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Bars You Won't Be Going Back To
2008-02-25 19:52:00
CLICK PIC TO ENLARGEThanks to Modern Drunkard Magazine
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Venice Surf Report 02/25/08 Rising from the Ashes
2008-02-25 16:05:00
Hmmmmm....not as big as I would have thought.Definitely some energy in the water, but given the doomsday predictions from the local news and the dire predictions from a multitude of websites I definitiely was expecting more. It's definitely got some size, up to maybe 1-2 ft. overhead, but nothing close to the 15-20 ft. faces that were predicted, at least not here. The shape, well, it's not so good, unless you like big, macking closeouts. Mix in a junky looking surface and some guaranteed urban runoff and I would give today a big 'ol pass. Gotta be something better to do. If you must go, go north.Nobody out, a couple scoping, very light offshores, parking galore.So, I was out of town this past weekend in the wonderful city of Phoenix . I had not been there in a few years and after being in L.A. for so long it was quite a stark contrast. Some observations - Apparently there is a law in AZ that says that all buildings MUST be finished in the same ugly, puke-brown shade of stucco. Wou...
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Venice Surf Report 02/22/08
2008-02-22 16:52:00
Venice Surf Report Surfing CA Surf Conditions Venice CAHmmm......about as good as it gets, I would say.Of course, there is the water quality issue, and we did have more rain last night and today, but if there was a morning to roll the dice this would be it. Swell is in the chest to head high range, very peaky, very clean and super shape - if your immune system is up for a fight I say go.Two out south, one out north, firing everywhere. Offshore breeze, light rain, cloudy and cool. Very cool Malibu Hills this morning. The fog was rolling down off the hills and sticking close to the hills - you almost expect to see snow falling. CLICK PIC TO ENLARGEHeading out of town for the weekend so no surf report for the next couple of days, but the big story is the swell event scheduled for Sunday afternoon. DOH and crossed up - should be good.
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John McCain - Ostertag to Obama's Shaq?
2008-02-21 21:16:00
The last time we, Uncle Grant, posted something political, we received some unflattering comments - and a clear recommendation to stay away from politics. But, inasmuch as this is the funnest political season in our long memory, We cannot stay away from politics. As a compromise, however, We will never take sides. We, Uncle Grant, are apolitical now, so we do not takes sides on either the McCain/NY Times thing or the Michelle Obama thing. In fact, we agree with Senator Joe Biden about Obama that, " . . . you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.? Continuing along in this vein, we'd like to compliment Obama on his outstanding vertical leap and say that it would not bother Us at all if Obama came up behind Us while we used an ATM. By now you?ve all read the NYT piece on McCain, and the maybe-he-did-maybe-he-didn?t have an affair with a ?female? (!) lobbyist back in 2000. Is it true? Who knows. And who cares? H...
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Venice Surf Report 02/21/08 Guess Who I Saw?
2008-02-21 16:22:00
Venice Surf Report 02/21/08 Chirstian Venice Pier BoyosLooking much better this morning, as long as your immune system is in shape.Swell has bumped up to chest high and that, combined with our highish tide right about now and some stiff offshores, is leaving it looking pretty damn good provided your body is up for a little urban runoff. Reports have varied as to just how much the drains opened up the last day or so, but frankly even a little is probably too much. Stiff offshores at 5-7 kts, tide dropping the rest of the day, rain starting again and 20+ ft. surf predicted for this Sunday into Monday; stay tuned for more details.So, I'm walking towards the pier this morning and what do I hear but a very loud, very obnoxious "Shut Up!". And as we all know, that can only mean one thing: Christian is back!Sure enough, over at the picnic tables is our old friend and constant entertainer, Christian.He was there with a new buddy of his who immediately wanted to shake hands, which I of cour...
More About: Venice , Guess Who

You Think Your Day Was Bad?
2008-02-21 00:33:00
Next time I bet this guy proposes on top of Mt. Everest at night.

