The Aging Disco Diva
The Aging Disco Diva
The musings and observations of a 50-something aging disco diva. Grab an espresso and let's gab about current events, gossip, aging, fitness and self help.
Man Lands On The Moon!
Today's late breaking new flashes from Captain Obvious:The Earth is Round~!Man has landed on the Moon ~!Clay Aiken is gay~!Clay Aiken to reveal he is gayTue Sep 23, 2008 8:25pm EDTLOS ANGELES (Reuters) - After years of dodging questions, former "American Idol" singer Clay Aiken will acknowledge he is a gay man in an interview with People magazine set to run on its Web site Wednesday, according to media reports.In August this year, Aiken's friend, music producer Jaymes Foster, gave birth to the baby fathered by Aiken.A spokeswoman for People would neither confirm nor deny that Aiken told the magazine he is gay. But the magazine issued a statement saying, "We can confirm that Clay Aiken and his son appear on the next cover of People. For the complete story, visit people.com at 7 a.m. (EDT Wednesday) (1100 GMT) morning."Aiken, 29, gained fame as a contestant on the No. 1-rated U.S. TV talent show "American Idol" in 2003. He was the runner-up that season but went on to build a solid si...
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Big Man in A Little Box....
Jon Stewart was on a roll this week: A bit of Déjà vu' all over again.
NCLB: No Conventioneer Left Behind
A few chocolate covered champagne bonbons to munch on this evening:The Diva was so pleased to see that all those "Hooked on Phonics" lessons did not go for naught last night:And of course, I just had to post Jon Stewart's take on this week's festivus... No matter what your politics, you can't help but laugh out loud at his great clips The National Inquirer....doing some vetting? An interesting spin on what's good for the gander (John Edwards) is good for the goose (A little bit of Northern Exposure Miss Sarah?)Yes, even the Aging Disco Diva had to battle the big, bad fourth estate meanies when I was running for Diva Queen of the Whole Friggin' Universe. But I didn't scream sexism or sic some wrinkly white haired old dude and his money bag (no, not Cindy--I mean literally a bag of money) after the press .... I just sent the flying monkeys to toss pooh...come to think of it I think I did see Karl Rove flinging the feces this week. This is more fun than a barrel of flying monkeys.
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Oh, What a Web We Weave.....
Yessireee bob, the Diva could not make this sheeyat up. Don't these geniuses realize that their previous, PERMANENTLY RECORDED, FOREVER AVAILABLE, ON TAPE, WRITTEN DOWN IN THE BOOK OF LIFE, ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GOOGLE, words of wisdom will be used to make them look like id-jiots while biting them on the arse? Oh, what a web we weave when first we practice to deceive... Hot deeham, what will we all do for entertainment after November 4th? Celebrity Has-Been Detox on Ice will pale in comparison.....
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It Could Become a Category 5 Sheeyat Storm!
What can the Diva say that could possibly top what is actually going in the political arena? Nada. Absolutely too twisted for TV, Ouiser
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Time For A Wiener Roast....
What has the Aging Disco Diva's neon purple polyester hot pants all up in a bunch today? How can I phrase this? John Edwards is a pig.Nope, that phrase does not convey my complete feelings on the topic... let me try again: John Edwards is a scum sucking, slime licking, motherless pig.Still not quite right. John Edwards is a scum sucking, slime licking, sheyat eating, motherless, trichinosis infested pig. Sigh... closer, but still not a bullseye.OMFG. Why in the hell are male politicians incapable of keeping the little pollster in their pants? What f'n fantasy planet do they live on that they think they can play "The intern and the kneepads" and not get caught?This appears to be the one issue that both parties are in alignment. Philanders to the left of us, fornicators to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you.And the Diva don't play this "It is always Democrats" or "It is always Republicans" Good gawd, they are neck in neck.... or something in something... in this lit...
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Why We Like Mike....
