Hash It Out! Hash It Out! Read the irreverent musings of a godless lunatic! Articles
And now back to the jokes!
2008-03-13 21:51:00 So what if I wrote something funny for a change? What about that fuckers? Here’s something (I find) funny… Punchlines with no set ups. …radio? What radio? Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa! …and when I woke up, my pillow was gone. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa! …so I told her, “Hey, I warned you ... More About: Jokes , Back
Don?t go to Vegas with good intentions.
2008-03-13 20:40:00 Everyone loves Las Vegas . I love Las Vegas. We all go to Vegas thinking it’s gonna be the best thing ever, but then kinda like Vince Vaughn and Jan Favreau in Swingers, ‘VEGAS BABY!’ becomes ‘yeah, yeah Vegas, whatever’… I think many people do this. Now although there are stories of going to Vegas and winning ... More About: Good
In the clock tower with a rifle.
2008-03-13 00:38:00 Today was the day. Today at 4pm actually. That’s when I decided in advance (sometime yesterday) that if God didn’t show himself to me, or if my deepest desire in life wasn’t realized in some way, I was going up in the tower. That’s right. Me, a rifle, and innocent humans who did nothing wrong except ... More About: Clock , Tower , Rifle
Confession of a Liar
2008-03-11 16:50:00 The Vatican has issued a list of new sins or “modern evils”. For those readers who are not Catholics or are recovering Catholics, it is currently the season of Lent. It’s a 40 day period which ends in Easter: the celebration of the Risen Christ. During this time, one is to reflect and contemplate how to make ... More About: Confession , Liar
Directions for Rob
2008-03-10 21:43:00 When I die, I’d like to have a matte black casket with semi gloss Edwardian patterns covering the outside, with chrome hinges and handles. I’d like the interior to be pleated padded ivory silk satin. I think I’d like to be buried in my wedding dress as I think it is the most flattering dress ... More About: Directions
7-11, a crackhead, and pajamas.
2008-03-10 11:18:00 So it’s 2:45 am. I forgot to eat all day, and I’m in my apartment watching Seinfelds. I own every episode on DVD, and to try and bring myself out of my deep, dark depression, I have turned to relentlessly watching these episodes. But, it made me forget to eat. I haven’t eaten much in ... More About: Pajamas
A cinquain, a quatrain, and a train.
2008-03-10 08:49:00 Heart Soft, vulnerable Pumping blood inside Giving life, creating pain Harbinger If life is love And love is life Why must we Endure such strife The 5:15 to Schaumburg. Bookmark It Hide Sites More About: Train
Books are awesome. Reading is fun.
2008-03-09 21:14:00 As a kid, I wasn’t a reader. My whole life I’ve always rebelled heavily against those things that were FORCED upon me. You know, religion, education, books. As a child I basically remember reading two books by choice (or what I remember being my choice). The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Awesome . Really fun ... More About: Books , Reading
A Tanka and a Tonka.
2008-03-09 06:32:00 Blindness without sound Darkness envelops me, now My soul is empty Stretches to the beginning Wraps around and back again Truck Bookmark It Hide Sites
Dear blog fuckers!
2008-03-09 04:36:00 Listen up dicks. I’m about to use a word with all of you Hash It Out readers that you probably won’t be affected by, but nevertheless I’ll use it anyway… “PLEASE” do not email me responses to blog posts. If you have something to say, use the comments. That’s what they’re for. What, do you listen ... More About: Blog
Trousers and sofas.
2008-03-08 12:39:00 Also known as slacks and davenports. Does anyone use these type of words anymore? You don’t hear the young people say, “I ripped my trousers.” They don’t talk about how, “I really like those slacks.” And I guess it’s not a sofa or a davenport anymore, but a couch. I’m sure I could cite 957 examples ... More About: Trousers
A limerick, a haiku, and a co-stanza.
2008-03-07 17:03:00 The sun it warms the valley The heat here in Southern Cali It allows no cold It really gets old I’d rather be stabbed in an alley Make me laugh she said He did, and she seemed happy Then she left, he died Frank and his wife Estelle Bookmark It Hide Sites More About: Haiku
I?m waiting.
2008-03-06 11:27:00 Watching girls go passing by It ain’t the latest thing I’m just standing in a doorway I’m just trying to make some sense Out of these girls go passing by The tales they tell of men I’m not waiting on a lady I’m just waiting on a friend A smile relieves a heart that grieves Remember what I said I’m not waiting on a lady I’m ... More About: Waiting
I tried.
2008-03-06 03:22:00 I tried. No, I really did. But sometimes you just can’t overcome. You shouldn’t blame yourself or feel guilt, if you did the best you could. That’s all really anyone can ask of you. And it’s all you should ask of yourself. Your best. I was walking along the canal known as the Los Angeles River ...
My first bar fight.
2008-03-04 10:14:00 I’ve been down in the dumps lately. I’m currently in the middle of trying to repair a friendship I care deeply about, and I’m not good at interpersonal relationships. My IQ, 160. My social interaction quotient, whatever number is equivalent to that of a retarded sociopath. It is important to note this because it has ... More About: Fight
Who is Ms.Duett?
2008-03-03 20:33:00 An exceptionally mischievous 27 year old little girl who hates not getting what she wants. Unfortunately she wants too many things and those things tell her that she can have only one of each or none at all which does not stop her from wanting too many things and only causes her to be very ...