Venice Surf Report 02/20/08 I Don't Get It
2008-02-20 16:50:00
Venice Surf Report Surfing CA Venice Pier SurfingBleccch. To add to the sublime perfection of knee high sand slappers and cold, overcast conditions we have one more big plus this morning: rain!Seriously, this is the morning to do the taxes, get that root canal done, visit the in-laws; anything other than surf.Nobody looking, nobody out, no surfing today.So, as you may know, I work downtown in one of the big towers and as such park my car in said tower's underground garage. Which isn't that interesting, and I only mention it as it means that not only do I have to take an elevator down to the lobby but than a second one down to the car. These elevators are slow - really slow. It's not uncommon to wait 5-6 minutes for the stupid thing to show up, which is the last thing you want when it is time to leave for the day. And when you get here, well, the only thing you are rushing to is your desk, so who cares, right?Apparently the woman I rode up from the garage with this morning cares q...
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She's Got Her Priorities Straight
2008-02-20 00:01:00
Every year Super Bowl Sunday brings untold heartache and misery to families across the country when people combine alcohol, driving and not wearing a seatbelt.But not in St. Augustine, FL.Investigators say a woman accused of drunk driving had a case of beer buckled up safely, and a one year old girl sitting in the backseat without a seatbelt or car seat.It goes on to say that the woman, Tina Williams, when asked why the beer was buckled in and not the passenger, replied "I don't know."Frankly I don't see what all the fuss is about. One year olds are famous for bouncing back from the most horrfic of injuries while everyone knows that you break a bottle of Busch Light, and well, your party's pretty much over. Maybe next time she'll get cans and not have to worry about it.
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Venice Surf Report 02/19/08 Nice to be Back
2008-02-19 16:26:00
Eggghhhh. Really, really weak. Shin high at best, breaking right on shore, not quite onshore yet but going to be any second, overcast and cold.Go get 'em!So, last week I finally had my review at work.For those of you who are lucky enough to not have to deal with this mental torture each year, basically it consists of you sitting down and having someone (it varies on who, or at least it has since I've been here) tell you what kind of a job you are doing. Mine was about what I expected. These reviews determine your year end bonus, so you don't get the do re mi until they sit you down and explain the rationale, but there was one little surprise on mine. At the very end of it, after I had asked some questions in hopes of clarifying what some of the comments meant, I was asked "how much time I spend on my website each day?"Nice . It's a fair question; after all, I am paid to do my job, not write on some website that is my hobby, so I explained that the total time spent on it, during ...
More About: Surf , Venice , Report , Back

You and justify it - in the end
2008-02-19 01:58:00
Can We just say something to Billy Jack, AKA Tom Laughlin? Thanks for making some of the dumbest, sickest movies in history. When We were 12, Billy Jack was our absolute favorite movie of all time, because We were young and stupid and it kind of made sense to us that a karate guy in a silly hat should ride around in a Jeep, kicking the daylights out of establishment types and defending VD-carrying, dope-smoking hippie retards. We were a child, and We, like all children, had a brain the size of a dried pea. As an adult, We realize that Tom Laughlin is a notorious fool, several clicks past Ron Paul on the Nutometer. We didn't realize it when We were a kid, but the scene where Billy Jack was semi-conscious in the town square, bleeding from his nose and mouth while annoyed citizens pounded him, was the best part of the film. What were those movies about, anyway? Obnoxious pissant punks running away from home and taking mescaline on an Indian reservation? How is that a cause worth fight...

Venice Surf Report 02/18/08
2008-02-18 15:40:00
Venice Surf Report Surfing CA Surf VeniceThe new swell has backed off even more to knee high and combined with (I know, I was surprised as you) the high tide there just isn't much happening.Poor shape, small size, overcast, foggy and cold. Go back to bed.Nobody out, a couple scoping, light offshores, a glassy surface and clean, but cold, conditions.
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Venice Surf Report 02/17/08
2008-02-17 16:00:00
Venice Surf Report Smaller but maybe better.......The new swell has backed off to chest high on the sets which has helped the shape but it seems way more inconsistent this morning. Still kinda mushy and sectiony on the +5.8 ft. high tide, and I only saw one nice set in 20 minutes. The tide is dropping fast, so if you're going to go either go right now or plan on points north again. It's overcast and cold, 3-2 out, a couple scoping, light offshores, a glassy surface and clean, but cold, conditions.
More About: Venice

