Maxine's House of Ill ReputeMaxine's House of Ill ReputeHumor, rants and raves for all the Fart Blossoms of the World Articles
Don?t Want to Be an American Idiot
2008-02-20 11:35:00 The following is from this morning’s L.A. Times: Details about events the days before the shooting also trickled out as a panel that included school officials, mental health counselors and Oxnard Police Chief John Crombach responded to questions.One parent said her daughter told her that several students exchanged text messages the day before the shooting ... More About: American , Idiot , Larry King
Hostess Alert: Penguins Make Kids Gay
2008-02-19 22:17:00 Our friend here at the House of Ill Repute, The Hostess from up in Philly-delphia, ran across an amazingly fucked up article that left me laughing through tears. Check out her post here. Make sure you also check out her post about gay cartoons, which is nothing short of fagulous! Kisses, Maxine More About: Funny , Humor , Kids , Alert
Quote This, Bitches
2008-02-19 22:05:00 With the sad passing of Roy Scheider last week, everyone in the media kept mentioning that one of his lines made the AFI?s 100 Greatest Movie Quotes as if it was the only thing he ever did in his entire career that was worth a shit. I finally got curious enough about the list to look ... More About: Movies , Humor , Pop Culture , Drag
Could This Be The Best Show On The TV?
2008-02-18 21:00:00 Saint Gradon and I were flippin’ through the channels last night, trying to find something to watch that didn’t involve home improvement or cartoons, and we stumbled upon what we believe may be the best television show EVER!!!! It’s called “My Big Redneck Wedding” and it’s on CMT (which stands for cunt-ry music television, if ... More About: Funny , Humor , Show
Screw the Landlord
2008-02-18 20:48:00 I was just outside smoking with all the other miscreants in the building, and one of the guys on the building’s cleaning crew was out there with us, lamenting the fact that his landlord had be done cut off his power. “How I’m s’posed to stay warm?” he axed. I thought back to my days in New ... More About: Economy , Funny , Humor , New Orleans , Screw
Memorial Service Planned for Larry King
2008-02-18 14:26:00 The “Ventura County Star” is reporting that a memorial service is planned for Larry King at 3:00 p.m. (PST) on Friday, February 22, 2008 at Westiminster Presbyterian Church in Port Hueneme, California. Approximately 1,000 people turned out at a march over the weekend to honor Larry’s memory and to call an end to school violence and ... More About: Service , Memorial , Larry King
A Helpful Hint from Mary Kay Mart
2008-02-18 01:35:00 The shit you find on the Interwebs when you’re bored… And it works, too! Kisses, Maxine Tags: Maxine Says, Humor, Drag, Comedy, Funny, Sex More About: Mart , Mary , Mary Kay
Momma Said Knock You Out?
2008-02-17 11:04:00 Hey, Fart Blossoms, this one’s for the scrapbooks. We had us a real live, LA-style po-lice chase up in the hood Friday afternoon, and ya’ll, it was a doozy. This fucker was going the wrong way on the interstate, blew a tire and then… …well, ya’ll just watch for yourselves… Did you see that shit???? MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! ... More About: Funny , Humor , Knock , Momma , Ghetto Life
A Prayer For Instant Karma
2008-02-16 23:46:00 The "Kane County Chronicle" is reporting that Fred Phelps and the rest of his evil idiot followers from the Westboro Baptist Church will be picketing the funerals and memorial services of the shooting victims at NIU. I hate to advocate violence in any way, especially considering all that America has seen this week, so I won’t. ... More About: Prayer , Karma
Forget All About That Macho Shit and Learn How To Play Guitar
2008-02-16 21:54:00 I was drivin’ Maudezilla through the hood today, and "Pink Houses" popped up on my iPod, and the longer I listened, the more I realized that my life has turned into a series of John Cougar Mellencamp songs. Then I started thinking about all the great lyrics the man has written since he and ... More About: Guitar , Play , Shit , Learn
Vigil Held for Larry King
2008-02-16 11:29:00 Here’s a link to a story in the Ventura County Star about the vigil, which is not half-bad reporting. My favorite line is the opening one: Blue was Larry King ’s favorite color eye shadow. I told ya’ll this kid was fierce. I’d say I hope he’s resting at peace, but it would be a lie. I actually hope he’s ... More About: Larry King , Held
Larry King Is Gone
2008-02-15 21:07:00 The Ventura County coroner has picked up Larry King ’s body from the hospital and taken it to the county morgue, where an autopsy will be performed. No funeral arrangements have yet been announced. Meanwhile, the kid who killed Larry has been charged as an adult with pre-meditated murder committed with a handgun and a hate crime. He ... More About: Larry King
I?m Much Better Now
2008-02-15 17:29:00 Okay, Fart Blossoms. I’m much calmer now. We can get on with the business of the day. You may have noticed that I’ve added a new feature to Maxine’s House of Ill Repute, which some folks would refer to as a “blogroll,” but I prefer to call the “Fart Blossom Reading List.” This is a list ... More About: Funny , Humor , Blog
Holy SHITE!!!
2008-02-15 14:43:00 A wise man named Martin Fry once wrote, “I’ve seen the future, I can’t afford it. Tell you the truth sir, someone just bought it.” The future’s here, Martin. And we’re fucked. I’m hyperventilating, ya’ll. I just filled up my new monster truck for the first time (I’ve named it Maude-zilla) and - oh, my God - the ... More About: Humor , George Bush , Oil , Hugo Chavez , Holy
A Boy Lost
2008-02-15 11:09:00 I’m a bit obsessed with this, I’m afraid. I just can’t seem to let it go. Although no announcement has been made, doctors expected to take Larry King off his respirator late last night. Here’s the update from the L.A. Times, which includes a picture of the alleged shooter. That’s Larry’s school yearbook photo, ... More About: Lost
The Best Valentine?s Day Present EVER!!!!!!!
