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Day 1432: Stupid Ape Stories - Vol. 1
2008-06-04 16:16:00
I’m forever coming across stories of Stupid things that Apes do. I thought I would start a periodical highlighting some of these items. Today’s story is about a pair of bandits who seem to have a small amount of fashion sense. Police hunt for robbers wearing thongs as masks One man wore a green thong and the ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1432: Stupid Ape Stories - Vol. 1", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/06/04 /day-1432-stupid-ape-stories-vol-1/" });

Day 1425: Birds
2008-05-28 00:04:00
I love birds,From the wild.Dip them in sauce,Hot or mild. I chase them all day, I chase them all night. It ticks me off,When they take flight. Robins and sparrows,Are the right size for me. I’ve also been known,To chase a crow up a tree. I kill them for gifts,I kill them for food.A dead bird on ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1425: Birds ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/05/27 /day-1425-birds/" });
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Day 1419: Seeing Eye Cat?
2008-05-21 15:11:00
Touching story, huh? Well, let me tell you something. The only reason Libby his helping out this mutt is because he is of some use to this Cat! It’s like me allowing ScapeGoat The Dog to continue breathing. I hate him, but he has his uses. Otherwise, Libby would be taking Cashew for a short walk ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1419: Seeing Eye Cat?", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/05/21 /day-1419-seeing-eye-cat/" });
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Day 1404: The Speed of Tuna
2008-05-06 16:48:00
I was in the middle of my 14th nap of the day when I heard the Big Hairless Ape calling my name; asking if I’d like some Tuna . Before my eyes were even open, I was heading to the kitchen at Mach 2 while thinking, “What a dumb-ass question!” Of course I want Tuna! It’s ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1404: The Speed of Tuna", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/05/06 /day-1404-the-speed-of-tuna/" });
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Day 1397: Gorgeous For President
2008-04-29 05:27:00
Imagine for a moment if Cats were allowed to run for Office. I am, of course, not talking about just any cat, but Me! The first thing to go (and would cut government costs at the same time) would be Air-Force One. No Cat in its right mind would ever willingly step onto a plane. I’ve ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1397: Gorgeous For President ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/04/28 /day-1397-gorgeous-for-president/" });
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Day 1383: Roomba Stalker - Episode II
2008-04-15 02:39:00
Sorry about the lack of posting lately, but I took my New CD on tour! We collected much more footwear, and a few other rather heavy items from bedroom windows. Thanks Again! However, being out in the fresh Spring air reminded me to inform the Apes that Winter is over. Yup! Shed-Fest 2008 is upon ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1383: Roomba Stalker - Episode II", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/04/14 /day-1383-roomba-stalker-episode-ii/" });
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Day 1371: Gorgeous On CD
2008-04-03 03:02:00
Tracks: Prologue (M-E-O-W Part I)……………R 30;…2:24 Trippin’ The Ape…………… 230;……………&# 8230;3:29 The V-E-T Took The Best Part Of Me……5:23 CatNip Hangover (I Feel Like A Dog)……..1:54 Feed Me! (M-E-O-W Part II)……………2:3 4:07 I Purr, Therefor I Am……………R 30;…………8:32 Furball In The Hallway…………… ;………….3:45 Scoop My Litter! (Or Else! Part I)…………11:56 P-U-R-R…………… ;……………̷ 0;…………56:43 Pet Me! (M-E-O-W Part III)…………….. 7:23:54 Let Me Outside (Or Else! Part II)……………4:1 2 Sorry Darlin’ I’m Neutered…………̷ 0;……..0:03 Go Away! ...
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Day 1365: A Dream
2008-03-27 15:09:00
In my pursuit of something good to read, I came across one of The Wet One’s children’s book called, “The Three Little Pigs” A terrifying read of a Wolf who’s stalking three little piglets. I fell asleep just before getting to the end which inspired a dream… {… Knowing the Big Bad Wolf was close, Gorgeous ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1365: A Dream ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/03/27 /day-1365-a-dream/" });
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Day 1363: Reading
2008-03-25 15:03:00
I haven’t been able to get too much computer time, so I took to reading a few books. I must say that you Apes certainly have a weird sense of literature. The first book I tried reading was a very large volume. After several hundred pages I finally gave up. There were just way too ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1363: Reading ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/03/25 /day-1363-reading/" });
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Day 1355: Crowded House
2008-03-17 17:27:00
I really miss the good old days when it was just me and the Big Hairless Ape. The endless petting, the quiet evenings on his lap, and the treats flowing like water. There is very little of anything like that going on these days. I’ve become more independent as the house fills up. So, let’s ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1355: Crowded House ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/03/17 /day-1355-crowded-house/" });
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Day 1349: A Song - By Gorgeous
2008-03-12 00:46:00
I’m A Pussy Cat Ohhhh, I’m a Pussy Cat and I’m okay.I prowl all night and I sleep all day. {… Suddenly a curtain parts and several Cats dressed in Mountie uniforms appear. Gorgeous leaps from the desk chair and joins them…} “He’s a Pussy Cat and he’s okayHe prowls all night and he sleeps all day.” I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1349: A Song - By Gorgeous", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/03/11 /day-1349-a-song-by-gorgeous/" });
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Day 1349: Insurance
2008-03-12 00:44:00
Last night we had a well dressed Ape drop by to discuss the theft we had a couple weeks ago. From the introduction I overheard, he was an Insurance Adjuster. I did some reading on the subject and I must say, this is quite the racket. Did you know that for a low monthly payment ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1349: Insurance", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/03/11 /day-1249-insurance/" });
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Day 1347: Hamster, The Other White Meat
2008-03-09 21:59:00
It seems that the Apes will stop at nothing to encroach on my space. First there was their offspring, The Wet One. Then ScapeGoat The Dog graces my home. You’d think it would all end there, but no. Today they come home with a rodent! At first I was all excited that they would bring ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1347: Hamster , The Other White Meat ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/03/09 /day-1347-hamster-the-other-white-meat/" });
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Day 1344: Fetch? I think not!