Venice Surf Report 02/16/08
2008-02-16 16:08:00
The new swell has shown up but Venice does not like it; not at all.Chest high to couple ft. overhead on the sets, the shape is primarily big 3-5 block long closeouts with the very rare shoulder; I say head north or south if you want to hit somewhere that handles this size/direction better. Nobody out, a couple scoping, light offshores, a glassy surface and should be a nice day.
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This Shouldn't Be A Problem
2008-02-14 20:47:00
The National Association of Realtors, while perhaps not as subjective as The Institute for Tobacco Studies, likes to put a positive spin on all things housing if at all possible. After all, their job is to help people sell houses, and the Association is supposed to help make that happen.But not even the eternally optimistic N.A.R. could spin the numbers from todays report.The median sale price of a U.S. home dropped 5.8 percent to $206,200 in the last three months of 2007 from $219,000 in the same period of 2006, the realtors group said today. Prices fell in 77 of 150 metropolitan areas, the most since the group began tracking values in 1979. The decline was 10 percent or more in 16 metro areas, the Chicago-based realtors group said. ``Clearly we have not seen the end of the price weakness because there is a huge overhang of unsold homes,'' said Ken Mayland, president of ClearView Economics LLC in Pepper Pike, Ohio. ``I think some of the weakness will spill over into 2009.'' The...
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Vote - Surf
2008-02-13 19:50:00
Last week, in true Venice style, famous criminal defense attorney (and good friend) Danny Brookman cast his vote (for whom, we don't know) in his wetsuit and then paddled right out. Danny's precinct is the garage at the Lifeguard headquaters just south of the Venice Breakwater. If you every get popped for a DUI or whatever, Danny is your man. You've been told!- Uncle Grant
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Who Knew it Would Happen So Fast?
2008-02-13 19:29:00
As you have probably heard me say 100 times over the last few months the easiest way to envision how credit availibility affects housing prices is to imagine that there were no such thing as a mortgage. What would the median home price be if everyone had to pay cash?Turns out we are going to get to find out, at least in certain markets.According to today's Daily Business Review of Miami, certain condo projects and developments have been "blacklisted" by the area's lenders as inelegible for any sort of financing whatsoever. One seller, who paid 690K for a condo in "The Vue at Brickell" in 2005, has had multiple buyers express interest, but all have failed to obtain financing regardless of down payment size or credit hitsory. The reason?The Vue at Brickell is one of dozens of condos across South Florida on lists maintained by lenders of buildings where they refuse to finance mortgages. In the Vue?s case, the ?high foreclosure rate and declining value? in the building is cited by Ban...
More About: Real Estate , Fast , Who Knew

Venice Surf Report 02/13/08
2008-02-13 16:29:00
Venice Surf Report Surfing Venice CA Boyos Flat.Whatever there was is gone. Knee high maybe and even that is inconsistent.Foggy, overcast, chilly and flat - sounds good to me.One out north (who knows why), lots of parking, cold and clammy.
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Sea Cows at Sunset
2008-02-12 23:21:00
As many of you know, the sexual desperation of pirates and sailors is the reason for myths about mermaids. For centuries, historians and biologists have been telling us about how lonely seamen created mermaid tales when they thought they were seeing lovely topless women in the water, but were actually staring at various types of sea cows. It may be hard to believe that a person could mistake a sea cow, such as a dugong or manatee, for a topless woman. (Today, here on the West Coast, sea cows can be found at Sunset , usually riding an 8-year-old Becker of some sort. They arrive at Sunset in a Honda Pilot or similar vehicle. They travel in groups. They had sex with each other, more or less, the night before. Thankfully, they are not topless.) It all makes more sense once you?ve seen the kind of women pirates managed to have sex with. For most pirates, switching to sex with sea cows was, at worst, a lateral move. And in some ways, sex with a sea cow was a step up. For example, sea...
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Truth in Advertising
2008-02-12 19:51:00
Does anybody but me notice the unbelievable irony of the names they have chosen for the succession of asinine ideas hoping to artificially stabilize this insanely overpriced real estate market?First was FHA Secure. Secure's a good word; steady, reliable, dependable - something you like to add to a less than perfect situation.Then it was Hope Now. When someone has to remind you to have hope things usually aren't looking too good, but the right attitude could go a long way towards making it better.Now it's Project Lifeline. A lifeline is what you get when the boat you were having dinner on 30 minutes ago is now sitting on the bottom of the ocean and unless someone helps you out big time - right this very minute - you are dead.If this latest one doesn't help I guess the next one will be called Operation Autopsy.
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Venice Surf Report 02/12/08 Golfing Again
2008-02-12 16:52:00
Venice Surf Report Surfing CA California Surfing VeniceStill small....Definitely still weak out there but the handful of guys out were getting some rides at least. Maybe knee high at best; the shape is OK but I would bring some extra foam if you are in the 150+ lb. club.Light offshores, super clean, 4-5 out south, including Guy O, Jaime and Alix, nobody out north, another beautiful SoCal morning and day on tap. So yesterday afternoon I was asked by some people at work to be the fourth for a round of golf at Eisenhower Golf Club in City of Industry. If you are not familair with City of Industry it's name tells you exactly what it is; a cesspool of a town who long ago decided that any business, no matter how onerous, toxic or noisy, would be welcomed with open arms. Needless to say, it is not a prestigious address, and the number of actual citizens is easily outweighed by the number of gas stations there. But, hidden away at the top of a hill smack dab in the middle of this Los Isley...
More About: Venice , Golfing

