I Do Things So You Don't Have To

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Articles: 1, 2

I Won?t Do These Things so you?re gonna have to do them yourselves
2008-02-19 15:26:00
But I said no, no, no, no-no-no It occurred to me the other day that I was going to have to address the inevitable issue of just what I Won’t Do. I’d hate to disappoint you somewhere down the line by refusing to do something you really had your heart set on me doing so you don’t ...
More About: Things , Gonna

I Am Honored so you don?t have to be
2008-02-16 17:08:00
My good friend Kathy, over at The Junk Drawer, has just honored me with a very special award. GO! Smell the Flowers is an awesome community of 20 bloggers from all over the world who share inspirational and enlightening stories and encourage others to do the same. Watch the video to learn more! This wonderful group ...

I Got The Look so you don’t have to
2008-02-12 14:29:00
U shonuf do be cookin’ in my book Men, I doubt many of you are familiar with The Look. Ladies, most of you probably know what I’m talking about, especially if you’re in your 40s and love to eat. You’ve either given or received The Look at some point. In my Zumba class today, I got The Look from the instructor, who I wouldn’t say is a close friend but who is super nice and friendly and I love her. I was standing there, wrangling my hair into a ponytail, and I turned around as she approached me. She had The Look on her face. OMG, I thought to myself. I’m getting The Look! My stomach flip-flopped in anticipation and I carefully arranged my face so as to seem unsuspecting. The Look is hard to describe, but you know it when you see it. It’s usually an open-mouthed, wide-eyed expression of surprised delight. It means just one thing and it always precedes the comment:  ”You’ve lost weight!” I hugged her, even though I was i...

I Am Easily Annoyed so you don?t have to be
2008-02-08 15:37:00
She’s the worst thing in this world Well, look at that stupid girl I’m on the elliptical machine at the gym. Perhaps you know the setup. Rows of machines with about 2 inches between each one. You can just barely haul yourself on and off without knocking over the person next to you. But it’s a great workout ...

I Am Kind of a Big Deal (Confirmed!) so you don?t have to be
2008-02-03 23:01:00
I am I am I am the luckiest Hey, remember when I told y’all I was kind of a big deal? It turns out I wasn’t hallucinating after all. Fuel My Blog, along with SnorgTees, rewarded me (and 99 other worthy bloggers) for placing in Fuel My Blog’s top 100 blogs. The reward? A T-shirt emblazoned with the confirmation ...
More About: Deal

I Love the 80s so you don?t have to
2008-01-30 21:50:00
*        *        * Now look at them yo-yo’s, that’s the way you do it You play the guitar on the MTV *    * “Does this hair make my nose look big?” *        *        * I believe the word “freakish” was recently used to describe the above photo, so, of course, I rushed to publish it for the world to see. ...
More About: Love , I Love the 80s

I Sat Through Cloverfield Without Puking so you don?t have to
2008-01-24 14:38:00
When people before could take it no more They’d create a big friend like Gigantor * WARNING! This post will not induce dizziness, motion sickness, or nausea. Unless reading about vomiting makes you feel sick. Then you’d best be on your merry way. If you enjoy reading about vomiting but don’t want to be spoiled by a few ...
More About: Cloverfield

I?ve Seen David Strathairn in His Underwear so you don?t have to
2008-01-20 16:32:00
I wanna be your underwear *  All this talk lately of porn and underpants has naturally turned my thoughts toward my favorite actor, David Strathairn. You may know him from his Oscar-nominated role as Edward R. Murrow in Good Night, and Good Luck, or perhaps as the evil child molester (SPOILER!) in Dolores Claiborne. Or maybe you go way ...
More About: Underwear , David Strathairn

I Take Drugs so you don?t have to
2008-01-17 18:47:00
And the ones that mother gives you Don’t do anything at all * Oh, not those kinds of drugs, you big ninnies! At least, not anymore (that’s a whole ‘nother post). No, I’m talking about strictly legal but nevertheless potent and delicious drugs—the kind your doctor (if your doctor is a drug pusher, like mine) is more than ...
More About: Drugs

I am Distracted so you don?t have to be
2008-01-11 15:52:00
Noise Noise Noise At 7 am on a brand new day * Yes. I have been ever so slightly distracted lately. Perhaps because they’re filming Journey to the Center of the Earth next door. If the annoying video doesn’t play, click here. Be sure to turn up the volume so you can get the full “you are there” ...

