Maxine's House of Ill ReputeMaxine's House of Ill ReputeHumor, rants and raves for all the Fart Blossoms of the World Articles
8 Days a Week
2008-03-07 09:15:00 My apologies, my dearest Fart Blossoms, but over the next 24 hours, I have the following to accomplish: 1. Final exam in Ho Resource Management 2. Final exam in Ho House Operations Management 3. Two major meetings at work (the Southern Baptists are in town. Again.) 4. Practice anger management (I love my boss. I love my boss. I ... More About: Week , Days , Drag
Next Fall, On Fox?
2008-03-06 10:53:00 Sista Sharon H. is an endless source of inspiration to this old bag, Fart Blossoms. She’s brilliant, educated (roll tide, Mary!), bitter, twisted and witty. If she had a penis, she’d be the perfect fag. Yesterday, she sent me a random e-mail… We ought to pitch this new game show to Mark Burnett: The Biggest Asshole. I ... More About: Funny , Humor , Drag , Fall
Update on Ass Kicking
2008-03-06 00:28:00 Hunh. I guess the blogosphere going apeshit worked. Here’s an update on things in Ft. Lauderdale. More About: Update , Kicking
A Day In The Life
2008-03-05 10:10:00 I was so inspired by what Red did over at her place, that I decided to follow suit and show the Fart Blossoms one of my typical days at the House of Ill Repute… I had breakfast… … got ready for work… … had a smoke-break with a few of the girls at the office… … went to lunch… …had some really ... More About: Life , Day In The Life
A Small Opportunity to Kick A Little Ass
2008-03-04 14:30:00 If you’d like to take 30 seconds to avenge the death of Simmie Williams in Ft. Lauderdale, read this article from the Miami Herald. Once you’re done reading, contact the following politicians and let them know that your tourism dollars won’t be heading to Ft. Lauderdale until they get their shit straight. We also demand that leaders ... More About: Tourism , Opportunity , Florida , Small , Violence
Welcome to Thunderdome!
2008-03-04 11:04:00 We may not need another hero, but we definitely need to start stockpiling petro. I put $50.00 in Maudezilla yesterday and I swear she burped and said, “Is that all ya’ got?” But before I can start stacking 55-gallon drums of crude oil in the backyard, I have to make a dress out of chain-mail, grow ... More About: Humor , Tina Turner
Maxine?s Mangina
2008-03-04 10:35:00 I’ve added yet another new feature to the House of Ill Repute. Over on the far right side of the screen, just below the pretty pink “E-MAIL MAXINE” link, you’ll see a new heading… SHIT THAT FELL OUT OF MAXINE’S MANGINA These are just random thoughts - usually lyrics, quotes, etc. that I either can’t get out ... More About: Humor
Just Another Manic Monday
2008-03-04 00:16:00 Okay, so, I have no fucking clue what Jesus was doing at McDonald’s. Except that this particular McDonald’s is next door to Grady Memorial Hospital, so maybe He was there healing the sick or helping the blind to see or some such shit. I really don’t know. What I do know is that He can’t ... More About: Monday , Manic Monday , Manic
Sunday Paper
2008-03-02 10:11:00 The following are just a sampling of the headlines from this morning’s . I’m not going to provide links to any of them, because I think that would ruin the charm. Let’s just imagine what the hell they’re talking about, shall we? Beauty Queens and Muskrat-Skinners Champion Tree Climbers Anger Management Student Hits Woman Rabid Raccoon in Decatur “Mansion Madam’s” ... More About: Funny , Humor , Sunday , Paper
No More Tears (Enough Is Enough)
2008-03-01 13:25:00 I don’t ever want to see this again. Pictured above in the Sun-Sentinel is Denise King, the mother of Simmie Williams, who was killed in Ft. Lauderdale last week, probably because he was gay (at the time, the media said he may have been hooking, but that’s nothing but pure-dee bullshit, in this old ho’s ... More About: Human Rights , Civil Rights , Violence , Larry King
The Ballad of Spartacus Jones and Patti Patti
2008-03-01 11:59:00 As a man, I have an innate, God-given right to, on occasion, do some really fucked-up, dumb shit. It is also my right as an American male, and I exercise it freely. Just ask Spartacus Jones . Spartacus Jones, pictured above, is one of my children. Although his siblings aren’t pictured here, I’ll give you the quick rundown… CoCo Chanel ... More About: Funny , Humor , Dogs , Animals
Somebody?