Venice Surf Report 02/11/08 More Fred !
2008-02-11 17:06:00
Venice Surf Report Boyos Venice Pier Venice CA Smaller still....Geez, I don't know; I'm trying to think of something to positive to say about the surf this morning and am drawing a blank.Pretty much flat, w/ an occasional knee high set and long, long waits in between.Should be a beautiful morning though. Calm winds, warming up fast and not much of a crowd.Eh, what the hell - go to work.So, my wife and I are sitting in our living room yesterday afternoon watching TV when we hear a noise over by the patio. We look over and who is there? Fred !He was sitting at the door letting us know he would like a treat, but unfortunately I had finished all the bread at breakfast and the only thing I had were some bagels in the freezer. I told Fred he would have to wait a few minutes as I stuck one in the microwave to defrost it, but Fred was hungry I guess, because what he did next was pretty much unexpected.As the bagel is cooking away Fred twitches his tail, jumps around a few times and, since ...
More About: Christian , Venice

Venice Surf Report 02/10/08
2008-02-10 16:10:00
Smaller again......I waited...and waited...and waited....and never really saw anything that looked much like the promised NW that is suuposed to be out there this morning, again. Except today it's even smaller.Only knee high, even more sectiony - once the tide comes up today even the twice an hour sets of yesterday morning that broke outside will be nothing but a memory.Did catch this one cool seqeunce of Guy O carving it up......Light offshores, chilly but warming quick, 4-5 out south, none north, tide rising to a high at about 11 am and still some street parking.Sleep in, you aren't really missing anything here.
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Venice Surf Report 02/09/08
2008-02-09 16:24:00
Venice Surf Report Surfing Venice CA Surfing CA Surf Not really much bigger......I waited...and waited...and waited....and never really saw anything that looked much like the promised NW that is suuposed to be out there this morning. Still knee to waist high, sorta sectiony - all in all I'd have to say you probably don't have much to lose waiting for the tide, and hopefully the swell, to fill in and maybe give things a little more punch.Stiff offhsores, total of 8-10 out on either side, a beautiful morning with lots of sunshine and quickly warming temps.
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Looky Who I Saw This Morning
2008-02-08 19:50:00
So, as I was at the pier filling in for my Swellmagnet counterpart this morning, guess who I saw?Yep - Victor !He was sitting near the picninc tables watching Tommy read the paper and Leprecahun do his daily morning snipe hunt/change patrol."So, Victor, how you doing, buddy?""Pretty good, Matt, how are you?""Not bad. Last time I saw you there were about 10 cop cars, 3 ambulances and a fire truck surrounding you. What happened that day?" "What day?" (Was there more than one? I guess so.....)"The day you got arrested or whatever. Remember, last Friday?""Oh yeah......""What were you drinking that day? You looked really wasted.""Brandy. I was cold, so I drank some to warm up. It was only like a fifth, though""Musta worked 'cause when I saw you you were lying in the middle of the street with your shirt off and your hands cuffed behind your back. You didn't look at all cold, though.""Yeah, man, I got so shitfaced that day. Jesus....""They take you to the drunk tank or the E.R.?""The E.R....
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No Toll Road!
2008-02-08 17:01:00
Friday, February 8, 2008Nicely shaped, but weak and only thigh-high. Beautiful conditions and, now that the surf team has left, only 3 in the water. Pretty inconsistent too, with "sets" coming in every 10 minutes or so. Cold water of course. Can't bring Ourself to recommend it. Just too damn small. If you want to anyway, break out the big wood - you are gonna need it.************************************** Did you check out the L.A. Mimes Sports Section today? Sweet article on the Trestles/Toll Road thing. Well, semi-sweet anyway because they don't have what We have - flip flops on the ground. That is, Craig Ferre attended the meeting and send the following e-mail and above pictures to his surf buddies. (It is one of the world's great mysteries how a woman who looks like Laura married a dude with a gay, frenchie sound name like Ferre [pronounced "Fair-Ray"].):"Today I got up at 4:30 am and headed south to attend the Costal Commission meeting at the Del mar Fairgrounds to ...

