Random Thoughts of a Surf Reporter

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I Dare You Not To Click!
2008-06-07 08:37:00
I did. How does this age you? Made me feel 1000 years old.
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66 Years Ago Today....
2008-06-07 04:26:00
We should never forget, and I almost did.
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How To Spend 1.4 Billion In 30 Seconds
2008-06-06 23:54:00
Your tax dollars at work.
More About: Billion , Seconds

Why Didn't I think Of This?
2008-06-06 22:46:00
Every once in a while I run a cross a website that is just so cool, or so useful, or so freaking neat that I simply must share it with all of you.This site, however, is none of those things.No, this site is pretty narrow in it's application, and you might even argue that even if it did work, neither you nor the people it is designed to help you reach will really care at that point.The site? You've Been Left BehindIt's purpose? Well, from what I can gather the website is automated and will allow you, as a Good Christian who has been taken up into Heaven during The Rapture, to send messages to up to 62 individual e-mail accounts 6 days after your ascension.I guess they figure that Heaven doesn't have e-mail, and they may be right. Again though, I am a little skeptical about how excited your friends and family are going to be to hear from you now that the world has been destined to be ruled by the Anti-Christ for 7 years. There is a section called "WHY" on the website, and it's pr...

So What Do The Experts Think Of The Housing Bailout?
2008-06-06 17:29:00
Interesting article on Bloomberg today discussing the proposed FHA backed "voluntary" housing bailout proposed by Congressman Butt Pirate Barney Frank (D-MA) and Sentaor Shit Eater Christopher Dodd (D-CT).As you know I am against it. But it passed the House 266-154 and would consist of FHA (meaning you and me) insuring 300B worth of already toxic and unaffordable mortgages in the hopes that this will save the housing market and, by extension, the economy.As usual Congress doesn't have a clue. Here is what some of the people in the mortgage / finance industry had to say about it.Part of the plan is changing the terms of the loan so it is more affordable. But what happens if the borrower still defaults?``Clearly, if you recast the mortgage lower and it still goes bad, you're just prolonging the agony and making the loss severity worse than it is now,'' said Frank Castro, formerly chief credit officer at GSC Group and managing director of structured finance research at Merrill Lync...
More About: Housing , Experts , Bailout

Venice Surf Report 06/06/08 The Economy Has Still Got It
2008-06-06 16:05:00
Decided to check Bay St. again this morning as it was kinda cool when I saw it yesterday and it brought back a little nostalgia from when I started at Swellmagnet all those years ago.Plus, the tide is a -1.5 ft at 6:30 am, so I knew that Venice would be pretty much worthless.And guess what? So was Bay St. There is some pretty decent windswell in the chest / head high range, but there just isn't enough water to get anything going other than 3 block long, super dumpy closeouts, with nary a snaggable corner to be had. I say give it a chance to fill in, say around 10:30 or so. The winds should still be manageable, you'll be getting a decent push up from the tides and the dawn patrol should be long gone. Of course, this is assuming you don't have a job and can make your own schedule. Either way, I'm stuck here at my desk hoping my ankle feels better by tomorrow so I can get out there.About 5-6 dudes out scattered around Towers 18-20, calm/variable winds, beautiful day shaping up, bri...
More About: Economy , Surf , Report

Feedback from Henry Hill Video
2008-06-05 22:35:00
As you may recall last summer I got some video of Henry Hill of Goodfellas fame drinking with the boyos down at the pier.Yes, it was really him. But a lot of people on YouTube disagree. How they would know I don't know, but I do know that Henry lives in Ventura Canyon - fuck, it's him, OK?But yesterday someone named Yeoman3rd sends me the following email:That's NOT Henry Hill asshole... This is a waste of video for You Tube... To which I reply:And how the hell would you know? It is Henry Hill. You asshole.I get the following response:Here is why moron, Henry Hill is a recovering alcoholic with a very succesful bussines. He's got a new kid with his girlfriend and last time he was in the Howard Stern show, he sounded like he got his shit together. So dickhead, fuck off... Get your facts right before you speak you stool pigeon... Oh??? So I send one back.....Oh, so you know all of this because of the way he "sounded on the Howard Stern show". Well, shit, here I was thinking you wer...
More About: Video , Feedback , Fan Mail

