Hash It Out! Hash It Out! Read the irreverent musings of a godless lunatic! Articles
Superbowl XLII - Giants, Patriots, or Al-Qaeda?
2008-02-04 19:02:00 So I’m watching the game with a friend and I say toward the beginning, “If the Patriots get ahead too far, I’m rooting for Al-Qaeda . Because fuck the New England Patriots.” I hate those Patriots and I wanted the Giants to win as bad as I’ve ever wanted any team to win the Superbowl . And I’m not even a Giants fan. What an experience. What a great game. And there were some funny advertising moments as well. But… Here’s my real blog issue… The NFL is fixed. Now again, I couldn’t be happier the Patriots lost the game, so this “NFL is fixed” theory comes not from anger/bitterness, but from a place of “I’m a crazy conspiracy theorist” because that shit is fun to think about and it makes certain (closed minded) people insane. If you know me, one of my favorite pastimes is challenging people’s beliefs and creating socially awkward situations. Besides putting my penis in a woma... More About: Al Qaeda
Electricity is a cruel addiction.
2008-02-03 09:40:00 I take you for granted. I apologize. You are a cruel temptress, but I find that life without you is almost pointless. I can’t imagine myself in the days of the Old West. 150 years ago would have been a difficult time for me out on the prarie with my 15 year old wife and candles. I would make due. I wouldn’t need you. But here in the 21st century, you are an evil necessity. Today you left me for a time. You’ve done it before, and I cursed your name. You are a whore and a bitch. You leave me in such a lurch sometimes. When you go, I cannot computer. I think, well I’ll just TV, wait, no. Okay, I’ll just listen to the, nope. Since I can’t do all that, maybe I can read a–NO LIGHT! You are a powerful addiction and I hate you. I love you. You always return, but I never know how long you’ll be gone and when you’ll leave again. Fuck you. I won’t allow you to toy with me. I will develop the ab... More About: Electricity , Addiction , Cruel
Electricity is a cruel addiction.
2008-02-03 09:40:00 I take you for granted. I apologize. You are a cruel temptress, but I find that life without you is almost pointless. I can’t imagine myself in the days of the Old West. 150 years ago would have been a difficult time for me out on the prarie with my 15 year old wife and ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Electricity is a cruel addiction.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=76" }); More About: Addiction , Cruel , Addict
Trying my hand at poetry.
2008-02-02 18:59:00 I don’t know if I’m a poet. I guess I could call myself one. Like comedian, poet is one of the only jobs you can simply proclaim you are, and then you are. There’s no necessary schooling, there’s no internship, there’s no residency, there’s no preparation of any kind (assumedly) needed. Bam. I’m a poet. ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Trying my hand at poetry.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=75" }); More About: Poetry , Hand
Trying my hand at poetry.
2008-02-02 18:59:00 I don’t know if I’m a poet. I guess I could call myself one. Like comedian, poet is one of the only jobs you can simply proclaim you are, and then you are. There’s no necessary schooling, there’s no internship, there’s no residency, there’s no preparation of any kind (assumedly) needed. Bam. I’m a poet. First day, first hour, first minute, first second. Just like every presumptuous asshole 22 year old UCLA college student who walks into a coffee shop on a whim and says, “I’m a comedian, wheres a microphone?” You just started a career. For many of you, it will end in the next three minutes. First of all, nobody is funny until they’re at least 30 years old. I mean, really! Until 30, you haven’t done anything. You haven’t had your heart ripped out 14 times. You haven’t seen (enough) death. You haven’t crashed your car, or been in enough car crashes yet. What you thin... More About: Poetry , Hand
Lingerie Bowl?
2008-02-02 04:26:00 What’s this? This’ll be the fifth year of this Lingerie Bowl ? Who’s been keeping me from this? I demand satisfaction. I have never heard of this Lingerie Bowl and now this year is Lingerie Bowl V? FIVE?!? What the hell? Screw the regular Super Bowl, I’m watching this. Are you kidding me? Chicks whaling on each ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Lingerie Bowl?", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=74" });
Lingerie Bowl?
