, you read that right, he rolled a 37!!!!The YouTube clip:Now, it's been a long time since I've bowled, but I used to, and bowling a 37 is so fucking bad it's almost unthinkable. Bowling a 37 is like shooting 315 for 18 holes of golf. It's like getting a 200 on the SAT and misspelling your own name at the top of the page. It's like throwing a javelin 9 inches. In fact, bowling a 37 is exactly like runnning a 37 minute mile. So, maybe this is the Muslim coming out in ... More About: Good
Venice Surf Report 04/01/08 Celeb Sighting at the Pier
2008-04-01 17:49:00 Venice Surf Report Free Surf Conditions Venice CA Looks like it has some potential - Beautiful conditions this morning and I saw a couple of really nice looking, head high, peeling lefts coome in over the bar in front of Buccaneer....and then nothing. I mean, flat out zero in the wave department for the next 10 minutes. So, the good news is that there are some of these coming through - With lots of this in between - Which should make the paddle out a piece of cake.Two out, couple more scoping, street sweeping (parking tickets) on the right hand side today (and they never even did sweep the fucking other side yesterday), light offshores, cool and overcast, coming off a +4.5 ft. high at 6:33 am, dropping to near zero at 1:30 pm.So yesterday as I was on installment #12 of my personal campaign to be ever so slightly less obese, I was doing a walk around the marina. And as I am coming back from the jetty (I reversed direction this time to change things up - whee!) who do I come up on fro... More About: Celeb , Venice , Pier
Vencie Surf Report 03/31/08 Fred Fills Fervently, Feels Fatigued
2008-04-01 00:02:00 Wow, late post - it's already 3 0'clock.So, I go to the pier this morning to take a few pics and apparently Monday morning is street sweping time and for some reason the Parking Enforcement goons were out early and in force. Rather than risk a $300 ticket to take what by all accounts were probably pretty shitty waves, I said fuck it and came to work.And what a fucking day. It has been nonstop since the second I sat down and am just now thinking about what to get for breakfast. So, no surf pictures today. But I did see something yesterday that kinda cracked me up.My pet squirrel, Fred , came by yesterday at her appointed hour, and as I was worried that Fred maybe needed a little variety in her diet I gave her a little bunch of grapes, like maybe 10-12.Turns out Fred REALLY likes grapes, 'cause she ate those fuckers in about 3 minutes. It was really unbelieveable; she'd picked one up, twirl it around in her little squirrel paws and 10 seconds later that thing was gone.Even funnier,... More About: Surf , Report
Venice Surf Report 03/29/08
2008-03-29 14:59:00 Venice Surf Report Surfing Conditions Venice CA Free Surf Conditions CAWarbly and junky looking....Looks like a drop in size has us in the waist to chest high range, but conditions leave a lot to be desired. Mix of every type/size/sort of swell has it looking very jumbled up and disorganized; I'd say that unless some obligation later in the day means this is your only show well, wait it out. The tide is dropping, winds are ever so slightly offshore and it might get better on the way down.No surprise there is only one out (and he doesn't look to be having much fun), a few scoping and most everyone seeing it and bailing. Gotta be better somewhere else.One out south, a few checking it, many more bailing, street parking galore, light offshores and another beauty of a day on tap. More About: Venice
Random Political Thoughts of a Former and Now Semi-Part Time Surf Reporter
2008-03-28 18:43:00 Just when you think it couldn't get any better - it does. We, Uncle Grant, are walking around with a permanent political woody (if I was a Surf line surf reporter it would be a "woodie"). Gracious Us, where to begin?Breaking news: Bill Clinton endorses Obama. "I can't stand the bitch either - why do you think I boffed that porky-pig intern?"Just kidding. We . . . can't . . . . stand it. . . . target overload. Rev. Wright help us. "Uncle Grant was never called a n. . . . " Stop right there Very Revential Wright - go back to retirement.We hope that this political season has taught you one thing: Politicians are, each and every one of them, megalomanical scumbags. Take McCain for instance. Nice guy, except for the fact that We have no doubt that there is a "roomy" twenty-year-old stuck in a well underneath his house. He's starving her because he wants to make a woman suit for himself while deathhead hawkmoths flutter around him and he enjoys a plate of lamb chops - extra ... More About: Political , Time , Random , Thoughts
Venice Surf Report 03/28/08 Predatory My Ass