2008-02-14 21:08:00 GOD, I LOVE JANE FONDA!!!!! Thank the good Lord above that she chooses to reside in Atlanta!!! Here’s a clip of her giving me the BEST Valentine ’s Day present EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Miss Jane! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! More About: Funny , Humor , Jane Fonda , Present
Happy Valentine?s Day. Blah. Blah. Blah.
2008-02-14 14:16:00 (sigh) Okay, Fart Blossoms, I’ve put my soapbox back into my purse for a few minutes so that we can talk about other stuff, m’kay? Today, of course, is fucking Valentine ’s Day. Yay. Saint Gradon and I still can’t get married anywhere in the southern United States (and if not in the South, then, really, what’s ... More About: Funny , Humor , Music , Happy
An Update on Oxnard
2008-02-14 11:52:00 The L.A. Times has corrected an earlier story and now explains that the 15-year-old junior high shooting victim was declared brain dead yesterday afternoon, while the family considered organ donation options. The victim’s name was Lawrence King. Apparently, the kid had been accosted the day before he was shot by his attacker and some other boys at ... More About: Update
What Kind of Muppet are You?
2008-02-13 21:00:00 Cute… and accurate… I’m suddenly unsettled. You Are Miss Piggy A total princess and diva, you’re totally in charge - even if people don’t know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won’t settle for anything less. You’re going to be a total star, and you won’t let any of the “little people” get in your ... More About: Funny , Humor , Muppets
Valentine?s Day Mascara
2008-02-13 20:21:00 It looks like the ladies had a great time at the Valentine ’s Day Mascara held in Charlotte last week (it sucks that Saint Gradon and I couldn’t make it). The ladies are (from left to right) Levitra Woody, Kitten Kaboodle, Crystal DeCanter, Ronnie (in “boy” drag), Wilma Fingerdo and Visa D’Cline. Of course, no alcoholic beverages were ... More About: Humor , Drag
I?m A Lover, Not a Fighter (tee hee hee)
2008-02-12 14:43:00 Can ya’ll bitches believe it’s been 25 years since "Thriller" hit record store shelves? Do ya’ll even remember record stores? For those of you who refuse to remember (and all you bitches do), in 1983, Michael Jackson was the coolest motherfucker on the face of the planet - period. My, how things have changed. But let’s forget ... More About: Lover , Fighter , Then
Somebody Tell Me Why?
2008-02-11 21:45:00 Can someone please fucking tell me why everyone I meet is crazier than a shithouse rat? Why, oh, why, am I flypaper for freaks? Do they see in me a kindred soul? Is it because I’m far crazier than I realize? I mean, I know I’m not playing anywhere near the sane side of the field, ...
Somebody Call Guinness!
2008-02-11 13:39:00 So, I was watchin’ television yesterday afternoon, still in my bathrobe, as one is wont to do on a Sunday afternoon during mid-terms, and found that I couldn’t breath through my left nostril. There was a definite blockage in there and, being alone (the cat doesn’t count), I went diggin’ for gold. After trying ... More About: Guinness , Call
Gettin? Learned
2008-02-08 15:15:00 A lot of my fan mail (you can click on the cute little pink and green icon, or you can drop me a note at maxine@maxineshouse.com) asks why I don’t write 20 or 30 posts a day. Well, Fart Blossoms, I’m happy to answer that. What the fuck do you think, I ain’t got shit else ... More About: Funny , Humor , Dumbass , Learned
Why I Love Saint Gradon
2008-02-08 14:51:00 There are a gazillion reasons why I love my surly old husband of 10 years, but I was thinking about him this morning and wanted to tell all six of the Fart Blossoms a true story about Saint Gradon to give just a tiny example of why this man is so very special to me. Shortly ... More About: Funny , Humor , Love , Ghetto Life
The First Seal Is Broken
2008-02-08 14:13:00 Fart Blossoms, I need all six of you to remain calm and quietly, without panicking, get up from your desks and begin to move toward the exits. The First Seal of the Apocalypse has been broken. No, it’s not snowing in the Gobi Desert, the Guf may or may not be empty (for those of ... More About: Humor , Broken
The Best Album of the Year (?)
2008-02-05 18:27:00 I downloaded Sheryl Crow’s new album, "Detours", this morning before I left to go vote and drive into the office, and I haven’t stopped listening to it yet. Although I’m obviously prejudiced toward Sheryl - she is, after all, from the Bootheel and her daddy and my grandmother graduated from Caruthersville High School together ... More About: Album , Year
The Taxman Cometh?
2008-02-05 18:18:00 I finished my taxes last night, and be damned if I don’t owe those fuckers - the feds AND the State of Georgia. Dammit. I’m fortunate enough to make a decent living and, as a good little liberal, I understand the need to redistribute some of my wealth to those less fortunate, and I totally dig ...
I Had Be Done Voted!!!
2008-02-05 18:06:00 Hey, Fart Blossoms. I had be done did my civic duty this morning and voted in the Democratic primary, and I’m here to tell ya, there is a MAJOR FUCKING CHANGE AFOOT, as evidenced by these two fine gents who were waiting in line with me. Well, they weren’t really waiting in line with me, ...
A Couple of Important New Rules Up In Here
More articles from this author:2008-02-05 04:38:00 Hello, my Fart Blossoms. There are a couple of new things I need to bring to your attention up in the House of Ill Repute. First, you can now e-mail Maxine directly. See that little pink and green button in the upper right hand corner above the word "Neo-sapian"? Just click there and it will open ... More About: Couple , Rules 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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