2008-02-02 04:26:00 What’s this? This’ll be the fifth year of this Lingerie Bowl ? Who’s been keeping me from this? I demand satisfaction. I have never heard of this Lingerie Bowl and now this year is Lingerie Bowl V? FIVE?!? What the hell? Screw the regular Super Bowl, I’m watching this. Are you kidding me? Chicks whaling on each other? What better viewing spectacle is possible? Okay, well naked chicks whaling on each other, at my house, and I’m the ref. But still. On TV, I’ll take this action. Are these girls even playing football, or is it some fucked up version of “smear the queer”? You know what, I don’t care! Can I buy DVDs of this? Do these “football” games start out anywhere near a copy machine, or with a pizza delivery boy? I can’t believe people have been keeping this from me. This fully explains people walking in front of me or pulling me aside or twisting me around to face a different d...
David Lynch on the iPhone.
2008-01-31 22:47:00 This says it all… This is what’s wrong with kids today. ShareThis More About: Iphone , David , David Lynch
David Lynch on the iPhone.
2008-01-31 22:47:00 This says it all… This is what’s wrong with kids today. SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "David Lynch on the iPhone.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=73" }); More About: Iphone , David Lynch
Politicians who believe in god are dangerous.
2008-01-31 01:34:00 Alright, everyone just calm the fuck down! Don’t get all high and mighty on me until you read what I have to say… First of all (as anyone who knows me will tell you), the word god in the title and in this sentence and everywhere I write it gets no capitol letter, because it can’t be a proper noun if it doesn’t exist, so get that out of your head to start. Second, open you god damn mind. Open it! Let (wait for it…) new thoughts come into your field of vision. Let there be a discussion and debate before you make the decision you’ve probably already made. If you can’t do that, well, then fuck off. Go pray. So now… The Constitution says there shall be no religious test for any office. Yet 80% of the dullards in this country believe you can’t elect someone (especially to the presidency) unless they believe in god. And for that matter, they should also be married and have children to demonstrate their family values... More About: Politicians , Dangerous
Politicians who believe in god are dangerous.
2008-01-31 01:34:00 Alright, everyone just calm the fuck down! Don’t get all high and mighty on me until you read what I have to say… First of all (as anyone who knows me will tell you), the word god in the title and in this sentence and everywhere I write it gets no capitol letter, because it can’t ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Politicians who believe in god are dangerous.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=72" }); More About: Politics , Dangerous
Electronik Supersonik by Zlad!
2008-01-30 22:07:00 My new favorite video. ‘Nuff. said. SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Electronik Supersonik by Zlad!", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=71" });
Square dancing chickens.
2008-01-30 11:05:00 ThanX Tiffany! SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Square dancing chickens.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=70" }); More About: Dancing
I was tricked by Summer Glau, terminator.
2008-01-29 21:01:00 That’s her. The one that tricked me. I met her at the Starbucks in Sherman Oaks, CA this morning. Well, I say THE Starbucks, there’s probably 4 more. Anyway, I’m not a coffee drinker, but I went there to write. I see people on TV and in the movies (and now in real life) writing ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "I was tricked by Summer Glau, terminator.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=69" } ); More About: Terminator , Summer Glau
I was tricked by Summer Glau, terminator.
2008-01-29 21:01:00 That’s her. The one that tricked me. I met her at the Starbucks in Sherman Oaks, CA this morning. Well, I say THE Starbucks, there’s probably 4 more. Anyway, I’m not a coffee drinker, but I went there to write. I see people on TV and in the movies (and now in real life) writing at Starbucks. I’d always wondered if there was something muse-y about that place. Turns out today I wouldn’t find out. I got a hot chocolate and sat down. The second I opened my lap top I heard a voice, “Writer huh?” I look up, it’s Summer Glau from the new terminator show. JESUS FUCK MY MAMMA IN HELL! That’s what came into my head, but outloud I said, “Comedian.” At this point I got what I always get, I saw it coming 14 miles away, “Oh. Tell me a joke.” Now I knew I couldn’t blow it with this girl. This was a hot, young star who apparently, at least so far, no one else at the Starbucks had noticed ye... More About: Terminator , Summer Glau
The lovely Miss Jennifer.