Venice Surf Report 06/05/08 Bay St. Exclusive
2008-06-05 21:14:00
Had to go to the docs today to get my ankle air cast fixed. Turns out the only things wrong with it were a) it was on backwards and 2) their was no air in it. Other than that, though, A-OK.Onshore at 5-7 kts at Bay St. but there were three guys out there scoring some nice rides in the waist high range.Keep an eye on the wind, that is what will kill it eventually. Real high tide tonight might offer up some fun at the Pier or the Breakwater if the winds behave.So, again, I don't know why I keep postng these as I guess it really isn't news anymore, but once again the car infront of me on then 10 starts weaving like the driver is drunk, so I go to pass and guess what? Yep, another drive by makeup apply.Why not, though? I mean, maybe I'm thinking about this all wrong. Maybe the reason I don't enjoy my commute is I don't provide myself with enough distraction while I am behind the wheel.But not anymore. Nope, tomorrow I am bringing my portable DVD player, the laptop, a book and mayb...
More About: Exclusive , Surf , Venice , Report

And The Award For Least Coordinated Goes To:
2008-06-04 23:26:00
Easily the highest (damage/# of stairs) ratio in the history of the world.She May Call in Sick Tomorrow
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Venice Surf Report 06/04/08 Heeeeere's Foreclosure!
2008-06-04 16:20:00
Venice Surf Report Free Daily Surf Report Venice BeachEhhhhh....Super low tide, onshore at 5-7 kts, overcast, kinda chilly / drizzly BUT.....there were some corners being snagged out there. Windswell in the knee-waist high range is a lot of fun for the 80 lb and under crowd, but if you can get that bigger board turned and slotted, well, there are some plus sets if you are choosy.And it's gotta be more fun than work, right? Or at least make work more fun if you have to go afterwards.Winds are supposed to increase to 30 kts this afternoon so given that it has already started I do not think you have the luxury of waiting for the tide to fill in. 5-6 out total, parking about 50% gone, onshores steady and freshening, slight bump on the water and cool and overcast conditions.So, think the foreclosure problem is isolated to poor people who were duped into signing loan docs they didn't understand? Not so fast. Word out today that Ed McMahon, longtime sidekick of Johnny Carson on NBC's Th...
More About: Venice , Foreclosure

SKF Update
2008-06-03 20:24:00
Wow - For some reason (can't imagine why) the Dow just fell off a cliff led by? Financials! Latest chart on SKF:(click pic to enlarge)Notice how we are well above the 30 and 90 MAVG.Looks like there is fear through the markets as oil and gold are falling, too, and people I think are realizing that as conditions worsen that maybe - just maybe - worldwide demand for oil and gold didn't double in the last year the same way prices have.Just took on a small position in DUG, the ProShares UltraShort Oil & Gas ETF at $29.29; might not be a bad play or at least a hedge for everything else in your port.I do have a $28.00 stop limit order in, though. Just in case.
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Venice Surf Report 06/03/08 Randy Randy
2008-06-03 17:15:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Southern CaliforniaClean, but small. Combine that with a negative low tide, which will be with us all week, and well, you can guess the results. Small, dumpy, weak windswell waves in the knee high+ range, with anything other than a straight run at the beach the exception rather than the rule.Here is that exception.Surprisingly about 15 out total on both sides, street parking available (beware the street cleaning ticket patrol!), overcast and clammy, offshore breeze and a glassy surface.The boyos were out early this morning, and were heavily into the booze by the time I saw them at 6:30 am. I walked over to say hello and noticed that Randy was looking a little out of it, as it were. Turns out that he had been arrested a couple of days earlier and since his release had been on a mission to get as wasted as humanly possible as often as possible. In pursuit of this goal he had spent the entire night sitting up drinking a bottle of Ouzo someone had giv...
More About: Venice

One More Reason To Bet Against Financial Firms
2008-06-02 22:06:00
If you follow the markets at all you are probably familiar with the current debate over the financial firms, like Lehman Brothers and others. The two camps line up roughly like this: the bulls say that all the bad news is behind us, The Fed has pretty much guaranteed that they will bail out a bank rather than let it fail and they still have ways to make money. The bears say that the financials are full of shit, that you can't believe anything they say when it comes to their finacial positions and that any single one of them is liable to go out of business overnight, or at least fall 90% before someone steps in to try and save them.I think you know where I sit; firmly in the camp of the bears. Why? Because when I read articles like this I just know, for sure, that there are losses being hidden and we are nowhere near the end of the credit crisis.From the story:Merrill Lynch & Co., Citigroup Inc. and four other U.S. financial companies have used an accounting rule adopted last year t...
More About: Stock Picks , Financial , Reason , Firms