2008-03-28 16:28:00 Looking pretty sweet out there....Decent, consistent head high peaky swell that has a lot of potential, especially as the tide continues to rise throughout the day. Fast and a bit sectiony now, but as it slows down you should see some carvable faces, a manageable paddle out and beautiful conditions. Should stay good until the wind gets on it, keep an eye on that, tide not an issue today.2-3 out on the south side, one out north, 3-4 more getting in, light offshores, clean conditions and another beauty of a day on tap.Okay, I have something to get off my chest. As you know, I work in the financial markets and as such spend a lot of my time each day reading aricles about the economy and the markets and related things. And as you also know from reading this, I have certain opinions about the housing markets - both its causes and possible solutions - and one thing that I am so goddamned fucking sick of hearing about is how a big reason for why we are in this current mess is because of "p... More About: Surf , Venice , Report
Venice Surf Report 03/27/08 Fred Update
2008-03-27 15:11:00 Venice Surf Report Surf Conditions Venice CA BoyosPretty much blown out.....There is some swell out there today but the conditions are already pretty crappy. The onshore winds at 10-15 mph have some decent texture on the water and the waves have that onshore look to them. And this is at 6:40 in the morning.Needless to say winds are expected to increase all day so unless you know of some secret spot sheltered from the wind or enjoy crappy conditions it is probably time for Plan B.Ronnie already getting out as I pulled up, two in, two more suiting up, overcast and cool, onshore at 10-12 kts and really no good reason to get out there today.Okay, so I know that a lot of you like the financial posts and everyone likes hearing about the exploits of the boyos, but the real question on everyone's mind this morning is: Where the Hell is Fred ?Glad you asked. As you may recall Fred is a squirrel that somehow or other I have adopted, and has gotten so accustomed to me that the little dude now ... More About: Venice , Update
Venice Surf Report 03/26/08 Boyo Bulletin
2008-03-26 15:18:00 Venice Surf Report Surfing Venice CA Venice CA Surf ConditionsBetter than it's been...Or at least better than I have seen it. The swell is in the chest high range, but the sets are coming in VERY sporadically and the 'tweeners are small enogh that they aren't really an option. So, you have a whole lot of this:Mixed in with one or two of these - So, definitely something out there, just bring a double dose of patience.Only Ronnie out so far, couple others checking, overcast, cold and clammy, parking galore.Saw The Can Man for the first time in a while this morning. I snuck a picture of him when he wasn't looking.Also, right as I was leaving Tommy came up to me with a big grin on his face."Hey, Matt!""Yes, Tommy?" I reply."Guess who I saw yesterday?""Oh, I don't know. What were you drinking?""What was I drinking?""Yeah, what were you drinking? I've known you for quite some time, and if you tell me you were drinking vodka instead of Colt 45 I'd have to bump my guess up, wouldn't... More About: Venice , Bulletin
Cool Sunrise Pics from this Morning
2008-03-25 21:52:00 Just checked 'em out (I forgot I took them) and they came out pretty cool. More About: Cool , Morning , Sunrise
He's Got HIs Striorities Praight
2008-03-25 21:09:00 CITRUS HEIGHTS, CA Investigators were trying Monday to determine if a suspected drunken driver involved in a single-vehicle crash Sunday night failed to buckle his own seat belt even as the 12-pack of beer on the passenger seat was safely secured.Witnesses told police they saw the man driving north on Van Maren Lane in excess of 60 mph before he lost control of his car, which slammed into a tree near Garden Gate Drive.The driver suffered serious head and body injuries and he was rushed to a local hospital.He was found still in the driver's seat, unrestrained, next to the 12-pack of beer secured by a seat belt, according to a police summary.Initial reports had it that several of the beer bottles had broken; these reports were later found to be false and all the beer did indeed make it through unscathed.Thank God.
Venice Surf Report 03/25/08 My Hopes Were So High
2008-03-25 14:10:00 Way too dark for pictures when I checked it at 5:20 am. And you know what? It wouldn't have mattered a shit 'cause there wasn't jack happening out there. Totally drained out on the 0 ft. low happening right now at 6:12 am and whatever small swell there is are little ankle slappers on the sand. There is a semi-decent tide push coming, and it's usually best the lower the tide is at the low, so you may want to check it in a couple of hours. For now, though, no need to go dawn patrol.So, yesterday I'm sitting on the can with the door open doing a little light reading when suddenly something on the TV grabs my attention. I only hear a few snippets at first as the volume is down real low....."Senator Clinton.........dominating headlines tonight.......sniper fire...."What??? Are you fucking serious? No way!I furiously pull up my pants after a quick wipe and run into the living room and pick up the announcers voice."More on the Clinton sniper story in two minutes. Roz?"Oh....my.....God... More About: Hopes , Surf , Venice , Hilary Clinton , Report
Bad News for the U.S.A.