2008-03-01 02:26:00 I’m not sure where Ellen Degeneres gets her information (I hadn’t read this), but apparently, Brandon McInerney allegedly killed Larry King because Larry asked Brandon to be his Valentine. Here’s the clip from Ellen’s show… Kudos to Ellen. We couldn’t ask for a better spokesperson. Larry’s death is affecting people all over the world (sadly, Simmie Williams’ isn’t). Can ...
A New Blog for the Fart Blossom Reading List
2008-02-29 10:15:00 This guy is absolutely fucking brilliant. Period. I’ll be checking his blog daily from now on. (Special thanks to Red at Dr. Pepper Is Good for the Soul for finding this!) Kisses, Maxine More About: Funny , Humor , Reading , Blog , List
My Ignunce
2008-02-29 09:54:00 (sigh) I hate to be slapped upside the head with my own damned ignunce, but that’s just what happened here at the House of Ill Repute after I wrote about Shirley Q. Liquor . Ms. Moonbeam McQueen (whom I adore) wrote yesterday… One of my best friends in Arkansas was black. My kids and I loved listening to Shirley ... More About: Funny , Humor , Racism
How You Durrrren?
2008-02-28 13:43:00 I’m s’posed to be billing clients for my time right now, but as you’ll see, I’m having some motivational issues at the moment. Anyhoo, our friend, Michael Crawford, over at the Bloggernista, wrote a scathing editorial about Miss Shirley Q. Liquor and how indicative her act is of racism in the gay community. I almost let it ... More About: Funny , Humor , Race , Racism
Knee Deep in the Hoopla
2008-02-28 11:41:00 I used to have a real passion for what I do. During the day, I mean (I’ll always have a passion for this, my loverly Fart Blossoms). Now? Not so much. I’ve been a lot of things in my 35 years. Plus, I’ve had a lot of jobs, too. I’ve been… Factory worker (hated it) Newspaper writer/editor (loved ... More About: Deep
My Commute
2008-02-26 14:05:00 Ya’ll, this one has to be quick, ’cause I gotta start billing clients an ungodly amount of money for my time. And the sooner I start billing clients an ungodly amount of money for my time, the sooner I can go home, sit on my ass and eats me some fish sticks (they’re phallic and ... More About: Funny , Humor , Commute , Ghetto Life
I LOVE Moonbeam McQueen
2008-02-26 11:49:00 Miss Moonbeam McQueen just made me spill coffee everywhere. I have to type really fast before my macBook dies. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you, Moonbeam McQueen. Oh, and Jimmy Kimmel’s pretty gawdamn funny, too. Kisses,Maxine Tags: Moonbeam McQueen, Maxine Says, Gay, Queer, Humor, Funny, Comedy, Ben Affleck, Jimmy Kimmel More About: Love
A Note from the Madam
2008-02-26 11:19:00 Fart Blossoms, my apologies, but they are working my ass like an Egyptian slave at the office this week, so postings may be sparse. Hard work tends to make one humorless after 10 hours or so. But have faith. Something funny will happen, and I’ll be sure to report it right here at the House ... More About: Note , Madam
Here We Go Again
2008-02-25 11:49:00 Fart Blossoms, I guess I’m just gonna have to turn this blog into a list of murdered gay teenagers. This time, it wasn’t a school shooting, and it doesn’t look like the gay media is going to be giving this one as much attention as Lawrence King, but it’s a death, all the same. ...