By now you know that there are two certainties in life....no, not that lame old "death and taxes" Life's two certainties are: the Aging Disco Diva loathes celebrities who are dumb as a bag of hammers (alas, the list is too long to mention) and she adores her Kansas State Wildcats. Michael Beasley will forever be a Wildcat, but I probably would be a fan of his even if he had never donned the royal purple because he is such a fun kid. Yes, I said kid. I am an old lady and old ladies are permitted (by law, look it up you damn whipersnappers) to say and do whatever the hell we please.I have waxed on and on about what a great kid Mike is, how he got the shaft by ESPN who will, I predict, have their collective lips permenantly attached to his arse for the rest of his pro career to save time having to bend and kiss (or perhaps in Michael's case get up on their tippy toes to kiss ) it 24/7.I have also shared how I am SO looking forward to reading years and years worth of anguished sob ...
Ewww, ewww, ewww...Must. Scrub. Image. From. Brain.
Thank you Hulk, for giving all the little Hulkamaniacs nightmares tonight after they say their prayers. The lurid, ewwwwww, images of your soon to be ex "waaay too bleached", wife boinking her "waaaay too bleached" boy toy in your own (soon to also be ex) home will be mighty hard to scrub from our collective consciousness. Keep your barf bags handy folks....His 24-year marriage to wife Linda is headed for divorce, but now, in a new interview with “Access Hollywood’s” Maria Menounos, Hogan shows signs of regrets. “There have been rumors that maybe this divorce was a ploy to protect your assets,” Menounos said.“If this is a ploy, her being intimate with a 19-year-old kid is pretty good acting,” Hogan said.Hogan squashes that speculation, citing in particular, his pain over Linda, now dating a 19-year-old, whom Hogan claims lives in the home the family once shared.“For me to be able to handle… my 50-year-old wife sleeping in a bed with a 19-year-old boyfriend and u...
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The Beeyotch is back....
It is no big secret to any of my regular readers that the Aging Disco Diva loathes the Dread Pirate Heather Mills...but I am in good company because evidently 99.9% of the earth's population would welcome a passel of virulent giant crotch crabs taking up residence in their britches before they would accept Heather Mills as a resident on their block ... or town ... or region ... country... hemisphere ... planet ... solar system .... unive ... well you get my drift.99.9%??? Hmmm .... that means that there is .1% of the population aligned with "Camp Heather" .... or in other words one or two people on the planet who like---no strike that word---tolerate, the witch. Oops! Time to change that percentage to 100%.....Heather Mills needs to find herself a new publicist.On Thursday, the former "model's" publicist of four years quit, calling her "an impossible person."In a statement to TV show Extra, Michele Elyzabeth says,"After working for Heather Mills for four years, I have decided t...
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The Diva is on an Extended Champagne and Godiva break
The Aging Disco Diva is going on an extended champagne and Godiva break. It appears that my latest granddivo is anxious to come on out a bit early and gossip with his groovy grandma so I am off to get my fix of new baby smell, LOL. Just a question of whether or not I can make it to his coming out party on time. The flying monkeys really suck at blogging so there is no one to fill the void (AS IF any earthly creature could do that anyway) so I will not be putting anything up for a while.Cheers!
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Yup, He's a Special Kind of Stupid.
The Diva will probably not be posting every single day during the summer, but I will be sharing my snarkitude as stories break ...or I run out of cold champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. So here are my musings for today:Nick Bollea is upset because a judge denied his request to be released from solitary confinement and to be allowed to mingle in the general population... but he is not as upset as the rest of the prisoners who had already decided in what order they would all be filling his dance card. Nick must be a really special kind of stupid because anyone with half a brain would be sending thank you notes to whoever remanded him to solitary confinement. Hey Nick, those guys all covered with scars n' tattoos and looking at you hungrily don't want your f'n autograph you moron... or maybe you like to have big bad mean men pet your hair as they mutter "You sho' gotta' purdy little mouth...and butt" Holy carp, what a nitwit.Not the sharpest knife in the drawer is he??A...