2008-01-29 09:01:00 I think this woman is possibly the most beautiful woman alive. Jennifer Connelley. Many may disagree, but I have liked looking at her since I first saw her in “Labyrinth” when she was a teenager. She’s still so sexy to me. Sure, she’s married. I don’t care. Sure she has kids. I don’t care. Her marriage is ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "The lovely Miss Jennifer.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=68" } ); More About: Lovely
The lovely Miss Jennifer.
2008-01-29 09:01:00 I think this woman is possibly the most beautiful woman alive. Jennifer Connelley. Many may disagree, but I have liked looking at her since I first saw her in “Labyrinth” when she was a teenager. She’s still so sexy to me. Sure, she’s married. I don’t care. Sure she has kids. I don’t care. Her marriage is her second, and she has kids by different men, so that just means she fucks and it’s possible (however unlikely) that I may participate in some kind of relationship with her in the future ranging from marriage to restraining order. Hopefully somewhere in between. I am a comedian and an actor, so it is conceivably possible that we will meet one day. I hope to god she doesn’t somehow get a hold of this blog, although what a great ice-breaker. If you are reading this Miss Jennifer, just know that you drive my gears. But let’s put aside all that. I’ve watched you act. I’ve seen you in interviews... More About: Lovely
The Vagina Couch.
2008-01-28 21:23:00 What if you had this? This Vagina Couch might be the most righteous thing I’ve ever seen. It was brought to my attention by a girl. Shouldn’t I have discovered this? It’s actually for sale on Craigslist. I will buy this Vagina Couch. I will bring it into my home. Hell, it can even BE my ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "The Vagina Couch.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=67" } );
The Vagina Couch.
2008-01-28 21:23:00 What if you had this? This Vagina Couch might be the most righteous thing I’ve ever seen. It was brought to my attention by a girl. Shouldn’t I have discovered this? It’s actually for sale on Craigslist. I will buy this Vagina Couch. I will bring it into my home. Hell, it can even BE my home. Why would I leave? I can just eat, drink, and sleep in it all day every day. I’ll pleasure myself and I’ll be in the Vagina Couch all hours. I have no reason to leave. This may be the master plan… I get the Vagina Couch. I hook up the web cam to show me in it all the time. Only girls can wiew the cam. Under the feed I have a message - “Think you can replace my comfy surroundings?” And I offer blaitant soliciation for girls to be my new vagina. So basically from now until some girl agrees, I eat, drink, and ejaculate within a vagina until a HEATED vagina comes. Then I switch. I put this Vagina Couch in the closet...
Valentine?s Day sucks my ass.
2008-01-27 23:16:00 Valentine’s Day. Shit. This is bullshit. Go to Wikipedia and read all about Valentine’s Day (or VD as I like to call it). Blah, blah, St. Valentine this and Chaucer’s love birds that. No. This holiday was invented by the Hallmark Greeting Card Company in 1969. It’s a bogus commercial effort to get your money based ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Valentine’s Day sucks my ass.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=66" } ); More About: Valentine , Sucks , Valentin
I feel sorry for the next girl who has sex with me.
2008-01-27 11:30:00 Okay, so it’s been a while. Some people think a while is ten years. Some people say 10 minutes. For me, it’s somewhere in that span. I’m not saying where, that’s not important. All I can say is that whoever this next girl is, she will experience the wicked befuckery of a jack hammered rabbit ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "I feel sorry for the next girl who has sex with me.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=65" } ); More About: Girl , Feel
I feel sorry for the next girl who has sex with me.