2008-03-06 20:58:00
So after the Apes went to work today, I get on the computer and I’m faced with the dumbest question ever in my Adsense bar. “Can Your Cat Fetch ?” The real question here is, “Will your Cat fetch?” I for one have never “fetched” anything in my life. If a stupid Ape wants the stick so bad, why did he throw it away in the first place? If he’s that anxious to get it back, he’d better get it himself. I mean think about it. If you put your garbage to the curb, do you expect the garbage man to bring it back into the house? No! You do not want it. You’ve thrown it away! Only a dog could screw up such a simple concept. The description of the ad also caught my attention. “Train Your Cat Like a Dog. Fun for You and Kitty” Is that so? I highly doubt this. Cat’s do not take orders like a dog would. It’s not that we aren’t trainable, we just aren’t interested. Besides, I’ll be damned if I&rsquo...

Day 1338: Security
2008-02-28 20:40:00
Well, after the theft the other day, the Apes have taken steps to prevent such a thing from occurring again. They have installed a home security system which seems to do nothing but go off at 1am, 3am, and 5am. All it does is go, “Whoop whoop whoop” when it figures someone is entering illegally. Where is the moat? The electric fence charged with 2000 volts? The trapdoor above a pool of man-eating sharks? The swinging razor-sharp blade? The flesh-ripping laser? The automated machine guns? The only thing this thing does is announce to the whole house when I scratch at the window at 1am, 3am, and 5am. Technorati Tags: cat,cats,humor,humour,security ShareThis
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Day 1335: Thief!
2008-02-25 15:04:00
So there I was having my 11th nap of the day when I heard something at the front door. It wasn’t the usual sound of keys in the lock, but rather the sound of splintering wood. Suddenly the door flung open after a loud crack and two Apes entered. I’d never seen them before so I immediately knew they were intruders. But what was I worried about? We have a dog right? Wrong. More like a chicken with fur. ScapeGoat The Dog let out a small whimper and hid under the couch. My hero! I remained still on the couch as the two men looked around. They seemed pleased with the contents of the living room and started to unplug the television and stereo. If I were a dog, which I’m not, I would’ve done something about it. However, I wasn’t about to let this disruption interfere with my nap schedule. Without completing my 11th nap, I’d never get to the 12th. So I laid my head on my paw and tried to close my eyes. Then I heard something disturbing. “There&rsq...
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Day 1334: Undivided Attention
2008-02-24 15:33:00
Last night after waking from my 15th nap, I came to the realization that I had not seen any affection from the Apes in days. This will not do! Armed with determination, I headed to the living room where the Big Hairless Ape was reading a magazine. I started off with my usual “rolling around on my back” figuring the cuteness of the action would get his attention. I even let out a couple of pleasure squeals. Nothing. He continued to read his magazine. So I moved onto phase two. A good round of ankle rubbing did nothing to pull his focus from whatever he was engrossed in reading. Phase three. Jumping onto his lap usually always works. Not this time. He simply lifted the magazine to allow room for me to lay down on his lap; putting the magazine between me and his face. He didn’t even reach out with his hand to pet me. Desperate now, I reached out a paw and knocked the magazine from his hand. That got his attention which resulted in a “Do you want some petting?&...
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Day 1328: What If?