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Harvey Korman Passes Away
The Diva is as blue as can be, she just found out that one of the funniest human beings on the planet passed away today. Oh the laughs he, Tim Conway, Carol Burnett and Vicki Lawrence provided me as a young disco diva. Here are my favorite Harvey Korman clips: This clip is an absolute favorite of Mr. Divo..."Don't be saucy with me Bernaise" "Count De Money... Day-Mo-Nay, Day-Mo-Nay." " Yours are all the way down to your balls" "....at least I have them" And of course Went with the Wind "Thank ya, I saw it in the window and I just couldn't resist it" "We must get rid of Simba" "Oh Simba, Simba, mummy has to talk to you" "Could you repeat that sir?" Now, repeat after me: I, your name" "I, your name" "Schmucks" "Now go do that voodoo that you do" Rest In Peace Mr. KormanComic actor Harvey Korman has died at 81, according to the UCLA Medical Center.Korman died at the center four months after suffering complications from the rupture of an abdominal ao...
Creep Alert, Remembering Tribbles and Clay's Gonna Be A?
I've never been much of a Bill Murray fan, even back "in the day"....and I was a huge, huge fan of the first decade of Saturday Night Live. Bill Murray and Chevy Chase made my skin crawl and I never could put my finger on it. There seemed to be an undercurrent of nasty, angry condescension in both of them and it actually prevented me from finding most of what they did either on SNL or in the movies funny. Well reading this just reinforces my impression of Mr. Murray. He's A Real Keeper...notThe wife of entertainer Bill Murray has filed for divorce after nearly 11 years of marriage, alleging he abused her and is addicted to marijuana and alcohol.Jennifer Butler Murray filed divorce papers May 12 in Charleston County. She owns a home on Sullivans Island, S.C., where she lives with the couple's four children.The complaint was first reported by The Post and Courier of Charleston. It also alleges frequent abandonment by the former "Saturday Night Live" star.Bill Murray's attorney, Jo...
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Everything Has A Purpose, Even Denise Richards...
When the Aging Disco Diva was a youngun' she can clearly remember a conversation in school concerning the notion that every living creature had a purpose. Of course she and the other ankle biters in the class, in a doomed attempt to stall the test that was supposed to be next, kept coming up with examples of creatures that surely could not have a purpose for existing.We came up with vultures, worms, blood suckers, mosquitoes. Miss Hardbottom was getting more and more annoyed and time was running out....finally Johnny Dimwit shouted out in excitement:"Cockroaches Miss Hardbottom! They don't serve a purpose...."Miss Hardbottom peered over her glasses, curled her lips into a frightening sneer that let us know we had stumbled badly and that she was about to put an end to our little game. With an evil glint in her eye she launched into a long winded explanation about how cockroaches are scavengers that crawl all over the planet. These disgusting creatures especially favored scurrying a...
More About: Heather Mills , Denise Richards , Purpose , Richards , Denise
The Strumpetini Miss Miley
The diva is trying to find the proper word for a harlot-in-training... harlotita? whorelette? sluticule? strumpetini? slagole?Yes, the consensus front runner in the race to replace Britney as "America's Tartlette" is in the news once again. A Kodak Moment?Revealing photos of teen star Miley Cyrus appear to have turned up on the internet ? just weeks after she was criticized for posing wrapped in just a sheet for Vanity Fair.In the new snaps, a young woman who looks exactly like the 15-year-old is seen in a series of provocative poses, wearing just a T-shirt and red lacy knickers.Miley emailed the provocative shots to former boyfriend Nick Jonas when they were dating last year, claims Oceanup.comAfter the Vanity fair shoot was published, it caused a furore and Miley apologized to fans, insisting she never meant the images to be so explicit.'I took part in a photoshoot that was supposed to be "artistic" and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed,' ...
More About: Miss , Billy Ray Cyrus
Drowning in Papers
I just wanted to apologize for the lack of posts this week. The Diva works in the education field and this is the time of year that my paperwork and files must be involved in hot, sweaty, paper sex at night because every morning when I stumble into my home office it is apparent that the pile of paperwork needing to be filed had procreated and quadrupled in size overnight.This morning I started working on paperwork that would of course need to be filed, making calls (which had to be documented in files) and answering emails (which had to be printed out so that they could be placed in files) at around 7:30 this morning. My butt was numb at high noon and rigor mortis of the buttocks had set in by 6:30pm.I did take time out to watch my beloved Ugly Betty and my guilty pleasure, Grey's Anatomy but when I went downstairs to check my email the stack of papers had grown to the ceiling.... it just might be my imagination but I could have sworn I saw it pulsating.... and when I turned my b...