2008-01-27 11:30:00 Okay, so it’s been a while. Some people think a while is ten years. Some people say 10 minutes. For me, it’s somewhere in that span. I’m not saying where, that’s not important. All I can say is that whoever this next girl is, she will experience the wicked befuckery of a jack hammered rabbit on amphetamines. And if there are oral pleasures involved, I just hope Abraham Zapruder is there to film the action. Back and to the left. This has created a thought… The following is not a new concept. This question has been posed before, but as far as I know, it has never been answered. It’s always sort of treated in a rhetorical manner. The question is… Why can’t we just all walk up to each other on the street and say, “Hey. Let’s fuck.” If the askee isn’t inclined, a simple negatory is given, the two people pass, perhaps with the asker tipping his hat, or zipping up his fly (I assume it w... More About: Girl , Feel
Sylvester Stallone uses HGH and I say it?s fine.
2008-01-26 10:00:00 Stallone uses Human Growth Hormone. It’s nothing. In ten years it’ll be sold OTC. That’s over the counter for dumb people who read my blog and haven’t realized I don’t want you here. Go away dummies! Sylvester Stallone , I bow to you sir. I just saw your Rambo filmary and I was even pleased I spent $12.75 ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Sylvester Stallone uses HGH and I say it’s fine.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=63" } ); More About: Stallone , Fine
Sylvester Stallone uses HGH and I say it’s fine.
2008-01-26 10:00:00 Stallone uses Human Growth Hormone. It’s nothing. In ten years it’ll be sold OTC. That’s over the counter for dumb people who read my blog and haven’t realized I don’t want you here. Go away dummies! Sylvester Stallone , I bow to you sir. I just saw your Rambo filmary and I was even pleased I spent $12.75 for my assigned seat at the (now) renowned Sherman Oaks Arclight Cinema. You are the master. You write, you direct, you act, you bulk up. I say to you sir, you are my (Hollywood) hero. I don’t really have heroes, but you can be one if you want. You deserve it. HGH, or whatever it is, you are nearly 62 years old and look 45. Make love to me. Slide me your Sly. I don’t care if I’m a man and you are a man. It doesn’t mean we’re gay. Just in love. I love you Mr. Stallone. I will let you touch my soft baby body, but no fair calling me Adrian. No fair treating me like your big knife. If yo... More About: Stallone , Fine
72 virgins in paradise.
2008-01-26 02:31:00 72 virgins in paradise? All I have to do is martyr myself in the name oh Allah? No. No thank you. I don’t miss each other. I say neigh to you. I say no, not, and neigh to you again. 72 virgins. They’re all men, like you. You’re gay. You’re a dead gay fool. Your ideas are full on con-foolery and ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "72 virgins in paradise.", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=62" } ); More About: Religion , Paradise
72 virgins in paradise.
2008-01-26 02:31:00 72 virgins in paradise? All I have to do is martyr myself in the name of Allah? No. No thank you. I don’t miss each other. I say neigh to you. I say no, not, and neigh to you again. 72 virgins. They’re all men, like you. You’re gay. You’re a dead gay fool. Your ideas are full on con-foolery and slick-trickery. Neigh on you and to you. No. I will not be a party to your shenanigans and hi-jinks. I support my local haberdashery. Paradise is 2 whores. Not 72 virgins. And mine are women. I’m glad you are dead. I’m also glad you found out the truth. Allah has tricked you. I laugh in your dead face. ShareThis
Black people love Whoppers®
2008-01-25 07:05:00 This video is self explanitory. Funny! Normally I would write comentary, but really, what is there to say? SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Black people love Whoppers®", url: "http://hashitout.com/?p=61" } ); More About: People , Love , Black People
Black people love Whoppers®
More articles from this author:2008-01-25 07:05:00 This video is self explanitory. Funny! Normally I would write comentary, but really, what is there to say? ShareThis More About: People , Love , Black , Black People 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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