Venice Non-Surf Report 05/30/08 SKF Kicking Ass
2008-06-02 19:26:00
Well - a severely sprained ankle is going to put the surf reports on hold for at least the next couple days, and perhaps longer. I did it Staurday night when I twisted my ankle playing one-on-one aginst, and almost losing to, an 11 year old kid. It's a long story, but a hole in the concrete and my ankle met and the result was a nice snap, and, combined with the taunting of the little bastard and me refusing to quit, well, I'm sure it didn't help.I then probably didn't do it any favors when I surfed the next morning even though I could barely walk. Net result was me spending about 5 hours at the Emergency Room last night and wearing an air cast today.But at least it is not broken, which I really thought for sure it was.So, even though I am at work today, I am not going to be here tomorrow as I am going to try and baby this thing as I have a surf trip to Mex planned in about 4 weeks, and if I spend all that money and can't surf, well, that would really suck.Good news is I will de...
More About: Surf , Venice , Report , Kicking

Venice Surf Report 05/31/08 The Duality Of Man
2008-06-01 02:09:00
Well folks, it's been an interesting few days here at the Hacienda. And, inspired by an epic session at "The Secret Spot" this morning, a response to a rant by UG and several large cocktails containing more than their fair share of Absolut, well, I think I need to set some things straight.First off, yes - most people are assholes. That's why you are not friends with everyone. In fact, it's why you are friends with almost nobody; not because there is anything inherently wrong with YOU (although there probably is) but because you are only friends with people who are a lot like you, and, given the odds, the chances are few and far between that you will ever meet someone who shares your love of miniature schnauzers, the History Channel and crack cocaine. But it does, occasioanlly, happen. And - occasionally - the result is you make a friend.But most times the people you meet are insipid assholes who you could care less about, and why would it be any different if you were a cop? Hell...
More About: Surf , Venice , Report

Cheese it! The fuzz!
2008-05-31 01:06:00
And speaking of cops . . . We could not help but add Our own bloviation to Matt's comments on cops this morning.We know about cops for two reasons. First, We used to help defend them in civil lawsuits at the when we were at the City Attorney's Office in SM. And second, We used to be a civil hearing officer on "board of rights" hearings for the LAPD. So, let Us say, there are, in fact, asshole cops. This is becuase cops are recruited form the human race and the human race has a certain percentage of ass holes. Simple application of rudimentary logic dictates that a certain percentage of cops will therefore be assholes.Thing is, their assholeness is amplified by their power to screw whomever they choose. And let Us tell you, power is hard to handle unless you absolutely, totally have your shit together. We recall working in the same Coast Guard boot camp we went through as a boot. We saw dickheads who had just been screwed with graduate and turn around and do the exact same t...
More About: Cheese

Clay Aiken's Having A Baby!
2008-05-30 19:46:00
Yep, I couldn't believe it either, but apparently the pop star is going to have a child. The former ?American Idol? alum, 29, will be the father of Jaymes Foster?s baby, the sister of record mogul David Foster. Celebrity Web site TMZ.com reports that multiple sources have confirmed the news to the gossip site. Foster, 50, who was reportedly artificially inseminated, is due in August. The two live together in Los Angeles. The singer will have an active role in raising the child, reports TMZ.Artificial Insemination? NO WAY! What a complete shock! I mean, seriously, if you had told me that George Bush is really a space alien from Alpha Centauri and that the U.N. has secret plans for a New World Order I could not have been more surprised. Why would a super stud like Clay need artificial insemination?!? Maybe his penis is just too big, or something; there must be a rational explanation for this.Oh, and in other breaking news, Chinese people are excellent drivers, White people are always...
More About: Baby

Venice Surf Report 05/30/08 Dollars for Dimes
2008-05-30 17:04:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Southern CaliforniaLooks OK, but Jeff from Ridershack was getting out as I was pulling up and he said it sucked.I don't know if he was kidding or not, but even though it looks peaky and with nice conditions I did not see any long rides.I will defer to Jeff who, after all, was actually in the water, and say it blows.About 10 out total, some street parking still around and perfect conditions.Well, the boyos were out in force this morning. Here they are as I stepped onto the pier to get the surf pics.So I went out, took my pics, and headed back to my car when Christian calls me over. "Hey Matt!" he yells. I head over, certain that he is going to ask me for beer money...again. But, to my surprise, he tells me a very strange story."So guess who came over and gave me a printout of your story about me having immunity from the cops down on the boardwalk?" he asked me."Warren Buffet?""Huh? Who the hell is that?""Never mind - who was it?""The Lieutenant of...
More About: Venice , Dollars