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Karma Class 101
The Aging Dico Diva adores Ellen Degeneres . She is one of my favorite comics and talk show hosts. Ellen has a joy of life thing going and she also tends to wear her emotions on her sleeve (much like moi) She is one of those people that you would like to be friends with.... and it has nothing to do with her celebrity status (in fact you would like to be a friend despite her fame) You just want all kinds of great things to happen for her...and it does appear that karma is returning the good vibes she gives. Yesterday Ellen announced on her show that she was getting married to her life partner Portia de Rossi. Here is the clip from her show, and you can see Portia fighting back the tears too: Here is a clip from one of Ellen's great stand up performances: Karma at work again?Anne Heche is nuttier than a fruit cake and appears to be someone whose life philosophy is "Take care of numero uno and the hell with the carnage I leave in the wake"If you are not familiar with M...
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The Schmuck and The Shrimp
Howard Stern is a schmuck. I would not listen to him when he was on the air for free and I sure as hell am not going to pay to listen to him (though I actually am a Sirius Radio subscriber) If I want to listen to mean, foul mouthed immature boys I will return to teaching middle school. Shock jocks are so yesterday. What has the Aging Disco Diva's feather boa ruffled? Stern the Schmuck has decided to pull his immature crap on Dolly Parton. For goodness sake, no one...I mean NO ONE has ever uttered a negative word about Dolly. In this day and age the internet is abuzz if a celebrity scratches the wrong way so if you are a beyotch we all hear about it. Everyone raves about how dang sweet and funny Dolly is, how down to earth she is, how she never takes herself too seriously, what a joy she is to work with, never pulls the diva act, etc. So picking on Dolly is unconscionable.Just not funny HowardDolly Parton says she is "completely devastated" by a segment on the Howard Stern radio sh...
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Mr. Rockford and Miss Rotten...Two Extremes on Life's Spectrum
The Diva was so sad to read about James Garner's stroke and hospitalization. I have always had very impure OMILF (Older Man I'd like to get frisky with) thoughts whenever I thought of him (and of course Ricardo "Rich Corinthian leather" Montalban) ... I can remember envying Sally Field in "Murphy's Romance" because he was so...so...yummy in that movie and of course I was a big "Rockford Files" fan as a teenager...and have watched "Victor/Victoria" more times than should be legal--again he was friggin' hawt as "King Marchand" Mercy, time for the Diva to take a cold shower!Just when you thought that irrepressible harpy from hell could not get any lower than a case of crotch crabs she manages to pull out all the stops and sink even further down the food chain. Seriously...does Dread Pirate Heather Mills stay awake at night plotting and planning how to become the most loathed creature to slither on this planet? Sheyat, she must....no one could b...
More About: Miss , Spectrum , Rotten
SocialSpark: An Angry Diva Is A Sight To Behold!
The Diva had been encouraged to submit her website to "Socialspark" by one of her readers, so I figured...Hey, what the heck, why not? I love networking with other bloggers. Imagine my surprise when I received this message today from what ironically is called "Customer Love"Dear Aging Disco Diva,Thank you for your interest.Unfortunately at this time, we are unable to approve your blog for the following reasons:Blogs submitted may not include or support: excessive profanity, violence, or racial intolerance, illicit drugs or drug paraphernalia, pornography, adult or mature content, or any other content that promotes intolerance, illegal activity, or infringes on the legal rights of others.Though this is the case, worry not, as our Advertisers may still add you to their Street Teams, or contact you directly about other opportunities.Once your blog meets all of our Terms of Service, please feel free to resubmit, and I shall review it again.Thanks!WTF?I was so friggin' offended by this ...
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Trailer Trash Tales Today or Soap On A Rope Surprise!