Video of the Ridershack Burglary
2008-02-07 19:41:00
Like I said the other day - if you think you know who these two dipshits are let me know; I can definitely make it worth your while.
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Venice Surf Report 02/07/08 Something Happened Yesterday
2008-02-07 17:16:00
Venice Surf Report Surfing CA Housing Numbers Down AgainSmaller and swampier......Another cut in size to knee to waist high and that, combined with the high tide which doesn't peak for another hour or so, has people getting out of the water already and waiting to see if it improves on the way down. Guy O making some turns.....Slight offhsores, total of 8-10 out on both sides, shape is ok but sectiony, but a beautiful morning with lots of sunshine and warming temps.If you've got the day off I'd wait to see if it gets better after the high at about 9 am. Winds should hold off so read the paper, have some chow and check it around 9:45 am or so.Light offshores, parking about filled up, 4-5 out either side and a gorgeous day on tap.So, not soon after my not so fun run in with "Mr. Local" at the pier yesterday, somebody matching his exact description got into a confrontation with a couple of real locals (i.e. not total assholes) out in the water and got his ass beat for his troubles.I ...
More About: Venice , Karma , Yesterday

Spank Venice History
2008-02-06 20:04:00
The Venice Historical Society will host "Our Gang Comedies Revisited" with famed child star and author Laura June Kenney at 7:00 p.m. next Wednesday February 13 at the Abbott Kenney Library. Laura will talk about her book and shooting movies in and around Venice in the 30's - about the same time Mike Sweeny started surfing.You've been told!- Uncle Grantps Sure wish Matt would stop taking those pictures that make all those donkeys want to come and surf Venice. What a rich asshole! I'm sure it is Matt's pictures, not the live cam on Surfline, the semi-live cam on the County page, the reports on Surfline, Wetsand, Swellmagnet, etc. etc. etc. - it's those fucking pictures man!
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Venice Surf Report 02/06/08 Assholes Galore This Morning
2008-02-06 16:28:00
Venice Surf Report Surfing Venice Surfing CASmaller......Big cut in size to maybe waist high, but super consistent. There were some fun rides to be had, but the tide is rising and these smaller ones are going to get drowned as it keeps climbing.Looks like the Venice High surf team is out as there are 8-10 on either side of the pier, so you may want to move up or down the beach a bit, but it is working everywhere.Bring the foam. Calm winds, smooth surface, parking filling and one a'hole telling me that "if I want to surf here I need to stop taking pictures as I'm bringing too many people to Venice". What a tool. Who the fuck does he think he is? He acted like he's the first person to ever surf Venice. Well, news flash for you bro, you ain't.You know, I woke up in such a good mood and in the course of 90 minutes, between the guy at the pier, the dumbfuck asswipe cumstain loser who fucking comes to a complete dead stop on the 110 to let someone trying to merge get in front of him (...
More About: Venice , Assholes , Morning

No Fucking Way
2008-02-05 22:58:00
In what has to be the most blindingly obvious study done in the history of mankind, scientists have determined that (hold on for this one) the longer couples stay together, the more they get on each other's nerves.I know, I couldn't believe it either, but apparently they have proof.If your spouse already bugs you now, the future is bleak. New research suggests couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the longer they are together.In general, the longer partners stay together, the more they have to deal with the other's idiosyncrasies, for instance. "When you’re living together, it’s a lot harder to avoid each other," Kira Birditt, a research fellow at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, said. The research was presented in November at an annual meeting of the Gerontological Society of America, and it has also been submitted to a journal for publication.You know, they could have just asked my buddy Allen and saved themselves a lot o...
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