Venice Surf Report 05/29/08 This Is What We Now Own
2008-05-29 17:07:00
Wow - looks really, really good. Peaky, waist to chest high swell that is breaking up and down the beach and absolutely perfect conditions to go with it. Brilliant sunshine, light offshores, sheet glass surface; it's about as good as Venice gets at this size.4-5 out on either side, street parking still available but hey - if you gotta pay the $3 to get in the pay lot believe me, it will be worth it.What are you waiting for? Go already!OK, so as you may know, the Fed has been accepting non-liquid securities that no rational person would touch as collateral for loans consisting of U.S. Treasuries. The resason why is that banks need to use leverage to make money; if they pledge $100 worth of securities with someone they can use that to borrow $1000, for a 10 to 1 leverage ratio.And that is what has kept the economy going for a long time. But that has all changed in the last year as banks and dealers are requiring higher levels of collateral, or, to put it another way, you might be abl...
More About: Surf , Report , The Fed

Update On Parking Ticket
2008-05-28 23:14:00
As you may recall I wrote a post a few weeks ago about an asshole dipshit cumstain fuckface loser of a cop named Bermudez (Badge #38223) who gave me a ticket for parking in a spot at Ralph's marked "Electric Vehicle Parking Only". At the time I tried to explain to this dunce that there are no more electric cars on the road but like most cops, he just did what he wanted, whether it was right or wrong, and fuck the public.Well, turns out Officer Bermudez is as stupid as he looks. I just got off the phone with the Los Angeles Parking Violations Bureau and it turns out I was 100% right.First off, the municipal code that he cited on the ticket doesn't exist. Second off, turns out you can't write Los Angeles City parking tickets on private property enforcing private policies. According to the woman on the phone, who was extraordinarily helpful, it would be like writing a ticket on an SUV that is parked in a space that has been marked "compact only" by the shopping center owner.Thirdly,...
More About: Update , Ticket

Venice Surf Report? Not Today
2008-05-28 19:39:00
Boss is in town so no surf report today, and to be honest this whole thing is getting old. I like checking it in the morning but on days like today when I can't do it I feel guilty and then I check my stats and I see that a few hundred have looked and been disappointed so I don't know....I am thinking of bailing.However, that is not what my post is about today. No, today I will tell you about a little encounter I had with Christian last night as I was finishing my walk on the beach.He and his friends were making an early appearance at their new campsite (not to be disclosed here, so tough luck, cops) and he seemed a little loopy, even for Christian."So, Christian, what have you been up to?" I asked."Oh you know, the same 'ol same 'ol. I did just eat threee hits of acid about an hour ago.""No shit? Got anymore?" I asked.After all, few things are more fun than a spur of the moment psychedelic journey into the depths of your brain cells and listening to them pop, especially when it...
More About: Surf , Venice , Today , Report

Just Wrote My Congresswoman
2008-05-28 04:35:00
Here's what I had to say:Just a quick reminder: you are a stupid vile cunt and I hope you contract a really horrible virus that allows me to watch you die - slowly and painfully- because you have decided to bail out the idiot buyers, lenders and banks that did deals at the top of the RE market. I have money, Jane. Lots of it. And I promise you that the next election will see me spending as much of it as I possibly can on getting your tired old bony ass out of Congress and back onto the corner of Venice and Lincoln where your withered old genitals will bring maybe $5 a whack, depending on how well you suck dick.Maybe then you will appreciate what it is like to "work" for a living.Even money on if the Secret Service shows up tonight or not. And if they do I doubt I answer the door.....:)
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Stupid People/Funny People
2008-05-28 01:01:00
I'm like that kid in the Bruce Willis movie the Sixth Sense - except I see stupid people - saw one last night on the TV matter of fact.Asked if she?d heard about the crisis of the earthquake in China, which killed roughly 80,000 and injured 300,000, has-been actress Sharon Stone said:"Of course I have. Well you know, it was very interesting because at first, I?m, you know, not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don?t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else. And so, I have been very concerned about how to think and what to do about that, because I don?t like that. And I?ve been, you know, concerned about, oh, how should we deal with the Olympics because they?re not being nice to the Dalai Lama, who?s a good friend of mine. And then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma? When you?re not nice, that the bad things happen to you? And then I got a letter from the Tibetan foundation that they wanted to go and be...
More About: Funny , People , Stupid , Stupid people

Venice Surf Report 05/27/08 The Start Of The Big Experiment
2008-05-27 16:00:00
Venice Surf Report Surf Conditions Southern California Free Surf ReportLooking pretty damn weak out there. If you saw it yesterday then you've seen it today; conditions are much better with brilliant sun, warm temps and offshore winds, but let's face it, a knee high wave is a knee high wave.So, if you must go, bring every bit of lumber you can muster - you will need it. One out north, none out south, plenty of parking and the beach in surprisingly good shape given the holiday weekend just come and gone.And if you didn't see it, you missed a pretty cool flyover yesterday of a C-17 Globemaster that came down Washington Blvd right at noon yesterday. It came in at about 200 ft. and when it was maybe a couple hundred yards offshore banked hard right and hit the gas and climbed out flying along Santa Monica. Very, very cool.So, today starts a new experiment. I don't want to give away all the details just yet, but it involves doing more writing in the evenings and getting the reports u...
More About: Venice , Experiment , Start