It doesn't matter how much money they manage to stumble into or how hard they try...trailer trash will always manage to be trailer trash. What do trailer trash dads wear to their son's court sentencing?Well, at least he wore something with sleeves and a black doo-rag, rather than his usual muscle shirt and print bandana. If Hulk were black or Hispanic, do you think the judge would have tolerated him wearing this in their court??? Just pondering out loud.....The Diva was pleased to see that Brooke went all out and wore something from the 2008 "Street Walker Collection" created by the "Oldest Profession" label to her brother's sentencing.I am still searching for a better photo of the dress....if you have been watching the news coverage today you have no doubt caught sight of the black, shoulder-cut out ummmm... interesting fashion choice. A fashion hint--Brooke, honey---when you have shoulders like a linebacker you REALLY don't want to wear this type of design. Anyway. Like all tr...
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Must Be A Bad Drug Flashback
Must. Be. Having. Bad. Drug . Flashback . From. My. Wild. And. Crazy. Teen. Years. NooooooooooooooooooooooooooooCan We Gong This Whole Idea??Comedy Central has ordered up a new incarnation of "The Gong Show," to be hosted by Dave Attell.The updated "The Gong Show With Dave Attell" will premiere on the cable network on July 17.The series will retain the basic premise of the classic NBC variety show, which was hosted by Chuck Barris and premiered in the summer of 1976. Every episode will feature eight-to-10 off-beat acts performing for a revolving panel of three celebrity judges. Good acts will receive high scores from the judges. Dismal acts will receive the gong.The Gong Show was meant only to be watched while under the influence of mass quantities of adult beverages or hallucinogenic chemicals.... just like Chuck Barris was...and dear lawd.... only in the context of the 1970s.....Oh, come on Diva, you say....just how bad could it have been?BAD. Very.Very.Very. Bad. Hurts. To. Remembe...
Bad Dream or Did I Really Wear That Last Night?
Poor Catatonic Katie.... last night when Tiny Tom told her they were going to the Met, she misunderstood and thought he said he was taking her to watch the Mets ...so she dressed in their team colors:I mean how else can you explain the bright orange gown and neon BLUE shoes she wore to the "Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy" Costume Institute Gala at the Met?Holy Carp Batman...Rumor has it that the International Crack Whore Society is about to kick Amy Winehouse out for behavior that embarrasses even them:Amy Winehouse Loses ?Bond? Gig5-May-2008Written by: Ivana CheongIt?s been reported that Amy Winehouse has stopped working on a demo for the theme song of the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace.This is perhaps because of the recent assault scandal in which Amy Winehouse has been involved. Her producer, Mark Ronson, says that they?ve been working on it, but due to her ?recent erratic behavior,? this ?Rehab? singer may have lost the job.Winehouse?s rep says that that?s not the cas...
More About: Ugly Betty , Vanessa Williams , Night , Dream
Stoopid is as Stoopid....
Stupid criminal and or just plain ole' stupid people stories are commonplace, but this one caught my eye because...well, this stupid wanker is from the town the Diva spent her prime polyester clad teen years in (in fact I graduated from West Islip High in 1974) Just makes your chest fill with "Lion" pride, LOL. COPIAGUE, N.Y. - A Long Island man who flipped his finger at a police cruiser and then popped a wheelie on his motorcycle is recovering from injuries after crashing.Suffolk County Police said Frank Patti, 26, of West Islip, rode by the police car at a service station in Copiague at 7:30 p.m. Sunday. Police say Patti made an obscene gesture to two officers in the car, popped a wheelie and then sped away.Police gave chase.When the motorcycle turned into a parking lot it crashed into a police car that had joined the chase.Police said Patti was treated for minor injuries at Southside Hospital. He's charged with fleeing police, resisting arrest and several traffic violations.He ...
More About: Kansas City , Wisconsin , Missouri
Dancing With The Politicos
The Aging Disco Diva is getting fed up with the US Presidential election...and sheyat, we still have six more damn months to go. Sigh. I would like to put forth this modest proposal: let's just scrap the debates, the baby kissing, the mud slinging and back stabbing, the non-stop arse kissing and lying...and let's decide who will be President by having the ultimate reality show: "Dancing With the Politicos"The premise is simple: Everyone, not just those from the major parties, who wants to be President will appear on the premier episode Monday evening and will have to perform a song and dance routine. We at home get to vote for our favorite via a 1-800 number or via the website...and on Tuesday we get to see who got voted off the show that week. The following Monday the remaining politicians will have to perform an all new song and dance... this will last all summer long with the grand finale set for November 4th. Not only will we save on the cost of running a national election we ...
