Senior Citizen Humor Senior Citizen Humor The lighter side of getting old. Funny photos, cartoons, videos, jokes, bumper stickers and more... Articles
Silent Movies
2007-05-09 18:57:00 For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.." More About: Movies , Jokes , Silent , Lent
The secret to longevity...
2007-05-03 19:10:00 A husband a wife were celebrating their 90th wedding anniversary, and the media was there to document the occasion. One of the reporters asked the secret to their successful marriage and longevity. The wife replied that they had never been sick. The young reporter was astonished and to confirm said, "So, you've never been bedridden." And the wife quickly replied, "Oh, 100's of times, and twice in a buggy." More About: Jokes , Longevity , The Secret , Secret , Long
Quick! Get me a woman!
2007-05-03 19:08:00 A family was supposed to stay the night at a hotel, but there was a screw-up with the rooms, so Grandpa had to sleep in the same bed as the 15-year old Grandson. In the middle of the night Grandpa woke up and shouted: "Quick ! Get me a woman! Fast!!" The grandson moaned: "Please, Grandpa, calm down. First, its three o'clock in the morning, and you'll never find a woman at this hour. Second, you're 82 years old, and third, that's MY dick you're holding... not yours." More About: Jokes , Woman , Oman , A Woman
The Little White Box (Before I die please)
2007-04-30 04:21:00 Amusing and very touching story about an elderly patient named Mrs. Mathers, and her caregiver, in a nursing home who keeps asking for a little white box before she dies. Hope you enjoy it as much as i did. More About: Videos , White , Little , Please , Lease
Pledge of Allegiance
2007-04-26 18:31:00 Before she died, an elderly woman from the United States wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors. She went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport. "You must first take the loyalty oath," the passport clerk said. "Raise your right hand, please." The senior citizen raised her right hand as the clerk asked, "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, domestic or foreign?" The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, "Well, I guess so, but . . . will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?" More About: Jokes , Edge , Legi , Allegiance , Pledge
Why old people shouldn't exercise
2007-04-26 02:28:00 1) Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years of age to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month. 2) My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is. 3) The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 4) I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound yet. Apparently you have to go there. 5) I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what the hell I'm doing. 6) I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. 7) I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. 8) The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. More About: Health , People , Exercise , Should
Almost pissed in my pants
2007-04-22 23:05:00 This is hilarious. You have to hear this old man laughing. I warn you it's highly contagious. You're gonna love the ending also. More About: Videos , Pants , Most , Ants , Pissed
The best Living Will
2007-04-18 18:50:00 I, Maxine, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following: Glass of wine, Chocolate, Margarita, Chocolate, Martini, Cold Beer, Chocolate, Chicken fried steak, Chocolate, Mexican food, Chocolate, French fries, Pizza, Ice cream, Cup of tea, Chocolate, Sex or Chocolate... It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. More About: Jokes , Living , Best , Will , Ving
A little afternoon delight
2007-04-18 18:24:00 Germany's largest brothel is offering a 50% discount on sex to senior citizens. If you have to get old, Germany isn't a bad place to do so. As well as generous state pensions, German senior citizens enjoy a host of benefits during their twilight years. Now, in addition to discounted rail travel, cut-price cinema tickets and cheap museum entry, Germany's old folk have a new perk to take advantage of: a 50- percent discount at Germany's largest brothel. Between noon and 5:00 PM, the Cologne brothel "Pascha" is offering this half-off discount for sex to senior citizens 66 years of age and older. Some seniors would probably agree that this is far superior to the early bird special at the neighborhood restaurant or the senior citizen discount at the movies. Senior citizen patrons of the brothel are required to show proof of age. The 12-story Cologne brothel is trying to tap into the growing pensioner demographic in Germany. It test-marketed its half-off services by offering the early... More About: News , Afternoon , Light , Little , After
More bumper stickers
2007-04-15 23:12:00 These are the latest bumper stickers from my Senior Citizen Humor website. Visit http://www.pmcaregivers.com/Humor to see all the others. More About: Bumper , Stickers , Bump , More , Stick
Hmmm
2007-04-15 18:01:00 "The average child laughs about 400 times per day, the averageadult laughs only 15 times per day. What happened to the other 385 laughs?" USA Today. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. More About: Random Thoughts
Geezer Crossing
2007-04-12 21:39:00 OMG! It's the guy from the sign. These are actually real signs. I have seen quite a number of them now. More About: Photos , Geezer , Sing , Crossing , Ross
The Last Request
2007-04-09 21:30:00 An old man is lying on his deathbed with his children, grandchildren, and older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man is in a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven! I smell your grandmother's strudel!" "No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now." "I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?", the old man begs with what is left of his final breath. One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. "Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries. "I'm very sorry, grandfather, but grandma says they're for ... More About: Jokes , Request , Quest , The Last
New medical wonder pill
2007-04-08 23:07:00 As endorsed by Robin Williams... More About: Medical , Photos , Wonder
Senior accessories
2007-03-21 18:07:00 It's actually available at the following URL if you are interested in purchasing one:http://www.foureyesjokeshop.com/index .asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=772 More About: Senior , Accessories , Access , Esso
Grandpa looks so hot...!