2008-03-24 22:52:00 I guess it was just a matter of time, really. With the very large Mexican presence here in the U.S. overall, and especially so here in SoCal, it was probably inevitable; I just would not have thought it could have happened this quickly.What am I talking about?News sources say that Mexico is set to surpass the U.S. for the title of "Fattest Country in the World".From Yahoo: Fueled by the rising popularity of soft drinks and fast-food restaurants, Mexico has become the second fattest nation in the world. Mexican health officials say it could surpass the U.S. as the most obese country within 10 years if trends continue. More than 71 percent of Mexican women and 66 percent of Mexican men are overweight, according to the latest national surveys.Will it happen? Of course it will. Mexicans have been better at being American than Americans have for about 30 years now; why should this be any different?One positive side effect of all of this is that it should save the U.S. from having to comp... More About: Bad News
Venice Surf Report 03/24/08 Excellence in Parking
2008-03-24 15:23:00 Weak, drained out and crappy.I suppose that if you sat out there long enough today you might see a wave - maybe even two - that were surfable. But, as I can attest to as I did it yesterday, you also might not. And considering that the tide is low now, and coming up, and any swell will therefore get drowned out as it keeps rising, well, I would have to say that it might behoove you to go to Plan B for today.Two out, nobody really looking, light offshores and the sun breaking through promising another repeat of the string of awesome days we have had recently.So, this morning I go to the pier to take my pics and as I pull up in my car it looks as though the coveted end spot closest to the pier is open. As I get closer, though, I see that whatever spastic mongoloid has parked near the end has quite literally straddled the last two spots.So, to the driver of the Ford Explorer, CA tags "CHNGES", here is a big middle finger salute and a Fuck You for being awarded the VSR "Excellence in Par... More About: Surf , Parking , Venice , Report
Sex Starved Love Goddess
2008-03-21 16:41:00 March 21, 2007 8:41 a.m.We don't know what to tell ya. High tide is making it look weird. Some of the shoulder-high sets are able to push through to the inside break - most are not. Can't tell if the 15 out at the pier are having fun or not. They sure are working hard. Mr. P is having his way with the waves but so what? All-in-all, We're gonna say that if you got nothing else to do - go for it. Clear skies and morning chill as of now. It is glassy, but wrecked up looking. Fuck - We just don't know what to say. Nonplussed. ****************************Too lazy to write anything else but We rip this off from the great philosopher S. Martin:You are walking down a country road. It is a quiet afternoon. You look up and far, far down the road you see someone walking toward you. You are surprised to have noticed someone so far away. But you keep walking, expecting nothing more than a friendly nod as you pass. He gets closer. You see he has bright orange hair. He is closer- a w... More About: Love , Goddess
Venice Surf Report 03/20/08 Mexico Feedback
2008-03-20 21:02:00 Venice Surf Report Surfing Venice CA Venice SurfThere are actually some waves.....who would have thunk it?I am very surprised to report that there are actually some surfable, albeit mushy, waves in the waist high range out there today. Certainly nothing to write home about, but I did see a few longboardable corners out there. Shows how meager the surf has been when what I saw is considered good news but hey, summer is coming and we'll take what we can get.Only one guy out and winds have started onshore, but if you have the time and can get on it it before the tide drops too low you might score a couple. Even some parking left.So, I got quite a lot of feedback about my planned trip to Ixtapa, most of it negative. And that's cool, I asked so I appreciate the honesty. However, I think I left out one kind of key factor that is taking me to Ixtapa. I will be staying at the Intercontinental Presidente, which is right on the beach and is all inclusive, and the cost per day is only $49.00... More About: Mexico , Venice , Feedback
Venice Surf Report 03/19/08 Going to Mex!
2008-03-19 15:46:00 Venice Surf Report Sufing Conditions Venice CA Venice PierFlat. Totally and completely flat.The following was, by far, the biggest wave I saw in a full 15 minutes of watching.If that looks good, go for it; you should have the lineup all to yourself.Nobody out, nobody looking, no potential, no point. Should be a nice day, though.Even though there weren't any surfers in the water it doesn't mean there wasn't anyone in the lineup. There must have been 20-30 porpoise feeding on something, and at one point they herded some fish into about 3 feet of water and started going nuts. I, of course, was unable to get anything good or in focus as the light was so low and I suck, but I did get a couple of the guys frollicking a little farther out.So, the big news today is I am going to Mexico! Just planned out the days around the end of June and will be staying in Ixtapa, MX. Should be a lot of fun and I am bringing the boards, obviously. However, I have never been there before and I was wonder... More About: Venice
Gonna Be A Lot of Posts Today
2008-03-18 17:42:00 Stupid is as stupid does...... More About: Today , Posts , Boredom , Gonna
Venice Surf Report 03/18/08 PC Hell
More articles from this author:2008-03-18 16:41:00 Venice Surf Report Surfing Venice CA Surf Conditions VeniceLooking pretty weak out there.....Pretty much Lake Flaccid this morning. There may be some surfable waves later as the tide drops but boy, I don't think so. Plus, the way the winds have been hollowing onshore lately I would have thought there would at least be some windswell, but no, nothing to recommend it today. A few scoping, no takers, nice day on tap, let's hope the wind gives us a break today. So, today is day 37 or so of my own personal PC Hell at work. As of this morning I have completely lost access to our contact mangement software and the Internet (I am writing this from the PC of our 3 days a week - today not being one of them - IT guy), I have some Outlook functionality but have to go to my PC in my office to use it as I can't log the IT guy off his PC or our Treo users get disconnected, and the last month has been an aggravating mix of very sporadic productivity and brief, brief flashes of connectivity.And l... More About: Venice 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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