2008-02-19 03:40:00
What if… I were to say that Cat’s now have a place to hang out online? I were to tell you that this place has existed for a month now? I were to say this place is in the form of Forums? I were to tell you that this place is located here? I were to give the link of ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Day 1328: What If…", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/02/18 /day-1328-what-if/" });
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Day 1324: Q & A Interlude #5
2008-02-14 21:29:00
Some silly Ape asks: “My husband submitted a question to you a couple days ago. He has not been seen since.Would you happen to know of his whereabouts?”  {… Gorgeous jumps from the desk chair then heads to the main floor of the house, then to the basement. In the corner by the furnace, a lone cinder ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1324: Q & A Interlude #5", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/02/14 /day-1324-q-a-interlude-5/" } );

Day 1322: Q & A Interlude #4
2008-02-12 23:46:00
Some silly Ape asks: “I noticed in a couple of your posts, you refer to some kind of ‘cat revolution’ which is about to take place. Can you give me more information on this please? It’s important!“ {… The author of the question arrives home and exits his car. Suddenly, a black SUV speeds up then squeals ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1322: Q & A Interlude #4", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/02/12 /day-1322-q-a-interlude-4/" } );

Day 1321: Illness
2008-02-11 12:15:00
As you may (or may not) have noticed, it’s been a few days since I’ve had a chance to do any updates here. The Ape family all came down with the flu and it has been impossible to get any computer time. For the last several days they’ve been puking regularly which made it really ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1321: Illness ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/02/11 /day-1321-illness/" } );
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Day 1316: How To Make A Cat Ugly
2008-02-06 18:56:00
Simply tattoo it to an Ape Beer Belly… Since 2 people sent this to me by email, I thought I would post it. Credit is shown across the belt line. (Can’t quite make it out) Technorati Tags: cat,cats,humor,humour,tattoo SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1316: How To Make A Cat Ugly ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/02/06 /day-1316-how-to-make-a-cat-ugly/" } );
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Day 1314: Mirror Image
2008-02-04 18:14:00
What can I say? I passed a mirror the other day and took a look at myself. I was mesmerized for days. I am so Gorgeous! (Hence the name!) If there is one thing a Cat appreciates, it’s his or her own beauty. From the handsomely pointed ears to the flowing soft fur which covers our ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1314: Mirror Image ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/02/04 /day-1314-mirror-image/" } );
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Day 1311: Gas
2008-02-01 15:51:00
I hate Chili night! After the Apes get a big feed of this stuff, the place starts sounding like a popcorn machine. It certainly doesn’t have that fresh popped smell either. So there I was, sitting on the Big Hairless Ape’s lap when I heard the first one. It sort of had that “Thu-wap!” sound. ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1311: Gas", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/02/01 /day-1311-gas/" } );
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Day 1308: Toilet Training
2008-01-29 15:58:00
The Apes have completely flipped their lids! They expect me to use a toilet instead of a litter box. Toilet s are for Apes, not Cats! The contraption you see pictured here sits on a toilet and contains a small amount of litter which is supposed to “trick” me into using it. First off, there isn’t enough ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1308: Toilet Training ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/01/29 /day-1308-toilet-training/" } );
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Day 1306: I Purr - by Gorgeous
2008-01-27 15:16:00
When the Apes aren’t around,and the birds are on the ground, I purr. When I take a long nap,then have a big crap, I purr. When treats are around,and the dog is underground, I purr. When I decapitate mice,and I have no lice, I purr. When my food dish is full,and the Apes aren’t spewing bull, I purr. When the ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1306: I Purr - by Gorgeous ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/01/27 /day-1306-i-purr-by-gorgeous/" } );
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Day 1304: Doing A Favour
2008-01-25 17:08:00
This morning I checked my email to find that the son of a Nigerian Diplomat has gotten himself into some hot water. It seems this Ape needs to get $66 Million Dollars out of the country so the military does not get hold of it. All I have to do is provide some banking details ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1304: Doing A Favour", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/01/25 /day-1304-doing-a-favour/" } );
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Day 1302: Catis Interruptus
2008-01-24 04:01:00
The Apes are speaking to each other again. I guess whatever crisis they were having has passed. In fact, they are more than speaking, they are in the bedroom with the door closed. That door was open earlier. It’s because of me that it’s closed now. Yup! I wandered in. I knew they were in ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1302: Catis Interrupt us", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/01/23 /day-1302-catis-interruptus/" } );
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Day 1301: Lap Time And Presents
2008-01-22 21:20:00
Finally! After what seems like an eternity, I got some quality lap time which was due to me. Ever since ScapeGoat The Dog came into this house, fierce petting has been at a minimum. You see, the Apes had a fight last night. Seems they’ve given up talking to each other; taking solace in the ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1301: Lap Time And Presents ", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/01/22 /day-1301-lap-time-and-presents/" } );
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Day 1299: Shocking
2008-01-21 01:09:00
Just because the dry winter air makes me prone to static is no reason to torment me. It seems the Big Hairless Ape finds it amusing to rub his feet on the carpet then touch my nose. He’ll call me over with the guise of treats, then ZAP!  He’s caught me with it over a ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Day 1299: Shocking", url: "http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/2008/01/20 /day-1299-shocking/" } );
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