2007-03-17 23:47:00 Wonder what my darling little grandson is up to? More About: Grand , Look , Looks
You Have a Heart Murmur
2007-01-26 12:34:00 An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!" The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?" "Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?" "No," replied the man. "Do you drink in excess?" "No." replied the man. "Do you have a sex life?" "Yes, I do!" "Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life." Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the thinking?" More About: Hear , Heart , Have
Senior Citizens leading carriers of Aids.
2007-01-20 23:00:00 Government research studies show that Senior Citi zens are the nations leading carriers of Aids! The report, published by the U.S. Administration on Aging (AoA) shows that senior citizens are the leading carriers of Hearing Aids, Band Aids, Rol Aids, Walking Aids, Medical Aids, Government Aids, and most of all, monetary aid to their kids. More About: Carriers , Carr , Arri
65-year old woman has a baby.
2007-01-20 22:42:00 With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65-year old mother says, "not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it." More About: Baby , Woman , Oman , Year
FDA looking for generic name for Viagra.
2007-01-20 22:36:00 In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra . After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course, ibepokin. More About: Name , King , Gene , Look
Scam Artists preying on the elderly.
2007-01-20 22:28:00 The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.MORE NEWS: Social Security System Overhauled To Provide 'Early-Death Incentives' WASHINGTON, DC—Overwhelmed by a dearth of funds and a glut of recipients, the Social Security Administration unveiled a new "Early-Death Incentives Plan" Monday. Under the terms of the program, senior citizens willing to sacrifice additional years of life will be eligible for larger payouts. More About: Artist , Artists , Scam , Elderly , Prey
Funny Senior Citizen Bumper Stickers.
2007-01-20 12:01:00 These are just a few of the bumper stickers from my website. Visit my site to see the rest.http://www.pmcaregivers.com/Bumper st ickers.htm More About: Funny , Fun , Senior , Stickers
I want to listen to your heart
2007-01-20 11:59:00 One of my favorite cartoons. More About: Hear , Your , List , Heart , Listen
What really goes on in those Senior Citizen Centers.
2007-01-20 11:51:00 Hey! You try living on only a social security check. More About: Senior , What , Hat , Cent , Citi
Seniors: Need Extra Income?
2007-01-20 11:42:00 Living on Social Security? Surprised no one has actually tried this yet. Then again, I haven't done a Google search yet. LOL. Could be quite lucrative. More About: Senior , Income , Come , Need , Extra
OMG! Barbara Bush in the Buff.
2007-01-20 11:37:00 Not so sure I want to see the centerfold. More About: Bush , Barbara , Barbar , Bush I , Buff
Awesome Coca Cola Commercial
More articles from this author:2007-01-20 04:08:00 Commercial about an old man in a retirement home who never tasted Coca Cola before. He then imagines all the other things in his life he has never done. Funny. A must click. Any comments? More About: Commercial , Awesome , Coca-Cola 1, 2, 3 |
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