I Have Google-Induced Brain Damage so you don?t have to
2008-01-06 19:33:00
The world outside is so big But it’s safe in my domain Because to you I’m just a number And a clever screen name * Alcoholics have their booze, smokers have their cigarettes, crackheads have their . . . crack. As an editor, trivia buff, curious human, and language snob with a constant need to prove people wrong, I ...
More About: Google , Brain , Damage

I Play the Telephone Game so you don?t have to
2008-01-02 15:38:00
I’m in the phone booth, it’s the one across the hall If you don’t answer, I’ll just ring it off the wall I know he’s there, but I just had to call. Don’t leave me hanging on the telephone *   OK, now we’re talking. I know that I’ve said I hate hate hate talking on the phone, but this ...
More About: Play , Game , Telephone

I Like Porn so you don?t have to
2007-12-29 16:38:00
Don?t drink, don?t smoke What do you do? * Oh, yeah, you heard me. I like porn. Especially porn as defined by the geniuses behind the book Porn for Women. But also regular porn, too. Still, this other Porn for Women is pretty good stuff. Inside you’ll find pictures of (mostly) hunky and sometimes shirtless guys doing ...

I Love Christmas so you HAVE to!
2007-12-24 19:42:00
I have absolutely nothing profound to say on this, the eve of Christmas , but I would like to share some of my Christmas traditions with you in the form of a delightful Christmas Q&A. This was originally supposed to be one of those dreaded memes, but in the spirit of the season, I’ll just answer the ...
More About: Love

I Had Surger . . . a Procedure so you don?t have to
2007-12-19 14:22:00
You want to trust the doctors Their procedure is the best But the last try was a failure And the intern was a mess * I don’t like the term surgery, so for the purpose of this post, it’s a procedure. Got it? Good. And don’t worry—everything went fine, except for one aspect that is almost too horrifying to relate. Due ...
More About: Urge

I Enjoy Holiday Music so you don?t have to
2007-12-16 16:58:00
Christmas Day will always be Just so long as we have we *   You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen But do you recall JD’s favorite holiday songs of all? From my iPod Holiday Playlist of 137 songs, I have culled 48 songs to be featured on a special 2-volume “Have Yourself ...
More About: Music , Enjoy

I Experienced a Christmas Miracle so you don?t have to
2007-12-08 15:02:00
And baby there’ll be Dancin’ in the streets For the miracle I hope all my readers will experience a Christmas miracle. To some, a miracle may take the form of an unexpected kindness from a stranger. To others, it might involve a baby in a manger. And to others, it might be simply be a feeling of ...
More About: Miracle , Experienced

I Saw U2. IN IRELAND! so you don?t have to
2007-12-04 16:05:00
I can’t stop the dance Maybe this is my last chance * I know y’all are still reeling from the news that I saw Led Zeppelin at the Chicago Stadium in 1977. Well, hold onto your bangers, because as you may have recently read somewhere, I saw U2. IN IRELAND! The venue: Croke Park, Dublin. In attendance: 57,000 people including one cool ...
More About: Ireland

I Do (Picture of Scary Rabbit) so you don?t (picture of a Coke) to
2007-11-30 16:47:00
Wheee! I found a new toy. It’s Google’s VisualPoetry hack, and it’s even more of a time-waster than shooting sheep with a stun gun. As the site tells us: VisualPoetry translates any text into a series of images by looking up the words on Google image search and projecting the most relevant results as a slide ...
More About: Picture , Scary , Coke

I Clean My House so you don?t have to
2007-11-28 03:24:00
You better clean this house, everybody’s talking Clean this house, they really think it’s shocking Clean this house, get that shit off the table Clean this house, before you are unable * Now that I’m an award-winning blogger, it hardly seems fair that I should have to clean my own house. In my last post, I hinted that I would ...
More About: House

I Am My Blog so you don?t have to (be)
2007-11-26 19:08:00
What I am is what I am are you what you are or what? * A big, fat thank you to my friends Kathy at The Junk Drawer (now with new domain name!) and Cardiogirl (check out the low-tops!) for bestowing upon me the coveted “Be the Blog ” award. What does it mean to be one’s blog? ...

I?m Fat and Weak
2007-11-23 19:13:00
It’s none of my business But you have to eat Your appetite is appalling * I have resolved to have a dinner plate of salad before I dig into what else is offered. I plan on sticking to a palm-sized piece of meat. I will go for veggies before anything else, and then I will hardly have enough room ...