Tyrell
2008-03-03 01:06:00 Okay tho I thpeak with a lithp and whatnot right, tho you gonna need to get uthed to it. My name ith Tyrell. It’s pronounthed Tuh-RELL, not TIE-rell or TEAR-uhl, or none a that shit. By the way, I have taught mythelf how to thay thertain wordth without the lithp, like shit. Alotta people athk me did ...
Why it is impossible to get into heaven.
2008-03-02 19:00:00 I am not all of the sudden on some “spread the atheism” kick or anything. I think people should still have the right to believe what they believe, as stupid as any beliefs may be. It’s just that when something makes so much sense (or conversely makes NO SENSE AT ALL), it’s too good not ... More About: Heaven , Impossible
Why is it said atheists are bad people?
2008-03-02 18:27:00 Atheists are bad people? I think not. They’re just people who don’t believe what YOU believe. Watch this video and see what you think. Bookmark It Hide Sites More About: People , Atheists
Da Shatner Funk
2008-03-02 17:43:00 I aspire to be this guy… Bookmark It Hide Sites More About: Funk
I think I might change my name.
2008-02-29 12:44:00 I’m not talking anything drastic here. I’m not gonna completely change it, like to a symbol or anything. I’m not going to change it all the way to something different like Jimmy, or Jack, or some other J names. I like Js. No… I’m more thinking about altering my name. When I was a boy, I ... More About: Change
I will see you in hell.
2008-02-28 09:18:00 So people always say, “I’ll see you in hell.” It’s funny, because that would imply I am going to hell, and SO ARE YOU! If you’re gonna see me there, I’ll tell you where you’ll see me exactly. I’ll be in the foyer. You’ll get there and say, “Hey Rob, why are you out here?” “It’s fuckin’ ... More About: Hell
When will I lose my sobriety?
2008-02-28 03:41:00 As a kid, and all through high school, I was never that kid. I never smoked weed, or drank. I hung around guys who did, but I just wasn’t that guy. The first time I ever got drunk I was 20 years old. I was in the Army, but I was at home on leave ...
Scary Bug I Found on my Head
2008-02-27 23:32:00 So a while back I posted a “blog” about a time were I caught a bug on my head, which freaked me out, and caused me to think there were bugs on my head for at least a couple months afterwards sending me into chills of panic every time. I posted a video of the ... More About: Scary , Head
Healthy lunch?
2008-02-27 23:01:00 When I’m at home, everyday I wake up think about all the things I have to do that day and dive into work and debauchery on my computer. Often not doing what needs to be done. Hence the whole hanging out at Robs blog. This morning I turned on the TV only to see a ... More About: Lunch , Healthy
Just my Imagination
2008-02-26 19:52:00 They finished dinner. She didn’t eat much. She liked to look at him as he ate, as he talked. Their conversation wasn’t making her any hungrier. All she could think about was holding his soft sweet hand. They walked to her car, both of them tense from what happened before. She just kept staring at ... More About: Imagination
I have a fan from life.
2008-02-20 23:09:00 I have a fan. I had forgotten about this thing she wrote about me. It was written about 3 months ago, and I forgot about it. But I just found it again. I will not name the source, for fear that she would want to remain anonymous, however it was originally posted in a public forum. This is not a private email or anything, this was for all to see. If she later wants to claim authorship, I will reveal her. She is in fact a REAL person. This is not my writing. This was written because of rumors of my leaving Los Angeles to venture back to my hometown of Spokane, WA… *** I would like to clarify a couple of rumors currently going around about Rob. As a good friend, as well as an ex-girlfriend, I believe I have the knowledge to speak on Rob’s behalf. As for the rumors . . . 1) Rob’s penis is so big that it currently blocks out the sun in California. Scientists asked him to stay in Washington {state} during the equinox to avoid throwing the planets out of alignm... More About: Life
Ever feel not funny?
2008-02-20 22:46:00 As a comedian, the pressure to keep up the funny is sometimes too great. Everyone expects you to be “on” all the time. People expect that anything you do or say will be totally hilarious or at least peppered with hilarity. But what if… Two guys walk into a bar. They sit down, they order drinks, they drink them, look around, talk a little, and pay their tab. Then they leave. What if that? Why does everything need a punchline? Why can’t a comedian be serious once in a while? Comedians have problems too ya know. Like reading a news article and not being able to get through it without wanting to point out its inevitable hypocrisy or evil. The news is never just the news. Another problem comedians have is the never ending expectation to be funny. I get all the time. “Oh, comedian? Tell me a joke.” “What do you do for a living?” “I’m a prostitute.” “Well, then why don’t you blow me?”... More About: Funny , Feel
Brian Regan, a stand up comedian you should know.
2008-02-19 19:29:00 Brian is one of my favorite colleagues. I discovered him in 1991 or so before I became a comedian. He’s had 4 TV pilots, all haven’t made it. So he’s not world famous, but he should be. Unlike me, his act is completely G rated clean (the opposite of my fucking self) and he will have you in stitches from beginning to end. If you get the chance to see him live, DO IT! Here’s my favorite bit of his… ShareThis More About: Comedian , Brian , Stand Up , Stand , Stand-Up
Dennis Wolfberg a comedian you should know.
More articles from this author:2008-02-18 22:38:00 In 1994 we lost Dennis Wolfberg. Some of you may not have even heard of him. He was voted comic of the year twice I believe in ‘90 and ‘91. No matter how many times I watch this clip, I still laugh. He was one of the true greats, and if you’ve never heard of him, please do yourself a favor and him an onor by watching this clip… ShareThis More About: Comedian 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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