Midday Venice Surf Report 05/24/08
2008-05-25 20:57:00
Just got back from a walk on the beach and if you didn't surf today - like me - you didn't miss a thing.A few samples of the awesomeness of today's South Bay.Stop the presses Surf er magazine - we have a new cover shot!
More About: Venice , Report

A Little Something From Up North
2008-05-24 23:39:00
Flakeouts and hangovers had me surfing solo this morning. So, for those who missed it, here are a few pics I took after the tide had pretty much shut things down. Should tell you how good it was before......Zuma looked amazing on the way back, too.
More About: North , Up North

Venice Surf Report 05/23/08 Memorial Day Is Finally Here!
2008-05-23 16:52:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Southern CaliforniaUgh. Forget it. Basically Victory at Sea from the Southeast, and even though there is some swell in the water finding a corner would be like finding Christian sober: it just ain't gonna happen.There are still a few out for some odd reason, and to make it all really nice it is about 50 degrees, overcast and drizzling. Sounds like fun to me. And as for this weekend, well, the models right now say Saturday is gpong to be the best of the bunch, and they are calling for surf of 1-3 ft. which basically means it should suck.Oh well. And have you looked at SKF today? I did. Up to $113.00 now.Oh, and in related news, existing home sales fell AGAIN and prices are down 8% from April of last year, and this according to the National Association of Realtwhores, who perpetually lie. So when they say it's down a little it probably means it's down a bunch.I would still buy SKF if you have the stomach - it's still 25% below it's high from Se...
More About: Venice , Finally , Memorial Day

Why How The U.S. Measures Inflation Is Bullshit
2008-05-22 20:12:00
Bill Gorss at Pimco wrote a fantastic article discussing how the U.S. has understated inflation for the last 10 years compared to the rest of the developed world.But one paragraph really sums up how stupid our methodology really is.In the 1990s the U.S. CPI was subjected to three additional changes that have not been adopted to the same degree (or at all) by other countries, each of which resulted in downward adjustments to our annual inflation rate. Product substitution and geometric weighting both presumed that more expensive goods and services would be used less and substituted with their less costly alternatives: more hamburger/less filet mignon when beef prices were rising, for example. In turn, hedonic quality adjustments accelerated in the late 1990s paving the way for huge price declines in the cost of computers and other durables. As your new model MAC or PC was going up in price by a hundred bucks or so, it was actually going down according to CPI calculations because it w...
More About: Inflation , Bullshit

Venice Surf Report 05/22/08 Mozillo Screws Up
2008-05-22 17:24:00
Venice Surf Report Free Surf Report Venice Beach CANice day, except for the waves.Yesterday's winds kicked up some windswell, but again, we cannot catch a break at Venice. Coming off a negative low at 5:50 am has everything drained out, and the waist to chest high windswell just isn't liking it. There are a few out, but more checking and bailing, and I saw exactly one ride in 10 minutes. Maybe later as the tide comes up, but I bet we get more winds. Keep the 'ol fingers crossed for the weekend.Parking about gone, 5-6 out total, nice day on tap, bring on the weekend.So. Yesterday there was a story making the rounds where Angelo Mozillo, CEO of Countrywide, and meaning to send it to the right people in the firm, hit the reply instead of the forward button when he got an email from a borrower begging for help with his loan.The full story is here, but the gist of it is some dude - who states that he has been in his house 16 years - claims that he didn't understand the loan when he t...
More About: Venice

Member of Congress Walks Away
2008-05-21 23:09:00
Thanks TomH !As the real estate market softened in 2007, the new owner of a three-bedroom, 1,600-square-foot house in Sacramento's Curtis Park neighborhood ran into trouble. The house that was purchased for $535,000 in January had lost equity. The owner fell behind in her payments, and eventually, the bank seized the home. What makes this story different from the thousands like it is that the owner of this house was a member of Congress .The story of the foreclosure of Long Beach Democrat Laura Richardson's Sacramento home is a tale of a real estate market gone sour. It is also an illustration of how far many candidates will go to seek elected office, even if it means quite literally mortgaging their own financial future.While being elevated to Congress in a 2007 special election, Richardson apparently stopped making payments on her new Sacramento home, and eventually walked away from it, leaving nearly $600,000 in unpaid loans and fees.Richardson's decision to let the house slip ...
More About: Walks