The Po-Po and His Easy Bake(d) Oven
2008-02-25 00:40:00 Fart Blossoms, this shit has apparently been around for awhile, but I’m just now discovering it. I just laughed so hard that I had to Windex my screen. Check it out… I don’t know what’s funnier - the cop and his wife, or the newscaster off-screen who can’t quit snorting. When I brought this to Saint ... More About: Easy , Oven , Then
Ms. Lucy Hicks - A True Pioneer
2008-02-24 12:42:00 Ms. Colleen Cason wrote a fantastic article in this morning’s Ventura County Star about one Ms. Lucy Hicks - an article that you simply MUST read. This, Fart Blossoms, is the stuff that GLBT history is made of - scandal, sex, bravery, drama, humor and, of course (in my world, at least), houses of ill repute. Now, ... More About: True , Pioneer
Coda
2008-02-24 12:27:00 Was Brandon McInerney, the alleged killer of Lawrence King, a victim, too? Not really - “victim” just isn’t the right word, although I don’t know what is. Evidently, though, the kid had it pretty rough, and there was something about Larry that pushed his buttons like never before. I remember kids like Brandon growing up and, ... More About: Larry King , Coda
A Final Memorial for a Lost Boy
2008-02-23 10:15:00 Larry King was memorialized yesterday and by all accounts, he was just starting to spread his wings. Stories are appearing this morning in the L.A. Times, the Ventura County Star and the New York Times. It’s probably the last media push we’ll see before the trial of his alleged shooter, unless a plea agreement is reached prior ... More About: Lost , Final , Memorial
Would You Be My Neighbor and the Temple of Doom
2008-02-22 19:38:00 Oh, yes, Fart Blossoms. We has be done hit the motherload today. Bunches of my neighbors gots bursted last night, and I cain’t wait to introduce ya’ll. Pictured above is Paulina O.G. Williams, who was arrested for “reckless conduct.” No shit, she was reckless, she’s the O-G! That’s her given-fucking-name! Her mama named her Paulina Original ... More About: Funny , Humor , Temple , Doom , Ghetto Life
A New Low for Maxine
2008-02-22 14:24:00 My Fart Blossoms, I tell you this with a heavy heart. I have hit a new low in life. But before I tell you about the new low, let me tell you about how things once were. I, Fart Blossoms, was once a member of the Glitterati - I was young, thin(ish) and fabulous. I was ... More About: Funny , Humor , Drugs , Ghetto Life , Then
Don?t It Make My Blue Laws Blue
2008-02-22 13:47:00 Georgia , along with two other states (Connecticut and Indiana) is one of the last places in the U.S. where you can’t stop into the local grocery or convenience store or, much less, the licka sto to pick up some beers on a Sunday afternoon, and folks is tryin’ to change that. Now, I, personally, don’t do ... More About: Laws , Beer , Blue , Atlanta
That HURTS!
2008-02-21 21:33:00 Sorry I’ve been so quiet all day, ya’ll. I got slammed by the worst migraine I’ve had in more than 10 years yesterday. I was in a great mood, not stressed out, being productive and having a good morning. I’d just talked to one of my bosses about something pop culture related, and stood up from ...
For Those Fart Blossoms Who Aren?t Economists?
2008-02-20 13:50:00 Hello, my Fart Blossoms. Are you left scratching your weaves over the credit crunch, trying to figure out just what in the fuck happened? Don’t feel bad - just about everyone is. But don’t worry, ya’ll. Ask, and Maxine shall make sure that ya’ll receive. Some enterprising soul has creating a PowerPoint presentation to explain ... More About: Economy , Funny , Humor , Economists
An Amazing Young Man
More articles from this author:2008-02-20 13:35:00 And the little fucker can still stand up! (A very special House of Ill Repute thanks goes out to Sista Sharon H. for the submission). Kisses, Maxine More About: Funny , Humor , Young , Amazing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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