Father Does Not Always Know Best
I just don't get it. The Aging Disco Diva must live in some sort of alternate universe where it is considered not only inappropriate, but downright friggin' yucky, for a daddy to rub lotion on his teenage daughter's arse, orin between her thighs ... orpose for engagement announcement type photos. Or salaciously brag about your daughter's breasts:?She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she?s sexy in both. She?s got double D?s! You can?t cover those suckers up!Transpose these images with the story of the almost unbelievable incest case of the father in Austria who held his daughter hostage for 24 years and impregnated her at least seven times, and you have to wonder WTF is going on over in this universe. I am NOT saying that Hulk Hogan, Joe Simpson or Billy Ray are committing incest, but carp on a stick... do any of these morons have half a functioning brain cell in their addled head to help them realize that there is a line between a...
More About: Jessica Simpson , Ashlee Simpson , Father , Miley Cyrus
Weiner Wranglers On The Loose!
Every male's worst nightmare.... KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings. Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure."You just have to be ...
Momma Billy Ray Rose Dropped the Ball?
Ok, let's just call the Aging Disco Diva a bit overprotective....a bit old fashioned....a bit old school... but when did quasi child porn become artsy? And what the f'n hell was Momma Billy Ray Rose doing while his 15...yes folks....15 year old daughter was posing for the picture above? Was he too damn busy counting the money his little cash cow is raking in to notice that she was posing provocatively, with her jail bait naughty bits covered up only with a silk sheet? OMFG. 15 might be considered an old woman back in the trailer park but carp on a stick, in most states (note I did not say all states) a 15 year old is still considered a child.Does it take more than two brain cells to realize that a photo of your child wearing nothing but a sheet might be inappropriate for someone who is being aggressively pimped out ... I mean, marketed ... as "America's Squeaky Clean Teen Queen" ??? Hmmm??? Ya' think? The Diva gave birth to two Princess Divas and you can bet that I would have s...
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The Diva A Cheesehead???
The Aging Disco Diva loves God, family, country, Kansas State University , adult beverages, chocolate, the 70s....and now the Green Bay Packers. Why in heaven's name is she adding Cheesehead to her list? Because they had the damn good sense to draft our beloved Jordy Nelson as their first draft pick yesterday. Jordy is a friggin' STUD on the football field and a wonderful, wonderful human being. Green Bay-- you are going to be a better team because of this selection and you can bet the farm that Jordy will never do anything to sully his name nor the reputation of your team. He is a classy kid. Green Bay Made a Great SelectionMANHATTAN ? Jordy Nelson didn't recognize the number when the phone rang."I answered, but I didn't really know who it was," he said. "When they said who it was, I was excited."So was everybody else at Nelson's Landing, the Leonardville restaurant where Nelson works as part-time cook when he isn't playing football. The roar was so loud that Nelson ha...
A Bored Diva is a Snarky Diva....More articles from this author:
Ho-hum. The gossip news these last few days has been boring.First big bore: Another "shocking" ouster on American Idol.The Church Lady was not pleasedCarly Smithson might be the first ?American Idol? contestant to be voted off the show for blasphemy.Online chat boards devoted to ?American Idol? have been abuzz since Ms. Smithson performed the title song from ?Jesus Christ Superstar? ? the 1970 rock opera, which many Christians consider offensive ? on Tuesday?s episode. Ms. Smithson received the fewest votes of the six remaining contestants following her Tuesday performance. Her elimination was announced on Wednesday night?s episode. The week?s performances were drawn from the works of Andrew Lloyd Webber, who wrote ?Jesus Christ Superstar? with Tim Rice. Within hours of Ms. Smithson?s performance, which was hailed by one ?American Idol? judge as one of the best of the night, questions were being raised online about the song. On one thread on the show?s official Web site, AmericanIdo...
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